12 January 2023, Writing - part xxx196 Writing a Novel, A New Romantic Protagonist, Paragraphs Topics in Scenes, Editing Dialog, Complex, Examples
Announcement: Delay, my new novels can be seen on the
internet, but my primary publisher has gone out of business—they couldn’t
succeed in the past business and publishing environment. I’ll keep you
informed, but I need a new publisher.
More information can be found at www.ancientlight.com. Check out my novels—I think
you’ll really enjoy them.
Introduction: I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon.
This was my 21st novel and through this blog, I gave you the entire
novel in installments that included commentary on the writing. In the
commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained,
how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing
techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back
through this blog and read the entire novel beginning with http://www.pilotlion.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-novel-part-3-girl-and-demon.html.
I’m using this novel as an example
of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I’ll
keep you informed along the way.
Today’s Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my
writing websites http://www.sisteroflight.com/.
The four plus one basic rules I
employ when writing:
1. Don’t confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the writing.
4. Don’t show (or tell) everything.
4a. Show what can
be seen, heard, felt, smelled, and tasted on the stage of the novel.
5. Immerse yourself in the world of your writing.
These are the steps I use to write a novel including the
five discrete parts of a novel:
1.
Design the initial scene
2. Develop a theme statement (initial setting, protagonist,
protagonist’s helper or antagonist, action statement)
a.
Research as required
b.
Develop the initial setting
c.
Develop the characters
d.
Identify the telic flaw (internal
and external)
3. Write the initial scene (identify the output: implied
setting, implied characters, implied action movement)
4. Write the next scene(s) to the climax (rising action)
5. Write the climax scene
6. Write the falling action scene(s)
7.
Write the dénouement scene
I
finished writing my 30th novel, working title, Rose,
potential title Rose: Enchantment and the
Flower. The theme statement is: Shiggy
Tash finds a lost girl in the isolated Scottish safe house her organization
gives her for her latest assignment: Rose Craigie has nothing, is alone, and
needs someone or something to rescue and acknowledge her as a human being.
Here is the cover proposal for Rose:
Enchantment and the Flower.
|
|
|
Cover
Proposal |
The most important scene in any
novel is the initial scene, but eventually, you have to move to the rising
action. I am continuing to write on my 30th novel, working
title Red Sonja. I finished my 29th novel, working
title Detective. Writing number 31, working title Shifter. I just finished 32nd novel, Rose.
How to begin a novel.
Number one thought, we need an entertaining idea. I usually encapsulate such an idea with a
theme statement. Since I’m writing a new
novel, we need a new theme statement.
Here is an initial cut.
For novel 30: Red
Sonja, a Soviet spy, infiltrates the X-plane programs at Edwards AFB as a test
pilot’s administrative clerk, learns about freedom, and is redeemed.
For novel 31: Deirdre
and Sorcha are redirected to French finishing school where they discover
difficult mysteries, people, and events.
For Novel 32: Shiggy
Tash finds a lost girl in the isolated Scottish safe house her organization
gives her for her latest assignment: Rose Craigie has nothing, is alone, and
needs someone or something to rescue and acknowledge her as a human being.
Here is the
scene development outline:
1. Scene
input (comes from the previous scene output or is an initial scene)
2. Write the
scene setting (place, time, stuff, and characters)
3. Imagine
the output, creative elements, plot, telic flaw resolution (climax) and develop
the tension and release.
4. Write the
scene using the output and creative elements to build the tension.
5. Write the
release
6. Write the
kicker
Today: Let me tell
you a little about writing. Writing
isn’t so much a hobby, a career, or a pastime.
Writing is a habit and an obsession.
We who love to write love to write.
If you love
to write, the problem is gaining the skills to write well. We want to write well enough to have others
enjoy our writing. This is
important. No one writes just for
themselves the idea is absolutely irrational and silly. I can prove why.
In the first
place, the purpose of writing is communication—that’s the only purpose. Writing is the abstract communication of the
mind through symbols. As time goes by,
we as writers gain more and better tools and our readers gain more and better
appreciation for those tools and skills—even if they have no idea what they
are.
We are in
the modern era. In this time, the action
and dialog style along with the push of technology forced novels into the form
of third person, past tense, action and dialog style, implying the future. This is the modern style of the novel. I also showed how the end of literature
created the reflected worldview. We have
three possible worldviews for a novel: the real, the reflected, and the
created. I choose to work in the
reflected worldview.
Why don’t we
go back to the basics and just writing a novel?
I can tell you what I do, and show you how I go about putting a novel
together. We can start with developing
an idea then move into the details of the writing.
Ideas. We need
ideas. Ideas allow us to figure out the
protagonist and the telic flaw. Ideas
don’t come fully armed from the mind of Zeus.
We need to cultivate ideas.
1.
Read novels.
2. Fill your mind with good stuff—basically the stuff you want
to write about.
3. Figure out what will build ideas in your mind and what will
kill ideas in your mind.
4. Study.
5. Teach.
6. Make the catharsis.
7.
Write.
The development of ideas is based on study and research, but
it is also based on creativity. Creativity
is the extrapolation of older ideas to form new ones or to present old ideas in
a new form. It is a reflection of
something new created with ties to the history, science, and logic (the
intellect). Creativity requires
consuming, thinking, and producing.
If we have filled our mind with all kinds of information and
ideas, we are ready to become creative.
Creativity means the extrapolation of older ideas to form new ones or to
present old ideas in a new form.
Literally, we are seeing the world in a new way, or actually, we are
seeing some part of the world in a new way.
The beginning of creativity is study and effort. We can use this to extrapolate to
creativity. In addition, we need to look
at recording ideas and working with ideas.
With that said, where should we go? Should I delve into ideas and creativity
again, or should we just move into the novel again? Should I develop a new protagonist, which, we
know, will result in a new novel. I’ve
got an idea, but it went stale. Let’s
look at the outline for a novel again:
1.
The initial scene
2.
The rising action scenes
3.
The climax scene
4.
The falling action scene(s)
5.
The dénouement
scene(s)
The initial scene is the most important scene and part of
any novel. To get to the initial scene,
you don’t need a plot, you need a protagonist.
Let’s be very clear.
You can start with a plot, a protagonist, an idea, or an idea for an
initial scene. The easiest and most
controlled method is to start with a protagonist. As I’ve written over and over, a protagonist
must come with a telic flaw. I think it
is impossible to have a protagonist without a telic flaw, but I suppose you
could develop a completely lackluster protagonist without any telic flaw
connected to them.
Here is my list for the characteristics of a Romantic
protagonist. I am not very happy with
most of the lists I have found. So, I
will start with a classic list from the literature and then translate them to
what they really mean. This is the
refined list. Take a look.
1. Some power or ability outside the norm of society that
the character develops to resolve the telic flaw.
2. Set of beliefs (morals and ideals) that are different
than normal culture or society’s.
3. Courageous
4. Power (skills and abilities) and leadership that are
outside of the normal society.
5. Introspective
6. Travel plot
7. Melancholy
8. Overwhelming desire to change and grow—to develop four
and one.
9. Pathos developed because the character does not fit the
cultural mold. From the common.
10. Regret when they can’t follow their own moral compass.
11. Self-criticism when they can’t follow their own moral
compass.
12. Pathos bearing because he or she is estranged from
family or normal society by death, exclusion for some reason, or self-isolation
due to three above.
13. From the common and potentially the rural.
14. Love interest
Here is the protagonist development list. We are going to use this list to develop a
Romantic protagonist. With the following
outline in mind, we will build a Romantic protagonist. However, I’m going to ignore the first
step. Instead of starting with an
initial scene, I’m just going to design a Romantic protagonist. Then we may apply the outline to them.
1.
Define the initial scene
2. At the same time as the above—fit a protagonist into the
initial scene. That means the minimum
of:
a.
Telic flaw
b.
Approximate age
c.
Approximate social degree
d.
Sex
3. Refine the protagonist
a.
Physical description
b.
Background – history of the
protagonist
i. Birth
ii. Setting
iii. Life
iv. Education
v. Work
vi. Profession
vii. Family
c.
Setting – current
i. Life
ii. Setting
iii. Work
d.
Name
4. Refine the details of the protagonist
a.
Emotional description (never to be
shared directly)
b.
Mental description (never to be
shared directly)
c.
Likes and dislikes (never to be
shared directly)
5. Telic flaw resolution
a.
Changes required for the protagonist
to resolve the telic flaw
i. Physical changes
ii. Emotional changes
iii. Mental changes
b.
Alliances required for the
protagonist to resolve the telic flaw
c.
Enemies required for the protagonist
to resolve the telic flaw
d.
Plots required for the protagonist
to resolve the telic flaw
e.
Obstacles that must be overcome for
the protagonist to resolve the telic flaw
Here’s what I want to do or how I want to place these on a
protagonist. Let’s clean them up a little
and begin to evaluate a protagonist.
I’m not ready to write a new novel yet, and I’m too busy to
put the extra time to write an initial scene.
I’ll repeat. I just
finished up Rose, and I want to finish up Cassandra. I’m moving in that direction. For now, I’ll focus on the finishing steps of
Rose, and then the marketing development steps. This might get tedious, but I’ll try to keep
it meaningful and helpful.
I am into heavy editing for Rose, and I’d like to
finish with Cassandra. I’m using Cassandra
as an example for my other blog, so I really do need to catch it up before I
run out of material. In any case, I was
going over the basics of real editing.
I’ll repeat myself.
If you have a problem with basic grammar, spelling, and punctuation, you
might not have the required level of education to write effectively. If this is true, you need to get more
education and of the correct types.
True editing is about language, ideas, and reason. It’s not just about grammar, spelling, and
punctuation. We’ve moved well away from
spelling, punctuation, and grammar. I’m
looking at sentences.
Yes, sentences are much more difficult than words. Look at words. I just need to ensure they are spelled
correctly, are the correct word, are not repeated, and sound right. Sound right is something we haven’t looked at
yet—we shall. That is an advance editing
technique.
Sentences are something else entirely. When we look at sentences, we need to look at
word order, word use, grammar, which includes, punctuation, correct verbs,
correct number, correct tense, and all.
We have touched on these with the word list.
Word editing is simple compared to sentence editing, but
sentence editing may be the most important for cohesiveness, clarity, and
understanding. We really haven’t gotten
into logic and reasoning much. I’ve
centered our original editing on the words, and showed you how editing words
can be used to help edit sentences. I’m standing by the, but you must get to
the more important parts of sentence editing.
Let’s turn sentence editing into logical or reasoned
editing, as well as touching on paragraph or multi-sentence editing.
We’ve looked at word editing and then sentence editing. The next stage is multi-sentence
editing. This specifically means
paragraphs. I’ll bet you didn’t see that
coming. Yes, paragraphs are the next
stage of editing, and this is a very important part of editing.
Unfortunately, many writers have no idea first how to craft
a paragraph, second where to break paragraphs, and third how to use paragraphs.
We all know we are supposed to use paragraphs, but many have
never been taught how to write a paragraph, break, or use them. This is a problem of education. Let me remind you about how to write a
paragraph. Every paragraph has the
following form:
Topic sentence
Sentences supporting, arguing, and/or developing the topic
Conclusion or implied completion
Tie to the next paragraph
This is how every paragraph should be written except one
type—dialog. In English, we break each
statement of dialog by a new speaker into a paragraph break. That doesn’t mean the dialog statement is a
complete paragraph—it’s just the way we break dialog. Extended dialog can be broken into
paragraphs, and each of those should follow the paragraph development form.
Pretty simple, yes?
Paragraphs are relatively simple, but they are perhaps the biggest
problem for new writers. The best hope
for you is to write a lot. Look at your
paragraph structure. Make certain your
paragraphs connect in some fashion. Know
when to stop and when to start a paragraph.
Next, let’s look at these:
Connecting paragraphs
Breaking paragraphs
Paragraph order
Topics in paragraphs related to scene development
I’m leaving this in the paragraph and scene section because
that’s exactly where it should be.
Although in English writing, dialog is treated like individual
paragraphs, we rarely really look at it that way in scene development. Yes, we punctuate it that way, and we put it
together that way, but we don’t tend to treat it that way. I’m as guilty as everyone else at that, but
I’d like to have us look at dialog and especially the editing of dialog in
terms of scenes and paragraphs.
We’ll kind of modify our idea of paragraphs in dialog a
little—let’s call them ideas or complete thoughts.
When we write and edit dialog, we are seeking to make
completed or complete thoughts in the context of the novel and scene. In other words, the writer wants to make some
point, to communicate some idea, or get some information first to the
characters and second to the readers.
This is very important.
1.
Clarity –
a.
Tags
b.
Action
c.
Character setting
2. Realism
a.
Less direct attribution or
identification
b.
More contractions
c.
More real interaction (correct
introductions, etc.)
d.
More showing and not telling
e.
Dump the accents as much as possible
f.
No cutesy stuff
g.
Vulgarity
h.
Complex
Dialog may be the most important part of writing, and may
also be the most difficult to master. If
you practice, get experience, and study it, you might have some hope. Then there are the details of the dialog
itself. This is what we will look at
next.
What does it mean to be complex. In the very first place, complex does not
mean confusing. Just like a real
conversation, the point is to communicate.
If you aren’t communicating to your readers, you aren’t really
writing. I’m not certain what you are
doing, but you aren’t writing if you aren’t communicating.
Strive to not ever be confusing. That means that complex does not mean erudite
or intellectual. Some conversations in
real life are really erudite. Usually,
these conversations are between those who understand their subject matter and
can reflect and dialog at a certain level.
In writing fiction, we can never fully understand the level and
comprehension of our readers—thus we must assume near zero knowledge, and build
from there. This means that the writer
must be also an explainer and educator.
This does not mean we are writing to teach nor are we writing to
necessarily convince. If a subject comes
up in the writing and we understand the basics of the fact, the author might as
well provide the information—that is specifically for the purpose of building
the conversation and the information in the novel. This is only appropriate if the information
is part of the plot and the novel. We do
not add in information willy-nilly for any reason. The purpose of passing information is to
bring the reader up to date and present the required information for the subject
of the plot and the telic flaw resolution.
There is no other purpose.
When I write complex, I don’t mean deep or difficult. If it is deep or difficult, you will lose
your readers. I don’t mean it is
convoluted or overwhelming. What
complexity means is that it moves to the big talk and provides the reader and
the characters information that allows the telic flaw resolution and the continuation
of the plot. This may be difficult to grasp.
In dialog, we want to convey information and ideas that are
either impossible to show or that provides beautiful expression of the ideas
and information we need to present.
Generally, we say we are showing the mind of the protagonist. What does the protagonist think? This is a very important question. Because we should not tell this, we must show
it. The way to show this is with dialog.
The thoughts and mind of your protagonist and characters
must be complex. It must be complex
enough to interest and excite your readers, but much that is spoken should be
implied and not necessary spoken outright.
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when a character and the
protagonist should state something straight out and directly, but look at most
real world conversations. In many cases,
the speakers talk around subjects—especially the really important and critical
subjects. This is reflected in complex
dialog. The subject matter of the dialog
isn’t that complex, the inferences and ideas in the minds of the characters is
complex. I’ll try to give an
example. This is a simple example:
The protagonist is in love, but she isn’t ready to state her
love because she isn’t sure of the response of the man. Therefore, she talks around the subject even
with her friends and others. If she is
asked directly, she gives an ambiguous answer.
When the man hears her ambiguity, he is convinced that she
is not really interested in him. Therefore,
he is a bit standoffish.
The friends realize her love even if she doesn’t say
anything outright. The man is oblivious
but her really is interested too. The
conversations generated around these ideas should be very complex and nuanced. This is the art of great conversation. As I noted, this is a simple example. Every
subject in the novel should be handled in conversation this way. Nuanced and complex are adequate descriptions.
Here is an example from my newest novel, Rose: Enchantment
and the Flower:
The
girl entertained herself. She danced
around a bit and swung her doll. Then
she stood still and stuck her nose up in the air. She sniffed and sniffed again. Then she turned toward the east and the
farmhouse across the field and took another deep breath. She shook her head and swung her doll. Then she turned to the west and along the
beach. She took a deep breath and swung
her doll. The girl turned around and
seemed to stare directly at Rose. Rose
ducked down behind the wall. She could
hear the girl sniff then the crunch of her soft shoes on the gravel beach then
the hard soil. Rose held her
breath.
Suddenly
a small brown face framed with black hair glanced over the wall at her,
“Hullo. Who’s this then?” The girl’s voice sounded much like Shiggy’s
it certainly wasn’t the wide and hard brogue of the islands.
Rose
wasn’t sure what to say or do. Finally,
she replied in the best imitation of Shiggy she could, “How’d you find me?”
“You’re
using it? Aren’t you?”
Rose
thought the best approach was to say nothing at all.
The
girl stuck out her hand, “Look, I’m Robyn Nelson. What’s your name?”
Rose
covered her ears and closed her eyes.
Robyn
laughed aloud, “You can’t hide that way.
Your previous attempt was very good, but I could see right through
it. Just ignoring me won’t achieve
anything.”
Rose
didn’t move, “Go away.”
“I
shant. This is just too fun. You’re a big girl, but you’re afraid of me?”
Rose’s
lips trembled, “I’m not afraid of you at all.”
“You
sure seem like it,” Robyn taunted, “And don’t try any of your glamour on
me. I’m immune.”
“How
do you know anything about it?”
Robyn
pulled back slightly, “Well if you wish to know that you need to come out and
speak to me. I’m becoming a bit
perturbed at you. You’re a big baby.”
Rose
bit her lip, “I’m not a baby.”
“You
sure seem like one. Plus, you sound like
you stepped right off the dock in Rousay.”
“What
does that mean?”
“You
sound like you’re from these islands, and I’d like to be your friend.”
Rose
sputtered, “I’ll think about it. Now go
away.”
“I
shant go away. If I could reach you, I’d
beat you. Now, come out before I have to
do something rash.”
Rose
turned up her face and opened one eye, “Rash?
Like what?”
“I’ve
something even better than glamour, and I can use it.”
“Better
than glamour? What could that be?”
“You’ll
just have to come and find out.”
Rose
turned her face back down, “Why would you even care. I’d like you to go away.”
Robyn
stuck her fists on her small hips, “I’m not going away. You’re coming out right now. I don’t have anyone to speak to and my
parents are about their work. You’re the
first person I’ve met here, and you’ll be my friend.”
Rose
thought very hard, “I’ll come out under conditions.”
“Ah
conditions and negotiations. I’m an
expert at that. What are these
conditions? First, what’s your
name? I can’t just keep referring to you
as you.”
Rose
bit her lip, “That’s part of the conditions.”
“Your
name?”
“Yes,
my name.”
“Is
it a secret? You are a bit of a
dangerous type using glamour out in the open like that.”
Rose
glanced up again and opened both eyes this time, “It’s a great secret. You may not tell anyone about me.”
“Well
la-di-da that’s a bit high handed.
Anyone who looks can see you’re a person. I’ll have to tell my mother I’m visiting and
playing with someone. Now, as to
details, I’ll promise not to let out any of your secrets.”
“Do
you really? All of them?”
“As
long as I’ve your name, and some general details, I can keep everything else a
secret. I’m very good at keeping secrets.”
“Will
you promise by the ‘One and All?’”
Robyn
pulled back again, “That’s asking a lot, but as long as you give me your name
and tell me what secrets I should not betray, I can promise by the One and
All.”
Rose
stood, “Then do so now. This is very
important. I need to get the words to be
correct and precise.”
Robyn
crooned, “How did you know I could make a promise by the One and All anyway?”
“If
you can see through glamour, you should be able to.”
Robyn
crossed her arms, “Then let’s negotiate the words.”
“Very
well. You Robyn Nelson must promise by
the One and All not to reveal any true details you might learn about Rose who
lives next door.”
“Ha,
Rose—you just told me your name.”
Rose’s
lips trembled, but she controlled herself, “Never mind that—you must promise.”
Robyn
twisted her lips, “That’s a bit broad.
What exactly do you mean by reveal true details?”
“Anything
I tell you directly, you may say to anyone you wish, but those things such as
the glamour or anything else you discover or deduce you may not speak about to
anyone.”
Robyn
screwed up her face, “That’s still a bit broad, but I think I can work with
it. You are smarter than you appear,
Rose. I shall promise by the One and All
to only reveal those things about my neighbor Rose which she has directly told
me.” They both heard a crack of
lightening in the distance and Robyn’s hair stood up like it was
electrified. Robyn held out her hand to
Rose, “There, we’re friends?”
“That’s
yet to be decided.”
“Come
on shake on it. I did promise by the One
and All.”
“What
does shake mean exactly. I’ve read about
it, but I don’t know what it is.”
Robyn’s
eyes widened, “That’s very interesting, Rose.”
She smiled, “When I put out my hand like this, you take your right hand,
the same as mine, and put them together.
We clasp our hands together and shake.”
Rose
licked her lips. She put her hand within
Robyn’s smaller one and Robyn grasped it.
Robyn shook Rose’s hand. Then she released it.
Robyn
grinned, “That’s all there is to it. It
is an important human custom, at least in the West and when greeting Western
people. Why don’t you come down to the
beach and let’s talk and play?”
“I’d
rather come over the wall but stay close to it.”
“Why
would you do that?”
“I’d
rather not say.”
Robyn
slitted her eyes, “That’s interesting.
We’re starting with secrets already.
Then come over. We can sit in the
lea of the wall and introduce ourselves.”
Rose
ensured her glamour was still strong and hiked herself over the wall. She ducked quickly down on the other side and
motioned for Robyn to do likewise. Robyn
scrunched down. She pulled off her day
pack and placed her doll on the ground.
She unzipped the top of the pack and pulled out a thermos. She made a handy second cup appear and poured
tea for both of them. Robyn handed one cup
to Rose, “I hope you like your tea with sugar and milk.”
Rose
looked at the tea.
Robyn
laughed, “It’s safe to drink.” She took
a sip from her own cup.
Rose
sipped the hot tea, “It’s good. Why do
you carry two cups?”
Robyn
smiled, “One for Emily, and one for me.”
She pointed with the cup at her doll.
“Of course, Emily can’t drink tea.
The extra cup is for anyone interesting I might meet during my
travels. I just tell my mother, father,
and any other prying soul that it’s for my doll. They think it’s the imagination of an
eight-year-old child.”
Rose
leaned back against the stone wall, “What is it really?”
Robyn
inclined toward Rose, “It’s all a reason to carry tea and two cups. I meet the most interesting people that way,
and I have the most interesting conversations.
Just like this.”
“I
see.”
Robyn
sat Indian-style on the ground and turned slightly toward Rose, “Now, Rose, I
know you are reticent to speak to me at all.
I’ll not press you for information or for much more of an introduction,
I’ve found the best way to begin with people such as you is to tell you about
me.”
“You’re
not afraid to let me know?”
“I’m
not afraid at all. Usually, the best
practice when meeting with others is to let them speak. That shows your interest and brings you more
intimately into their trust while letting you gain a lot of details about
them. In this case, I realize that you
aren’t very willing to share. I can tell
you exactly why.”
“You
can?”
“Of
course I can. You’re using glamour to
hide while traveling about the perimeter of your house. I know you aren’t spying on me. I smelled your glamour use from my house,”
Robyn pointed to the white-washed farmhouse to the east. I knew there was someone or something using
it. It’s usually the Fae, but they aren’t
very large in their normal size. Only
very large Fae like trolls or pucks put off that much glamour. I also know that you’re at least half garden
Fae. Most likely from your mother.”
Rose
pulled up her knees as if listening to a story, “How do you know that?”
Robyn
turned her a look, “You are outrageously beautiful even by the standards of the
Fae. Your hair is blisteringly red, and
your complexion, although healthy, is as pale as moonlight or the undead. Take your pick.”
“Am
I really that beautiful?”
“Scary
beautiful. I was also pumping you for
information. You didn’t deny any of my
assertions. Therefore, I guess they’re
all true.”
Rose
buried her face in her knees, “Those are the kind of things you must not speak
about me.”
“Yeah,
I guessed.”
Rose’s
stomach growled.
“Oh,
you’re hungry.” Robyn glanced at her
watch, “It’s time for lunch by my estimation as well.” She dug back into the day pack in front of
her and pulled out a bag of biscuits and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut
into four perfect triangles.
Rose
pulled the bag of crisps and her chicken sandwich from the pockets of her coat.
Robyn
smiled, “Would you like to share?”
“What
do you mean by that?”
“You
certainly understand share, don’t you?
I’ll give you half of my sandwich and biscuits, and you give me half of
your sandwich and crisps. It’s part of
the human tribal breaking of the bread kind of thing. Like in school.”
Rose
held up her whole chicken sandwich, “I didn’t cut mine like yours.”
Robyn
smiled. She pulled an ancient looking
double-bladed dagger in an oiled leather sheath from her day pack and drew it
out of the sheath with a single movement as though it was something she did
routinely, “Put it on that flat stone with the plastic under it.”
Rose
did.
With
a quick cut, snick-snack from corner to corner then snick-snack from opposite
corner to corner, the sandwich fell into four nearly perfect triangles. Robyn wiped the knife down with her
handkerchief and returned it to the sheath, “Mother won’t approve of me using my
handkerchief to clean my dagger, but that can’t be helped.”
Rose
licked her lips, “That must be a very sharp knife. May I see it?”
Robyn’s
smile turned into a straight line, “You may not. This is my personal weapon and a gift from
someone very special to me. At this
point, I should warn you neighbor Rose, I am not entirely what I seem.”
Rose
turned her head slightly, “I’d gathered that already.”
“I’ve
my secrets too.” Robyn smiled
again. She placed two triangles from her
peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of Rose.
Rose
placed two of the triangles from her chicken sandwich in front of Robyn.
Robyn
counted out half her biscuits and gave them to Rose.
Rose
opened the bag of crisps. She started to
count them out, but Robyn put up her hand, “You needn’t divide a bag of crisps
so finely.”
Rose
placed the bag between them.
Robyn
picked up a tringle of chicken sandwich and bit into it. She chewed it carefully. Meanwhile, Rose wolfed down her half of the
peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She
smiled unconsciously at the taste.
Robyn
cocked her head, “Now we are like schoolgirls at lunch.”
Rose
spoke without thinking, “I’ve never been to school.”
“Never?”
Robyn’s brow rose.
Rose
bit her lip.
“Although
you confessed it, I suspect that one goes into the secrets pile.”
Rose
nodded and started in on her half of the chicken sandwich.
“Before
you reveal too much, perhaps I should tell you a little about me. Try not to act too bored.”
Rose
nodded her mouth full of chicken sandwich.
“As
I introduced myself to you, my name is Robyn Nelson. My father is Fred Nelson and my mother Alice
Ward Nelson. She’s related to the
Hastings, Lord and Lady Hastings and all that.
Both of them work for the Foreign Office, and they are both nearly
fifty. They married late and had me
later.”
Rose
was absorbing every word. When her mouth
was clear of sandwich, she asked, “If you are eight, and your parents are on
assignment, why aren’t you in school?”
“Well
played, Rose. You are as bright as I
imagined. That was a very astute
question especially from a person who hasn’t been. I could claim a secret, but I shant. I am a problem for my parents. I’m very intelligent, and I’ve certain
characteristics and abilities which make school hell for me so I make it hell
for everyone else.”
Rose
asked breathlessly, “What characteristics are those?”
Robyn
pointed at her face, “Didn’t you notice the color of my skin and my hair?”
Rose
shrugged, “I thought they were very pleasant?”
Robyn
gave her a sideways glance, “They are perhaps pleasant, but I come by them
honestly by birth from a very old and aristocratic British family.”
“Why
would the color of your tan or your hair matter at all?”
Robyn
placed her hand on Rose’s, “I could not choose a more pleasant person than
you. I suspect it is your lack of
education and your ignorance.”
Rose
began to turn red.
Robyn
gently squeezed Rose’s hand, “I’m not insulting you. Although that is one of the main reasons I am
not in school at the moment. In our
society, the immediate answer and insinuation about a person such as I is
adultery and dalliance by one’s mother.”
Rose
calmed herself, “What is adultery and dalliance?”
“It
means that everyone presumes your mother cheated on your father with some other
man and that your ancestry is not at all that of your parents. My father is not as pale as you, but he is
blond and fair. My mother is also
light-skinned and blond. The moment the
school sees them with me, they presume I am adopted or the result of an
affair.”
“An
affair is an adultery or dalliance.”
“Exactly. Even when you explain, the teachers and
especially the students use such information as a weapon against you.”
“I
had no idea.”
“School
and people can be unusually unpleasant about such things.”
“Even
when you tell them?”
“Especially
when you tell them. I’ve learned the
hard way—the best approach is to let them think I am adopted or from some other
nationality. Unfortunately, or
fortunately however you wish to imagine it, intelligence and training have also
worked against me.”
Rose
ate one of the biscuits. She spoke while
chewing, “How could they work against you?”
“Students
hate you when you show them up at every turn.
When they hate you, they try to take it out on you mentally and
physically.”
“They
hit you?”
“They
try. As I’ve inferred, I’m well-trained
in certain skills.”
“The
use of knives?”
“It’s
a dagger, and yes, you put things together well, but you can’t go around cutting
people even cruel ones—they’ll put you in prison.”
“Or
expel you from school.”
Robyn
was suddenly breathing hard. She looked
away and slowly calmed herself, “That was well done. I can assure you I didn’t hurt anyone to that
extent. My family trains in hand to hand
as well as other fighting skills. A
little fisticuffs are all one needs when faced with bullies in the schoolyard.”
“So,
they expelled you for fighting.”
Robyn
leaned forward, “They did indeed. That
is why I’m with my parents while they are on assignment. I’m on probation at the moment. My parents had to pick up everything at the
last moment when they were assigned here—so they took me with them.”
Rose’s
face took on a knowing look, “I lied to you before.”
Robyn
glanced up wide-eyed, “You lied to me.”
Her face took on a guarded expression, “I can usually tell when someone
lies to me. Then tell me the truth.”
Rose
grinned, “I’m currently out of school because I’m a discipline problem and have
a sullen personality.”
Robyn
laughed, “I know you’re lying now.
Although you do have somewhat of a sullen personality, I highly doubt
you are a discipline problem.”
Rose
asked with biscuits in her mouth, “What kind of assignment would bring your
parents to Rousey? This is not a foreign
place.”
“Ah,
you caught that. The Foreign Office does
all kinds of work for the Crown. This is
just one of their jobs. They work with
the governments and businesses across the United Kingdom at all levels to
encourage trade and manage resources.”
“I
see, but I’m not certain I understand.”
“You
don’t need to think too hard about it.
What pleases me is that I met a person like you in such a backward
place. They’ll not normally let me
interact with other children.”
Rose
had finished her biscuits and half the crisps, “I’d like to know what powers
you have better than glamour that you said you could use against me. That certainly was a threat.”
Robyn’s
watch buzzed. She finished her sandwich,
gave the rest of the biscuits to Rose, placed everything back in her daypack
and stood, “That will have to wait for another time. My mother is back, and I must return
home. I’ll meet you here tomorrow.”
“You
must not tell anyone about me.”
“I’ll
need to tell my mother I’ve met a friend from the house next door.”
“I’d
rather you not. Plus, please meet me at
the brush near the gate along B9064.
Don’t come across the wall. You
promised to keep my secrets.”
“Your
existence is not a secret.”
“Please
don’t tell anyone.”
Robyn
started out across the field. She cast
back over her shoulder, “I’ll take your request under advisement at the
moment.”
This is a very complex bit of dialog. The participants are Robyn and Rose. Rose is the protagonist of this novel. Robyn will become one of the important players. This is their first meeting. If you notice in the conversation—their communication
is both complex and nuanced. There is no
telling but a lot of revelation through dialog.
The information being communicated is complex, but there is no teaching
or preaching. There is only dialog with
some very interesting details. These are
themselves creative elements that get further developed in the story and the
novel.
Examples of this are these questions:
Who really is Robyn?
We get some details, but not enough to really know.
What is her family really doing here on Rousay? We aren’t really sure why Shiggy is on Rousay
(Shiggy is the person keeping Rose).
What about the power greater than glamour?
What about the daggar?
We get why Robyn is put upon, but then she is exiled from
school. Just what is that about?
All these questions get answered in the novel. They are brought up in the conversation. They are key complex elements in the
conversation. This is exactly what I
mean by complex and nuanced. I, for one,
think this kind of conversation and revelation is entertaining. That’s why I write it. I think one of the fortes of my writing is
that it is entertaining, complex, and nuanced.
I think I can bring out the minds of the characters within the dialog. Incidentally, I think this is the power of
all great fiction.
Description is important.
Action is important. Dialog is
what makes fiction really fun and entertaining.
Getting into the minds of the characters and especially the protagonist
is what makes great fiction worth reading.
This is also why the Romantic protagonist is king or queen.
I’ll give another example next.
We’ll move on to complex, next.
I want to move on to editing dialog next.
We’ll continue to look at logic and reason as we transition
to multi-sentences and paragraphs.
More tomorrow.
For more information, you can visit my author site http://www.ldalford.com/, and my individual novel websites:
http://www.ancientlight.com/
http://www.aegyptnovel.com/
http://www.centurionnovel.com
http://www.thesecondmission.com/
http://www.theendofhonor.com/
http://www.thefoxshonor.com
http://www.aseasonofhonor.com
fiction, theme, plot, story, storyline,
character development, scene, setting, conversation, novel, book, writing,
information, study, marketing, tension, release, creative, idea, logic
No comments:
Post a Comment