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Showing posts with label tone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tone. Show all posts

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Writing Ideas - New Novel, part 350, Confession Conversation Example

26 March 2015, Writing Ideas - New Novel, part 350, Confession Conversation Example

Announcement: My new novels should be available from any webseller or can be ordered from any brick and mortar bookstore.  Information can be found at www.ancientlight.com.  Check out my novels--I think you'll really enjoy them.

Introduction: I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon. This was my 21st novel and through this blog, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing. In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel beginning with http://www.pilotlion.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-novel-part-3-girl-and-demon.html.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I'll keep you informed along the way.

Today's Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my writing website http://www.ldalford.com/ and select "production schedule," you will be sent to http://www.sisteroflight.com/.

The four plus one basic rules I employ when writing:

1. Don't confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the writing.
4. Don't show (or tell) everything.
5. Immerse yourself in the world of your writing.

All novels have five discrete parts:
1.  The initial scene (the beginning)
2.  The rising action
3.  The climax
4.  The falling action
5.  The dénouement

The theme statement of my 25th novel, working title, Escape, is this: a girl in a fascist island nation will do anything to escape--a young cargo shuttle pilot not following the rules crashes on the island.

Here is the cover proposal for Lilly: Enchantment and the ComputerLilly is my 24th novel.
Cover Proposal
The most important scene in any novel is the initial scene.  I'm writing about the initial scene of my newest novel, "Escape."  Escape is the working title.  I'll decide on the proposed title when I finish the novel.  I'm at the seventeenth chapter right now.  That means I've written about 340 pages.

A huge problem for many inexperienced writers is conversation.  They believe their writing of conversation sounds trite and forced.  They want to know the tricks to writing good conversation.  This is a great aspiration and an important skill.  My novels are about 90% conversation.  I love to write conversation, and I see it as the major tool of the novelist.  I'll spend some time defining what makes good written conversation in a novel, and how to write it.

Let's review my guidelines for conversation.

1.  Cultural norms (greeting, introduction, small talk, big talk)
2.  Logical response (characters must respond to each other in the conversation)
3.  ID the speaker
4.  Show us the picture of the conversation
5.  Use contractions (most of the time)
6.  What are you trying to say?
7.  What is unsaid in the conversation?
8.  Build the tone of the conversation.
9.  Show don't tell.

I promised to show you a "confessional" conversation.  This is a conversation between two people in which secrets are truly shared.  This conversation is a compilation point in my unpublished novel Warrior of Darkness.  This is the last of the official Ancient Light novels.  Perhaps there is no need for explanation at this point.  I will tell you I haven't shared this before except with my prepubreaders and my publisher.  

Niul was very agitated when he picked up Klava at the Lyon’s house the next Sunday.  Instead of heading directly for Westminster, he turned off into Saint James Park and stopped the car.

Klava’s voice trembled, “What’s wrong Niul?”

“You and I need to speak about something.”

Klava covered her face with her hands, “What other sins have caught up with me?”

Niul stepped out of the car and went to her side.  He opened the door and put out his hand, “No sins just something I need to know.”

Scáth scowled as she slid out of the car, “What else do you need to know about her, Mr. O’Dwyer?  You’ve already taken an unfair share.”

Niul clasped Klava’s hand.  She did not stop trembling.  Niul led her down the walk.  The day was dreary with early fog and cloudy skies.  Scáth trailed them at a pace behind.  Niul took Klava’s hand in both of his.  He caressed it and took a deep breath, “Klava are you blind?”

Scáth’s voice was tense, “Does she act blind?”

“Yes, in many ways, she does.”

Scáth nearly spat, “Mistress, you don’t have to tell him.”

Klava smiled.  She still trembled, “No, Scáth, I must tell him.  He has a right to ask.  It is one of my defects that is not readily apparent.”  Klava pulled up short.  She turned Niul to face her.  Her deep emerald eyes sought his and were slightly off queue.  They stared obviously unfocused at his cheek.”

“You are blind.”

“Who told you?”

“The Dean of the department mentioned that you were the most accomplished student he ever taught, and related his astonishment that you couldn’t see.  You are blind.”

“Yes I am.  I have been blind since I was a child.  Is this a defect that makes me unacceptable to you?”

“No it doesn’t at all.  It just makes me more ashamed, and me, more unacceptable.”

“More ashamed, Niul O’Dwyer.  How could that make you more ashamed?”

“I took advantage of a blind girl.  A person who was handicapped.  What kind of monster does that make me?”

Scáth laughed, “One much worse than I.”

Klava put her arms around him, “I don’t think it makes much difference.  We all are handicapped in some way.  Most of us just don’t acknowledge our deficiencies, or we exaggerate things that are not deficiencies to hide our true faults—like sin.”

“But you are blind.”

Klava sighed, “And that makes you want to turn away from me?”

“No it makes me want to protect you even more.”

“You pity me?”

“Yes.  I do pity you.”

“That is not a foundation on which to build affection.”

“Nah, there you are very wrong, Klava.  If love is a commitment, then a person who loves must commit to everything for the one he loves.  Pity is a feeling that makes me want to never let you be away from me—I’d gladly be your eyes.  As it is, I’m not sure how you manage as well as you do.”

“I manage because I see through the black tablet.”

“A black tablet, what is that?”

“The black tablet.  My black tablet.”

“Still, what is that, Lamb?”

Klava opened her purse and took out the tablet.  Niul reached for it.  Klava jerked it away from him, “Don’t touch it.”

“Why’s that?”

“If you touch it, it will take your ka.  It will pull your ka into the tablet.”

“Why can you touch it?”

Scáth sneered, “Duh!  She’s the goddess who controls it.”

Niul moved his head to get a better look at the tablet, “It bears your face.  What can it do?  Is it the source of your power?”

Klava held the tablet close to her, “The Dagda is the source of my power.  The tablet allows me to manipulate the forces of the world and the kas of men.  With it, I can control darkness and use darkness.”

“And it allows you to see?”

“I can’t see real colors.  Everything is like black and gold to me.  They are all shades of black and gold.  It is very lovely to my sight, but there is no color.”
     “Is that why you only wear black?”

She blushed, “Yes, every other color makes me appear underclothed.  The tablet allows me to see in a region that is near infrared.  My body shows through anything but black.  Grays, in my sight, are scandalous, but usually not too overexposed.”  Klava tossed her head, “I also dress this way to irritate my mothers—both of them.  I like to remind them that I am not my sister, and I am not like them.  I am who I am, and who the Dagda has made me to be.”

“And what you eat?”

“Dark foods appear unappealing to me.  White ones are like gold.  They are radiant.”

“What you drink?”

“I can’t see light liquids very well in a glass or cup.  I make a mess.  I can manage drinks that are black—I have come to enjoy them very much.”

“You usually wear dark glasses during the day.  What about liking the night and darkness?”

“In daylight everything appears too bright to me.  I can’t see details.  At night and in darkness everything is clear.”  She shrugged, “I can see much better.”

Niul laughed, “Here, they all think you have a character flaw, and you simply are trying to live life on your own terms.”

“Niul this is a secret.  It is my secret.  Scáth knows it, but few others.  I told you because you guessed and you asked.  No one else has ever cared enough to ask.”

“The smoking?”

Klava laughed, “That is just a bad habit.  I am not pure as you think.”

Niul clasped her to his chest.  He put his face in her thick hair, “Please, Klava, it is justice when you remind me of what I did to you, but it only makes me sad.  If there is any lack of purity in you, that was my doing.  You are perfect.  You are precious…”

“I am neither, and I didn’t mean to remind you.”

“But you should, all the time.”
He reluctantly released her.  Klava didn’t step back.  She reached up to his eyes and wiped them with her fingertips.  “If we hurry, Niul, we can make Communion.”

I'll pull this conversation apart a little for you in the coming days, but I wanted you to get it whole.  This is a very personal conversation where secrets are shared.  These are not things the reader knew before.  Many of them might have been surmised from the novel, but most of them could not.  The fact Klava is blind, is known from the beginning--how she reflects her blindness in her life is not known, but seen.  This is a point that can't really be understood without either telling or through conversation.  I don't like to tell--I like to show.  Klava drinks dark drinks and eats light food not because of preference, but because they look good to her.  In the book, Klava drinks dark Irish beer and dark coffee almost exclusively.  The reason she does is not known until this point.  

This is the trick about confessional conversations--they allow the author to give great secrets that can't be shown either at all or easily.  Plus, conversation, like this, is absolutely intimate.  The fact that Scáth is present during a very private conversation should peak your interest in just who and what Scáth is.    

More tomorrow.

For more information, you can visit my author site http://www.ldalford.com/, and my individual novel websites:




fiction, theme, plot, story, storyline, character development, scene, setting, conversation, novel, book, writing, information, study, marketing,

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Writing Ideas - New Novel, part 349, Purpose for Tone Conversation Example

25 March 2015, Writing Ideas - New Novel, part 349, Purpose for Tone Conversation Example

Announcement: My new novels should be available from any webseller or can be ordered from any brick and mortar bookstore.  Information can be found at www.ancientlight.com.  Check out my novels--I think you'll really enjoy them.

Introduction: I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon. This was my 21st novel and through this blog, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing. In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel beginning with http://www.pilotlion.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-novel-part-3-girl-and-demon.html.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I'll keep you informed along the way.

Today's Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my writing website http://www.ldalford.com/ and select "production schedule," you will be sent to http://www.sisteroflight.com/.

The four plus one basic rules I employ when writing:

1. Don't confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the writing.
4. Don't show (or tell) everything.
5. Immerse yourself in the world of your writing.

All novels have five discrete parts:
1.  The initial scene (the beginning)
2.  The rising action
3.  The climax
4.  The falling action
5.  The dénouement

The theme statement of my 25th novel, working title, Escape, is this: a girl in a fascist island nation will do anything to escape--a young cargo shuttle pilot not following the rules crashes on the island.

Here is the cover proposal for Lilly: Enchantment and the ComputerLilly is my 24th novel.
Cover Proposal
The most important scene in any novel is the initial scene.  I'm writing about the initial scene of my newest novel, "Escape."  Escape is the working title.  I'll decide on the proposed title when I finish the novel.  I'm at the seventeenth chapter right now.  That means I've written about 340 pages.

A huge problem for many inexperienced writers is conversation.  They believe their writing of conversation sounds trite and forced.  They want to know the tricks to writing good conversation.  This is a great aspiration and an important skill.  My novels are about 90% conversation.  I love to write conversation, and I see it as the major tool of the novelist.  I'll spend some time defining what makes good written conversation in a novel, and how to write it.

Let's review my guidelines for conversation.

1.  Cultural norms (greeting, introduction, small talk, big talk)
2.  Logical response (characters must respond to each other in the conversation)
3.  ID the speaker
4.  Show us the picture of the conversation
5.  Use contractions (most of the time)
6.  What are you trying to say?
7.  What is unsaid in the conversation?
8.  Build the tone of the conversation.
9.  Show don't tell.

You might ask, what does it mean to show a conversation.  Remember about showing in writing.  Don't tell us how a character feels--show us how they feel.  Don't tell us what a character is thinking--show us what they are thinking.  In a situation of trust, don't tell us what a character thinks or knows--let the character tell us. 

Conversation is a super effective means of communicating the mind and heart of your character.  For example, a protagonist can tell the protagonist's helper that he loves her.  Likewise, he can show her.  Likewise, the writer can show the love in conversation without a confession at all.  The power of conversation is what can be said and what is never said.

This is generally what I've called tone.  The tone of the conversation can convey everything that is unsaid in the conversation.  This was the point of the examples yesterday and the day before.  In that conversation, I delineated for you what was unsaid and how the tone was developed.  I have half a mind to give you a confessional conversation--watch for it.

More tomorrow.

For more information, you can visit my author site http://www.ldalford.com/, and my individual novel websites:




fiction, theme, plot, story, storyline, character development, scene, setting, conversation, novel, book, writing, information, study, marketing,

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Writing Ideas - New Novel, part 348, Building Tone Conversation Example

24 March 2015, Writing Ideas - New Novel, part 348, Building Tone Conversation Example

Announcement: My new novels should be available from any webseller or can be ordered from any brick and mortar bookstore.  Information can be found at www.ancientlight.com.  Check out my novels--I think you'll really enjoy them.

Introduction: I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon. This was my 21st novel and through this blog, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing. In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel beginning with http://www.pilotlion.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-novel-part-3-girl-and-demon.html.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I'll keep you informed along the way.

Today's Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my writing website http://www.ldalford.com/ and select "production schedule," you will be sent to http://www.sisteroflight.com/.

The four plus one basic rules I employ when writing:

1. Don't confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the writing.
4. Don't show (or tell) everything.
5. Immerse yourself in the world of your writing.

All novels have five discrete parts:
1.  The initial scene (the beginning)
2.  The rising action
3.  The climax
4.  The falling action
5.  The dénouement

The theme statement of my 25th novel, working title, Escape, is this: a girl in a fascist island nation will do anything to escape--a young cargo shuttle pilot not following the rules crashes on the island.

Here is the cover proposal for Lilly: Enchantment and the ComputerLilly is my 24th novel.
Cover Proposal
The most important scene in any novel is the initial scene.  I'm writing about the initial scene of my newest novel, "Escape."  Escape is the working title.  I'll decide on the proposed title when I finish the novel.  I'm at the seventeenth chapter right now.  That means I've written about 340 pages.

A huge problem for many inexperienced writers is conversation.  They believe their writing of conversation sounds trite and forced.  They want to know the tricks to writing good conversation.  This is a great aspiration and an important skill.  My novels are about 90% conversation.  I love to write conversation, and I see it as the major tool of the novelist.  I'll spend some time defining what makes good written conversation in a novel, and how to write it.

Here is the example from my novel Valeska.  I'll use this as an example of conversation in a novel.  I've used this before to discuss conversation.  Let's review my guidelines for conversation.

1.  Cultural norms (greeting, introduction, small talk, big talk)
2.  Logical response (characters must respond to each other in the conversation)
3.  ID the speaker
4.  Show us the picture of the conversation
5.  Use contractions (most of the time)
6.  What are you trying to say?
7.  What is unsaid in the conversation?
8.  Build the tone of the conversation.

Review the following conversation and try to identify the characteristics above in the development of the conversation.  Today, I'm looking at building tone.  Tone is built and conveyed through description of the way the conversation is said, and the actions of the conversationalists.

The butler stepped to the side, “Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Long, may I present Mr. George Mardling and his niece Ms. Heidi Mardling.”

[The tone is nonchalant.  Look at the action description.  There is no agitation or description of the way the words are said.]

Mrs. Long stepped forward and put her hand out to Heidi.  She had a very bright smile on her face.  She took Heidi’s hand, and her eyes went wide.  Heidi released her hand immediately.  Mrs. Long was breathless.  She stammered a little, “Good evening.  I’m Sveta Long.”

[Tone: At first very pleasant.  The bright smile and the greeting tell us this.  Sveta's response: eyes, breathless, stammered.  Heidi seems to know what is going on immediately, she simply releases Sveta's hand.  Notice, the conversation doesn't show us what they are thinking--the action and response shows what is going on--the tone.]

Heidi made a deep curtsy, “Thank you very much, Mrs. Long for inviting us to your party.”

[Tone: Heidi is absolutely in perfect control.]

Sveta reached out to Heidi again.  Heidi stepped back, but Sveta connected with Heidi’s shoulder.  Sveta froze, and her head came up.  She stammered again, “You are very welcome.  Make yourself comfortable in our home,” but her face clearly said exactly the opposite.

[Tone is fear and worry: it is not conveyed by the words, but by the froze and stammered.]

Heidi glanced in Sveta’s eyes, then quickly turned her head away, “What I really need is a glass of sweet wine.”

[Tone is absolute control.  The image is one of changing the conversation.]

Sveta looked like she was about to say something, but she lowered her head and stepped back.

[Tone is still worried and fearful.  Heidi's words changed the conversation in such a way that the topic must change.]

Heidi sighed.

[Tone is conveyed by the sigh.]

Daniel’s lips twitched, “I’m not sure what is going on, exactly.”  He grabbed George’s hand and shook it, “Good to see you back in England, old man.”

[Tone curious and congenial.  The undercurrent of the tone of the lady's conversation is not lost on Daniel.]

George forced a smile, “I’m glad to be back.  I’m looking for a new assignment as soon as possible.”

[The tone is wary.  Conveyed by forced a smile.]

Daniel clapped George on the shoulder, “I really hoped to keep you here in London for a while.  I have some new recruits and training for you to supervise.”

[Still congenial.  Clapped on shoulder is the means.]

George grimaced, “Sounds long term.  I guess we’ll make do.”

“We’ll?”

“Heidi and I.”

Daniel frowned and put his head back, “Don’t tell me you are sharing your flat with this young woman.”

[Daniel is professionally concerned.  Frowned and head back.]

Heidi blinked, “I am happy to have a place to stay while I’m visiting in London.”

[Tone is defusing.  Conveyed by blinked and the words.  Notice, this is the first definitive point where the words begin to convey some of the tone.  In the other parts of the conversation, the actual tone of the conversation was mostly unspoken and the character actions conveyed the tone.]

Sveta stepped forward, “No, you should stay here.  As I understand, the single flats the organization is assigning now are barely suitable for one—I can’t imagine a young woman having to put up with such close quarters…”

[Tone is action: the conversation is now driving the tone--Sveta's words are very action oriented and demanding.]

Heidi glared at Sveta, “I would feel completely out of place anywhere else.”

[Tone is angry: the glared conveys this, the words do not.]

Sveta glared back, “I insist.”

[Tone is exultant and angry.  The words don't convey, the glared does.]

“I equally insist and respectfully decline—Mr. Mardling is my guardian.  It would be unthinkable for me to stay anywhere else.”

[Tone pleasant but insistent.  Continuation of the previous tone.]

Sveta squinted her eyes at Heidi and Heidi squinted back at Sveta.

[Tone is beginnings of anger.  The appraisal tells you that--no words in the conversation.]

Daniel stepped between them, “Sveta, dear, I’m certain I can assign George a larger flat.”

[Tone is soothing:  Both the words and the action convey this.]

Sveta let out her breath.  She visibly calmed, “Yes… I’m sure we can work things out.  Are you certain, Heidi, you don’t want to spend your time here until we can get George a larger place.”

[Tone is petulant:  letting out breath and words.]

Heidi didn’t back down.  She made a slicing motion with her hand, “I will not.”

[Tone is anger: the words and actions convey this.]

Sveta forced a smile, “Very well.  But, I do think you are a bit young to drink wine.”

[Tone is petulant:  Sveta forces a smile and then disses Heidi's apparent age.]

At that moment, a maid carrying a platter of filled wine glasses walked by.  Heidi gracefully plucked a glass off the platter.  She downed it in a swallow and turned Sveta a deep frown, “I do not like dry white wines.  Do you have something more acceptable to my palate?”

[Tone is angry and distracting.  Heidi's actions and words are insulting.]

Sveta’s eyes bulged.  She took a step toward Heidi and appeared like she was about to leap.  Heidi crouched slightly.

[Tone is anger:  no words in conversation.]

Daniel grasped Sveta’s arm, and she came to herself.

[Tone is pacifying: conveyed by the actions no words said.]

George raised his hands, “Heidi is much older than she looks.  We just came from Poland where there are no age limits for drinking alcohol.  She usually has a glass or two every evening.”

[Tone is calming: the actions and words are placating and explaining]

Sveta squinted her eyes again, “I see.  Heidi,” she almost spat the name, “You may drink as much as you desire in my house.  Harold, please bring up a sweet German Riesling for Ms. Mardling.”

[Tone is obvious anger: the squinted and spat convey this.]

Heidi raised her head high, “An auslese, if you have it.”

[Tone is saucy: head high.]

Harold, the butler, bowed, “Yes, ma’am.”

Heidi glanced at Sveta from the sides of her eyes, “Thank you again for your hospitality.”

[Tone is conciliatory: actions again are not exactly what is conveyed in the conversation ]

Now that you've seen the conversation, you can note. 
 
1.  Cultural norms (greeting, introduction, small talk, big talk)
2.  Logical response (characters must respond to each other in the conversation)
3.  ID the speaker
4.  Show us the picture of the conversation
5.  Use contractions (most of the time)
6.  What are you trying to say?

7.  What is unsaid in the conversation?
8.  Build the tone of the conversation.

The tone of the conversation was not build through the words that were spoken, but through the response or the way the characters said the words.  In no case, did I tell you how they thought, but rather showed you their reactions.  No one was said to be angry or any of the tones of the conversation--the actions and words of the characters simply led you to see the picture of the conversation.  This is how you write conversation.

More tomorrow.

For more information, you can visit my author site http://www.ldalford.com/, and my individual novel websites:




fiction, theme, plot, story, storyline, character development, scene, setting, conversation, novel, book, writing, information, study, marketing,

Monday, March 23, 2015

Writing Ideas - New Novel, part 347, Tone Conversation Example

23 March 2015, Writing Ideas - New Novel, part 347, Tone Conversation Example

Announcement: My new novels should be available from any webseller or can be ordered from any brick and mortar bookstore.  Information can be found at www.ancientlight.com.  Check out my novels--I think you'll really enjoy them.

Introduction: I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon. This was my 21st novel and through this blog, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing. In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel beginning with http://www.pilotlion.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-novel-part-3-girl-and-demon.html.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I'll keep you informed along the way.

Today's Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my writing website http://www.ldalford.com/ and select "production schedule," you will be sent to http://www.sisteroflight.com/.

The four plus one basic rules I employ when writing:

1. Don't confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the writing.
4. Don't show (or tell) everything.
5. Immerse yourself in the world of your writing.

All novels have five discrete parts:
1.  The initial scene (the beginning)
2.  The rising action
3.  The climax
4.  The falling action
5.  The dénouement

The theme statement of my 25th novel, working title, Escape, is this: a girl in a fascist island nation will do anything to escape--a young cargo shuttle pilot not following the rules crashes on the island.

Here is the cover proposal for Lilly: Enchantment and the ComputerLilly is my 24th novel.
Cover Proposal
The most important scene in any novel is the initial scene.  I'm writing about the initial scene of my newest novel, "Escape."  Escape is the working title.  I'll decide on the proposed title when I finish the novel.  I'm at the seventeenth chapter right now.  That means I've written about 340 pages.

A huge problem for many inexperienced writers is conversation.  They believe their writing of conversation sounds trite and forced.  They want to know the tricks to writing good conversation.  This is a great aspiration and an important skill.  My novels are about 90% conversation.  I love to write conversation, and I see it as the major tool of the novelist.  I'll spend some time defining what makes good written conversation in a novel, and how to write it.

Here is the example from my novel Valeska.  I'll use this as an example of conversation in a novel.  I've used this before to discuss conversation.  Let's review my guidelines for conversation.

1.  Cultural norms (greeting, introduction, small talk, big talk)
2.  Logical response (characters must respond to each other in the conversation)
3.  ID the speaker
4.  Show us the picture of the conversation
5.  Use contractions (most of the time)
6.  What are you trying to say?
7.  What is unsaid in the conversation?
8.  The tone of the conversation.

Review the following conversation and try to identify the characteristics above in the development of the conversation.  Today, I'm looking at tone.

The butler stepped to the side, “Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Long, may I present Mr. George Mardling and his niece Ms. Heidi Mardling.”

[The tone is nonchalant.  I didn't give you the other part--Heidi and Gorge are a little late.  He wanted to miss the receiving line.  There may be a little irritation from the butler--he doesn't show it.]

Mrs. Long stepped forward and put her hand out to Heidi.  She had a very bright smile on her face.  She took Heidi’s hand, and her eyes went wide.  Heidi released her hand immediately.  Mrs. Long was breathless.  She stammered a little, “Good evening.  I’m Sveta Long.”

[Tone: At first very pleasant.  That changes immediately when Sveta touches Heidi.  The tone becomes fear and worry from Sveta and action from Heidi.  This depicts their very different personalities.  Although Heidi is naïve, she is also long lived and wary.  Sveta is seasoned, but unprepared.]

Heidi made a deep curtsy, “Thank you very much, Mrs. Long for inviting us to your party.”

[Tone: Heidi is absolutely in perfect control.]

Sveta reached out to Heidi again.  Heidi stepped back, but Sveta connected with Heidi’s shoulder.  Sveta froze, and her head came up.  She stammered again, “You are very welcome.  Make yourself comfortable in our home,” but her face clearly said exactly the opposite.

[Tone: Sveta wants to confirm her reaction.  Sveta has the same tone as before: fear and worry.]

Heidi glanced in Sveta’s eyes, then quickly turned her head away, “What I really need is a glass of sweet wine.”

[Tone: Heidi is in absolute control.  She changes the conversation to hold to the mundane.  She doesn't realize how this will affect Sveta. ]

Sveta looked like she was about to say something, but she lowered her head and stepped back.

[Tone: Sveta is still worried and fearful.  She lost the opportunity to ask a direct question of Heidi.]

Heidi sighed.

[Tone: Heidi knows Sveat won't back down--that's the sigh.]

Daniel’s lips twitched, “I’m not sure what is going on, exactly.”  He grabbed George’s hand and shook it, “Good to see you back in England, old man.”

[Tone: curious and congenial.]

George forced a smile, “I’m glad to be back.  I’m looking for a new assignment as soon as possible.”

[Although Daniel has no clue what is going on, George is sensitive to it because he knows what Heidi is.  The tone is wary.]

Daniel clapped George on the shoulder, “I really hoped to keep you here in London for a while.  I have some new recruits and training for you to supervise.”

[Still congenial.]

George grimaced, “Sounds long term.  I guess we’ll make do.”

“We’ll?”

“Heidi and I.”

Daniel frowned and put his head back, “Don’t tell me you are sharing your flat with this young woman.”

[Daniel is professionally concerned.]

Heidi blinked, “I am happy to have a place to stay while I’m visiting in London.”

[Tone: defusing.]

Sveta stepped forward, “No, you should stay here.  As I understand, the single flats the organization is assigning now are barely suitable for one—I can’t imagine a young woman having to put up with such close quarters…”

[Tone: Sveta is taking action in a way Heidi can't allow.  Sveta's tone is action.  Heidi is in defense.]

Heidi glared at Sveta, “I would feel completely out of place anywhere else.”

[Tone: the situation has changed quickly.]

Sveta glared back, “I insist.”

[Tone: exultant.]

“I equally insist and respectfully decline—Mr. Mardling is my guardian.  It would be unthinkable for me to stay anywhere else.”

[Tone: pleasant but insistent.]

Sveta squinted her eyes at Heidi and Heidi squinted back at Sveta.

[Tone: beginnings of anger.  Sveta is thwarted.  Heidi is in danger.]

Daniel stepped between them, “Sveta, dear, I’m certain I can assign George a larger flat.”

[Tone: soothing]

Sveta let out her breath.  She visibly calmed, “Yes… I’m sure we can work things out.  Are you certain, Heidi, you don’t want to spend your time here until we can get George a larger place.”

[Tone: Sveta petulant--she doesn't like losing.]

Heidi didn’t back down.  She made a slicing motion with her hand, “I will not.”

[Tone: anger.]

Sveta forced a smile, “Very well.  But, I do think you are a bit young to drink wine.”

[Tone: Heidi used this as a distractor, but she didn't realize the situation.  Sveta is a prude and Britain has a la about drinking age.]

At that moment, a maid carrying a platter of filled wine glasses walked by.  Heidi gracefully plucked a glass off the platter.  She downed it in a swallow and turned Sveta a deep frown, “I do not like dry white wines.  Do you have something more acceptable to my palate?”

[Tone: angry and distracting.]

Sveta’s eyes bulged.  She took a step toward Heidi and appeared like she was about to leap.  Heidi crouched slightly.

[Tone: Anger.]

Daniel grasped Sveta’s arm, and she came to herself.

[Tone: pacifying.]

George raised his hands, “Heidi is much older than she looks.  We just came from Poland where there are no age limits for drinking alcohol.  She usually has a glass or two every evening.”

[Tone: calming.]

Sveta squinted her eyes again, “I see.  Heidi,” she almost spat the name, “You may drink as much as you desire in my house.  Harold, please bring up a sweet German Riesling for Ms. Mardling.”

[Tone: obvious anger.]

Heidi raised her head high, “An auslese, if you have it.”

[Tone: saucy.]

Harold, the butler, bowed, “Yes, ma’am.”

Heidi glanced at Sveta from the sides of her eyes, “Thank you again for your hospitality.”

[Tone: conciliatory.]

Now that you've seen the conversation, you can note. 
 
1.  Cultural norms (greeting, introduction, small talk, big talk)
2.  Logical response (characters must respond to each other in the conversation)
3.  ID the speaker
4.  Show us the picture of the conversation
5.  Use contractions (most of the time)
6.  What are you trying to say?

7.  What is unsaid in the conversation?
8.  The tone of the conversation.

I'll look at how the tone is conveyed next.

More tomorrow.

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