A New Novel, Part 286 I Am Willing to Give Up Everything

17 July 2011, A New Novel, Part 286 I Am Willing to Give Up Everything

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Father Dobrushin took Aksinya to dinner.  He told her he is willing to marry her to help her be rid of the demon.  They are discussing why Father Dobrushin is willing to risk his life to marry her...

He took her hands in his, “Yet I do gain something very important.  I wish to see this demon.  As you said, if you have seen a demon, then there must be God.  And I gain a person in my life who has truly touched spiritual things.”

“Tainted by spiritual things.”

“In the church we promote the physical representation of heavenly things.  Each item, the icons, the cross and crucifix, the banners, the baptistery, the altar, the church itself stand in place of their spiritual realities.  The incense represents the smells, the metaepithumia, before the altar in heaven.  The feel of the water is the spirit of God.  The taste of the communion is the flavor of salvation.  These things are only shadows of their reality, but you, you alone of all the people I have ever met, claim, and indeed show proof of not just the symbols of heavenly things, but the reality of spiritual things.”

“This is important to you?”

“The most important thing to me.  Perhaps, it is due to my lack of faith.  You asked me in the past if I believed in God.  No one ever asked me that before.  When you sought solace from the God you knew existed but could not reach, I sought to see God within you.”

“And you think you found Him?”

“I did find Him.  Before, I believed, now I know.  It is as simple as that.  If you imagine that I found an icon in you, an icon that is both a physical and a spiritual manifestation of reality, then that is why I desire you enough to face a demon in order to marry you.”

“Perhaps you were sent to me for this purpose.”

“Perhaps everything in your life has pointed to this purpose.  Dear God, Princess, you know.  You know the Lord God almighty exists.  You know the spiritual world is real.  Not only have you seen it, you have manipulated it.”  He released her right hand and pulled her left hand into his.  He stroked the many scars on it.  “When I saw these marks, I knew what you had been.  When I heard your confession, I knew what you could become.  I am willing to give up everything because of this.”

“For me?”

“For the purpose within you.”

Theme time.  One of the primary reasons I wrote this novel is encapsulated in this section.  Father Dobrushin is seeking in a way Aksinya is not seeking.  Aksinya knows there is a God, she just can't trust him.  Father Dobrushin desires to know God more fully.  He wishes not just to believe but to know.  Aksinya is a person who has literally touched the spiritual world.  The world she touched was the dark side, but it was the spiritual world.  She knows there is a God.

Most people are like Father Dobrushin, they seek God--they seek to know.  Many are content with faith, but most seek something more.  Father Dobrushin's own words explain his thoughts.  I won't repeat them, but I'll draw your attention to them.  Note, his expose on the church and on the representation of spiritual things.  The knowledge of the spiritual is the most important thing to Father Dobrushin.  This is the reason he was attracted to Aksinya.  This is the reason he is willing to die for her.  This is the reason he is willing to give up everything for her.  We will truly discover what he has given up later.

To Father Dobrushin, Aksinya represents the one worth saving.  She is the pearl of great price.  She is the sheep worth seeking.  He says: "I sought to see God within you.”  Now you know the reason Father Dobrushin is willing to marry Aksinya.  Now you know why he has done what he did.  He is of a philosophical bent, but wasn't he always--this is his nature.

I don't just let the characters act out this conversation for you with just words.  Watch Father Dobrushin.  He takes Aksinya's hands, then he left hand and strokes the scars on it.  Could you imagine such badges of infamy could become beautiful as stigmata for the actions in the spiritual realm?  Father Dobrushin sums up his thoughts: “When I saw these marks, I knew what you had been.  When I heard your confession, I knew what you could become.  I am willing to give up everything because of this.”

He is willing to give up everything for the purpose within her.  If this is not a declaration of love--then what is?  Still we haven't use the love words.  There is no need.  These are two people who are entirely dependent on one another.  We knew Aksinya was dependent on Father Dobrushin, but now we see he has placed all his faith in her.  That is, in her purpose.  Tomorrow, the agreement.

A New Novel, Part 114 Love without Desire?

Aksinya is really too nice a girl to be a sorceress.  She has a weak spot for people.  Her next question to the demon indicates this weakness.  She doesn't get an answer...

“What happened to the men at the tavern?”


This time the demon did smile. Aksinya could detect his humor before he spoke, “They are all dead.”

“I did not kill them.”

“They are dead anyway.”

“You are lying.”

“Perhaps you should ask them yourself,” the demon let out a great laugh.

“Then they are alive…”

He chuckled, “I meant in hell.”

“Go to hell, yourself.”

“I’ve been there, Countess.”

“You tempted them…”

“I did not give them anything more than they wished themselves—such is the way with temptation. You, more than anyone, should realize that, Countess.”

“I’m tired of arguing with you. Leave me.”

“Ah, it is time for me to leave. I have just one thing to tell you, Countess.”

“I knew there was more to this visit than pleasantries.”

Asmodeus bowed, “I just wanted to warn you. You have chosen to defy me. None of my other masters ever did such a thing. It is incomprehensible to me. Still, your choices do promote evil. Yet, because you defy me, they will bring you much sorrow. A final warning from your servant, it is a threat. Don’t give away too much of your heart. What you give away may never be returned, and when it is, it will result in great sorrow.”

“You spout stupid platitudes…why should I expect wisdom from a demon.”

“Why indeed, Countess.” The demon bowed out of the room. Before he shut the door, he called sweetly, “Good night.”

Under her breath, Aksinya whispered, “One can love without desire, without lust, Asmodeus. That is the secret that causes all your evil to crumble.”

A soft hiss answered her, “But love without desire is not as sweet, Countess. Just look at how you love yourself.” The words seemed to echo within the closed room.

Aksinya covered her head with her blanket and put her hands over her ears.

Aksinya is really concerned about the results of her sorcery.  She planned for no one to be hurt.  If you remember, Asmodeus was obviously trying to point Aksinya toward ordering him to kill the men outright or to wait after the rape and then torture and kill them.  Aksinya did something the demon wasn't expecting.  She still isn't certain that she didn't harm them--this is how powerful her spell was.  Aksinya wasn't sure if she harmed the men.  After hearing the demon's response, she still doesn't know.
 
This gives me the opportunity to give a small joke by the demon about hell--this is his personality and his affliction.  Then we get back into the meat.  The demon comments about temptation, and indeed, Aksinya should realize this more than anyone--she faces temptation all the time, in every variety.
 
Then, we finally get to the whole point of the visitation.  The demon was simply playing with Aksinya, now he tells her his message.  This is so important I will repeat it: “I just wanted to warn you. You have chosen to defy me. None of my other masters ever did such a thing. It is incomprehensible to me. Still, your choices do promote evil. Yet, because you defy me, they will bring you much sorrow. A final warning from your servant, it is a threat. Don’t give away too much of your heart. What you give away may never be returned, and when it is, it will result in great sorrow.”  This is all foreshadowing and prediction on the demon's part.  How much is truth?  I will reveal to you: it is all truth.  This was the message the demon waited to give to Aksinya.  There is much in this message I will not expose to you yet.  Most will become obvious as we progress in the novel.
 
Aksinya's answer is more pointed.  She realizes her danger and what is happening.  She has opposed a demon.  The result...who knows the result, but the one and only one lesson Aksinya has learned is this:  “One can love without desire, without lust, Asmodeus. That is the secret that causes all your evil to crumble.”  Actually, that is not the secret that causes the demon's evil to crumble, but it is almost the only idea Aksinya can hold on to as truth to fight her own temptation and the demon.  Then, the final words from the demon remind her that she does not really understand at all.  That is the rub and that is the problem for Aksinya.  She is still trying to save herself.  Just as she perversely loves herself, likewise, she can't separate love from desire or lust.  Her luxuria drives her forward.  Tomorrow, the beginning of the Advent party.

A New Novel, Part 113 What is Truth?

Aksinya and Asmodeus are engaged in a very important conversation.  Aksinya wants answers, the demon doesn't want to tell her anything except that which he can use to manipulate her.  We have an argument of lies that comes to Pilate's question in the mouth of Aksinya...

“Then what is the truth?”


“Ah, that is the question. Isn’t it? What is the truth?”

“Tell me, demon.”

“But, Countess, I cannot. The truth is a trade secret.”

Aksinya made a depreciating sound and turned her head, “Just tell me, where is my book?”

“I don’t know. That is the truth. I suspect it will turn up. Why don’t you seek it yourself—you have the skills?”

“I have no desire to trade more of my virtue for so trivial a reason.”

Asmodeus voice rumbled oddly, “That is the rub, isn’t it? You have traded a great deal of your virtue for so little. You knew that to make such a great enchantment without protection would greatly harm you. You knew that without the items as symbols and the proper sacrifice, your body would have to bear entirely both the symbol and the sacrifice. You knew that mixing those new spells with the old would be dangerous. You defied me and that in itself was foolish. You almost died, you know.”

“I almost died. But, I traded all to save my friend, and...” She turned her gaze back to the demon, “I still think you are lying. I want my book. It is dangerous in the hands of others.” Aksinya put her hands down at her side, “Now, why did you disturb my rest?”

“I tried to come late enough that I didn’t disturb your own personal perversions.”

Aksinya just stared.

“Ah, so you have realized that also have you.”

“Your temptation is little more than a discomfort.”

“Because you have surrounded yourself with crosses,” the demon spat.

Aksinya allowed herself a tiny smile. She plucked at one of the petite crosses Natalya had sewn into her nightgown.

“I came to see how you fared. I’m glad you didn’t die. I have not completed all the evil I intend through you.”

“So, why did you come here tonight?”

The demon’s lips slightly rose over his fangs.

Aksinya tapped the covers under her fingertips, “I have another question for you.”

“Ask all you wish, Countess.”

Aksinya snarled, “Because you will not tell me the truth anyway.”

Asmodeus shrugged.

“What happened to the men at the tavern?”

This time the demon did smile. Aksinya could detect his humor before he spoke, “They are all dead.”

Aksinya's question is ours as well--and I don't mean just in this novel.  This is the question Pilate posed to Christ.  You might find it interested as well as illuminating that Aksinya asks it of the demon: “Then what is the truth?”  The demon's flip response is characteristic of him--it is a trade secret.  Of course it is, how would a demon know truth--he can't even swear on anything.  Aksinya realizes this, thus her response and she returns to her important question--where is the book.  The demon half-heartily tries to tempt her into more sin (sorcery).
 
Then, bang, we get a bit of truth from him.  From the very beginning, Aksinya has traded her virtue for very little.  She lost her family.  She has involved herself in great sin.  You know the demon's words in response are true--that is, the words about the great enchantment Aksinya made.  Additionally, can't you feel the anger of the demon.  She defied him and is still defying him.  She goes back to her question about the book.  She hopes he will answer her in truth this time, but she is mistaken, so she gives up on it and moves to the true point--why is Asmodeus here now.  You knew no matter what he says, he has something to tempt her with.  The demon turns the conversation to Aksinya's perversions--again typical of him, but Aksinya has figured this out.  She doesn't bite, but the demon does.  He is irritated about the crosses--they do protect her in some measure.  Just like the crucifix around her neck.  The demon has not finished the evil he desires through her, but he is not ready to reveal all, yet.
 
Aksinya brings up another point that bothers her.  This is about the men from the tavern.  We will have to wait until tomorrow to see what may come out of his response: “They are all dead.”