A New Novel, Part 158 This is a Temptation to Me

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Ernst professed his love to Aksinya and kissed her.  Natalya busted up the clinch and now they are in their respective corners.  Fighting isn't really what either of them have in mind...

Natalya glanced at Aksinya. Aksinya hastily moved to the other end of the balcony. They waited for Natalya to return to her seat.

Aksinya bent forward a little toward Ernst. She whispered and tried to get her voice to carry to him, “You…you kissed me.”

Ernst kept his voice low, “I have wanted to kiss you for a long time.”

She touched her lips, “Why?”

“Because I love you.”

“What will you gain by loving me?”

Ernst smiled, “I desire you. That is all. I love you. Do you love me?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Then I’m sorry I was so forward, but I’m not sorry I kissed you. I would hope to continue to woo you. I want you to marry me.” He pulled out a small box from his coat pockets, “I have a ring for you. I would like to give it to you tonight.”

“For me? Then you are serious?”

“Why would you think I wasn’t serious?”

“What about your father, and his wish for you to join his business?”

“I told him tonight that I would join the firm. I made arrangements with him to begin to work the following Monday. I will still be able to escort you to dinner and the opera on Wednesday. Didn’t you understand me? Even if you will not make up your mind tonight, I will continue to see you and entertain you. I will pursue you until your answer is yes. You have no other suitors?”

Aksinya shook her head.

“You don’t have another lover?”

Aksinya shook her head.

Ernst’s voice softened, “Then there are no others ahead of me. I have no competition.”

“But I have never imagined someone loving me before.”

Ernst shook his head, “Why should a man not love you. You are beautiful and intelligent. Your deportment and social skills are excellent. You enjoy all the past times I enjoy. Why should I not want to share my life with you?”

Aksinya stared out into the darkness and whispered, “This is a temptation to me. It is surely a temptation.” She spoke more loudly, “Did Anatov Aznabaev put you up to this?”

We find out just how clueless about everything Aksinya is.  Aksinya wonders why Ernst would kiss her.  Remember, she thinks she is ugly.  She has resolved herself to this for her entire life.  She can't imagine that any of her other features might make a man desire her, but we realize Aksinya is desirable for many reasons.  She is astounded that Ernst would kiss her, so she asks why.  His answer is just like we expect from Ernst, straightforward: "I love you."  Let me point out that I use a lot of advanced writing techniques in this small exchange.  Just one example is Aksinya's gesture--she touches her lips.  This tells you a lot about her thinking and her wonder at what happened.
 
The main point, however, is Aksinya's response to Ernst: “What will you gain by loving me?”  Remember Natalya's comment before--why does love have to be a contract with you (Aksinya).  Aksinya can't imagine love without some contract or gain.  Ernst offers her love; she wonders what he really wants.  They could go around and around like this forever.  Ernst really can't answer her question.  He mixes love and desire.  That would be a mistake usually, but he is talking to Aksinya.  To Aksinya, love and desire go hand in hand.  Even though she learned from Sister Margarethe that you don't have to have desire to have love--she doesn't fully understand it.  When Ernst asks Aksinya if she loves him, she can only answer truthfully: “I…I don’t know.”
 
Ernst was expecting her to say "yes."  His response shows this.  He is tempting her, and he brings out his next temptation--luxuria.  It is a ring, an engagement ring.  This is something dear to any girl and especially dear to Aksinya.  She loves luxuria more than anything.  If she had ever thought someone might want to marry her, she might have thought marriage desirable.  This is completely ironic, because Ernst is willing to give Aksinya luxuria to prove his love, then she accepts him as being absolutely serious.
 
Ernst adds another temptation to her.  It was drug out by Aksinya's question.  Ernst has bowed to his father's desires and will go to work for him.  He will join the family business.  Aksinya drove Ernst to this.  Ernst has changed entirely for Aksinya.  Can you guess the joy of Ernst's father.  Ernst will become a dour Ernst for Aksinya.  These are not cast off statements.  The power of the change from the happy-go-lucky Ernst to the serious Ernst is an amazing change, and it is all due to the thoughtless statements of Aksinya. 
 
Remember during the Opera of Mozart's Magic Flute, Aksinya's taunting of Ernst about her other suitor.  Ernst wants to make certain.  He asks about other suitors.  He asks about other lovers.  Notice, Aksinya doesn't really answer. She only shakes her head.  We know there is a problem that stands in the way and that problem is a demon who has made a claim on Aksinya.  I won't tell you now, but what do you think in terms of the demon's claim.  Ernst draws the wrong conclusion, and Aksinya lets him do it.  There is a small problem between them and that is Asmodeus.  Aksinya doesn't love Ernst, but she wants Ernst.  She can't answer truthfully about the demon.  She doesn't want to drive Ernst away. 
 
Look at her response: “But I have never imagined someone loving me before.” This statement is the absolute truth.  In Aksinya's mind, no one really ever loved her (not even Natalya), but she obvoiusly doesn't understand love.  Then from Ernst's heartfelt response about why someone might love Aksinya, we get her realization: “This is a temptation to me. It is surely a temptation.” Everything is a temptation for her.  Everything is a carefully orchestrated temptation.  We should never forget this and Aksinya should never forget this.  Still, we want everything to be a French comedy and not a Russian tragedy.  Aksinya wants to imagine her life is her own and not plyable clay in the hands of a demon.  She asks the most important question yet: “Did Anatov Aznabaev put you up to this?”  Tomorrow, Ernst answers this question and we learn more about what has been going on around Aksinya.

A New Novel, Part 157 You Should Slap Him

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.


Aksinya and Ernst are having a wonderful and somewhat candid conversation about what he loves and she... 
Aksinya mumbled, “Ha, you know nothing about me.”


“But I do know a lot about you now. Everything I know, I love.” Ernst pulled Aksinya closer to him, “Listen to me Aksinya. I want you to be mine.”

She trembled and tried to pull away, “What do you mean by that?”

“I want you to marry me.” He pulled her close again and put his lips on hers. Aksinya allowed him to kiss her. She sunk into his embrace. They stood there for what seemed like to Aksinya for a long time. Slowly he let her go, and she settled back with her feet solidly on the ground.

Natalya rushed from the other room. She grabbed Aksinya by the arm and tried to pull her away from Ernst, “Get back Ernst von Taaffe. I know impropriety when I see it. That was much too forward. Let her go.” She punched at the young man.

Ernst let go of Aksinya’s hands, and she fell back a step. She stared at Ernst with dawning realization, “You…you kissed me.”

“Mistress, you should have slapped him. Otherwise, he will be encouraged…”

Aksinya closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, “No, Natalya. I wish to speak with him further.”

“I will stand right here between you.”

“No,” Akisnya’s voice softened, “No, please, Lady Natalya. Just let me speak with him a moment more. I shall stand away from him, and he shall not touch me again.”

“Only if he promises...”

Ernst growled, “I will promise for now.”

Aksinya pleaded, “You see, Lady Natalya, he promised. Allow me to speak to him for a little longer after that you and I will retire for the evening.”

Natalya scowled at Ernst. She glanced at Aksinya from the sides of her eyes, “Very well, mistress. But he must stand on one side of the room and you on the other. I shall be watching.” She pointed at Ernst, “If you make a single move toward her, sir, I shall scream for her aunt and uncle and tell them everything.”

Ernst moved to the end of the enclosed balcony, “Lady Natalya, you need not fear. I will not attempt to molest your mistress again.”

Natalya glanced at Aksinya. Aksinya hastily moved to the other end of the balcony. They waited for Natalya to return to her seat.

Ernst declares his love...again.  He did before and Aksinya blew it off.  Now we know why.  She didn't believe him.  She thought it was all a joke.  She thought it was a lie...wait, Ernst was lying.  Aksinya is confused.  She doesn't know what to believe or what to trust.  Does Ernst really love her?  She thinks she is unlovable.  She thinks she is ugly and unwomanly.  Could Ernst really love a woman like her?
 
Ernst throws down another bet on the table: "I want you to be mine."  Aksinya doesn't know what he means.  She isn't stupid; she just can't process the information.  Ernst makes it clearer and ups the annie.  He should have been so straightforward to begin with.  He wants to marry her, and to seal his point, he kisses her.
 
We realize this is not the usual Ernst we have come to know and love.  This is very forthright for Ernst.  The last two times we saw him this straightforward were, when he approached Aksinya at the Advent party and when he pushed past Sister Margarethe at the door to the house.  We know he did both at the encouragement of Asmodeus.  We guess that Ernst really does want to marry Aksinya, but his action to kiss her catches us and Aksinya by surprise.
 
Aksinya like this kind of attention.  Didn't we go through this before.  The demon wanted to tempt Aksinya with real sex.  This is an intimacy that will surely tempt Aksinya.  I use some fun techniques to show you how the kiss affected her.
 
Natalya acts a proper chaperone, but her actions seem a little too intense.  She seems a little too ready to protect her mistress.  Didn't she prepare Aksinya like a bouquet for Ernst.  Didn't she pick the wonderful and beautiful dress to present Aksinya to Ernst tonight.  Ernst's action was obviously out of line for the times.  Natalya's very fervent response (as opposed to Aksinya's) shows just how far Ernst went over the line.  But surely there is more...Natalya knew what was going on--she more than Aksinya.  We will find out more about her reaction...soon, but for now, you might contemplate why Natalya's actions are what they are.
 
Aksinya is amazed more than surprised.  Nothing else that Ernst could have done would have made such an impression on her.  Natalya advises a slap--Aksinya wants to talk to him more.  Natalya's response is right on in some ways and a little too much in others.  As the chaperone, she should keep the two from untoward behaviour, but she shouldn't prevent all interaction.  Her purpose is to prevent certain things, but speaking and even limited appropriate touching is not some of them.  Still she is technically correct in what she requests.
 
Ernst and Aksinya have had a taste of the physical.  Ernst will control himself.  He doesn't like it.  Aksinya will control herself--she doesn't like it.  Aksinya promises to retire with Natalya after they speak.  Natalya threatens to scream for Aksinya's aunt and uncle.  Now, we know how far that might go.  Aksinya's aunt, uncle, and Ernst's father have gone to great lengths to get these two lovebirds together like this.  They wouldn't condone physical interaction, but they wouldn't want to do anything to prevent Ernst and Aksinya from speaking and wooing.
 
Ernst and Aksinya accomodate Natalya--they move to either end of the enclosed balcony.  Can you see them move--especially Aksinya's haste.  They wait for Natalya to sit.  Tomorrow, the rest of the conversation.

A New Novel, Part 156 It is not the Sorcery

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Aksinya and Ernst are dancing at his father's New Years party.  Their conversation is very personal.  Ernst suggests they go to a more private location...

“Come, we will converse in private.”

Aksinya pressed her lips together again, “Not without my chaperone.”

Ernst glanced at her. He hesitated a moment, “Very well.” He led Aksinya to where Natalya sat. Aksinya made a sign to Natalya. Ernst held to Aksinya’s fingers on his arm and took her back toward the parlor. He led her through the room and to the entrance to a smaller sunroom on the other side. The music from the ballroom still sifted to them. He touched the back of a chair and glanced at Natalya, “I wish to speak privately with the Countess. Would you sit here by the door? You can still observe us though the opening.”

Natalya glanced at Aksinya. Aksinya nodded to her. Natalya sat in the chair, and Ernst led Aksinya to the end of the sunroom. The small room was like an enclosed balcony. The outer wall was glass and overlooked a courtyard within the interior of the building. A low stone wall stood at the end as though the balcony had once been open, but the glass had been added later. He rested against the edge and held Aksinya’s hands. She pulled her hands from his and leaned on the top of the wall. The top was unfinished stone with some crumbling mortar in between. She picked at the loose pieces of it, “What did you wish to say to me that you couldn’t say in the ballroom?”

“The reason I am so interested in you.”

Aksinya toyed with the mortar, “I was about to tell you… you are interested only because of the sorcery. I understand that.”

He stared out at the darkened courtyard, “It isn’t the sorcery.”

Aksinya picked at the mortar a little more fiercely, “It has always been about the sorcery.”

“Why are you trying to tell me how I feel about you?”

“It is obvious. It is because of the sorcery. Isn’t that what you told me before?”

Ernst grabbed her hands and made her look at him, “It is obvious that I love you.”

Aksinya tried to pull her hands out of his and turned her face away, “It is obvious because of the sorcery. Don’t bring in such ideas as love.”

“I’m telling you, Aksinya. It isn’t the sorcery. I love you.”

“You…you used my name.”

“Sorry, I’m telling you, it isn’t the sorcery. It never was the sorcery. That was just an excuse I used to get close to you.”

“You said you were trying to accomplish sorcery, and you wanted me to teach you.”

“I lied.”

“You said my courtier told you about me.”

“I heard about you from your uncle. He pointed me to your courtier. I don’t know why the subject of sorcery came up with him. I have been studying it. I have been completely unsuccessful. I know I can’t really do it. It requires a faith in the world I don’t have.”

“So you took my book just to get me to go to the ballet with you.”

“Your courtier said there was no other way to convince you. I wanted to get to know you. You are an astonishing person. In my mind, you are a perfect woman.”

Aksinya mumbled, “Ha, you know nothing about me.”

“But I do know a lot about you now. Everything I know, I love.”

The private conversation...this is the kind of event a chaperone isn't supposed to prevent, but must keep in check.  Aksinya shows wisdom here.  The Lady Natalya comes along--we knew she would.  If you haven't guessed it already, the entire party was put together to support this very event. 

Ernst leads Aksinya to an enclosed balcony--how romantic.  Natalya can observe them through the opening.

I give you a detailed description of the place--this is important.  I won't build too much here about the meaning behind the details, but you can see for yourself the metaphors I set in place.  Aksinya will not hold Ernst's hands.  She rests her hands on the top and plays with the rotten mortar between the stones--there is an intentional metaphor here.  She asks the obvious question: “What did you wish to say to me that you couldn’t say in the ballroom?” If you remember, it wasn't what Ernst was going to say--it was what Aksinya was about to say.  Ernst gets it.  He wants to tell her: “The reason I am so interested in you.”

Now Aksinya tells us what she thinks about everything that has been going on with Ernst.  This is very important, but it is not new information.  We knew it from the beginning: "...you are interested only because of the sorcery. I understand that.”  This was the reason Ernst gave from the beginning.  This was the idea that held Aksinya back.  This is why she kept asking for the books.

Ernst's answer: “It isn’t the sorcery.” Doesn't surprise her, she just thinks it is a lie.  Ernst is becoming angry with her.  I don't tell you this, his words show you this.  Aksinya calls him on his statements, and he answers her straightforwardly.  He says he loves her, but she still doesn't believe it.  Aksinya can't imagine that someone would love her.  Love is a strange thing to Aksinya.  We aren't certain she understands what love really is at all.  Then...Ernst uses Aksinya's name.  That is a real faux pas, and very intimate, but he thinks, perhaps that will shock her into believing him.  It shocks her, but doesn't work much--at least she listens to him. 

We get an explanation from Ernst about some of the events that made him seek out Aksinya.  We find that most of what he told her before was a lie.  It was a lie he used to get close to her, but a lie none-the-less.  And Ernst admits he lied.  We discover the details of Ernst's interaction with the Freiherr and with Asmodeus.

Still, everything Ernst tells us, we knew already.  We realized he loves Aksinya.  We realized he stole her book to get her to go out with him.  He thinks she is special and perfect.  We know all this is temptation--temptation for Ernst and temptation for Aksinya.  The kicker here is Ernst's confession (again): “But I do know a lot about you now. Everything I know, I love.”  Alas, he doesn't know much at all.

Ah, love.  Aksinya is wary.  Natalya is wary.  Aksinya should be.  Natalya knows.  Tomorrow, more of the lovebirds conversation on the enclosed balcony.