For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.
When Ernst took Aksinya to the Opera the night before, Natalya helped get Aksinya drunk to the point that she couldn't stand. Aksinya wakes in the morning...
Ernst didn’t kiss Aksinya that evening, at least she had no recollection that he kissed her. She wished he had. She didn’t remember much at all. In the morning, she woke with a splitting headache. A strange whiff of incense and sulfur touched her nose. Someone was opening the shutters of her windows. Aksinya didn’t open her eyes, “Don’t let the sun in Nata. I’ve told you so many times.”
“I’m not the Lady Natalya,” came Sister Margarethe’s voice.
Aksinya jerked to a sitting position and was overcome with dizziness. Her head ached. She held her head in her hands and fought down the nausea that enveloped her. Finally, between clenched teeth, she forced, “Where’s Nata? Where is she?”
Sister Margarethe sat on the side of the bed, “I have no idea. I assumed you sent her on an errand last night. She asked me to take care of you last evening, and she said I was to wake you in the morning.”
“You’ve seen her this morning?”
“No. She last spoke to me when Herr von Taaffe brought you home drunk again.”
Aksinya’s eyes widened, “Where is she? We must find her.”
“I’m certain she is fine. She seemed to be off on something important.”
“She can’t be fine. She can’t be. Why are you speaking so nonchalantly about this?”
“Let me help you with your bath. I’ve already drawn it for you.”
Aksinya was suddenly listless. She allowed Sister Margarethe to pull her out of bed and remove her nightgown. The nun helped her into the bath, “I’ll bring your morning tea and breakfast in a moment.”
Aksinya sat in the warm tub with her hands clasped together. She heard her sitting room door open and close. She couldn’t remember a waking moment when Nata was not at her side. This seemed too strange to her. Aksinya stared at her hands. Her eyes opened wide, the faint line of new scar crossed the many others on her left hand. She couldn’t imagine how it could have happened. She hadn’t done that kind of magic in a while. Finally, the sitting room door opened again. She heard Sister Margarethe as she directed the novices. The door shut again, and Sister Margarethe stepped into the bathroom, “Are you ready to get out, Countess?”
Aksinya nodded.
Sister Margarethe helped her out of the tub and dried her. She put a dressing gown around Aksinya’s shoulders, and led her into the sitting room. Sister Margarethe poured the tea and served Aksinya breakfast. That’s when Aksinya finally caught a whiff of it. Aksinya lifted her head and enunciated a couple of Latin words. She hadn’t practiced any sorcery in a while. The crucifix between her breasts heated immediately, but Aksinya knew it then. Sister Margarethe had been touched with sorcery. Her room had a definite scent of incense and under that, the sink of sulfur. Aksinya understood there could only be one source for it—it had to be that cursed demon, Asmodeus.
She didn’t know what to do. She had no idea where Natalya had gone. She wasn’t certain she could get anyone to help her. Sister Margarethe was convinced that Natalya had just gone out on an errand. Aksinya couldn’t appeal to her or to anyone in this world except… She began to pray. She wasn’t certain it would do any good, but she reasoned prayer couldn’t hurt. If Natalya didn’t return soon, Aksinya would call the demon that evening and demand that he come to her—explain everything to her.
In the morning, when Aksinya wakes, Sister Margarethe and not Natalya is in her bedroom. With this short interaction, I give you an interesting view of Natalya and Aksinya's existence together. In the morning, we know Natalya wakes Aksinya. Natalya likes to open the shutters, Aksinya doesn't want so much sunlight in the morning. We could have guessed this about Aksinya's personality, but it is fun for me to confirm your thoughts. This is one of those little reminders of the characters' personalities. These are not throw-away details, but continue to round out the characters and their personalities.
Natalya is missing. Aksinya has a terrible hangover, but her first thought is of Natalya. I don't want you to miss the incense and sulfur smell in Aksinya's bedroom. This we know indicates the demon has been recently in the room. The incense means...I'll get to that eventually. If you have read this novel from the beginning, you might be able to guess. You'll get more hints later.
Where is Natalya? Sister Margarethe assumed Aksinya sent her on an errand last night. Sister Margarethe spoke to Natalya, and Natalya left instructions for the sister. This seems well planned. Aksinya asks if the Sister has seen Natalya this morning--the Sister saw Natalya last night. The Sister gets a small dig in about Aksinya coming home drunk with Herr von Taaffe.
Aksinya knows that Natalya's disappearance is a very big deal. I don't tell you how distraught Aksinya is, I show you. Sister Margarethe tries to soothe and placate Aksinya, and I show you how the Sister sounds to Aksinya--nonchalant. She does sound nonchalant and this is unusual for Sister Margarethe. She is not as worried about Natalya. She never has shown much attention to Natalya--the Sister sees Natalya as a rival, but Sister Margarethe is always concerned about Aksinya. What bothers Aksinya should bother Sister Margarethe.
I don't show you Aksinya's thoughts here. I show you her reaction. It suddenly dawns on Aksinya, the sulfur, the missing Natalya, the nonchalant Sister Margarethe, the demon has had a hand in Natalya's disappearance. That is why Aksinya becomes listless--she knows she can do nothing to find or help Natalya.
The bath has been a place for revelations before in this novel. It is a symbol for revelations in this book. I chose it intentionally. The subject matter fits it, but the bath is an obvious metaphor for baptism. Initially, the demon prepared a bath for Aksinya. He metaphorically baptised her. That bath included great revelations about Aksinya. Natalya prepared the next bath for Aksinya, and Natalya participated in a bath using the same water after Aksinya. These were revelations about Aksinya and Natalya. Now, Sister Margarethe prepares a bath for Aksinya...
In the bath, Aksinya thinks about Natalya. Aksinya's hands are clasped together. It is strange that Aksinya should realize she can't remember a time when Natalya was not with her. Aksinya notes a new scar on her left hand--we know what that means. Aksinya cast a successful great sorcery last night--do you remember the scent of incense. This was the hint before that foreshadows this revelation now. Aksinya made a great enchantment and has no memory of it at all.
As Sister Margarethe pours tea for Aksinya's breakfast, Aksinya detects a whiff of sorcery on the Sister. I mentioned this more than once that Ernst could detect the smell of sorcery. Aksinya knows it too well. Aksinya puts all this together for us. Asmodeus has somehow affected Aksinya and Sister Margarehte, and Natalya is missing.
Aksinya has not given up hope, but she knows she can't fight the demon directly. No one, she believe, in the physical world can help her. She prays and isn't certain if prayer will help either. She will confront the demon over Natalya. She is driven to this. She will face anything for her friend, but note Aksinya's despondency--she realizes there is little she can do. Tomorrow, Natalya returns?
Showing posts with label hangover. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hangover. Show all posts
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
A New Novel, Part 148 To Me Love is Desire
For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.
Ernst took Aksinya to dinner and the opera. Aksinya is depressed and suffering from her temptation that Ernst supplies. She was drunk and spoke a truth he could not fully understand. In the morning, Natalya and Sister Margarethe force Aksinya to face the world...
In the morning, Sister Margarethe and Natalya would not allow Aksinya to sleep late. They woke her and poured strong coffee down her and dressed her. With one on the left and the other on her right, they half carried her to chapel where she lost the coffee and breakfast they had fed her. They both took her to the dining room and served her tea and a half a roll. Aksinya slept through her classes. She and Natalya finally arrived at dinner. Aksinya did not look very well. She ate listlessly.
Fraulein Trauen couldn’t remain quiet, “Well Countess, how was your evening? Did you drink too much again?”
Aksinya played with her soup, “I was provoked.”
“Provoked?”
Natalya didn’t look up from her bowl, “Herr von Taaffe declared his undying love to her and announced his challenge against any other suitor.”
The women around the table stared at her. Fraulein Trauen swallowed.
Fraulein Pfaff sighed, “Right in the middle of the opera? How romantic.”
Natalya nodded, “At intermission.”
Fraulein Pfaff stretched her arms toward Natalya, “How did she accept it…?” She immediately thought better of her address. She turned toward Aksinya, “Did you accept his love, Countess?”
Aksinya rolled her eyes and gave Fraulein Pfaff a disdainful scowl. No one spoke. Finally, Aksinya stated in unequivocal terms, “I took Ernst’s confession under advisement. For now, I will allow him to continue to court me.”
Fraulein Pfaff’s mouth hung open, “Do you love him?”
Aksinya ran her fingers through her short hair, “Love him? I’m not certain I desire him.”
Fraulein Trauen cried out, “What a shameful thing to say. To desire him? What are you thinking?”
Aksinya pushed her soup out of the way and lay her head at her place. She plucked at the tablecloth, “What would I want with a man. I have everything I need right now. The only reason I would want one is to satisfy my desires.”
Fraulein Trauen’s ears reddened. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times finally, she choked out, “There is certainly much more to a man than to satisfy your desires. No proper woman should have any desires at all.” Fraulein Trauen glanced around, “At least that’s what my mother says.”
Aksinya glanced up at her, “Your mother is a fool and so are you. The purpose of men is to fulfill a woman’s desires. That is the only reason I would have one, and Ernst von Taaffe must prove his willingness to meet my needs before I will consider anything else.”
Fraulein Pfaff asked, “Is that what love means to you?”
Aksinya smiled. She sat up so the fish course could be placed in front of her. When they were served, Aksinya picked at the small piece of salmon on her plate and answered, “Yes, truthfully, that is love to me. A man should meet my needs and desires—to me that is love. What else could love be?”
Fraulein Pfaff surveyed the table. Fraulein Trauen wouldn’t meet her eyes. Fraulein Vogt stared at her plate. Natalya’s gaze was steady, but she remained silent. Only Aksinya would look directly at Fraulein Pfaff, and Aksinya’s opinion was the last one she wanted to hear. Finally Fraulein Pfaff asked, “How would you love a man then?”
Aksinya smiled a very broad smile, “I would meet his every need and desire myself.”
Fraulein Trauen’s hands moved up to her mouth, “You don’t mean every desire, even those…”
Aksinya grinned, “Even those. That’s what I’d expect from him.”
The nun at the table finally took notice of the women in her charge. She raised her head in time to catch Aksinya with a very smug look on her face, Natalya with a bored look, and the others with their hands over their mouths.
Aksinya’s appetite improved considerably, but the conversation at the table didn’t continue at all that evening.
The morning events for Aksinya are a transition. I want you to see the repetition of her worst days because I don't want you to forget who she is. Luckily, Aksinya has Natalya and Sister Margarethe to pick up the pieces for her. Again we arrive at dinner, where I have an opportunity to give you more information through the mouths of the characters--plus these conversations are always fun. Aren't they?
This evening Fraulein Trauen has the courage to speak up first. Aksinya must look defenseless or at least ill. It is obvious that Aksinya drank too much. The girls likely note that when they see her. It ruffles their mores, but they are usually cautious of their criticism. Note, even Fraulein Trauen speaks around the issue. Aksinya gives an answer that is surprising. She said she was provoked. This is half true and half a lie. Ernst didn't intentionally provoke Aksinya, but the entire situation did provoke her. The touch of Asmodeus was all over it. This is what Aksinya means, but she can't say that out loud. Did you notice, I like to develop situations where as much is said as left unspoken? In my opinion, this is just like real life.
Instead, Natalya answers for Aksinya, and even Natalya's reply is a boiled down rendition of the most flattering statement of the evening. In case you missed it in the excitement, Ernst declared his undying love to Aksinya and promised to fight off any other suitor. Natalya didn't miss this very important point. I didn't want you to miss it either--that's why I repeat it here. The response of the other women around the table tells you how big a deal this is in this culture. They have seen the progression of Ernst's relationship with Aksinya. It is like a fairy tale to them. The wicked witch is about to make an appearance.
Natalya gives a few more details, but then the important question is voiced by Fraulein Pfaff. We know the answer: Aksinya got drunk and had a wonderful one sided argument with Ernst. This obviously can't be said. Plus, look at the writing technique in Fraulein Pfaff's question. She begins by addressing Natalya--the wrong thing to do. Something, likely Aksinya's appearance, makes her change her address and question to Aksinya.
Aksinya's answer to the question is typical of her. We could have guessed this. Fraulein Pfaff's next question is ours too. Does Aksinya love Ernst? This was the wrong question to ask Aksinya. Look, if you haven't figured it out already, Aksinya is a really screwed up young woman. It is unlikely that she understands anything about love at all. Aksinya loves luxuria and sorcery. People are out of her concept of love. We aren't certain she loved her family although she gave up everything (except her life) for them. The except her life part is important.
To Aksinya at this point, love equals desire. She desires luxuria. She desires sorcery. She desires herself. These are love to her. But love comes in many colors. You might ask yourself just how Aksinya loves Natalya. Aksinya might not be able to answer that question.
You can count on Fraulein Trauen (Trauen means marriage in German, by the way), to bring the conversation into a moral sphere. I want you to see this because it was the social and cultural view at the time. Not every woman thought this way or held to this view, but it was very common. To many, desire itself was considered evil or at least a temptation.
Aksinya's answer reflects her view of the world. She has everything she needs right now. The only reason she would want a man is to satisfy her desires. We have seen how Aksinya satisfies her desires, by herself. Asmodeus tried to get her to seduce Sister Margarethe to awaken Aksinya's desire for sex. That hasn't happened yet, but there is an inkling here. She does not love Ernst, but she is contemplating using him to satisfy her other desires.
Fraulien Trauen's response is exactly what I was referring to before--the view of the culture about a woman's desire. Aksinya has another view entirely. She is a countess and an aristocrat. You might also wonder about her upbringing. Her statement is scandalous. She is testing Ernst to see if he meets her requirements (desires). So far, Ernst has done so--he has provided her luxuria. What he has held back is the sorcery books Aksinya desires. Did you forget about the books and this part of Aksinya's desire. She hasn't.
Fraulein Pfaff is our little romance infatuated woman--you knew that. She can't believe her ears--is that love to Aksinya? Aksinya's answer is straightforward. She caps it with: "What else could love be?”
They can't answer her question. Can you? Aksinya just blew all their notions about men and love out of the water. Fraulein Pfaff's half hearted question is important to all of them: “How would you love a man then?” The response to Aksinya's answer shocks them. This is only logical, if love to her is desire then the love from a man is one of desire. The response of the young women is very important here. Look at Natalya--she is bored. Aksinya has won, at least philosophically. The others are shocked--you just don't say these things in polite society. The sister at the table finally catches a piece of the conversation, but she can't correct a countess. Thus Aksinya brought temptation to those around her. She confounded the innocent ideas of her schoolmates. She is definitely not a good example. She is not a good girl or person. Her actions bring her happiness and others unhappiness. You should understand what this means. She has gone from winning the conversations with grace and levity to shocking the sensibilities of others, and this is the end of chapter 12. The kicker is a gentle one. It has importance in the broad scheme of the novel. The answer to the question of what is love is an important one in the theme, but you knew that. Tomorrow, the beginning of chapter 13.
Ernst took Aksinya to dinner and the opera. Aksinya is depressed and suffering from her temptation that Ernst supplies. She was drunk and spoke a truth he could not fully understand. In the morning, Natalya and Sister Margarethe force Aksinya to face the world...
In the morning, Sister Margarethe and Natalya would not allow Aksinya to sleep late. They woke her and poured strong coffee down her and dressed her. With one on the left and the other on her right, they half carried her to chapel where she lost the coffee and breakfast they had fed her. They both took her to the dining room and served her tea and a half a roll. Aksinya slept through her classes. She and Natalya finally arrived at dinner. Aksinya did not look very well. She ate listlessly.
Fraulein Trauen couldn’t remain quiet, “Well Countess, how was your evening? Did you drink too much again?”
Aksinya played with her soup, “I was provoked.”
“Provoked?”
Natalya didn’t look up from her bowl, “Herr von Taaffe declared his undying love to her and announced his challenge against any other suitor.”
The women around the table stared at her. Fraulein Trauen swallowed.
Fraulein Pfaff sighed, “Right in the middle of the opera? How romantic.”
Natalya nodded, “At intermission.”
Fraulein Pfaff stretched her arms toward Natalya, “How did she accept it…?” She immediately thought better of her address. She turned toward Aksinya, “Did you accept his love, Countess?”
Aksinya rolled her eyes and gave Fraulein Pfaff a disdainful scowl. No one spoke. Finally, Aksinya stated in unequivocal terms, “I took Ernst’s confession under advisement. For now, I will allow him to continue to court me.”
Fraulein Pfaff’s mouth hung open, “Do you love him?”
Aksinya ran her fingers through her short hair, “Love him? I’m not certain I desire him.”
Fraulein Trauen cried out, “What a shameful thing to say. To desire him? What are you thinking?”
Aksinya pushed her soup out of the way and lay her head at her place. She plucked at the tablecloth, “What would I want with a man. I have everything I need right now. The only reason I would want one is to satisfy my desires.”
Fraulein Trauen’s ears reddened. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times finally, she choked out, “There is certainly much more to a man than to satisfy your desires. No proper woman should have any desires at all.” Fraulein Trauen glanced around, “At least that’s what my mother says.”
Aksinya glanced up at her, “Your mother is a fool and so are you. The purpose of men is to fulfill a woman’s desires. That is the only reason I would have one, and Ernst von Taaffe must prove his willingness to meet my needs before I will consider anything else.”
Fraulein Pfaff asked, “Is that what love means to you?”
Aksinya smiled. She sat up so the fish course could be placed in front of her. When they were served, Aksinya picked at the small piece of salmon on her plate and answered, “Yes, truthfully, that is love to me. A man should meet my needs and desires—to me that is love. What else could love be?”
Fraulein Pfaff surveyed the table. Fraulein Trauen wouldn’t meet her eyes. Fraulein Vogt stared at her plate. Natalya’s gaze was steady, but she remained silent. Only Aksinya would look directly at Fraulein Pfaff, and Aksinya’s opinion was the last one she wanted to hear. Finally Fraulein Pfaff asked, “How would you love a man then?”
Aksinya smiled a very broad smile, “I would meet his every need and desire myself.”
Fraulein Trauen’s hands moved up to her mouth, “You don’t mean every desire, even those…”
Aksinya grinned, “Even those. That’s what I’d expect from him.”
The nun at the table finally took notice of the women in her charge. She raised her head in time to catch Aksinya with a very smug look on her face, Natalya with a bored look, and the others with their hands over their mouths.
Aksinya’s appetite improved considerably, but the conversation at the table didn’t continue at all that evening.
The morning events for Aksinya are a transition. I want you to see the repetition of her worst days because I don't want you to forget who she is. Luckily, Aksinya has Natalya and Sister Margarethe to pick up the pieces for her. Again we arrive at dinner, where I have an opportunity to give you more information through the mouths of the characters--plus these conversations are always fun. Aren't they?
This evening Fraulein Trauen has the courage to speak up first. Aksinya must look defenseless or at least ill. It is obvious that Aksinya drank too much. The girls likely note that when they see her. It ruffles their mores, but they are usually cautious of their criticism. Note, even Fraulein Trauen speaks around the issue. Aksinya gives an answer that is surprising. She said she was provoked. This is half true and half a lie. Ernst didn't intentionally provoke Aksinya, but the entire situation did provoke her. The touch of Asmodeus was all over it. This is what Aksinya means, but she can't say that out loud. Did you notice, I like to develop situations where as much is said as left unspoken? In my opinion, this is just like real life.
Instead, Natalya answers for Aksinya, and even Natalya's reply is a boiled down rendition of the most flattering statement of the evening. In case you missed it in the excitement, Ernst declared his undying love to Aksinya and promised to fight off any other suitor. Natalya didn't miss this very important point. I didn't want you to miss it either--that's why I repeat it here. The response of the other women around the table tells you how big a deal this is in this culture. They have seen the progression of Ernst's relationship with Aksinya. It is like a fairy tale to them. The wicked witch is about to make an appearance.
Natalya gives a few more details, but then the important question is voiced by Fraulein Pfaff. We know the answer: Aksinya got drunk and had a wonderful one sided argument with Ernst. This obviously can't be said. Plus, look at the writing technique in Fraulein Pfaff's question. She begins by addressing Natalya--the wrong thing to do. Something, likely Aksinya's appearance, makes her change her address and question to Aksinya.
Aksinya's answer to the question is typical of her. We could have guessed this. Fraulein Pfaff's next question is ours too. Does Aksinya love Ernst? This was the wrong question to ask Aksinya. Look, if you haven't figured it out already, Aksinya is a really screwed up young woman. It is unlikely that she understands anything about love at all. Aksinya loves luxuria and sorcery. People are out of her concept of love. We aren't certain she loved her family although she gave up everything (except her life) for them. The except her life part is important.
To Aksinya at this point, love equals desire. She desires luxuria. She desires sorcery. She desires herself. These are love to her. But love comes in many colors. You might ask yourself just how Aksinya loves Natalya. Aksinya might not be able to answer that question.
You can count on Fraulein Trauen (Trauen means marriage in German, by the way), to bring the conversation into a moral sphere. I want you to see this because it was the social and cultural view at the time. Not every woman thought this way or held to this view, but it was very common. To many, desire itself was considered evil or at least a temptation.
Aksinya's answer reflects her view of the world. She has everything she needs right now. The only reason she would want a man is to satisfy her desires. We have seen how Aksinya satisfies her desires, by herself. Asmodeus tried to get her to seduce Sister Margarethe to awaken Aksinya's desire for sex. That hasn't happened yet, but there is an inkling here. She does not love Ernst, but she is contemplating using him to satisfy her other desires.
Fraulien Trauen's response is exactly what I was referring to before--the view of the culture about a woman's desire. Aksinya has another view entirely. She is a countess and an aristocrat. You might also wonder about her upbringing. Her statement is scandalous. She is testing Ernst to see if he meets her requirements (desires). So far, Ernst has done so--he has provided her luxuria. What he has held back is the sorcery books Aksinya desires. Did you forget about the books and this part of Aksinya's desire. She hasn't.
Fraulein Pfaff is our little romance infatuated woman--you knew that. She can't believe her ears--is that love to Aksinya? Aksinya's answer is straightforward. She caps it with: "What else could love be?”
They can't answer her question. Can you? Aksinya just blew all their notions about men and love out of the water. Fraulein Pfaff's half hearted question is important to all of them: “How would you love a man then?” The response to Aksinya's answer shocks them. This is only logical, if love to her is desire then the love from a man is one of desire. The response of the young women is very important here. Look at Natalya--she is bored. Aksinya has won, at least philosophically. The others are shocked--you just don't say these things in polite society. The sister at the table finally catches a piece of the conversation, but she can't correct a countess. Thus Aksinya brought temptation to those around her. She confounded the innocent ideas of her schoolmates. She is definitely not a good example. She is not a good girl or person. Her actions bring her happiness and others unhappiness. You should understand what this means. She has gone from winning the conversations with grace and levity to shocking the sensibilities of others, and this is the end of chapter 12. The kicker is a gentle one. It has importance in the broad scheme of the novel. The answer to the question of what is love is an important one in the theme, but you knew that. Tomorrow, the beginning of chapter 13.
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