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Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Writing - part xxx194 Writing a Novel, A New Romantic Protagonist, Paragraphs Topics in Scenes, Editing Dialog, Vulgarity in Depictions

10 January 2023, Writing - part xxx194 Writing a Novel, A New Romantic Protagonist, Paragraphs Topics in Scenes, Editing Dialog, Vulgarity in Depictions

Announcement: Delay, my new novels can be seen on the internet, but my primary publisher has gone out of business—they couldn’t succeed in the past business and publishing environment.  I’ll keep you informed, but I need a new publisher.  More information can be found at www.ancientlight.com.  Check out my novels—I think you’ll really enjoy them.

Introduction: I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon. This was my 21st novel and through this blog, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing. In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel beginning with http://www.pilotlion.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-novel-part-3-girl-and-demon.html.

I’m using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I’ll keep you informed along the way.

Today’s Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my writing websites http://www.sisteroflight.com/.

The four plus one basic rules I employ when writing:

1. Don’t confuse your readers.

2. Entertain your readers.

3. Ground your readers in the writing.

4. Don’t show (or tell) everything.

     4a. Show what can be seen, heard, felt, smelled, and tasted on the stage of the novel.

5. Immerse yourself in the world of your writing.

These are the steps I use to write a novel including the five discrete parts of a novel:

 

1.     Design the initial scene

2.     Develop a theme statement (initial setting, protagonist, protagonist’s helper or antagonist, action statement)

a.      Research as required

b.     Develop the initial setting

c.      Develop the characters

d.     Identify the telic flaw (internal and external)

3.     Write the initial scene (identify the output: implied setting, implied characters, implied action movement)

4.     Write the next scene(s) to the climax (rising action)

5.     Write the climax scene

6.     Write the falling action scene(s)

7.     Write the dénouement scene

I finished writing my 30th novel, working title, Rose, potential title Rose: Enchantment and the Flower.  The theme statement is: Shiggy Tash finds a lost girl in the isolated Scottish safe house her organization gives her for her latest assignment: Rose Craigie has nothing, is alone, and needs someone or something to rescue and acknowledge her as a human being.  

Here is the cover proposal for Rose: Enchantment and the Flower




Cover Proposal

The most important scene in any novel is the initial scene, but eventually, you have to move to the rising action. I am continuing to write on my 30th novel, working title Red Sonja.  I finished my 29th novel, working title Detective.  Writing number 31, working title Shifter.  I just finished 32nd novel, Rose.

How to begin a novel.  Number one thought, we need an entertaining idea.  I usually encapsulate such an idea with a theme statement.  Since I’m writing a new novel, we need a new theme statement.  Here is an initial cut.

 

For novel 30:  Red Sonja, a Soviet spy, infiltrates the X-plane programs at Edwards AFB as a test pilot’s administrative clerk, learns about freedom, and is redeemed.

 

For novel 31:  Deirdre and Sorcha are redirected to French finishing school where they discover difficult mysteries, people, and events. 

 

For Novel 32:  Shiggy Tash finds a lost girl in the isolated Scottish safe house her organization gives her for her latest assignment: Rose Craigie has nothing, is alone, and needs someone or something to rescue and acknowledge her as a human being.

 

Here is the scene development outline:

 

1. Scene input (comes from the previous scene output or is an initial scene)

2. Write the scene setting (place, time, stuff, and characters)

3. Imagine the output, creative elements, plot, telic flaw resolution (climax) and develop the tension and release.

4. Write the scene using the output and creative elements to build the tension.

5. Write the release

6. Write the kicker

          

Today:  Let me tell you a little about writing.  Writing isn’t so much a hobby, a career, or a pastime.  Writing is a habit and an obsession.  We who love to write love to write. 

 

If you love to write, the problem is gaining the skills to write well.  We want to write well enough to have others enjoy our writing.  This is important.  No one writes just for themselves the idea is absolutely irrational and silly.  I can prove why.

 

In the first place, the purpose of writing is communication—that’s the only purpose.  Writing is the abstract communication of the mind through symbols.  As time goes by, we as writers gain more and better tools and our readers gain more and better appreciation for those tools and skills—even if they have no idea what they are. 

 

We are in the modern era.  In this time, the action and dialog style along with the push of technology forced novels into the form of third person, past tense, action and dialog style, implying the future.  This is the modern style of the novel.  I also showed how the end of literature created the reflected worldview.  We have three possible worldviews for a novel: the real, the reflected, and the created.  I choose to work in the reflected worldview.

 

Why don’t we go back to the basics and just writing a novel?  I can tell you what I do, and show you how I go about putting a novel together.  We can start with developing an idea then move into the details of the writing. 

 

Ideas.  We need ideas.  Ideas allow us to figure out the protagonist and the telic flaw.  Ideas don’t come fully armed from the mind of Zeus.  We need to cultivate ideas. 

 

1.     Read novels. 

2.     Fill your mind with good stuff—basically the stuff you want to write about. 

3.     Figure out what will build ideas in your mind and what will kill ideas in your mind.

4.     Study.

5.     Teach. 

6.     Make the catharsis. 

7.     Write.

 

The development of ideas is based on study and research, but it is also based on creativity.  Creativity is the extrapolation of older ideas to form new ones or to present old ideas in a new form.  It is a reflection of something new created with ties to the history, science, and logic (the intellect).  Creativity requires consuming, thinking, and producing.

 

If we have filled our mind with all kinds of information and ideas, we are ready to become creative.  Creativity means the extrapolation of older ideas to form new ones or to present old ideas in a new form.  Literally, we are seeing the world in a new way, or actually, we are seeing some part of the world in a new way. 

 

The beginning of creativity is study and effort.  We can use this to extrapolate to creativity.  In addition, we need to look at recording ideas and working with ideas.

 

With that said, where should we go?  Should I delve into ideas and creativity again, or should we just move into the novel again?  Should I develop a new protagonist, which, we know, will result in a new novel.  I’ve got an idea, but it went stale.  Let’s look at the outline for a novel again:

 

1.      The initial scene

2.     The rising action scenes

3.     The climax scene

4.     The falling action scene(s)

5.     The dénouement scene(s)

   

The initial scene is the most important scene and part of any novel.  To get to the initial scene, you don’t need a plot, you need a protagonist.

 

Let’s be very clear.  You can start with a plot, a protagonist, an idea, or an idea for an initial scene.  The easiest and most controlled method is to start with a protagonist.  As I’ve written over and over, a protagonist must come with a telic flaw.  I think it is impossible to have a protagonist without a telic flaw, but I suppose you could develop a completely lackluster protagonist without any telic flaw connected to them. 

 

Here is my list for the characteristics of a Romantic protagonist.  I am not very happy with most of the lists I have found.  So, I will start with a classic list from the literature and then translate them to what they really mean.  This is the refined list.  Take a look.

 

1. Some power or ability outside the norm of society that the character develops to resolve the telic flaw.

2. Set of beliefs (morals and ideals) that are different than normal culture or society’s.

3. Courageous

4. Power (skills and abilities) and leadership that are outside of the normal society.

5. Introspective

6. Travel plot

7. Melancholy

8. Overwhelming desire to change and grow—to develop four and one.

9. Pathos developed because the character does not fit the cultural mold.  From the common.

10. Regret when they can’t follow their own moral compass.

11. Self-criticism when they can’t follow their own moral compass.

12. Pathos bearing because he or she is estranged from family or normal society by death, exclusion for some reason, or self-isolation due to three above.

13. From the common and potentially the rural.

14. Love interest

 

Here is the protagonist development list.  We are going to use this list to develop a Romantic protagonist.  With the following outline in mind, we will build a Romantic protagonist.  However, I’m going to ignore the first step.  Instead of starting with an initial scene, I’m just going to design a Romantic protagonist.  Then we may apply the outline to them.

 

1.     Define the initial scene

2.     At the same time as the above—fit a protagonist into the initial scene.  That means the minimum of:

a.      Telic flaw

b.     Approximate age

c.      Approximate social degree

d.     Sex

3.     Refine the protagonist

a.      Physical description

b.     Background – history of the protagonist

                                                  i.     Birth

                                                ii.     Setting

                                              iii.     Life

                                               iv.     Education

                                                v.     Work

                                               vi.     Profession

                                             vii.     Family

c.      Setting – current

                                                  i.     Life

                                                ii.     Setting

                                              iii.     Work

d.     Name

4.     Refine the details of the protagonist

a.      Emotional description (never to be shared directly)

b.     Mental description (never to be shared directly)

c.      Likes and dislikes (never to be shared directly)

5.     Telic flaw resolution

a.      Changes required for the protagonist to resolve the telic flaw

                                                  i.     Physical changes

                                                ii.     Emotional changes

                                              iii.     Mental changes

b.     Alliances required for the protagonist to resolve the telic flaw

c.      Enemies required for the protagonist to resolve the telic flaw

d.     Plots required for the protagonist to resolve the telic flaw

e.      Obstacles that must be overcome for the protagonist to resolve the telic flaw

 

Here’s what I want to do or how I want to place these on a protagonist.  Let’s clean them up a little and begin to evaluate a protagonist.

I’m not ready to write a new novel yet, and I’m too busy to put the extra time to write an initial scene.

 

I’ll repeat.  I just finished up Rose, and I want to finish up Cassandra.  I’m moving in that direction.  For now, I’ll focus on the finishing steps of Rose, and then the marketing development steps.  This might get tedious, but I’ll try to keep it meaningful and helpful.

 

I am into heavy editing for Rose, and I’d like to finish with Cassandra.  I’m using Cassandra as an example for my other blog, so I really do need to catch it up before I run out of material.  In any case, I was going over the basics of real editing.

 

I’ll repeat myself.  If you have a problem with basic grammar, spelling, and punctuation, you might not have the required level of education to write effectively.  If this is true, you need to get more education and of the correct types. 

 

True editing is about language, ideas, and reason.  It’s not just about grammar, spelling, and punctuation.  We’ve moved well away from spelling, punctuation, and grammar.  I’m looking at sentences.

 

Yes, sentences are much more difficult than words.  Look at words.  I just need to ensure they are spelled correctly, are the correct word, are not repeated, and sound right.  Sound right is something we haven’t looked at yet—we shall.  That is an advance editing technique.

 

Sentences are something else entirely.  When we look at sentences, we need to look at word order, word use, grammar, which includes, punctuation, correct verbs, correct number, correct tense, and all.  We have touched on these with the word list. 

 

Word editing is simple compared to sentence editing, but sentence editing may be the most important for cohesiveness, clarity, and understanding.  We really haven’t gotten into logic and reasoning much.  I’ve centered our original editing on the words, and showed you how editing words can be used to help edit sentences. I’m standing by the, but you must get to the more important parts of sentence editing.    

 

Let’s turn sentence editing into logical or reasoned editing, as well as touching on paragraph or multi-sentence editing. 

 

We’ve looked at word editing and then sentence editing.  The next stage is multi-sentence editing.  This specifically means paragraphs.  I’ll bet you didn’t see that coming.  Yes, paragraphs are the next stage of editing, and this is a very important part of editing.

 

Unfortunately, many writers have no idea first how to craft a paragraph, second where to break paragraphs, and third how to use paragraphs.

 

We all know we are supposed to use paragraphs, but many have never been taught how to write a paragraph, break, or use them.  This is a problem of education.  Let me remind you about how to write a paragraph.  Every paragraph has the following form:

Topic sentence

Sentences supporting, arguing, and/or developing the topic

Conclusion or implied completion

Tie to the next paragraph

 

This is how every paragraph should be written except one type—dialog.  In English, we break each statement of dialog by a new speaker into a paragraph break.  That doesn’t mean the dialog statement is a complete paragraph—it’s just the way we break dialog.  Extended dialog can be broken into paragraphs, and each of those should follow the paragraph development form.

 

Pretty simple, yes?  Paragraphs are relatively simple, but they are perhaps the biggest problem for new writers.  The best hope for you is to write a lot.  Look at your paragraph structure.  Make certain your paragraphs connect in some fashion.  Know when to stop and when to start a paragraph. 

 

Next, let’s look at these:

Connecting paragraphs

Breaking paragraphs

Paragraph order

Topics in paragraphs related to scene development

 

I’m leaving this in the paragraph and scene section because that’s exactly where it should be.  Although in English writing, dialog is treated like individual paragraphs, we rarely really look at it that way in scene development.  Yes, we punctuate it that way, and we put it together that way, but we don’t tend to treat it that way.  I’m as guilty as everyone else at that, but I’d like to have us look at dialog and especially the editing of dialog in terms of scenes and paragraphs.

 

We’ll kind of modify our idea of paragraphs in dialog a little—let’s call them ideas or complete thoughts. 

 

When we write and edit dialog, we are seeking to make completed or complete thoughts in the context of the novel and scene.  In other words, the writer wants to make some point, to communicate some idea, or get some information first to the characters and second to the readers.  This is very important.

 

1.     Clarity –

a.      Tags

b.     Action

c.      Character setting

2.     Realism

a.      Less direct attribution or identification

b.     More contractions

c.      More real interaction (correct introductions, etc.)

d.     More showing and not telling

e.      Dump the accents as much as possible

f.      No cutesy stuff

g.     Vulgarity

h.     Complex

 

Dialog may be the most important part of writing, and may also be the most difficult to master.  If you practice, get experience, and study it, you might have some hope.  Then there are the details of the dialog itself.  This is what we will look at next.

 

What is vulgarity?  Vulgarity is the use of vulgar terms (curse words or other offensive language), offensive descriptions (especially of peoples or groups), and gratuitous depictions of human depravity (especially sexual depravity and torture).

 

I think I showed you very conclusively why vulgar language will reduce your audience and how to replace vulgarity with other types of explanations, tags, and actions in dialog.  I also recommend the use of foreign vulgarities in English writing.  As I noted to you, these will usually pass muster with all but the most scrupulous editors.  Keep verbal vulgarity out of your writing to hold the greatest audience possible.

 

We defined vulgar descriptions, but then what about vulgar descriptions.  I haven’t had any problems with classy depictions of sex or of warfare and violence.  I’ve found that editors and publishers will usually print and accept both of these without complaint.

 

In general, I suspect you would run into difficulties with gratuitous depictions of sexual activity, but my publisher allowed general depictions of sex and nudity in my science fiction novels.  In fact, my publisher allowed this in my novel, Aegypt:

 

     The woman was gone, and his torch had gone out.  Paul sat in the darkness and nursed his hurts for a moment.  He let his eyes acclimate to the darkness again, and listening for the slightest movement.  He heard nothing.  After a moment, Paul touched his lighter to the torch and it flared up immediately.  The sudden light blinded him, but when he could see again, in front of him stood a woman.

     She was naked, and she looked fully human.   Unbelievably, she didn’t try to run away nor did she move toward him.  Instead, she looked thoughtfully, perhaps with melancholy at him.  She didn’t speak a word.

     Her body was lean and small, but perfectly formed.  She reminded him of the golden goddess Serket in the tomb of Tutankhamun.  Her form fit her size exactly.  Her skin was olive and fine; her features were like those of an Egyptian tomb painting.  The face was that of the goddess of light, even the melancholy smile was a perfect copy of the carvings in the tomb.  And, the eyes—her eyes were those he had seen in his dream and in the tomb. 

              She stood as still as a statue, real and unmoving.  Her breasts were high like a young girl’s but full and swept up at the nipples.  Her hips and thighs flowed sensuously from the round curve of her belly pointing to the fine curls of hair between them.  She cocked her head at him and backed as he slowly stood up.

     Paul cautiously, without taking his eyes from her, took the robe off over his head.  With one hand he proffered the coarse apparel to her.  At first she stepped back, but then she came forward and swept the clothing from his hand.  She donned the robe over her head and settled it against her form.  She still had not spoken a word.

 

This is not a vulgar depiction or a vulgar description.  It might be offensive to some, but my publisher and editor considered it both classy and reasonable.  How about this:

 

     They lay exhausted, and lounged in bed.  Beside Tamar’s discarded gown, Falkeep’s new summer sun spread across the covers.  Devon lay half asleep, content and sated.  Tamar lay on her stomach draped partially across him, and with great pleasure but little desire, his hand cupped her buttock.

     Tamar, nearly awake, possessively traced the scars on Devon’s chest.  Every now and then she asked him what caused one or the other, but each time he either misunderstood the question or was too asleep to properly answer, and so with a grin at the state in which she’d put him, Tamar went on lightly touching him.

     A stray thought came to Tamar, and she voiced it with growing wakefulness, “After you left, a message came to father.  It gave your family the County of Gran Stern.”

     Still half awake, Devon answered her, “I know of it — my father,” Devon yawned, “Gave the County to me.”

     “How do you intend to take it?”

     Growling with slight displeasure, he said, “The destroyers can be outfitted shortly to force capitulation.”

     Tamar kissed him lightly, then provocatively, “I have been thinking; there was little else to do, waiting for the siege to end, waiting for you to return.”  She kissed him again, “My brother George took a full complement of assault troops to counter the forces we knew were on Gran Stern, yet in the whole time, no assault troops landed here.”  She nibbled his ear, and noticed his eyes crack slightly open.

     “Go on,” he said.

     “Although Yedric stockpiled planetary munitions for years, the destroyers dropped few of them.  I think George took the planet or at least, the capital and the major military bases.  Considering the quality of Falkeep’s forces, that would not be hard to do.  But, the Navy of Gran Stern is much more powerful than Falkeep’s.  In their plans, Father, Roger, and George figured most of the Navy would be away from the system.  That obviously didn’t happen.  Yedric’s Navy never arrived at the Battle of Acier, and a major portion of it appeared in our skies.  What does that say to you?”

     “I think I understand, but enlighten me.”

     “Gran Stern is under siege by its own forces.  They are using all their assault forces and planetary munitions to bombard their own planet.  Sir George Falkeep holds the planet.  Yedric’s commanders sent part of their Navy here to put pressure on us.  They wanted to prevent our reinforcement of the bridgehead on Gran Stern and keep us from sending out our remaining Naval forces or requesting support.

     “The Navy of Gran Stern had six capital ships.  You took four here.  Over Gran Stern their Navy would be unopposed, and two destroyers would have ample capability to effectively wield the munitions and assault troops on Gran Stern.  The frigates in Yedric’s fleet numbered almost eighteen.  Only two were here.  My father sent twenty frigates against Gran Stern.  I should think, dependent on my theory, if George captured a large portion of the planet, then Falkeep’s Navy handled itself very well.  Ten of our ships would be required to provide enough force to take the capital and the major bases; at a kill ratio of one to one against the other ships that leaves eight of Gran Stern’s frigates operational.  Once on the ground, our ships would be useless.  They would not be able to takeoff into the fire of the destroyers.  Therefore, in the worst case, nine of Gran Stern’s frigates and two destroyers are left, the planet is already captured, and the Navel forces have been at war with their own planet for nearly eight weeks.”

     “What do you suggest?”

     “You don’t need to attack anything, my love.  Wait until the frigate that escaped the battle here returns home, give a couple of days for the story of your victory to get around, and then take your converted troopship marked well with symbols of the House Rathenberg, House Falkeep, House Acier, and the Fox.  We’ll travel to the Gran Stern system and enter it as if we owned it.  I believe it will fall with little fighting.”

     Devon’s eyes were wide awake, “I think—I think that might work, Tamar.  But what did you mean we’ll go?”

     “You don’t think I want to leave you now.  We will be going to our County, it is my right and responsibility.  Anyway, I though of the plan,” her eyes flashed.

     He looked equally angry, “I don’t want you in any danger.  You can’t go because your plan might not work, and then what would I do, let you fight?”

     Tamar’s mouth opened and closed as if she would speak, her lips trembled.  Then she smiled broadly and kissed Devon deeply.  Her hands touched him lightly, teasing.  He struggled with his anger a moment, but it fled from him as he held her and stroked her with growing desire.

     When no one answered her knock, Dulcia opened the door to announce the family’s breakfast.  Red faced, she closed the door gently again and went to the kitchen to save some of the meal for her lord and lady to share later.

This was also considered both appropriate and reasonable.  I think it fits in the context of the novel, The Fox’s Honor, and in the overall series.  In any case, my publisher also has allowed many scenes of warfare and violence.  This is from Centurion:

 

              The line of warriors stopped two hundred feet from the legionnaires, and behind them, the mounted archers raised their bows.

              Scutum,” cried Capilolinus.

              A flurry of arrows soared through the air.   At the same time, a great cry rolled through the front line of the Parthians.  The horsemen held back at the flanks, but before the arrows reached the top of their flight, the footmen rushed toward the legionnaires.

              The arrows fell randomly, without any real accuracy among the legionnaires.  Abenadar’s scutum caught two, and more arrows pelted the ground around him.  Before the arrows landed, the Parthian archers loosed another volley.   Abenadar deflected those also, but by that time, the foremost warriors were nearing his position.  During the charge, the Parthian line had broken up and was no longer continuous.  At the same time, most of the running footmen converged toward the center of the valley and away from the sides.

              “Light pila, now,” cried Capilolinus.

              Abenadar threw his pila into the fast-moving crowd of men.  He barely aimed, and he didn’t wait to see the result.  As the legionnaires loosed their pilum, the ragged charge of Parthians increased speed.

              “Heavy pila, ready gladius,” commanded Capilolinus.

              Abenadar hefted the heavy pila in his hand.  He braced it in the earth at his feet and lowered the tip to chest height.  The Parthian charge resolved into individual men.  They were armed with scythe-like scimitars and long spears, and as they ran, they bellowed individual war cries.   Fear gripped Abenadar, but he stood his ground. 

              The Parthians charged as though driven by a senseless lust for battle.  The first warrior to Abenadar’s position, without slowing, reached for Abenadar and ran full into the heavy pila.  The Parthian gave a choked gasp and screamed.  Hadn’t he seen the pila? Abenadar watched in horror as the man, pierced through by the pila, curled up on the ground and shrieked his life away. 

              Abenadar shook his head in disbelief.  His mind was in shock, but he recovered enough sense to counter the attack of the next Parthian who charged toward him.  This man struck at Abenadar with a heavy scimitar.  The slashing blow was aimed straight for Abenadar’s head.  Intuitively, Abenadar caught the curved sword with his scutum and thrust his gladius into the Parthian’s chest.  Abenadar leaped back.  The Parthian’s face filled with surprise.  His mouth opened and a bloody froth foamed up out of it and choked him.  He fell beside the other man, and both of them, mortally wounded, writhed and moaned on the ground.

              Almost immediately, another Parthian rushed at Abenadar.  The Parthian swung his sword menacingly around his head and stepped toward Abenadar with more caution than the others.  He acted as if he waited for Abenadar to attack him.  Abenadar crouched defensively and looked around.  The number of Parthians on every side dismayed him.  Out of the corner of his eye, Abenadar saw nothing but swiftly moving Parthian warriors in their ragged leather tunics.  He stood too far forward to make out any of the men in his century.  When the Parthian pressed toward him, Abenadar moved back, and from there, the Roman line became evident.  The sight of the fighting legionnaires heartened Abenadar; the Parthians hadn’t broken the legion line—yet. 

              The Parthian, still swinging his scimitar in a wide deadly circle, followed Abenadar.  Without another thought, Abenadar stuck his scutum into the arc of the blade and thrust his gladius upward.  The scimitar clanged against the shield, and Abenadar felt his own blade go home. He aimed lower than before and the gladius sunk into the Parthian’s abdomen.  The man stepped to the side and this disemboweled him.  With an earsplitting scream, he grasped at his outpouring intestines.  Abenadar stood back, watching for the next attack, and was horrified as the Parthian, still howling, tore at his organs.  The man fell to his knees and looked imploringly at Abenadar as though begging him to put an end to his suffering.  Abenadar was too busy.  Already another Parthian had spotted him.  This man was as poorly trained as the others, and less wary than the last.  He attacked immediately and fell from Abenadar’s single thrust to his neck.  The blow almost took the man’s head off, and the spray of blood covered Abenadar from head to foot.  He had to pause to wipe the gore out of his eyes. 

              Abenadar was amazed so much blood could come from a human body.  The man died so quickly, Abenadar was astonished the spirit could leave that fast, especially since the others still writhed on the ground screaming out their lives without hope of succor.

              Abenadar wiped his face and looked around.  He found himself isolated on the battlefield.  No Parthians were near him, and all the legionnaires of his column lay dead on the ground beside the pitiful line of stakes.  The remaining Parthian foot soldiers converged near the center of the line where Capilolinus and the optio last stood.  To Abenadar, it looked like a mob of men in Parthian jerkins completely surrounded the remaining group of legionnaires.  Abenadar could do nothing to stop them, and he saw no other legionnaire alive who could help.

              Without another thought, Abenadar raised his gladius and ran at the backs of the yelling mob of Parthians.  None of them noticed him.  With his sword, Abenadar struck one man after another.  He left them gasping out their lives on the rocky ground.  They were so busy with the remnants of the century they didn’t notice him until it was too late.

              Abenadar was covered with blood and flush with the lust of battle.  He was a killing machine; in his wake, he left dying men.  Abenadar was so absorbed in his assault he didn’t perceive the approach of his own doom.  The first indication was the heavy thud of a hoof on stone.  Abenadar spun around.  He had no time to move out of the path of the armored horseman bearing down on him.  Instinctively, Abenadar threw up his scutum.  The lance, aimed at his chest, glanced off the shield and caught under the brim of his helmet.  At once, the helmet’s chinstrap burst, and the force of the blow threw his helmet nearly a hundred feet away.  The razor sharp tip of the lance caught Abenadar on the side of his scalp and glanced off his head.  The tip didn’t pierce his skull, but the blow of the lance almost broke it.  Abenadar cried out and crumpled to the ground.  His scutum fell halfway over him, and he knew nothing more. 

Some violence.  All these examples came from my published novels.  This is what my publishers thought was reasonable and acceptable for their audience and readers.  I really liked their approach and what they let me put in my novels.  They almost asked for zero changes based on this—that is words, descriptions, and depictions.  I tried to show you where they did and give you examples where they didn’t.  I thing in most cases, they were very happy with the story and scenes and they saw how the depictions and descriptions fit in the overall context of the novel.

 

In general, be cautious of vulgarity.  Most publishers will not want or let you destroy your appeal or your audience with vulgar language.  Usually metaphors and foreign vulgarity is allowed.  In descriptions, if they fit the novel and are not gratuitous, you will usually get them in.  Watch for things that flip your editor or publisher.  These are unpredictable.  Usually classy and beautiful will work where ugly and grotesque may not.  For action and sexual depictions, I’ve found that classy and fitting work well, but I suspect that gratuitous and ugly would not.  You need to make it fit the context and the novel.  That will get you into the game. 

 

We’ll move on to complex, next.    

 

I want to move on to editing dialog next.

 

We’ll continue to look at logic and reason as we transition to multi-sentences and paragraphs.

     

More tomorrow.

For more information, you can visit my author site http://www.ldalford.com/, and my individual novel websites:

http://www.ancientlight.com/
http://www.aegyptnovel.com/
http://www.centurionnovel.com
http://www.thesecondmission.com/
http://www.theendofhonor.com/
http://www.thefoxshonor.com
http://www.aseasonofhonor.com  

fiction, theme, plot, story, storyline, character development, scene, setting, conversation, novel, book, writing, information, study, marketing, tension, release, creative, idea, logic

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