A New Novel, Part 254 Why Should Anyone Love Me?

15 June 2011, A New Novel, Part 254 Why Should Anyone Love Me?

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Aksinya is in a cell under the Rathaus in Wien.  She is awaiting her secular trial.  Father Dobrushin and Ekaterina have come to visit her...

Aksinya clenched her jaw.

“Listen to me.  Did the demon give you a surety?  Think…it would be something to bind the contract to you.”

“He gave me a locket.  I detested it from the beginning and hid it in my jewelry box.”

“What did it look like?”

Aksinya thought for a moment, “It was shaped like a heart and silver colored, with a tarnish that couldn’t be cleaned.  On the outside were strange marks like words of an odd language and in the center a fish.  It couldn’t be opened, and it had a chain connected to it of the same material with links that were also heart shaped.  It wasn’t large and could be worn as a necklace.”

“Where is it now?”

“Likely in my jewelry box and sold with everything else.  I couldn’t stand the sight of it.  I hid it under the drawer inside.”  She pressed her lips together, “Do you think it could help?”

“I think it is a key to ending your contract with the creature.”

“Then I was a fool to lose it.  It is like everything I have done—thoughtless and harmful.”

Ekaterina pulled Aksinya close again, “When is your trial?”

“In three days, but please don’t come to it.  I would prefer you not have to hear anymore that is bad about me.”  She tried to smile again, “I shall gladly face all the punishment I deserve and then some.  After that, I will feel like I have atoned for a portion of my evil.”

Father Dobrushin was thoughtful, “How did they get the jury together so quickly?”

Aksinya rubbed her nose and smiled, “Ah the problem of my peers.  I waived a trial of my peers and accepted a four judge panel.  They called it the Schöffengericht.”

Father Dobrushin sighed and frowned, “That might not have been wise, Princess.”

Aksinya squinted, “I don’t care if it is wise.  I want to get all of this over with.”

“The repercussions of rushing through these very important details will potentially be your incarceration in a workhouse or prison.  Have you thought that what happens to you might be important to others?”

Aksinya’s mouth fell open.  When she was able Aksinya choked out, “Why would anyone care about me?”

Father Dobrushin’s voice rose, “Don’t you care for anyone?”

Aksinya cried out, “I care for many, many people.  I love them all, but my existence causes them all pain.  No one should love me.  No one should give me a second thought.”

His voice softened, “Just as you can’t stop your affection for those you love, they can’t halt their love for you.”

“I don’t understand.  Why should anyone love me?”

“Why should they not?”

“The reasons they should not love me, Father are too many to count.”

“You don’t want to win at your trial, do you?”

“No, I don’t.  I want to be punished.”

Father Dobrushin’s face displayed great anger for a moment.  He turned toward the wall then back toward Aksinya.  She picked at the bandage on her arm.  Father Dobrushin asked, “What happened to your arm?”

Father Dobrushin has been investigating the demon, Asmodeus.  He asks Aksinya a very important question.  The question concerns the surety the demon gave Aksinya to complete the contract.  We know about this--the fact that Father Dobrushin knows this should not unduly surprise us, but it should alert us.

Aksinya gives the details of the locket and where it was the last time she saw it.  Do you remember this from the very beginning of the novel?  Listen to Aksinya's confession.  There is great truth in the fact that she realizes this point:  “Then I was a fool to lose it.  It is like everything I have done—thoughtless and harmful.” 

Ekaterina changes the subject.  She asks about the secular trial.  Aksinya tells them she wants to be punished.  That is when we learn about the trial.  We find that Aksinya accepted a trial by judges.  This is allowed in Austrian law for trials that are not capital.  As I wrote before, everything about the law is historically accurate.

Father Dobrushin thinks this may be a bad idea.  Father Dobrushin's point to her is the fact that Aksinya might go to prison or the workhouse might be important to others.  Aksinya can't understand this.  She doesn't believe that the outcome of her trial might be important to others.  Aksinya's answer is important:  "I love them all, but my existence causes them all pain.  No one should love me.  No one should give me a second thought.”

Listen to Father Dobrushin's response.  Who might he mean.  Surely he includes himself and Ekaterina. 

Aksinya wants to be punished.  Watch Father Dobrushin's reaction.  Is this a normal reaction to such a response.  You might wonder what this portends.  Tomorrow, we get more of this conversation.

A New Novel, Part 253 There May be a Way to be Rid of the Demon

14 June 2011, A New Novel, Part 253 There May be a Way to be Rid of the Demon 

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Aksinya is in a cell under the Rathaus in Wien.  She is awaiting her secular trial.  Father Dobrushin and Ekaterina have come to visit her...

“All of that was the demon’s doing.  He visited me while I was in the Cardinal’s house.  He told me he had planned everything.”  Tears choked Aksinya’s words, “He told me he allowed my family to be killed.”

Ekaterina pulled Aksinya’s head against her and stroked her hair.

Aksinya moaned, “I caused them all such pain.  I wish I were dead.  If I were dead, the world would have been such a better place for everyone.”

Ekaterina shook her gently, “You are not dead, and the Dear Lord doesn’t wish you dead.  Now, your life’s work must be to right this wrong.  Do you wish to add more sin and evil to what already exists.”

Aksinya sat up and drew her sleeve across her eyes, “I’m afraid what I’ve done can never be made right.”

Father Dobrushin sighed, “Perhaps it cannot, but likewise, you can’t bear all the blame for what has happened.”

“I willingly bear it.”

“You may not bear any more than that which is your own sin.  Others made choices.  They can only be held responsible for those choices—not you.”

“I face a trial in the courts of Wien, now.”

Ekaterina smiled, “And we will do everything we can to help you.”

“Their mind is already made up too.  When I had my preliminary hearing, they told me, I will go to the workhouse to pay off my debt.  I will go to prison for beating Natalya.  My aunt and uncle won’t help me.  They hate me.  They lost their position in the community and among the nobility.  Herr von Taaffe has lost the backing of his father.  I sent him away before.  He cannot help me.  I have no money.  All of my goods, jewelry, and clothing have been sold.  They still weren’t enough to pay my debts.  I, even now, have a contract with a demon, and I pray to God I could be rid of him.”

Father Dobrushin pressed his hands together, “There may be a way to be rid of the demon.”

“You shouldn’t speak about such things too loudly even in jest.  I know he watches me.  He waits for more ways to destroy anyone close to me—to torment me.”

“Princess…”

Aksinya turned her face away, “You shouldn’t use that address with me.  Aksinya is enough.”

“Princess Aksinya…”

Aksinya clenched her jaw.

Aksinya wishes she were dead.  How often do we when we have caused grievous harm wish we could have ended that harm.  The problem is that nothing we do can ever repair the harms we inflict.  There is never enough payment and never enough penance or repentance for many harms.  Aksinya has caused these type of harms.  They are grievous and may affect the recipients for their entire lives.

Aksinya has reached the bottom of another point in her journey--she has realized the depths of the harm she caused.  Many never reach this point.  Most imagine the harm they caused can be easily wiped away, but harm we cause others are like tears of ink--they stain the soul and they can't be undone.  Even death can't repair this kind of harm.  That is the point Ekaterina makes--she tells Aksinya that her life's work must be to undo the harm.  Father Dobrushin rightly tells Aksinya that she can only be guilty of her own sin and not the sin of others.  Aksinya changes the subject, or rather, she points the subject in a different direction--about her secular trial.  Yes, this is what we want to know about.

The reason Aksinya is in despair is that she has heard the charges against her during the preliminary hearing.  Her crimes are her debt and her attack against Natalya.  Then, Aksinya tells us what has happened to her friends and relatives.  We realize that these must have been issues during the hearing.  You can see how far Aksinya has fallen.  Where before, she had everything, now she literally has nothing.  The end is that Aksinya has one thing in the world left--her contract with the demon.

Father Dobrushin suddenly tells Aksinya something that may give her hope: “There may be a way to be rid of the demon.”  Do you remember that he has been studying about the demon.  This is what we have been waiting for since the beginning of the novel.  Aksinya worries more about what might happen to Father Dobrushin and to Ekaterina than she does for herself.  Aksinya has made a great transition in thought.  It isn't all about Aksinya anymore.  She even puts aside her title.  She is not to be called Princess because, in her mind, she has lost that as well.  Tomorrow, more about the possibility of getting rid of the contract with the demon.

A New Novel, Part 251 You are Meaningless Now

12 June 2011, A New Novel, Part 251 You are Meaningless Now

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

During the ecclesiastical trial, once the Archinquisitor succeeds in determining there is a witness to Aksinya's sorcery and after Natalya, Ernst, and Sister Margarethe acknowledge Aksinya's sorcery, the Archinquisitor is ready to pronounce judgement...

The Archinquisitor smiled, “I think the guilt of all these individuals can be attributed to the Princess Aksinya.  Therefore, I am ready to pronounce my verdict on all of them.  This verdict shall stand unless revoked by Rome.”  He paused for a moment then continued, “If I had the authority, I would ask that you,” he pointed at Aksinya, “be burned at the stake.  I don’t have that power, therefore, I pronounce the Princess Aksinya guilty of necromancy and sorcery.  She is not Catholic and therefore cannot be excommunicated.  She shall be denied communion and succor from the Holy Catholic Church all her life long.  She is a notorious sinner who has brought many to ruin.  She will not be allowed in any building or property owned by this Church.  She shall not be acknowledged by any leader of the Holy Catholic Church as nobility nor aristocracy.  She is to be shunned by commoner and noble alike until her life ends.  This edict with a similar recommendation shall be sent to the Orthodox Church and to all other official Christian bodies.  They shall judge her themselves.”

Aksinya smiled and nodded.

“As to these others.”

Aksinya growled, “I accept your punishment.  It is just.  Do not judge these others.  I renounce any association with them.”

The Archinquisitor chuckled, “They must answer for their own sins.  It is not up to you to judge, little girl.  Herr von Taaffe, you are allowed communion after proper repentance and penance to be determined by the Cardinal of Wien.  You are accused and guilty of seduction and acquaintance with sorcery.  Repent of this, and you shall be freely given the succor of your Holy Church.  Equally, you, Sister Margarethe, are guilty of acquaintance with sorcery.  You shall not be allowed to teach for the rest of your life.  After proper repentance and penance, you shall be allowed to continue as a novice of your community until such time as your Reverend Mother and Abbot shall accept you into the Holy Orders again.”  He took a deep breath, “You, Lady Natalya are a victim of this woman.  Upon repentance and penance and if you are confirmed within our community, I allow you to join with our Holy Catholic Church.”

Aksinya’s lips turned slightly up.  That quickly became a frown.

The Archinquisitor continued, “Reverend Mother Kluge, you allowed this sorceress to enter Sacré Coeur and bewitch your sisters and your students.  You shall be reduced to a sister of your order and not hold the position of Reverend Mother again.  The Abbot, Father Abend, is equally guilty of this sin and shall also be reduced to a priest without authority until properly elevated.  I pronounce the school, Sacré Coeur, to be closed until a full accounting of the evil that was committed within it is determined and purged.  It shall open again only under these conditions are met.”

The Reverend Mother gave a cry.  The sisters around her held to her.

“The convent shall be under a full review and shall accept penance until the time the Cardinal of Wien shall lift that penance.  No new novices shall be accepted nor sisters elevated until that time.”

Aksinya panted, “You already had planned all this before you heard anything, didn’t you?”

“You, little girl have nothing to say to me.  You are meaningless now.  You will soon face your accusers in another court, a court of secular law, and you should pray they are as lenient as I.”    

Aksinya stood, “I accept the just punishment for my sins.  I admit to them and confess them all to you.”  She dropped to her knees, “I beg your pardon for any and all suffering I have caused.  I have no excuse for my actions.  I only wish I could take your suffering on myself.  Forgive all these.  Please, in the name of God, forgive them and only punish me.”

The Archinquisitor made a dismissive motion with his hand and signaled for the guards, “Your penance and pleas come much too late, little girl.”

So, now we realize the reason for the trial and for the Archinquisitor's actions.  His purpose was not to simply try Aksinya, but rather to determine the quilt of as many other people whose lives Aksinya touched.  You can see this was the demon's purpose as well.  Asmodeus told Aksinya that he would destroy as many of her friends as possible.  The Archinquisitor is simply doing the job of the demon.  He is very effective at it.

The Archinquisitor starts: “I think the guilt of all these individuals can be attributed to the Princess Aksinya.  Therefore, I am ready to pronounce my verdict on all of them."  This is the authority of the Archinquisitor.  He pronounces his judgement.  Notice how detailed his punishment is.  You might think he practiced it--for effect.

Aksinya accepts the punishment--to her this is just.  She wanted to be punished and although she imagines this punishment won't affect her much (it will in the future), she accepts it.  But then the Archinquisitor moves on to "the others."

The Archinquisitor calls Aksinya, "little girl," again.  Remember, this is the exact term the demon used.  The Archinquisitor moves on to Ernst.  Ernst seduced Natalya and acknowledge he had a part in sorcery.  We might imagine these punishments as small and unimportant--the result will be devastating.  The idea at this time in the world for a person to be condemned by the Church has social and cultural repercussions.  The simple point that Ernst was found guilty of seduction will destroy his reputation.  His penance, required by the Church, will destroy his position in the community.
The Archinquisitor doesn't stop with Ernst, the Sister Margarethe falls under his judgement.  Remember that the sister loved to teach.  Her whole life was teaching--that is until she met Aksinya.  Her whole life was the Church and her order.  Everything important in the life of Sister Margarethe has been wiped out in a second.

Natalya gets off easy.  She already confessed to seduction, sexual relations with Ernst, and being an apprentice to a sorceress.  Her life in Wien is ruined.  The reason Aksinya's lips turned up is because she imagines that Natalya will never wish to be a member of the Catholic Church.  On the other hand, there are many reasons Natalya might wish to become a member of the Catholic Church.

The Archinquisitor moves on to the Reverend Mother and the Abbot.  He wipes out their loves and their lives.  He closes Sacré Coeur.  So the Reverend Mother loses both her position and the school she loves.  The same for the Abbot.

The convent doesn't escape the Archinquisitor.

Aksinya tries to stop the Archinquisitor.  She should know be now that she can't stop the evil of the demon.  That evil is expressed at this point by the Archinquisitor.  He reminds her that she will soon face another court.  He is gloating--just as the demon likes to gloat.  Aksinya pushes her last defense: "Forgive all these.  Please, in the name of God, forgive them and only punish me.”  Unfortunately, Aksinya's penance comes too late for the Archinquisitor.  It always is too late.  This is the end of chapter 18.  Tomorrow, we begin chapter 19 with scene and chapter setting.

A New Novel, Part 248 Your Job is Defense, Then Defend

9 June 2011, A New Novel, Part 248 Your Job is Defense, Then Defend

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

The day of Aksinya's ecclesiastical trial has arrived.  Aksinya is acknowledged as a Russian Princess.  Now the Archinquisitor is pursuing the other charges against Aksinya.  He claims there are witnesses to her sorcery...

“This is also a sin of grave consequence.  Inquisitor, call the first witness to her sorcery.”

Aksinya plopped down in her chair.

The Inquisitor stepped to the door and brought in a middle-aged man with a heavy face and the clothing of a merchant.  Inquisitor Esposito swore him in as a witness and ended, “State your name for the court.”

“If it please you, Father.  I’m August Mueller.”

The Archinquisitor looked the man up and down, “Herr Mueller, you stated that you saw an act of sorcery caused by this woman, the Princess Aksinya.  Please describe it.”

“Yes, Father.  One evening last December, my friends and I were drinking, begging your pardon, at the Golden Adler Gasthaus on Sacré Coeur Straße.  That Lady,” He pointed at Aksinya, “said some strange words and pointed at us, and when we woke up we were on the street more than a block from the Gasthaus.”

“Where there any other people around at the time?”

“There were my mates.  You already talked to them all.  But there was also a nun and another Lady.  This one,” He pointed at Aksinya again, “was dressed in the uniform of Sacré Coeur.  The other lady was also dressed like her.”

“Anyone else?”

“There was a gentleman.”

“Do you recognize the nun in this courtroom?”

The man paused a moment, then pointed, “That nun, there.”

“Sister Margarethe, will you stand.”

Sister Margarethe grabbed the seat in front of her and stood.

Herr Mueller nodded, “That’s the one.”

Archinquisitor Gallo smiled, “I’d like you to look at a couple of other people and see if you can identify them.  Inquisitor.”

Inquisitor Esposito went to the door and Ernst Taaffe followed by Natalya entered.  Natalya held her head up high, but she was slightly stooped on one side.  Tears covered her face.  Aksinya started.  She stood, “Lady Natalya.”

Lady Natalya wailed, “I’m so sorry, Mistress.  They forced me to come here.”

The Archinquisitor snarled, “Quiet.  Herr Mueller, do you recognize this man and woman?”

“Yes, Father.  That is the gentleman I mentioned, there, and the other lady.”

Aksinya cried out, “Why don’t you ask Herr Mueller what he was doing when this sorcery occurred.”

Herr Mueller colored.

The Archinquisitor snapped, “Herr Mueller is not on trial here.”

“Then ask the Lady Natalya or Sister Margarethe what was happening at the time.”

“That is neither here nor there.”

“I insist.  Inquisitor, your job is defense, then defend.  Ask them what was happening.”

“I must swear them in.”

“Then do so.”

The pattern of the Archinquisitor's prosecution becomes quickly obvious.  He brings as his witness one of the rapists.  This man can identify Aksinya, Natalya, Ernst, and Sister Margarethe.  The implication is first that there are many more witnesses (all attempted rapists), and second, that those identified were accomplices in the act of sorcery.  Note that the claims of the witness are dubious: “Yes, Father.  One evening last December, my friends and I were drinking, begging your pardon, at the Golden Adler Gasthaus on Sacré Coeur Straße.  That Lady,” He pointed at Aksinya, “said some strange words and pointed at us, and when we woke up we were on the street more than a block from the Gasthaus.”.  The important thing isn't the claims, Aksinya herself has already confessed to sorcery, the important issue to the Archinquisitor is the accomplices.

The witness identifies Aksinya and Sister Margarethe.  Then we get our first glimpse in a long time of Natalya and Ernst.  We see for ourselves that Natalya is alive.  She was injured--she walks with a stoop now.  Ernst is with her and we are not certain what that means.  Natalya makes a surprising announcement: “I’m so sorry, Mistress.  They forced me to come here.”

Natalya believes Aksinya is still her Mistress.  She has not rejected her.

Aksinya has now turned her attention to the important issue at hand--how to protect her friends.  She never was interested in defending herself--she only demands the Inquisitor Esposito defend because it will help Natalya, Ernst, and Sister Margarethe.  Herr Mueller doesn't want to answer because he was in the act of rapine when Aksinya stopped him.  The Archinquisitor knows what was going on, he will do everything to prevent the whole truth from coming out.  Plus, in this day and age, for a woman to testify that a man was about to rape her is tantamount to social ostracism and condemnation.  Tomorrow, the trial continues.

A New Novel, Part 247 Punish Me Not Them

8 June 2011, A New Novel, Part 247 Punish Me Not Them

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

The day of Aksinya's ecclesiastical trial has arrived.  Aksinya is acknowledged as a Russian Princess.  Now the Archinquisitor is pursuing the other charges against Aksinya...

“Yes, you are correct Princess.  Then let the court record read that the Princess Aksinya is guilty of theft and that shall be left to the secular courts.  There are other charges.”

“Then proceed, Archinquisitor.”

“This court wishes to establish your guilt of sorcery.”

“I admit it.  What more is there to say?”

“The proof exists, and I wish to establish it.  The other charges related to this are that you did kidnap and seduce the mind and soul of the Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska and that you did seduce the mind and soul of Herr Ernst von Taaffe.”

“I admit those grave sins.  Pronounce your judgment.”

“That is not enough.  This court wishes to establish their guilt in this great sin also.”

Aksinya cried out, “They have no guilt in this at all.  It was all my doing.  Punish me, not them.”

“There is also the question of the school, Sacré Coeur, the Reverend Mother Kluge, Abbot Father Abend, and Sister Margarethe.”

Aksinya half stood, “That is enough.  They are innocent of any wrongdoing.  I am the sorceress.  They knew nothing of my evil deeds.  I will tell you, I called a demon from the pit.  They committed nothing wrong.  It was all my own actions.”

The Archinquisitor stroked his chin, “You called a demon.”  He turned to the inquisitor, “Did you know this Inquisitor Esposito?”

The Inquisitor danced from foot to foot, “She…the Princess confessed this to me.”

“This is also a sin of grave consequence.  Inquisitor, call the first witness to her sorcery.”

Aksinya plopped down in her chair.

We see that Aksinya will not be let off so easily in this trial.  Actually, Aksinya doesn't want to be let off at all.  She intentionally infuriated the Archinquisitor so he would find her guilty and only she would face punishment--that wasn't the intention of Asmodeus or the Archinquisitor. 

Asmodeus told her that all her friends and many others would suffer because of Askinya's sin.  The Archinquisitor is only interested in finding out the wrongdoers--even if they aren't.  No one is innocent in the world.  This is important to remember, but not everyone deserves punishment.  Perhaps Aksinya should be punished, but what of her friends?

Aksinya confesses to everything.  She wants the trial to end.  She wants to be the only focus of it--she knows that cannot be.  You can see from the words of the Archinquisitor who he intends to reveal at this trial--these are oddly those Asmodeus would have targeted.  The Archinquisitor mentions their names: Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska, Herr Ernst von Taaffe, Sacré Coeur, the Reverend Mother Kluge, Abbot Father Abend, and Sister Margarethe.  There are, of course, more.

Aksinya knows exactly what is going on even if the Archinquisitor doesn't.  She plays her trump card: "I called a demon from the pit.  They committed nothing wrong.  It was all my own actions.”  This confession doesn't surprise the Archinquisitor as much as we would have thought.  The Archinquisitor wishes to establish Aksinya's guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt--he should be commended, except by his actions, many more will be found guilty.  Tomorrow, the first witness.

A New Novel, Part 241 Let Me Testify in Her Favor

2 June 2011, A New Novel, Part 241 Let Me Testify in Her Favor

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Aksinya is a captive in the residence of the Cardinal of Wien awaiting an ecclesiastical trial for sorcery.  The Inquisitor Esposito came to speak to her about her defense.  Frau Becker follows the inquisitor out of the room...

The Priest went to the door.  Frau Becker pursued him through the opening.  In the hall outside, she called to him, “Inquisitor Esposito.”

The priest turned, “Yes, Frau.”

“You know this girl is not fully sane.  No one can really do sorcery.  No one can do the things this child has been accused of.”

“She has confessed to them, and I don’t see much that I can defend.”

“Listen to me, Father.  For the love of God, you must not allow them to harm her.  Since she has been here, I have not seen anything in her but an honest and contrite woman.  I hear the papers are following everything.  I know there are reporters outside the gates every day.  This trial will ruin her and many others.  It will not help the Church.  It will not lead to anything good.”

“The Pope himself sent us to seek out a resolution to this matter.  It is not in our hands.  It is in the hands of God.  For better or worst, the result will be what it is.  Additionally, Archinquisitor Gallo is a driven man.  He will not let this go until it reaches the bitter end.  The scourging and discipline of the Church and its members is a critical function that we provide.”

“But this will not scourge and discipline.  It will lead to much harm.”

“So you say,” he frowned down on Frau Becker.

“Let me testify in her favor.  I am a member of the Church and can speak to her sanity and her goodness.”

“That will not be allowed.  You are not a witness to any of the charges to which she has been accused.”      

The inquisitor turned on his heel and left Frau Becker standing with her mouth hanging open.

Frau Becker wishes to help Aksinya.  She has been an angel for Aksinya in the house of the Cardinal.  She speaks what any sane person should know: Aksinya can't be guilty because there is no such thing as a demon or sorcery.  Listen to the inquisitor's response: “She has confessed to them, and I don’t see much that I can defend.”  He will determine her guilt on her own confession.  This is patently not allowed in the Church.  Frau Becker understands this, so she begs for them to show mercy to Aksinya. 

From Frau Becker, we also learn what the demon has done--the press is involved.  Whatever comes out in the trial will come out in the papers.  It will indeed ruin everyone involved.  Do you remember how incendiary the events are around Aksinya.  If you have forgotten, the climax of all the events came on the night Aksinya was to give her answer to Ernst's proposition of marriage.  We discovered that Natalya, with the help of Asmodeus, and by Aksinya's own hand, had seduced Ernst.  In today's world this would be nothing--in the world of Austria right after WWI, this is a feature story.  The nobility has not been ended, yet.  The people are looking for respite from the war and a scandal is the perfect thing to take their minds off their own suffering.  A nobleman who stoops to take the lady-in-waiting of a countess to his bed is an affront to Austria and the nobility.  There are two noble families involved in this mess.  There is a Catholic school and a Catholic church.

Frau Becker is right: "This trial will ruin her and many others.  It will not help the Church.  It will not lead to anything good.”

The inquisitor states his position also--he is there to resolve the issue of Aksinya.  There is a parallel here.  We learn about the main inquisitor, Archinqusitor Gallo.  The inquisitor threatens Frau Becker, but she will not back down.  She volunteers to testify in Aksinya's favor.  She is flatly refused.  Aksinya is guilty, and she will stay guilty no matter anything on heaven or earth.  Tomorrow, the trial begins.

A New Novel, Part 240 I am Guilty

1 June 2011, A New Novel, Part 240 I am Guilty

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Aksinya is a captive in the residence of the Cardinal of Wien awaiting an ecclesiastical trial for sorcery.  The Inquisitor Esposito came to speak to her about her defense...

“You called this demon into the house of the Cardinal?”

“I did not call him here.  I can’t be rid of him.  He comes and goes as he wills, but I am guilty for bringing him back to the world where he can tempt and harm others.”

“You also tried to kill yourself.  That is a very grievous crime as well.”

“I did not try to kill myself.”  Aksinya’s voice was low, “I tried to protect myself from the demon.”

“Yes.  This will be very difficult to defend Fraulein.”  The Inquisitor placed his papers and pen back into his briefcase.

“I have no intention of defending myself at the trial.”

“Yes.  I see.  I am still called to defend you.”

“I will not hold it against you because you will fail.  I am guilty.”

“I see.”  The inquisitor stood.  He started for the door.  He stopped and called over his shoulder, “We expect the trial to begin tomorrow.  Do you have anyone who might speak in your favor?”

“My priest, Father Dobrushin, Father Makar, the Matushka Ekaterina.  They might speak in my favor.”

“They are Orthodox.  They will not be allowed to testify.”

“Then there is no one who will speak for me.  But it doesn’t matter because I am guilty.”

      The Priest went to the door.  Frau Becker pursued him through the opening.

Inquisitor Esposito is not a very excitable man.  He isn't really interested in defending Aksinya.  He seems more interested in declaring her guilt.

The demon, Asmodeus, is a side story in the mind of the inquisitor.  We might also ask if he really believes Aksinya at all.  He has never seen a sorceress before.  The inquisitor shows more excitement at the idea that Aksinya attempted suicide.  He doesn't even work with her on a defense, but that is good, Aksinya doesn't intend to defend herself.  The inquisitor simply states the charges, then puts away his notes and leaves.  He acts as though Aksinya were not able to be defended or that she is not worth defending.

Listen to how Aksinya lets this terrible priest out of his guilt.  She tells him that she will not hold it against him when he fails.  She is too kind, but she also thinks she is guilty.

When the inquisitor asks if anyone will speak in Aksinya's favor, we see a glimmer of hope, but the inquisitor shoots that down: “They are Orthodox.  They will not be allowed to testify.”  Of course they will not be allowed to testify.  No one will be allowed to testify who might aid in Aksinya's defense.

Aksinya is not to be defended.  She is not to be found not guilty.  This is the work of the demon--Aksinya is to be found guilty and also... I will not say.  We will have to see.  Tomorrow, Frau Becker speaks to the inquisitor.

A New Novel, Part 237 There are Other Charges

29 May 2011, A New Novel, Part 237 There are Other Charges

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Aksinya is in the residence of the Cardinal of Wien awaiting an ecclesiastical trial for sorcery.  Aksinya is recovering from her experience in the cold cell under the house.  The Inquisitor Esposito comes to speak to her about her defense...

“This is the Inquisitor Esposito.  I’m here to speak to the prisoner about her defense.”

Frau Becker nodded, and Frau Mauer opened the door.

The stocky priest inquisitor entered the room.  He wore his usual priestly robes.  Frau Becker stood.  The priest walked up to the bed and cocked his head and observed Aksinya for a long moment.

Aksinya turned her face away, “Please, Inquisitor Esposito, I feel very uncomfortable under your scrutiny.”

He smiled and sat in the chair Frau Becker had left.  “Sorry,” he didn’t sound sorry, “I just wanted to take a careful look at you.”

“Why?”

“I’ve never seen a sorceress like you.”

Frau Becker snorted, “Have you ever seen a sorceress at all?”

      He glanced annoyed at Frau Becker, “Actually, no. Might I have a private discussion with the Fraulein?”

      Frau Becker brought a chair from the small table and put it on the other side of the bed, “Actually, no.  Frau Mauer and I will chaperone the Fraulein while you are here.”

      Aksinya smiled, “Thank you very much, Frau Becker.”

      The expression of the priest’s face didn’t change, “Very well, but if she must confess, you will have to move far enough away not to hear.”

      Inquisitor Esposito took out his briefcase and pulled out some papers and a fountain pen, “Now Fraulein Golitsyna, you must realize the charges of the Church against you are very serious.”

      “That I am guilty of sorcery, I confess.”

“You confess it?”

“Yes, I freely confess this.  I already confessed sorcery along with all my acts against God to my Orthodox priest, Father Dobrushin.”  Aksinya rushed ahead, “I would like to speak to Father Dobrushin.”

“That is not possible.”

“Why not?”

“He is Orthodox and not permitted at your trial.”

“I am Orthodox—does the same rule apply to me?”

The inquisitor ignored her, “There are other charges.”

So, we set the scene.  You know the where and the when.  The whos are defined except the new character.  We have met him before, but I use a technique to remind you of that description.  Therefore, he is the stocky priest.  I give you an abbreviated description based on his previous description.  This places him firmly in the scene and we can move forward from there.  The conversation like most of the scenes in my novels drives the scene.

Notice, the inquisitor has never seen a sorceress before.  He has to stare at Aksinya.  This is an advanced writing technique that shows you this little fact.  The conversation lets you know this information.  The actions by the inquisitor are embarrassing to Aksinya and to the ladies in the room.  His actions would never be allowed a cultured man in the society.  They are allowed only because Aksinya isn't being treated like a person, but we knew that.  You don't put young noblewomen in cold cells (or try them for sorcery).

Frau Becker is culturally aware--she will not let the priest act in a way that is not honorable.  She will not allow him to be alone with Aksinya.  Though the inquisitor thinks nothing of breaking cultural norms because Aksinya is a sorceress.  He shows that he thinks she is already guilty as charged.

The inquisitor brings out his papers.  This was one of his characteristics in the original description--the briefcase.  Aksinya surprises the inquisitor by freely confessing to sorcery.  She recounts that she has already confessed in the Orthodox Church, and she asks to speak to her confessor.  The little play between Aksinya and the priest are meant to show how intelligent she is and to press the point of the authority of the Catholic Church to try her.  It doesn't work, but it was worth a try.  The inquisitor points out that there are other charges against Aksinya.  We will learn those tomorrow.

A New Novel, Part 225 I Can Torment You as I Desire

17 May 2011, A New Novel, Part 225 I Can Torment You as I Desire

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Aksinya is locked in a cold dark cell under the residence of the Cardinal of Wien.  Her jailer is an old woman who left her water and gruel as her supper.  Aksinya tries to sleep...

A heavy sound woke her.  She raised her head.  She didn’t dare speak.  Then she heard it again.  It sounded like the slap of a bare foot against stone.  She caught a whiff of sulfur in the air.  In the darkness, a large dark figure stood outside her door.

Aksinya shivered and trembled at the same time.

Asmodeus voice thick with mocking amusement tumbled out of the darkness.  Aksinya was so used to seeing his lips curl up over his fangs, she wasn’t certain if she could see them or she just imagined them in the darkness.  The demon chuckled, “Dear alleged Countess what a terrible predicament you find yourself in.”

Aksinya stared at him.

“Didn’t I warn you not to confess?  Didn’t I tell you to not seek out the Church.”  He spat the word.  “You sought to resist me.  That was a new experience for me.  None of my previous masters ever tried to fight against me before.  But that doesn’t matter.  There is no hope for you now.”

“There was never any hope for me from the beginning, was there, demon?”

“Ah, the little girl finally speaks.  Yes, you are right.  There never was any hope for you.”

“Why are you here now demon.  Have you come to give me more instructions or did you just come to torment me.”

He laughed, “I have no more instructions to give you, alleged Countess.  I’m here to steal all hope away from you.”

Aksinya pressed her lips tightly shut.

“You will never be rid of me, but now, I can torment you as I desire.”

“You lie.  You may only torment the guilty, and I am confessed and forgiven.”

We all seek resolutions.  This is one such time.  It is a rich time in a novel when we can begin to see what has transpired outside the stag we see.  Asmodeus visits the prisoner, Aksinya.  How ironic is this--to be visited by a demon in the house of the Cardinal.  Did you note that the demon could not enter a church or an Ecclesia, but he freely enters the house of a Cardinal--oh well.

Perhaps Akisinya's reaction is too much.  I wanted you to note that she is cold--in this scene, I don't want you to forget, but I want you to know that she is filled with fear.  She should be.  I show you how dark it is, still Aksinya imagines the expressions of the demon--they are horrible.  You can imagine them with her. 

His first address to her: “Dear alleged Countess what a terrible predicament you find yourself in.”  With these words, you know he takes credit for leaving the impression she is not really a countess and with her entire predicament.  He is trying to be amusing.

First he attacks her confession.  Isn't that the first thing the newly confessed think.  When everything doesn't work out, they ask, why did I confess?  Then the Church itself.  It hasn't helped Aksinya?  Has it?  That is the impression the demon tries to leave.

Second, he reminds her, she resisted him.  There is no hope for her because she resisted the evil of Asmodeus and she sought confession and the church.  But listen to Aksinya's words.  She does understand now.  It wasn't her resistance, it wasn't her confession, it wasn't the Church--there was no hope from the beginning.  We knew this.  If we didn't, we guessed it.  There was no hope while Aksinya wallowed in sorcery, luxuria, with a demon in contract with her.  The only problem is she still has a contract with Asmodeus.

Note how the demon addresses her, this will be important in the future--little girl.  And Aksinya's observation, "Have you come to give me more instructions or did you just come to torment me.”  Of course, the demon came to torment her--that is his purpose.  He told her that before.  Then the part that implies her contract: “You will never be rid of me, but now, I can torment you as I desire.”

Aksinya hopes this is not true.  She grasps at what she knows is truth.  The fact that she is confessed and forgiven, is it enough?  We know it is likely not.  Tomorrow, more from the demon.

A New Novel, Part 195 May I Speak to You?

A New Novel, Part 195 May I Speak to You?

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

At noon Father Dobrushin returns to the Ecclesia.  He wishes to to speak with Aksinya, just as he promised the evening before.  This is also chapter and scene setting time.  We are beginning chapter 16...

At noon, Father Dobrushin returned to the Ecclesia. As soon as the midday prayers were over, he came into the kitchen and asked Ekaterina, “Where is she?”


Ekaterina looked up from her pots and pointed with her chin toward the small back room.

Father Dobrushin went down the short hall to the door. It was cracked open and Aksinya knelt on the floor and lay partially over the small cot. The priest cleared his throat and pushed the door open the rest of the way.

Aksinya leapt up from the floor like a child caught in a misdeed. She rubbed her eyes before she turned and faced Father Dobrushin. Her eyes were moist and red.

Father Dobrushin was silent for a moment then he stroked his beard, “May I speak with you?”

Aksinya ducked her head. She rubbed her face in the coarse fabric of her sleeves, “I don’t know what is wrong with my eyes lately. They will not stop watering.”

Father Dobrushin made a noncommittal sound. Aksinya slowly sat on the edge of the cot.

Since I have problems getting on line.  I'll try to give you short pieces with some commentary.  The chief point here is the setting of chapter 16 and the first scene in chapter 16.  I give you the time--it's noon.  The place--the Ecclesia.  The participants--first Father Dobrushin.  He goes through Ekaterina to get to Aksinya.  Aksinya is in the small room she first woke in.

The setting of the place is so important to the novel, I give you another description of where it is from the kitchen.  Aksinya is obviously in prayer.  She believes, now to some degree that her prayers are being heard--otherwise, why pray?

Father Dobrushin is a gentleman--he makes a noise before he enters.  He didn't have to, the door was open.  Watch Akssinya's reaction.  She leaps to her feet as if she was caught in a misdeed.  She isn't used to any of this--her life is changing.  Her eyes are moist and red.

Father Dobrushin tries to be kind and comes across slightly brusk--he asks to speak to her.  Aksinya still acts like a guilty child.  She is still confused about her tears.  Father Dobrushin isn't certain what to do about this either.  Tomorrow, the beginning of their conversation.

A New Novel, Part 194 May I pray too?

A New Novel, Part 194 May I pray too?

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Matushka Ekaterina is comforting Aksinya.  The Matushka is knows how to take care of young women...


“Hush, Aksinya, Countess…you shouldn’t speak about sorcery. You want to give it up. You shouldn’t let your mind dwell on it.”

“Yes, you’re right, but it has been a part of my life for so long…”

“How old are you, Countess?”

“I’m eighteen.”

“You look younger.”

“I know.” Aksinya played with the spilled tea. “What am I to do now that I don’t have sorcery?”

“What do you know?”

She let out a strange sob, “I know how to be a countess.”

Ekaterina smiled, “Beyond that?”

“Latin, Greek, German, Russian, French. I can speak, read, and write in them. Can anyone do anything with that knowledge?”

“Yes. Those are very good skills. Surely you have read a lot?”

“That is almost all I do—I read.” She sighed, “I wanted to go to school. I’m certain that is at an end now.”

“Perhaps, Countess. We can’t know much of anything right now.” Ekaterina looked up, “I must say the prayers and clean the Ecclesia.”

Aksinya didn’t look up. Her voice was thick with tears, “May I pray too? May I help you?”

Ekaterina smiled, “You may.

So, after Ekaterina has drawn information out of Aksinya, by the way, this is more information than anyone has drawn out of Aksinya in this novel, she begins with her own encouragement.  A very good counselor always leaves the counseled with a sense of their own worth.  So, Ekaterina has questions of her own and a motive of her own for Aksinya. 

First, Aksinya's age.  An easy question.  The answer surprises Ekaterina--she thought Aksinya was younger.  This is another side description within the conversation.  Aksinya breeches the question Ekaterina really wants to push: “What am I to do now that I don’t have sorcery?”

This question makes everything easy for Ekaterina.  She has been waiting for this opportunity.  Don't you catch this from her words?  We learn about Aksinya's skills beyond sorcery.  Ekaterina pounces at that: "Surely you have read a lot?”

Then Aksinya brings up something Ekaterina does not wish her to pursue.  Aksinya had hopes beyond her sorcery--one was to go to school.  That is indeed at an end and might never come again.  Ekaterina can't let Aksinya continue that line of thought...she cuts it off with a distraction.  Aksinya wishes to be of some use.  That is the kicker at the end of the chapter.  We see Aksinya participating with Ekaterina in prayer and cleaning.  Tomorrow, the beginning of chapter 16.

A New Novel, Part 193 Don't Let Your Mind Dwell on it

A New Novel, Part 193 Don't Let Your Mind Dwell on it

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Aksinya is being comforted by Ekaterina.  Matushka Ekaterina asked Aksinya to tell her about her life...

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”


“Will that help you to love me?”

“Yes, and it will help me get to know you.”

Aksinya put out her arm and dipped her finger in a small puddle of tea spilled on the table, “My mother hated me.”

Ekaterina rocked Aksinya, “I doubt that very much.”

Aksinya ignored her, “I was her first child and the child of her first husband. He died before I was born. I reminded her too much of him. My adopted father loved me very much. He gave me whatever I wanted, but my mother didn’t give me what she did my younger sister or brother. She knew I loved fine clothes. Mine were always the least in the house. My mother couldn’t give me hand-me-downs, not at first. Her clothing was too elegant, but when my sister grew taller and larger in the…you know, the chest, than me, I received her old clothing. My sister had jewelry. I had nothing. My father gave me the old guest house. It was too unimportant and too ruined for my mother to care. That’s where I found the books on sorcery. I taught myself everything. I learned Latin on my own.”

“On your own?”

“Yes, perfectly. To use sorcery, you must speak the Latin words exactly as they should be spoken. Most can’t do it. I memorized the books on sorcery. Then I could have everything I wanted. At least I could make the appearance of everything I wanted. Much of sorcery is similar to illusion. It shapes the way the world looks. Some of sorcery is like…”

“Hush, Aksinya, Countess…you shouldn’t speak about sorcery. You want to give it up. You shouldn’t let your mind dwell on it.”

“Yes, you’re right, but it has been a part of my life for so long…”

We have been waiting for this moment--the time to learn more about the reticent and secretive Aksinya.  Ekaterina asks Aksinya to tell us about herself.  Aksinya wishes very much to be accepted and "loved" by Ekaterina.  Isn't it interesting that Aksinya doesn't seem to remember how much Sister Margarethe loved her?  That kind of love always frightened Aksinya--so it shouldn't surprise us.

Look at the use of description used to cause an intentional pause in the dialog.  The interlude develops the tension in the scene.  From the next description and conversation, we find Ekaterina still holds Aksinya.  She is rocking her like a child.

Aksinya believes her mother hated her.  We heard this from her before with Natalya. Ekaterina pooh poohs that Aksinya's mother hated her, then Aksinya gives us some information to chew on.  You can look at this statement from Aksinya in two ways.  The one is that her mother really did have some animosity toward her--the other is that her mother knew Aksinya had a problem with luxuria and kept it out of her hands.  The result of either her mother's wisdom or meanness resulted in Aksinya learning sorcery.  It wasn't Aksinya's mother's fault--it was all Aksinya's doing, but there is a lesson here.  Aksinya was obviously a child who was not given much attention.  The lack of attention drove her to sorcery.

Aksinya begins to go on and on about sorcery that is until Ekaterina pulls her up short.  Ekaterina wants to know Aksinya's problems, but she doesn't want Aksinya to dwell in her sin.  As I mentioned Ekaterina is very wise.  You should get this just through her conversation.  Tomorrow, we learn more. 

A New Novel, Part 192 Should I Beat You?

A New Novel, Part 192 Should I Beat You?

For those who haven’t been following this blog, let me introduce it a little. I am currently blogging my 21st novel that has the working title Daemon. The novel is about Aksinya, a sorceress, who, to save her family from the Bolsheviks, called and contracted the demon, Asmodeus. Her family was murdered anyway, and she fled with the demon from Russia to Austria.

Matushka Ekaterina is a very wise and well trained woman.  She is comforting the distraught Aksinya...

“No, I think I loved her, but I killed her.” Aksinya let out a sob, “Why did I make that sound? What’s wrong with me?” Her shoulders shuddered.


Ekaterina moved next to Aksinya. She put her arms around the girl.

Aksinya sobbed again in a hoarse whisper, “You shouldn’t try to comfort me. Instead of comfort, I beat Natalya. I don’t deserve comfort.”

“Everyone who is confessed deserves comfort. That is what we call agape love.”

“I see. I wish I could see Natalya. I miss her so much.” Aksinya buried her face in her arms. Aksinya couldn’t speak for a while, “Do you think she will hate me now?”

“She may hate you.”

“Do you think that is why I am so sad?”

“I think there are many reasons why you are sad.” She gently stroked Aksinya’s hair.

“You really shouldn’t try to comfort me. I should not be comforted.”

Ekaterina held her more tightly, “Should I beat you?”

“It might be a good idea.”

“You said you were in pain already.”

“I am in great pain.”

“Is it from your burns?”

“Yes.”

“Then there is no reason to beat you if you are already in pain.”

“I see,” Aksinya sobbed.

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

“Will that help you to love me?”

“Yes, and it will help me get to know you.”

Aksinya's confession was not over.  The morning just continues what the night had begun.  Aksinya is overwrought.  She is crying and she doesn't even understand what it is to cry.  She is in pain for many reasons, but doesn't connect her sadness with the pain she obviously feels in her heart.

Ekaterina is very compassionate and well trained at her job as the Matushka of the Ecclesia.  She comforts Aksinya.  Listen to her gentle, but strong tone.  I intentionally don't use much description in this scene so you will be drawn to Aksinya's words as well as her sadness.

Aksinya has a truly contrite heart.  She desires punishment to atone for her sin and evil.  Ekaterina's attitude is perfectly correct--the repentant deserve comfort.  That is indeed agape love.  God will not forgive without repentance and the repentant heart is a beautiful thing.  Aksinya could never see herself as beautiful at this time, but there is a beauty and serenity in her childish confession and childish view of the world.  It is still a world she does not fully understand.

Aksinya really did love Natalya.  She knows there has been a great breach in their trust and that breach might result in hate.  The theme about wishing to see Natalya is a foreshadowing and a recurring theme.  Ekaterina does not candy coat Aksinya's problems--Natalya might hate you.  Aksinya asks a very childlike question: “Do you think that is why I am so sad?”  We know why she is sad.  We know why Aksinya weeps.  We know that something monumental has happened in the life of this small, unloved, and unpretty woman who is Aksinya.  Aksinya cannot grasp what has happened.

Still, within the person who is Aksinya is still the Aksinya we know.  Listen to her response:“You really shouldn’t try to comfort me. I should not be comforted.”  She tells Ekaterina she should beat her--just as she beat Natalya.  Did you catch that.  Still Aksinya is already in pain and that pain is a direct consequence of her confession and previous actions.  Do you see the wonderful irony in this.  She wishes to be punished, yet she already is being punished.  This is what Ekaterina tells her in not so many words.  Then the Matushka asks the question we have wanted to ask Aksinya since the beginning: “Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” We wanted to ask this of Aksinya.  We wanted to know more about her life.  I give you this through Ekaterina.  It is part of Aksinya's therapy.  It is part of her confession.  Tomorrow, about Aksinya.