8 December 2015, Writing Ideas
- New Novel, part 606, yet more Examples of Tone Q and A
Announcement: Delay, my new novels can be seen on the internet, but the publisher
has delayed all their fiction output due to the economy. I'll keep you
informed. More information can be found at www.ancientlight.com. Check out my novels--I think you'll really enjoy
them.
Introduction: I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon.
This was my 21st novel and through this blog, I gave you the entire novel in
installments that included commentary on the writing. In the commentary, in
addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel
was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and
tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back through this
blog and read the entire novel beginning with http://www.pilotlion.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-novel-part-3-girl-and-demon.html.
I'm using this novel as an example
of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I'll
keep you informed along the way.
Today's Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my
writing website http://www.ldalford.com/ and select "production
schedule," you will be sent to http://www.sisteroflight.com/.
The four plus one basic rules I
employ when writing:
1. Don't confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the
writing.
4. Don't show (or tell) everything.
5. Immerse yourself in the world of
your writing.
All novels have five discrete parts:
1. The initial scene (the
beginning)
2. The rising action
3. The climax
4. The falling action
5. The dénouement
The theme statement
of my 26th novel, working title, Shape, is
this: Mrs. Lyons captures a shape-shifting girl in her pantry
and rehabilitates her.
Here is the cover proposal for Escape
from Freedom. Escape is my 25th novel.
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Cover
Proposal
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The most important scene in any
novel is the initial scene, but eventually, you have to move to the rising
action. I'm on my first editing run-through of Shape.
I'm
an advocate of using the/a scene input/output method to drive the rising
action--in fact, to write any novel.
Scene development:
1. Scene input (easy)
2. Scene output (a little
harder)
3. Scene setting (basic stuff)
4. Creativity (creative
elements of the scene)
5. Tension (development of
creative elements to build excitement)
6. Release (climax of creative
elements)
I can immediately discern three ways
to invoke creativity:
1. Historical extrapolation
2. Technological extrapolation
3. Intellectual
extrapolation
Creativity is like
an extrapolation of what has been. It is a reflection of something
new created with ties to the history, science, and logic (the
intellect). Creativity requires consuming, thinking, and producing.
One of my blog readers posed these
questions. I'll use the next few weeks to answer them.
13. Tone - how tone is created
through diction, rhythm, sentence construction, sound effects, images created
by similes, syntax/re-arrangement of words in sentence, the inflections of the
silent or spoken voice, etc.
14. Mannerism suggested by
speech
15. Style
16. Distinct manner of writing
or speaking you employ, and why (like Pinter's style includes gaps, silences,
non-sequitors, and fragments while Chekhov's includes 'apparent'
inconclusiveness).
Moving on to 13. 13.
Tone - how tone is created through diction, rhythm, sentence construction,
sound effects, images created by similes, syntax/re-arrangement of words in
sentence, the inflections of the silent or spoken voice, etc.
I'm writing from Florida--thought you should know.
If tone is the feel of the writing,
the author must start first with what tone he wants to convey.
Aksinya is a great example of tone
in a novel. The novel moves from horror
and murder to blissful elegance and high society. The tone of the scenes range from love to
hate and from great happiness to despair.
The peaks of human emotion and human suffering are found in Aksinya—the tone
of the novel must therefore fit the scenes.
This is one of my favorite scenes from the novel. This is a scene of temptation. Can you guess the tone?
“Follow
me.” The demon led her into the cemetery
and toward its center. They came to a
large area of flat stone that was very smooth.
Its surface had been finished with heavy mortar. Ice and snow didn’t cover it. The demon stopped and put the chest down on
the snow covered grass. He squatted in
the snow beside it.
Aksinya stumbled to the smooth area and
stopped. She wrapped the fur cloak more
tightly around her, “I am cold, and I am tired of walking. Can’t we eat and find an inn? Please, I’m freezing.”
“Good.
You are tired, hungry, and cold.
This will make it much easier for me.”
“Wha…what do you mean?”
“You saw the girl. I want you to call her here.”
Aksinya shook her head, “Call her here? Why call her here?”
“That girl seeks power. She has never seen true power. You, Countess, have true power. I want you to call her here with your sorcery
and let her see your power.”
Aksinya’s hand moved slowly to her mouth,
“That’s what you meant when you said you wanted to tempt her to follow me?”
“You are a smart young woman when you put
your mind to it. I’m surprised I can
tempt you so easily.”
“I won’t do it.”
Asmodeus stood. He raised his arms. The smell of sulfur increased. He made a motion like he pulled something
through the air. Suddenly, he held the
thick warm cloak that had been around Aksinya’s shoulders. Asmodeus stroked the fur, “It is still warm
from your body. Are you cold Countess?”
Aksinya shivered, “You are supposed to
protect me. How is this protecting me?”
“You aren’t dead. I never said I was here to prevent you from
suffering. Didn’t the great pain and
agony you already experienced in your legs teach you that? To achieve my ends, I’m willing to let you
suffer quite a lot.”
Aksinya stepped toward the demon, “I order
you to give me my cloak.”
Asmodeus opened the chest and threw it
inside. He closed the chest with a snap,
“Get it yourself.”
Aksinya ran to the chest and tried to open
it. It was solidly locked. She couldn’t budge the latch.
Asmodeus laughed, “Are you cold enough.”
Aksinya’s teach chattered, but she didn’t
answer.
Asmodeus raised his arms and made another
motion. Aksinya almost fell. The demon held her high-button shoes and her
stockings. Aksinya grabbed for them,
“Give them back to me. They are mine,
not yours.”
Asmodeus only laughed and the shoes and
stockings followed the cloak into his chest.
“Čort poberí[1]! Give me my shoes and coat.”
“Cursing me will do you no good. Plus, I am a devil already.”
“Give them to me.”
“Are you still not convinced?” The demon lifted his hands again. He raised them, and he held Aksinya’s dress
and petticoats in his claws.
Aksinya stared at him in dismay. She wrapped her arms over bare breasts and
tried to cover herself. She crouched on
the stone and tried to make her naked body as small as she could. The wind whistled around her. She cried out, “I am your master. We have a contract. I order you to give me back my clothing.”
“I can’t hear you mistress.” Asmodeus examined his claws, “Countess, you
won’t freeze for a long time, but you will be very uncomfortable. I know nudity bothers you. I know you hate your naked body. Ah, there you are, your worst nightmare.”
“Why won’t you obey me? Why won’t you do as I ask? Our contact requires it.”
“You should have read the contract more
thoroughly. It requires me to do evil in
your name. This isn’t evil. I am at liberty to serve you as I choose in
all other things. If you asked me to do
evil, I can certainly accommodate you.
If you ask me to take the clothing from someone else or to steal it, I
gladly will. However, that will be laid
against your accounting. There are some
other rules. Particularly, I’ve already
told you, I can’t murder the innocent.
For you, I can murder those who are not innocent. I can deliver torture as you desire but only
in proportion to the sins a person has committed in this life. You, dear Countess have committed grave sins,
and so I may torture you, but… I don’t wish to torture you.”
Aksinya crouched and whimpered on the
pavement.
“Can’t you speak, countess. You are usually very fond of it.”
“Čort poberí! Čort poberí!
Čort poberí[2]!.”
“I told you I am already damned. Cursing will do you no good.”
Her voice was weaker, “Merde, merde, merde.”
“Changing the language you curse me will do
you no good.”
Aksinya bit her lip, “Promise me you will
not harm this girl.”
“I will not harm her.”
She screamed, “Swear it.”
“I can’t swear, but I will not harm her,
Countess. You will.”
Aksinya lowered her head, “I will take it on
myself. I will do as you ask.”
The petticoats and dress reappeared on her
body. Her shoes and stockings were
suddenly on her feet and legs. Asmodeus
himself laid the thick warm mink cloak over her shoulders again, “Call the
girl. Call her, and you may dine and
sleep and experience your erotic fantasies.”
“Zatknis'! Get me my things.” Aksinya stomped to the center of the
pavement.
The
demon lifted his hands and opened the chest.
From inside came Aksinya’s
staff and her dagger. Her chalk and her
candles settled at her feet. A bundle of
fresh herbs and a brazier of incense followed them. One of Aksinya’s heavy books sailed through
the air toward her. She caught it
midair. Aksinya pulled her cloak more
closely around her. She glanced from the
side of her eyes at the demon, “I want my bookstand.”
“Which one?”
“The one that I used when I called you.”
“I didn’t bring it.”
Aksinya whirled toward him, “Why didn’t
you?”
“I didn’t.”
“What else didn’t you bring from my house?”
Asmodeus didn’t speak.
“I order you to tell me what you didn’t
bring from my house.”
“Your request is neither evil nor within my
desires.”
“I want a bookstand. Steal one for me.”
“Very well.
I am pleased to steal for you and add this sin to your account.”
In an instant, the demon was gone. Aksinya knelt on the freezing pavement and
drew a circle and a pentagram. She put
up a tallow candle and lit her brazier and incense. She cut the herbs with her dagger and
prepared to make a calling for the girl.
For this she simple spell wouldn’t need a possession from the girl, she
had seen her already. She wouldn’t even
need her name. The face was clearly set
in Aksinya’s mind.
After half an hour, Asmodeus returned with a
fine mahogany bookstand. He laid it
before Aksinya outside the circle and pentagram. She watched him carefully. She reached out and picked it up and placed
it in front of her. She put her book on
it and opened the right page.
“I know what you are thinking, Countess.”
“Perhaps you do and perhaps you do not. You are practiced at lying, demon. I didn’t trust you before, and I trust you
even less now. Don’t bother me while I
am at this work. Tell me the girl’s
name.”
“You don’t need her name to do this.”
Aksinya barked, “But I want to know it, and
I want to call her by name. That is a
surety in this business.”
“Very well.
Her name is the Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska.”
Aksinya turned a little toward the demon, “Is
she the illegitimate daughter of Prince
Aleksander Simonovich Andronikov?”
“Yes, very perceptive of you. How did you know?”
“Her patronymic and her family
name. There was a rumor in the court
about a Lady Obolenska. Does Lady Natalya know?”
“She is pleasantly unaware but
suspicious. She only knows her mother
abandoned her, and that she is a servant in the house of Prince Aleksander
Simonovich Andronikov. She is a
brilliant girl whose intellect is well above those she waits on. She doesn’t yet realize she hates them for
this reason.”
“Do you know I am beginning to despise you,
demon.”
“Only beginning. I though your hatred would be well grounded
by now. Wrath is one of the seven deadly
you know.”
Aksinya clenched her fists, “Yes, I
know.” She pulled herself up to her full
height, “You brought me out here to this place.
Light my tallow candle. I can’t
light it in this wind.”
“I cannot light anything within the magic
circle, and I can’t continue to keep it lit when it is inside.”
Aksinya hid her smile from him, “Then find
me something to block the wind.”
Asmodeus opened his chest, rummaged around a
moment, and pulled out a heavy candle lantern.
Aksinya recognized it from the cellar of her house. He placed the lantern outside the circle, and
Aksinya retrieved it. She put her candle
inside and lit it. When each thing was
in its place she began to speak the dark words.
When she first began this business of
sorcery, she had to be so careful, and it took her hours to set up everything
for a simple enchantment. Now she knew
her business so well, she knew the exact and precise steps to properly make
everything happen. From years of
practice came such ease. At the peak of the ceremony, she cut a sprig of the
herb and whispered the girl’s name into it, “Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska.” It was so much simpler with the whole
name. Aksinya placed the bit of herb in her brazier. It flared up and the incense caught it. She
heard the name quietly repeated as she censed the five corners of the pentagram. A puff of incense went out calling the girl
to come. It called her to come here to Aksinya. With a glassy-eyed smile, Aksinya continued
to cense the points of the pentagram.
Thought she knew one time was enough, she sent out call after call. When the incense was nearly all gone, she
laid down the brazier and prepared the second part of her work.
Asmodeus glanced at her, “What are you doing
now, Countess?”
“You wished a show for her. I will make her a display of power.”
“I asked you what you are doing.”
“Read it from my thoughts, demon.”
Asmodeus stood in silence.
“Yes, it is no secret now, is it? Neither your body nor your mind can cross
this magic circle. What other things are
impossible for you, demon. I didn’t
expect a confession from you, but there is much more you haven’t told me.”
“You can’t remain within that circle
forever.”
“No, I cannot, but it is enough to know,
isn’t it?”
A noise startled Aksinya. She ducked.
Asmodeus laughed, “What do you fear,
countess? You have encountered demons.” Then he raised his head and spoke excitedly,
“She comes.”
Aksinya stood straight. She was too embarrassed to speak.
A shadow flitted between the
tombstones. It moved closer and
closer. It was the girl, the Lady Natalya
Alexandrovna Obolenska. She was dressed in the clothing she had worn
earlier. She had a light cloak over
it. She moved warily and
cognizantly. She made her way to the edge
of the pavement and stared in amazement at Aksinya. She studied the magic
circle and the pentagram. She gazed at
everything on the pavement, but she didn’t step onto the flat stones. Finally, she swallowed, “Did you call me?”
Aksinya smiled a wide smile, “I called you,
Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska.”
“How do you know my name?”
“I watched you tonight.”
“What do you wish of me?”
“I think you should run. I think you should go quickly away from
here.”
Asmodeus stepped from the shadows. He waved his hand, “You will not leave, Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska. If you try
to move, you will find you cannot.”
The girl stuck her chin forward, “I do not
wish to leave. I want to know why she
called me.”
Aksinya scowled at her, “Why don’t you
run? Don’t you see the demon before
you?”
Asmodeus grinned, “You are an idiot. She sees me as I wish her to see me.”
Aksinya spoke her Latin words and saw a
handsome courtier.
Asmodeus addressed Natalya, “Lady Natalya,
let me introduce the Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. She is the one who
called you, and she is a most wonderful and powerful sorceress in this
world. She can teach you to be just the
same as she. She called you here because
she needs a lady-in-waiting and an apprentice.
Would you care to join yourself to her?
Would you like to become her lady and her apprentice?”
As if Natalya had
waited all her life to hear those specific words, she fell to her knees and
cried out. The tears were obvious in her
voice, “Dear lady, I would do anything to become your lady-in-waiting and your
apprentice. If you would only take me
away from this place. Please take me away
from here and never bring me back.”
Aksinya frowned, “I don’t want you for my
lady-in-waiting or my apprentice.”
Asmodeus waved his hand. The world seemed to stop outside the magic
circle. He glared at Aksinya, “I will
only tell you once. I can destroy this
girl. You will accept her gladly as your
lady-in-waiting and your apprentice.”
“You swore not to harm her.”
“I will not harm her.”
“Plus, she is innocent. You cannot kill her.”
“I said I will not harm her.”
“You can’t make me do anything I don’t wish
to do while I am inside this circle.”
“You are so naive. I did not set all this up for you to be able
to reject her. Look.” The demon strode over to the unmoving girl. He turned her around, pulled off her light
cloak, and ripped open the back of her dress.
Whip scars crisscrossed the girl’s back.
He lifted her skirt at the back.
Her thighs and buttocks were covered with new whip cuts. They were still raw and oozed blood. “Didn’t you wonder why it took so long for
her to respond to your call? You are the
greatest sorceress on the face of the globe.
She should have come running, but she couldn’t until the Lady Andronikov finished this work. The girl could barely walk here much less
run. The prince’s wife and lady well
knows this girl is his child. She never
intends to ever let him forget it. The
Lady Natalya believes she is punished for her frequent mistakes. Countess, she never makes a mistake. She goes over things in her mind again and
again, certain she has done each step correctly, and the lady of the house
punishes her every day for false errors.”
Aksinya sighed, “You tempt me again, demon.”
“Yes, this is indeed temptation.”
“Make time run right again. I will accept her. Get me a great cloak worthy of the
lady-in-waiting to a countess.”
Asmodeus turned Natalya back around. He went to his chest and pulled out a warm
long cloak that had been Aksinya’s. He
raised his hand, and suddenly the girl was released. Natalya took a deep breath. She fell forward on her face. She cried again, “Please, Countess, accept me
as your lady-in-waiting. Anything. I would do anything…”
Aksinya called out a couple of Latin
words. She struck her dagger against the
ground and a spark rose up. She spoke
again and the world was filled with light.
Natalya jerked up from the ground. She raised her head. Aksinya stepped out of the magic circle. She clasped Natalya’s arms and lifted her
up. Asmodeus held out the cloak. Aksinya took if from his hands and draped it
around Natalya’s body. Aksinya embraced
the girl. They were almost the same
height. She held her and kissed her
cheeks. Aksinya stated clearly, “Lady
Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska, I
Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna
accept you into my household as my lady-in-waiting and as my apprentice. Welcome, Lady Natalya.”
The girl began to tremble. She clasped Aksinya, and her tears
fell hot and wet against her neck. They
stood together for a long time.
This
is not a gentle or unthreatening scene at all—the tone is controlled from the demon
and abject pain and suffering from Aksinya.
Notice, she doesn’t cry or breakdown.
She is in complete control of herself, but she can’t control anything
else. The demon tempts and uses coercion
to make her act as he wills. Aksinya can’t
interject her will. I had to give you
this scene—like I wrote, it is my favorite.
The evil in the world conspires against Aksinya, and this is only the
beginning. Right now, I want you to get
the feel of tone—later we will look at the how of the tone.
More tomorrow.
For more information, you can visit my
author site http://www.ldalford.com/, and my individual novel websites:
http://www.ancientlight.com/
http://www.aegyptnovel.com/
http://www.centurionnovel.com
http://www.thesecondmission.com/
http://www.theendofhonor.com/
http://www.thefoxshonor.com
http://www.aseasonofhonor.com
fiction, theme, plot, story, storyline,
character development, scene, setting, conversation, novel, book, writing,
information, study, marketing, tension, release, creative, idea, logic
http://www.aegyptnovel.com/
http://www.centurionnovel.com
http://www.thesecondmission.com/
http://www.theendofhonor.com/
http://www.thefoxshonor.com
http://www.aseasonofhonor.com
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