I'm answering questions today. I'll address any questions you might have on my comments or the text itself. This helps me clarify the writing when I go through it in future edits. My answers are in italics.
Part 42 The Proposal Part 2
You said the demon chose this aunt/uncle, city (Wien, ie, Vienna), school for his own purpose; not yet revealed, but you hinted the demon wanted "more scope to torture Aksinya."
Couple of basic Q's on your choice of words:
1. Why use Wien..'German' language name for Vienna, the city and federal state in Austria? (Many readers will miss connection.) Yes! Wien is Vienna. I did this on purpose, and I'm not certain I want to explain it to my readers. The reason is that I very much like the scope of using foreign language terms in my writing. It ensures the reader steps out of her/his safety zone and has to think in a new way. The basis language for the writing is Russian--they means I transliterate most Russian terms into their English equivalents. Count and Countess, for example, instead of their usual Russian equivalents. On the other hand, as I explained before, I had Aksinya use the Russian for "shut up" to drive the reader back into the idea of the use of the Russian language. As they move into Austria, I want the reader to be constantly reminded that this is not Russia, it is Austria. I can't imagine a better what than to refer to the correct Austrian names for places and people's names. Also, the use of stra(sset)e instead of road. So, in conclusion, the knowledgeable reader will know that Wien is Vienna and all it's cultural associations (which will come out in the writing)--about 20%. The not as knowledgeable, but curious will look it up and figure out what is going on--about 30%. The entertained will just think it is a place in Austria and make the association at some point in their life. That might make them want to reread the book to see what they might have missed--about 30%. The rest of the readers will assume it is real or imaginary and just enjoy the story--the remaining 20%.
2. Why did you say demon wants "more scope to torture Aksinya? I'm aware the demon attacks her.. tied directly and indirectly to her actions. But, inflicting torture evokes the idea of punishment or pain to get info or to coerce another to/away from a certain a certain actions without tortured one able to make an decision of 'free moral agency' w/ consequences know a priori...which is vastly different. I'm not certain where I write about this in the story, but the demon does say it directly more than once:
1. His job is to do evil in the name of Aksinya--if she will not do evil or not order him to do evil, he will take it into his hands to force her to it. That is his purpose. This is torture enough for a normal soul, but there is more...
2. He is allowed to torture those who do evil. So every time Aksinya accomplishes evil, that gives the demon further latitude to torture her. This small detail has not been revealed before, and is a major revelation about the book. This is the expanding tragedy that is Aksinya, by following the dictates of the demon, she causes herself further suffering. In other words, there is no way she can save herself from the demon.
Part 43 The Arrival at the Gymnasium
1. Interesting choice of name for the girls' gymnasium, Sacré Coeur; I think that's French for Sacred Heart. Why a French language catholic school? I realize Austrian aristocracy sent their children to French speaking schools preparing them for University; but, why choose a Catholic place? Seems like a 'religious' place is the last place a demon would want the girls. Very good sleuthing. Sacré Coeur does indeed mean sacred heart in French. It is the name of a real convent and girl's school in Wien (Vienna). Where better than the heart of Christ would there be for a demon to do evil. What better Trojan Horse than a pitiable young countess who was driven from her country. Here is a revelation, the demon will attempt to bring down the school and the convent from within and without, but that is simply a sideline to his main goals.
2. Also interesting to note, 'sacred heart' is a devotional name used by Catholics to refer to the physical heart of Jesus Christ (as a symbol of divine love), and often associated w/ asceticism..a far cry from compulsion & temptation the girl falls into..in pursuit of luxuria. (I'm guessing, the school name, and environment was purposely chosen, for juxtapositional purposes.) You are right on the money. I didn't intentionally skip over these associations--as I mentioned before, I try to explain the multi-levels of the writing as well as I can, but I will certainly miss some of my own key points. Many of these will come out later in the text in a more complete revelation.
3. Finally, interest why Freifrau Bockmann, while making a running commentary on the school, and say... “...across from the church is the school... I mean the gymnasium. That is such a new term for me. It was always just a school when I attended there.”
Why did she call it a 'new term/? My understanding, the gymnasium was the model of German-Austrian schools since the 16th century; and in 1812, a Prussian regulation ordered all university prep schools bear the name of gymnasia. And, by the 20th century, this practice was followed in almost all German states, in Austria and in Russia. Would imply, in Wien, schools were called gymnasiums, preceding Freifrau Bockmann's own childhood, and training at that very school. Am, I missing something? When Freifrau Bockmann went to Sacré Coeur it was simply as school for girls. By this time it was a gymnasium for girls. Perhaps I need to clarify. I did try to convey this point in the text and I might have mentioned it before. There were no gymnasia for girls until the 19th century in Germany and into the 20th century in Austria. Therefore when Freifrau Bockman went to Sacré Coeur, it was a school and now it is a gymnasium for girls. As I understand it this is also historically correct for the actual Sacré Coeur in Wien. Note also, instead of Baron and Baroness, I use Freiherr and Freifrau. I would have liked to use Baron and Baroness, but I use the Austrian terms to place you in Austria. Harder for me, but, I hope, a scene setter for my readers.
New section in the chapter with a break. So we move on to the school itself and their incorporation in it.
Freiherr and Freifrau Bockmann left Aksinya, Natalya, and Asmodeus and took their coupe back to their estate at the edge of the city.
That afternoon Aksinya and Natalya received a pair of uniforms from Frau Drescher. To her credit, she chose clothing that was not too worn or faded, and the uniforms fitted the two of them reasonably well. After Natalya was finished with them, they were perfect. The stains were gone and the fitting was perfect. They flattered both of them. The uniforms were classic grey woolen skirts that reached to the ankles with a black belt at the waist. The blouse was made of white silk with some gentle lacy frills at the collar. For the winter seasons there was a grey short coat and a grey sweater. The shoes were button-up black brushed leather. Asmodeus gladly found shoes that matched Aksinya’s requirements from his large chest. He brought out the basic items Aksinya requested from him.
Okay, I couldn't find out the exact uniforms that Sacré Coeur used at this time, so I did some research and used the model of a typical convent school uniform for the time in Austria. The style is typical convent mixed with a little Art Deco from almost a decade before. If you note, we get again the perfection that is Natalya. She knows exactly what to do domestically and as a lady-in-waiting.
Just a short piece to round out the questions I answered. In the writing, I am at chapter 13 and almost finished with it. I have been so busy, I haven't had much time to write, but I intend to finish this chapter and go to 14 today. I have the rest of the book outlined, and I know where it is going--the devil (demon) is in the details.
In fact, a little about where hard points come in the writing. The last pieces for me were difficult. I don't like to have to set every bit of the scene, but I know it is critical to the novel. Once the scene is set, you can then write directly to the storyline, plot, and theme. You will see this direct detail in the next section of this chapter, that is chapter 6. In chapter 13, I had a heap of description, plus a lot of introductions. The description is necessary, the introductions are critical. Introductions in this cultural period are the lubricants of society. Therefore, the detail I put into this novel must show you these introductions. As we will see (have seen) the way introductions are made are critical to pick up on many of the deeper details of the story. To pull all this together, once the details of the scene are set, the author is free to then let the players move around in it. The hard part is the scene, the easy part is the play of the novel within it.
Showing posts with label gymnasium. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gymnasium. Show all posts
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
A New Novel, Part 51 The Upper Dormitory
Frau Drescher's attitude changes with Aksinya's pronouncement--if she knew more about Aksinya, she wouldn't have made such a change. She should be more wary, but then, no one knows Aksinya at all, and we understand her issues more than anyone else. Note, Frau Drescher's response to Aksinya's order. Ma'am is the correct address of any titled woman--including a queen. I hope that you were sucked into trusting Aksinya too. I certainly wouldn't invite a woman who has a contract with a demon into a dormitory of young girls and a convent of nuns.
Frau Drescher’s lips made a flip-flop but never became a smile, “Yes, you are very perceptive, Countess. I am very concerned about having a woman of your quality and standing in my dormitory. Your own appraisal does make me feel much more comfortable…”
“Please take us to our room.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Frau Drescher led them to the stairs where the archway cut the building. She directed them up to the second floor. On the upper floor lay a very long corridor that led from the school to the church. The street side was similar to the bottom floor, but the windows were full. Aksinya could see the street and the building across from it. The wallpaper was a darker mix of flowers to match the brighter light from the windows. They were also roses but colored shades of red. Everything seemed fresh and well taken care of. The floor here was also oak, like the lower floor. Runners that matched the handsome wallpaper ran at the center of the floor and marked off the corridor by rooms.
Frau Drescher turned down the corridor away from the church and toward the gymnasium proper. At the end, she turned left. The doors at this end of the corridor would have opened directly on the second floor of the school. They were closed and locked.
They all followed Frau Drescher to the end door on the right that also happened to be directly above her office. She pulled out an old key with an attached heavy bob like those from a gasthouse and unlocked the door, “Usually, the doors are kept unlocked while the students are away from them. They may be locked when a student is inside, but I don’t recommend that.”
The parallel is the description of the upper floor and the lower floor. Remember, the lower floor has yellow and pink roses, the upper floor has red roses. In German culture, red roses are indicators of love. This is an important idea that will be used later. The change shows the paradox that Frau Drescher wants to prevent--she is obviously deathly afraid of impropriety. This fear is common in the culture and society represented by this time (1918)--think of Victorian culture. It is not much different in Austria (as compared to England).
We also see how the dormitory is isolated from the rest of the school--the blocked and locked doors on the second floor show this directly. We will find that there is only an entrance at the lower floor and one into the chapel on the second floor. You can get the imagery here, the only exits are into the school and the church--there isn't any other way out.
Then the clincher, Frau Drescher tells us the doors should remain unlocked while the students are away and when they are in their rooms. The keys are like a gasthouse, they are not retained by the students--they are kept by Frau Drescher. This will become important later. Can you guess why Frau Drescher doesn't want the doors locked--it isn't a perverted reason, but we will see exactly why later.
I also surreptitiously draw your attention to the fact that Aksinya and Natalya's rooms are right above Frau Drescher's office. This should indicate the level of surveillance.
Frau Drescher’s lips made a flip-flop but never became a smile, “Yes, you are very perceptive, Countess. I am very concerned about having a woman of your quality and standing in my dormitory. Your own appraisal does make me feel much more comfortable…”
“Please take us to our room.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Frau Drescher led them to the stairs where the archway cut the building. She directed them up to the second floor. On the upper floor lay a very long corridor that led from the school to the church. The street side was similar to the bottom floor, but the windows were full. Aksinya could see the street and the building across from it. The wallpaper was a darker mix of flowers to match the brighter light from the windows. They were also roses but colored shades of red. Everything seemed fresh and well taken care of. The floor here was also oak, like the lower floor. Runners that matched the handsome wallpaper ran at the center of the floor and marked off the corridor by rooms.
Frau Drescher turned down the corridor away from the church and toward the gymnasium proper. At the end, she turned left. The doors at this end of the corridor would have opened directly on the second floor of the school. They were closed and locked.
They all followed Frau Drescher to the end door on the right that also happened to be directly above her office. She pulled out an old key with an attached heavy bob like those from a gasthouse and unlocked the door, “Usually, the doors are kept unlocked while the students are away from them. They may be locked when a student is inside, but I don’t recommend that.”
The parallel is the description of the upper floor and the lower floor. Remember, the lower floor has yellow and pink roses, the upper floor has red roses. In German culture, red roses are indicators of love. This is an important idea that will be used later. The change shows the paradox that Frau Drescher wants to prevent--she is obviously deathly afraid of impropriety. This fear is common in the culture and society represented by this time (1918)--think of Victorian culture. It is not much different in Austria (as compared to England).
We also see how the dormitory is isolated from the rest of the school--the blocked and locked doors on the second floor show this directly. We will find that there is only an entrance at the lower floor and one into the chapel on the second floor. You can get the imagery here, the only exits are into the school and the church--there isn't any other way out.
Then the clincher, Frau Drescher tells us the doors should remain unlocked while the students are away and when they are in their rooms. The keys are like a gasthouse, they are not retained by the students--they are kept by Frau Drescher. This will become important later. Can you guess why Frau Drescher doesn't want the doors locked--it isn't a perverted reason, but we will see exactly why later.
I also surreptitiously draw your attention to the fact that Aksinya and Natalya's rooms are right above Frau Drescher's office. This should indicate the level of surveillance.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
A New Novel, Part 49 A Description and a Question
Frau Drescher just can't smile. I do wish you to think about this. I want to use Frau Drescher somewhere in the novel as a greater character, but I haven't worked her into the main plotline for the theme--that is other than a colorful secondary character.
Frau Drescher paused again and her mouth rotated up in a little line that became a frown. She turned around and led them to the end of the corridor. It went around a corner to the right and there entered a long well lighted corridor. The corridor halted at a stairway where the archway into the courtyard bisected the lower floor. The hallway was covered in heavy, flower decorated wall paper. The flowers were light pink and yellow roses. Along the street side were high windows that let in much light, but still hid the street from view. No one would be able to look outside or in. The hallway was cold and stuffy. Because of the crisp December weather, none of the windows were open. On the other side of the corridor were widely spaced doors with a gas lamp on the wall between each of them. The floor was dark oak and covered with long runners that were similar in decoration to the wall paper. The runners were each centered on a door and ran from room center to room center.
Frau Drescher opened her hand and gestured toward the doors, “These are the rooms of our regular students. The young ones share a room with eight together. As they progress in age, we allow them to have four as roommates and finally, after they are fifteen, they are allowed two to a room. We always keep at least two to a room to prevent any impropriety. The room we have prepared for you is our best. We don’t have any other students of your social standing right now. The highest is a bevy of ladies of the courts, but none of them are titled.”
Aksinya asked, “Is that unusual?”
“Not really. Most of the titled ladies are educated and trained at home.”
Aksinya looked down, “I see. That is so. I was also educated at home—when I had one.”
The Freifrau stepped up, “Really, Frau Drescher, there is no reason to remind the Countess of her loss. Her home is with us now. It is, to my mind, better for her to gain your gymnasium’s knowledge and prepare herself for higher learning.”
Frau Drescher’s lips formed a fine line that then fell into a frown again, “What you say is very true, Freifrau Bockmann. I was simply answering the Countess’ question.”
First, we get the description of the lower floor of the dormitory. The picture I paint isn't unpleasant, but the place is stifling. I also try to give you a flavor of the times and the building. Notice the gaslamps and the very beautiful fixtures. Still, the picture is of a cramped and stifling place. From the wall paper to the rooms set in near perfect symmetry. Then we find the reason for the order in Frau Drescher's dormitory--to prevent impropriety.
We see the reason there are no titled ladies in the school. The only reason Aksinya is there is that she lost her family, and we see again Frau Drescher's lack of sensitivity. I also wanted to remind you and Aksinya of her condition.
Frau Drescher paused again and her mouth rotated up in a little line that became a frown. She turned around and led them to the end of the corridor. It went around a corner to the right and there entered a long well lighted corridor. The corridor halted at a stairway where the archway into the courtyard bisected the lower floor. The hallway was covered in heavy, flower decorated wall paper. The flowers were light pink and yellow roses. Along the street side were high windows that let in much light, but still hid the street from view. No one would be able to look outside or in. The hallway was cold and stuffy. Because of the crisp December weather, none of the windows were open. On the other side of the corridor were widely spaced doors with a gas lamp on the wall between each of them. The floor was dark oak and covered with long runners that were similar in decoration to the wall paper. The runners were each centered on a door and ran from room center to room center.
Frau Drescher opened her hand and gestured toward the doors, “These are the rooms of our regular students. The young ones share a room with eight together. As they progress in age, we allow them to have four as roommates and finally, after they are fifteen, they are allowed two to a room. We always keep at least two to a room to prevent any impropriety. The room we have prepared for you is our best. We don’t have any other students of your social standing right now. The highest is a bevy of ladies of the courts, but none of them are titled.”
Aksinya asked, “Is that unusual?”
“Not really. Most of the titled ladies are educated and trained at home.”
Aksinya looked down, “I see. That is so. I was also educated at home—when I had one.”
The Freifrau stepped up, “Really, Frau Drescher, there is no reason to remind the Countess of her loss. Her home is with us now. It is, to my mind, better for her to gain your gymnasium’s knowledge and prepare herself for higher learning.”
Frau Drescher’s lips formed a fine line that then fell into a frown again, “What you say is very true, Freifrau Bockmann. I was simply answering the Countess’ question.”
First, we get the description of the lower floor of the dormitory. The picture I paint isn't unpleasant, but the place is stifling. I also try to give you a flavor of the times and the building. Notice the gaslamps and the very beautiful fixtures. Still, the picture is of a cramped and stifling place. From the wall paper to the rooms set in near perfect symmetry. Then we find the reason for the order in Frau Drescher's dormitory--to prevent impropriety.
We see the reason there are no titled ladies in the school. The only reason Aksinya is there is that she lost her family, and we see again Frau Drescher's lack of sensitivity. I also wanted to remind you and Aksinya of her condition.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A New Novel, Part 44 Reverend Mother Kluge and Frau Drescher
So, do you know what a coupe is? In the world of horse-drawn vehicles, each type had its own name and each name was important--as important as a convertible, compact, subcompact, luxury, sport, SUV. Do you get the point? If you are going to immerse your readers, you need to use the appropriate words from the past. I will perhaps add a little more description of a coupe later, but you can see it is covered for the riders (not the driver). It can carry at least five comfortably.
The driver opened the door of the coupe and handed down first the Freiherr then the Freifrau Bockmann. The Lady Natalya followed them, then Asmodeus. At the last, the driver handed down Aksinya. She was dressed in the finest clothing of anyone there. She wore a wonderful creation in red satin and white lace. Her hat was the newest style from Moscow, red brushed satin with a bit of lace and feathers. Her mother never had a chance to wear it. Although her uncle and aunt had put on their best, their best was nothing compared to the gowns Aksinya’s mother once wore. That and the long mink coat Aksinya had on marked her as the Countess Sacré Coeur expected.
The nun and older woman immediately came to Aksinya’s side. They both curtsied.
Freiherr Bockmann put out his hand, “Countess Golitsyna, may I introduce the Reverend Mother Kluge and Frau Drescher. Reverend Mother and Frau Drescher, this is my niece, the Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. She is the one we spoke about yesterday.”
The Reverend Mother’s wore a full habit with a wimple that only allowed her face to be seen. The wimple flowed over her head and shoulders and was lost in the folds of her habit. The face that showed was wrinkled, but appeared kind. It wasn’t a hard face or a harsh one. It seemed to be filled with a smile most of the time, like the smile that went out to Aksinya right now. Aksinya lowered her eyes, but not her head.
Frau Drescher on the other hand displayed features of steel. Her wire rimmed glasses sat back on her very sharp nose. Her eyes darted constantly until they focused on a person and then they didn’t seem to move at all until the woman was fully satisfied with her scrutiny. Frown lines marked the corners of her mouth and her eyes. She wore a frown now and unsuccessfully tried to turn that into a smile. She was slightly plump and wore a very severe dress that wasn’t a habit, but might as well have been.
First point is Aksinya's clothing. She is dressed appropriately now--the demon insisted. The clothing is not exactly appropriate for a school visit--unless you are trying to impress. The demon wants to impress. The gown is new, the newest fashion, and fabulous. The clothing is exactly what the school would find impressive.
So Aksinya should look like exactly what Sacré Coeur expects. Now we see a reflection of the school: Revernd Mother Kluge and Frau Drescher. Kluge means smart or clever in German--so should we expect that of RM Kluge? Perhaps. Drescher means thresher in German. Well, perhaps she is a thresher. We shall see. The descriptions put these two women directly in their correct situation in Sacré Coeur. We shall see how they fit into this school...and how Aksinya will fit in or not.
The driver opened the door of the coupe and handed down first the Freiherr then the Freifrau Bockmann. The Lady Natalya followed them, then Asmodeus. At the last, the driver handed down Aksinya. She was dressed in the finest clothing of anyone there. She wore a wonderful creation in red satin and white lace. Her hat was the newest style from Moscow, red brushed satin with a bit of lace and feathers. Her mother never had a chance to wear it. Although her uncle and aunt had put on their best, their best was nothing compared to the gowns Aksinya’s mother once wore. That and the long mink coat Aksinya had on marked her as the Countess Sacré Coeur expected.
The nun and older woman immediately came to Aksinya’s side. They both curtsied.
Freiherr Bockmann put out his hand, “Countess Golitsyna, may I introduce the Reverend Mother Kluge and Frau Drescher. Reverend Mother and Frau Drescher, this is my niece, the Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. She is the one we spoke about yesterday.”
The Reverend Mother’s wore a full habit with a wimple that only allowed her face to be seen. The wimple flowed over her head and shoulders and was lost in the folds of her habit. The face that showed was wrinkled, but appeared kind. It wasn’t a hard face or a harsh one. It seemed to be filled with a smile most of the time, like the smile that went out to Aksinya right now. Aksinya lowered her eyes, but not her head.
Frau Drescher on the other hand displayed features of steel. Her wire rimmed glasses sat back on her very sharp nose. Her eyes darted constantly until they focused on a person and then they didn’t seem to move at all until the woman was fully satisfied with her scrutiny. Frown lines marked the corners of her mouth and her eyes. She wore a frown now and unsuccessfully tried to turn that into a smile. She was slightly plump and wore a very severe dress that wasn’t a habit, but might as well have been.
First point is Aksinya's clothing. She is dressed appropriately now--the demon insisted. The clothing is not exactly appropriate for a school visit--unless you are trying to impress. The demon wants to impress. The gown is new, the newest fashion, and fabulous. The clothing is exactly what the school would find impressive.
So Aksinya should look like exactly what Sacré Coeur expects. Now we see a reflection of the school: Revernd Mother Kluge and Frau Drescher. Kluge means smart or clever in German--so should we expect that of RM Kluge? Perhaps. Drescher means thresher in German. Well, perhaps she is a thresher. We shall see. The descriptions put these two women directly in their correct situation in Sacré Coeur. We shall see how they fit into this school...and how Aksinya will fit in or not.
Monday, November 15, 2010
A New Novel, Part 43 The Arrival at the Gymnasium
So the situation is set. Asmodeus manipulated every circumstance to bring Aksinya to a convent and girl's school in Austria. We still don't have any idea what the demon's overall plan is. He obviously thinks there is more opportunity for evil in this situation than in Russia.
They visited Sacré Coeur in the late morning the next day. Aksinya wore a wonderful gown Natalya had just finished fitting to her. Natalya had an appropriate matching dress that had come from Aksinya’s closet. Natalya could wear almost any of Aksinya’s clothes without fitting. They never fit Aksinya very well to begin with. Now, Aksinya wore nearly only those that had been her mother’s or her sister’s. Asmodeus insisted.
The weather was clear and cold. They rode in an elegant covered carriage, a coupe, from Aksinya’s uncle and aunt’s mansion to the convent and gymnasium at Sacré Coeur. They entered the center of Wien and arrived at a beautiful old catholic church with three attached buildings. The church appeared first. It was tall with a face decorated by stained glass. The bell tower stuck upward from the center. Connected directly to the church was another long building that was constructed in a more modern style. It was mostly sandy brick with long windows on the upper floor and shorter windows on the lower floor. A wide archway cut through the center of this building. Their driver turned the stylish coupe, through this archway. They entered a large retanguler courtyard. That’s when the other two buildings came within sight. On the other side of the courtyard was a building that appeared almost as old as the church. It was wood and stone and built in an archaic style. To the right, another building attached to the building that fronted the street and the older one across the courtyard. The building to the right was the newest. Within the courtyard, to the left across from this building the side of the church. It was as decorated with stained glass as the front.
When they entered the courtyard, Freifrau Bockmann began a running commentary, “Do you see Countess, the building along the street is the students’ dormitory. Most of the rooms front the courtyard. Across from that is the convent. They are both attached to the church. Between them and across from the church is the school... I mean the gymnasium. That is such a new term for me. It was always just a school when I attended there.”
The building between the convent and the dormetory had a fine facade. It looked like a school, but definitely one that taught the highest level of decorum. Over the double door in elegant script was the name, Sacré Coeur. The driver pulled directly before the door. A very officious appearing older woman and a tall nun stepped through the wide door to greet them.
This is mostly description punctuated with little tidbits of information. I have to take this chapter to describe this place to the reader because this will the an important part of the story. Much revolves around the school, convent, and the Bockmanns.
The first point is that Aksinya's clothing is a choice of Asmodeus. We've seen this before. This time, he obviously chose it to impress. When the clothing is described, it is exactly what a Countess would wear. Note also that obviously Aksinya's clothing was sub par to her mother and sister. You might expect that difference from her mother, but not her sister. We also see that Aksinya's clothing never fit her well--isn't that interesting.
The rest is simply the description of the buildings. I usually have to work on this over and over. I try to use the fewest words for description, but I want the reader to see what I describe. This takes time and careful editing.
They visited Sacré Coeur in the late morning the next day. Aksinya wore a wonderful gown Natalya had just finished fitting to her. Natalya had an appropriate matching dress that had come from Aksinya’s closet. Natalya could wear almost any of Aksinya’s clothes without fitting. They never fit Aksinya very well to begin with. Now, Aksinya wore nearly only those that had been her mother’s or her sister’s. Asmodeus insisted.
The weather was clear and cold. They rode in an elegant covered carriage, a coupe, from Aksinya’s uncle and aunt’s mansion to the convent and gymnasium at Sacré Coeur. They entered the center of Wien and arrived at a beautiful old catholic church with three attached buildings. The church appeared first. It was tall with a face decorated by stained glass. The bell tower stuck upward from the center. Connected directly to the church was another long building that was constructed in a more modern style. It was mostly sandy brick with long windows on the upper floor and shorter windows on the lower floor. A wide archway cut through the center of this building. Their driver turned the stylish coupe, through this archway. They entered a large retanguler courtyard. That’s when the other two buildings came within sight. On the other side of the courtyard was a building that appeared almost as old as the church. It was wood and stone and built in an archaic style. To the right, another building attached to the building that fronted the street and the older one across the courtyard. The building to the right was the newest. Within the courtyard, to the left across from this building the side of the church. It was as decorated with stained glass as the front.
When they entered the courtyard, Freifrau Bockmann began a running commentary, “Do you see Countess, the building along the street is the students’ dormitory. Most of the rooms front the courtyard. Across from that is the convent. They are both attached to the church. Between them and across from the church is the school... I mean the gymnasium. That is such a new term for me. It was always just a school when I attended there.”
The building between the convent and the dormetory had a fine facade. It looked like a school, but definitely one that taught the highest level of decorum. Over the double door in elegant script was the name, Sacré Coeur. The driver pulled directly before the door. A very officious appearing older woman and a tall nun stepped through the wide door to greet them.
This is mostly description punctuated with little tidbits of information. I have to take this chapter to describe this place to the reader because this will the an important part of the story. Much revolves around the school, convent, and the Bockmanns.
The first point is that Aksinya's clothing is a choice of Asmodeus. We've seen this before. This time, he obviously chose it to impress. When the clothing is described, it is exactly what a Countess would wear. Note also that obviously Aksinya's clothing was sub par to her mother and sister. You might expect that difference from her mother, but not her sister. We also see that Aksinya's clothing never fit her well--isn't that interesting.
The rest is simply the description of the buildings. I usually have to work on this over and over. I try to use the fewest words for description, but I want the reader to see what I describe. This takes time and careful editing.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
A New Novel, Part 42 The Proposal Part 2
We saw the proposal--Aksinya's uncle and aunt want her to attend the gymnasium for girls, Sacré Coeur. This idea came from Asmodeus--it was likely a suggestion in the telegram. Asmodeus chose this aunt and uncle, this school, this city for exactly his own purpose. I haven't shown you that purpose yet, but I did give a big hint. I revealed to you that the demon would have more scope to torture Aksinya in the West than in Russia.
Aunt Brunhilda clasped Aksinya’s left hand with both of hers. “We wish to enroll you in my old school, Sacré Coeur. It is a school, a gymnasium, for girls here in Wien. The church runs it, and it is connected with a convent of the same name. I know it is something you have never experienced before, but I believe you will blossom in it.”
Aksinya stared at her aunt. Then she turned her stare at the demon. Asmodeus’ face was covered with a scowl. He stood, “Freiherr, I’m not sure the Countess should be placed in this kind of environment. She is a very sensitive young woman who is not used to being among so many people.”
The Freiherr immediately warmed to his argument, “The Countess would have her lady-in-waiting to take care of her. She would be boarded in the style of a princess. She would possess the highest rank of anyone in Sacré Coeur.”
The demon didn’t back down, “But the Countess isn’t used to being away from her family.“
Aunt Brunhilda clasped Aksinya’s fingers a little tighter, “We are her family now. She may come stay with us on the weekends. She will certainly go to church with us and dine with us, and she may bring as many of her friends as she likes for the weekend.”
Asmodeus straightened, “Is all this certain?”
The Freiherr stuck out his chest, “It is a surety and a promise.”
“Do you swear?”
Baronet Herman Bockmann’s eyebrows rose, “Yes, I guess. I do swear.”
Asmodeus bowed, “Good. Then the Countess shall attend Sacré Coeur. Should we visit the school tomorrow?”
Aksinya’s brows lowered, “Don’t I have a say?”
Her aunt and uncle stared at her.
Asmodeus' look was dangerous, “Yes, Countess, of course you have a say.” The demon’s voice dripped with menace, “What do you wish? It is your choice, after all.” He glared at her.
Aksinya returned his gaze. Then after a moment, she lowered her head, “I shall go to Sacré Coeur on a trial basis. If I am not happy there, I shall not continue.“
Aunt Brunhilda shook Aksinya’s hand, “What a wonderful answer.”
Her uncle lit another cigarette, “Yes, very wise. It shall be on a trial basis. We shall see how all of us like it. I would rather have you here all the time with us, Countess, but I am willing to give you up during the week for your own improvement and education.”
Aksinya mumbled under her breath then she glanced up, “I will attend on a trial basis only if my lady-in-waiting may attend too.” Aksinya continued before anyone could respond, “The Lady Natalya is incredibly bright and educated. She would succeed very well in such an environment.”
The Freiherr glanced at Natalya then back at Aksinya, “Certainly, I don’t see any reason why the Lady Natalya cannot attend with you. Her primary job must be your care, but she may attend and study with you.”
Aksinya bowed her head, “Thank you.”
“You are very welcome,” Aunt Brunhilda smiled and stood. Now, let us ladies retire to my sitting room where I will inform you both all about Sacré Coeur. ”
Reluctantly Aksinya stood. Natalya bounced up. They followed Aunt Brunhilda to the second floor and her sitting room.
The demon is a consumate actor. Look at his response. He plays the "devil's advocate" and gives a counter arguement. His focus isn't the arguement, it is to get Freiherr Bockmann to swear. You can imagine why this is so important to a demon. It means there is a resolve to act. It means there is a contract. When and if (it will be when) Aksinya can no longer continue at the school, Freiherr Bockmann will be forced to break his promise (contract). This is the way with all good, even if we swear to achieve it, we make it all wrong when we cannot achieve what we have agreed to do.
Then Aksinya takes matters into her own hands for just a singular moment. She defies the demon. She matches his gaze, but can't hold it. She knows she wants to go to the school. So does the demon. Aksinya attaches two criteria to the proposal: it is a trial and Natalya must attend. You can see the reaction of both. Aksinya is reluctant--she lost out, but achieved what she wanted. Still she worries about the ramifications of the demon's choice. Natalya bounces up--her mistress thought of her and gave her a great gift. That is the end of chapter 5. I need to get writing. I just finished the first run through of chapter 11 and started chapter 12.
Aunt Brunhilda clasped Aksinya’s left hand with both of hers. “We wish to enroll you in my old school, Sacré Coeur. It is a school, a gymnasium, for girls here in Wien. The church runs it, and it is connected with a convent of the same name. I know it is something you have never experienced before, but I believe you will blossom in it.”
Aksinya stared at her aunt. Then she turned her stare at the demon. Asmodeus’ face was covered with a scowl. He stood, “Freiherr, I’m not sure the Countess should be placed in this kind of environment. She is a very sensitive young woman who is not used to being among so many people.”
The Freiherr immediately warmed to his argument, “The Countess would have her lady-in-waiting to take care of her. She would be boarded in the style of a princess. She would possess the highest rank of anyone in Sacré Coeur.”
The demon didn’t back down, “But the Countess isn’t used to being away from her family.“
Aunt Brunhilda clasped Aksinya’s fingers a little tighter, “We are her family now. She may come stay with us on the weekends. She will certainly go to church with us and dine with us, and she may bring as many of her friends as she likes for the weekend.”
Asmodeus straightened, “Is all this certain?”
The Freiherr stuck out his chest, “It is a surety and a promise.”
“Do you swear?”
Baronet Herman Bockmann’s eyebrows rose, “Yes, I guess. I do swear.”
Asmodeus bowed, “Good. Then the Countess shall attend Sacré Coeur. Should we visit the school tomorrow?”
Aksinya’s brows lowered, “Don’t I have a say?”
Her aunt and uncle stared at her.
Asmodeus' look was dangerous, “Yes, Countess, of course you have a say.” The demon’s voice dripped with menace, “What do you wish? It is your choice, after all.” He glared at her.
Aksinya returned his gaze. Then after a moment, she lowered her head, “I shall go to Sacré Coeur on a trial basis. If I am not happy there, I shall not continue.“
Aunt Brunhilda shook Aksinya’s hand, “What a wonderful answer.”
Her uncle lit another cigarette, “Yes, very wise. It shall be on a trial basis. We shall see how all of us like it. I would rather have you here all the time with us, Countess, but I am willing to give you up during the week for your own improvement and education.”
Aksinya mumbled under her breath then she glanced up, “I will attend on a trial basis only if my lady-in-waiting may attend too.” Aksinya continued before anyone could respond, “The Lady Natalya is incredibly bright and educated. She would succeed very well in such an environment.”
The Freiherr glanced at Natalya then back at Aksinya, “Certainly, I don’t see any reason why the Lady Natalya cannot attend with you. Her primary job must be your care, but she may attend and study with you.”
Aksinya bowed her head, “Thank you.”
“You are very welcome,” Aunt Brunhilda smiled and stood. Now, let us ladies retire to my sitting room where I will inform you both all about Sacré Coeur. ”
Reluctantly Aksinya stood. Natalya bounced up. They followed Aunt Brunhilda to the second floor and her sitting room.
The demon is a consumate actor. Look at his response. He plays the "devil's advocate" and gives a counter arguement. His focus isn't the arguement, it is to get Freiherr Bockmann to swear. You can imagine why this is so important to a demon. It means there is a resolve to act. It means there is a contract. When and if (it will be when) Aksinya can no longer continue at the school, Freiherr Bockmann will be forced to break his promise (contract). This is the way with all good, even if we swear to achieve it, we make it all wrong when we cannot achieve what we have agreed to do.
Then Aksinya takes matters into her own hands for just a singular moment. She defies the demon. She matches his gaze, but can't hold it. She knows she wants to go to the school. So does the demon. Aksinya attaches two criteria to the proposal: it is a trial and Natalya must attend. You can see the reaction of both. Aksinya is reluctant--she lost out, but achieved what she wanted. Still she worries about the ramifications of the demon's choice. Natalya bounces up--her mistress thought of her and gave her a great gift. That is the end of chapter 5. I need to get writing. I just finished the first run through of chapter 11 and started chapter 12.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
A New Novel, Part 41 The Proposal Part 1
So now we get the point of almost everything. Freiherr Bockmann makes a proposal to Aksinya that truly tempts her. She can't let it seem she it too interested, but she is truly tempted by what he proposes. Do you think Asmodeus had anything to do with the proposal?
The fire was still burning in the great fireplace, but it was mostly coals with only a light sprinkling of flames. Aunt Brunhilda led Aksinya to a chair and sat her. She took a seat in the chair beside her and held her hand.
The Freiherr stood. He stepped to the fireplace and lit a cigarette. He took a puff and turned around, “You don’t know how pleased we are that you came to us and that you are safe here with us.” He flicked some ash from his cigarette into the coals, “When we heard about your family, I had the priest make a high Mass in their honor. At the time, we thought you had died with them.” He gave her a crooked smile, “We were glad someone survived and that you survived. You being who you are, after all.”
Aksinya lowered her eyes, “Thank you.”
“Your Aunt and I have discussed this since we heard you were coming.” He smiled again, “You are not quite seventeen, am I correct?”
“I am seventeen, Uncle.”
“How much education have you received?”
“None except from our family’s priest and my governess.”
“In the past that might have been sufficient for a young lady. Today, it is woefully deficient. As I remember, you have always been very keen on learning.”
Aksinya tried to appear disinterested, but in spite of herself, she nodded and leaned forward expectantly.
“Yes, I see I am right. Your German is much better than you led us to believe last night. I see you understand me very well.” His eyes crinkled, “You learned it from your mother, I know. And I know you speak French and can read Greek.”
“Yes, Uncle.”
“What do you think about the idea of an education.”
Aksinya smiled, “What did you have in mind, Uncle?”
“There is an excellent gymnasium in this city.”
Aunt Brunhilda laughed, “I went to it myself.”
“What is a gymnasium?”
“It is a school for students who will go on to a university.”
“To a university? Could I attend a university—is it allowed for women?”
Aunt Brunhilda put her hands together, “Yes, it is very possible for you to go on to a university.”
“I would gladly attend, but for what purpose?”
The Freiherr stood straight and threw the butt of his cigarette in the coals, “Ha, the world we once knew well is changing. The future will belong to men and women who have grasped an education, and who have an aristocratic pedigree. The people will need someone to lead them. This is what we wish for you. It is certainly what your father and mother would have desired.”
“I’m not so sure. You tempt me...”
Asmodeus cleared his throat.
Her uncle grinned, “I want to tempt you. I want you to follow this course, and I think you are well fitted to succeed. You always were a studious child.”
Aksinya sighed, “What exactly do you propose, Uncle?”
Aunt Brunhilda clasped Aksinya’s left hand with both of hers. “We wish to enroll you in my old school, Sacré Coeur. It is a school, a gymnasium, for girls here in Wien. The church runs it, and it is connected with a convent of the same name. I know it is something you have never experienced before, but I believe you will blossom in it.”
We begin with a slight remembrance of Aksinya's loss. Her uncle reminds her while he begins his introduction. Do you see the multi-level mystery he invokes. They were happy she survived of all the others--this should get you thinking. I'm not going to tell you why yet. The point is emphasized twice. Then he brings up the next point--to him it is important and important to the demon. Asmodeus chose her clothing. Her uncle should know her age, he assumes she is younger--who might have put that thought in her mind. The first point is her age--she is young yet. The second point is her education. She, like most aristocratic women in this age, was educated by the family governess and priest.
Her uncle then praises her. He praises her German, French, and Greek. She knows German from her mother (a clue), French from the Russian court, and Greek from the Orthodox church. Her uncle's pont is to tempt her toward an education. You might wonder why the demon wants Aksinya to get an education. Keep thinking.
The next idea is the gymnasium. I use a trick of a question in the dialog to tell you what it is. Aksinya doesn't know, so I can explain what it is to the reader. The obvious question to Aksinya is whether a woman can aspire to the university--this was not expected at the time. We get a shot of the culture. Her uncle is tempting her. He uses a hard argument "your mother and father would have wanted it." See the reaction of Aksinya--she realizes what is happening. The demon threatens her just a little, and Aksinya sighs. She realizes she can't win against her aunt and uncle, the demon, and her own desires. We end the first part of this dialog with the revelation that the gymnasium is a convent school run by the church. Do you begin to understand why the demon might want to put Aksinya there--ah, we will find out soon.
The fire was still burning in the great fireplace, but it was mostly coals with only a light sprinkling of flames. Aunt Brunhilda led Aksinya to a chair and sat her. She took a seat in the chair beside her and held her hand.
The Freiherr stood. He stepped to the fireplace and lit a cigarette. He took a puff and turned around, “You don’t know how pleased we are that you came to us and that you are safe here with us.” He flicked some ash from his cigarette into the coals, “When we heard about your family, I had the priest make a high Mass in their honor. At the time, we thought you had died with them.” He gave her a crooked smile, “We were glad someone survived and that you survived. You being who you are, after all.”
Aksinya lowered her eyes, “Thank you.”
“Your Aunt and I have discussed this since we heard you were coming.” He smiled again, “You are not quite seventeen, am I correct?”
“I am seventeen, Uncle.”
“How much education have you received?”
“None except from our family’s priest and my governess.”
“In the past that might have been sufficient for a young lady. Today, it is woefully deficient. As I remember, you have always been very keen on learning.”
Aksinya tried to appear disinterested, but in spite of herself, she nodded and leaned forward expectantly.
“Yes, I see I am right. Your German is much better than you led us to believe last night. I see you understand me very well.” His eyes crinkled, “You learned it from your mother, I know. And I know you speak French and can read Greek.”
“Yes, Uncle.”
“What do you think about the idea of an education.”
Aksinya smiled, “What did you have in mind, Uncle?”
“There is an excellent gymnasium in this city.”
Aunt Brunhilda laughed, “I went to it myself.”
“What is a gymnasium?”
“It is a school for students who will go on to a university.”
“To a university? Could I attend a university—is it allowed for women?”
Aunt Brunhilda put her hands together, “Yes, it is very possible for you to go on to a university.”
“I would gladly attend, but for what purpose?”
The Freiherr stood straight and threw the butt of his cigarette in the coals, “Ha, the world we once knew well is changing. The future will belong to men and women who have grasped an education, and who have an aristocratic pedigree. The people will need someone to lead them. This is what we wish for you. It is certainly what your father and mother would have desired.”
“I’m not so sure. You tempt me...”
Asmodeus cleared his throat.
Her uncle grinned, “I want to tempt you. I want you to follow this course, and I think you are well fitted to succeed. You always were a studious child.”
Aksinya sighed, “What exactly do you propose, Uncle?”
Aunt Brunhilda clasped Aksinya’s left hand with both of hers. “We wish to enroll you in my old school, Sacré Coeur. It is a school, a gymnasium, for girls here in Wien. The church runs it, and it is connected with a convent of the same name. I know it is something you have never experienced before, but I believe you will blossom in it.”
We begin with a slight remembrance of Aksinya's loss. Her uncle reminds her while he begins his introduction. Do you see the multi-level mystery he invokes. They were happy she survived of all the others--this should get you thinking. I'm not going to tell you why yet. The point is emphasized twice. Then he brings up the next point--to him it is important and important to the demon. Asmodeus chose her clothing. Her uncle should know her age, he assumes she is younger--who might have put that thought in her mind. The first point is her age--she is young yet. The second point is her education. She, like most aristocratic women in this age, was educated by the family governess and priest.
Her uncle then praises her. He praises her German, French, and Greek. She knows German from her mother (a clue), French from the Russian court, and Greek from the Orthodox church. Her uncle's pont is to tempt her toward an education. You might wonder why the demon wants Aksinya to get an education. Keep thinking.
The next idea is the gymnasium. I use a trick of a question in the dialog to tell you what it is. Aksinya doesn't know, so I can explain what it is to the reader. The obvious question to Aksinya is whether a woman can aspire to the university--this was not expected at the time. We get a shot of the culture. Her uncle is tempting her. He uses a hard argument "your mother and father would have wanted it." See the reaction of Aksinya--she realizes what is happening. The demon threatens her just a little, and Aksinya sighs. She realizes she can't win against her aunt and uncle, the demon, and her own desires. We end the first part of this dialog with the revelation that the gymnasium is a convent school run by the church. Do you begin to understand why the demon might want to put Aksinya there--ah, we will find out soon.
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