Marketing Materials - A Marketing Website, more Secrets

21 September 2011, Marketing Materials - A Marketing Website, more Secrets

Introduction: I realized that I need to introduce this blog a little.  I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon.  The working title was Daemon, and this was my 21st novel.  Over the last year, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing.  In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes.  You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published.  I'll keep you informed along the way.  At this moment, I'm showing you the marketing material I put together for a novel.

Today's Blog:  I'm writing today about the secrets page(s) on your novel's website.  You don't have to have secrets page(s), but they sure can be a draw.  One of my novel's secret pages gets more hits than the regular page--that's because it is a secrets page.

So, what goes on a secrets page?  I've already given you some ideas.  You can find my novels and their secrets pages through http://www.ldalford.com/ or the individual novels websites.  Every one of my novels has their own website--yours should too. 

If you look at my secrets pages, you can see what I have filled them with.  I've put up the original cover ideas: my proposals, the publisher's proposals, and the final--plus some info on the cover.  I've included some of my notes, pictures, maps, diagrams.  On some secrets pages, I've given details on why I wrote the novel and the theme.  I've also show how I went about putting the novel together.  There is much more information I could include.  In general, a secrets page is a place your readers and future readers can go to find more information on your novel.  By the way, when I give a class on one of my novels or about the history in one of my novels, I also put the slide set on the secrets page.

So put up a secrets page.  Tomorrow, I'll give you more information about what can go on your marketing page after your book is published.

Marketing Materials - Websites

12 September 2011, Marketing Materials - Websites

I realized that I need to introduce this blog a little.  I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon, the working title was Daemon, and this was my 21st novel.  Over the last year, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing.  In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, the way I built the scenes.  You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published.  I'll keep you informed along the way.  At this moment, I'm showing you the marketing material I put together for a novel.

I showed you in the last week or so how to put together the initial marketing material.  I told you some uses for it.  Now, I'm going to show you how to put it to immediate use.

I think I mentioned about websites.  I'll give it to you again.  When you finish writing a novel and after you set the title, get the website for it.  If you can and want to get all the websites for the title.  Using Aksinya as the example, I wanted to get www.Aksinya.com, but that was taken.  I took www.AksinyaNovel.com.  I could also have taken www.AksinyaStory.com and www.EnchantmentoftheDaemon.com.  I put www.Aksinya.com on back order.  I've been able to get some of my book titles that way. 

The point is to get all the websites directly related to your novel.  I usually try to just get the main title, but as you can see, you can increase your marketing potential with many.  Since I have 21 novels, at about $10 every year to retain the websites, the cost is low.  If I had two per novel or more, the costs would go up significantly.  I'd like to own more websites, but until I have a bestseller that needs it, I'll continue my current policy.

So, after you've written your novel and set the title, get the website for the title.  Oh, by the way, there are many places to go to get a website, but I use www.GoDaddy.com.  I also use them for hosting.   

Tomorrow I'll write more about how to use the marketing information in websites.

Marketing Materials - To Synopsis

2 September 2011, Marketing Materials - To Synopsis

I'm showing you how I prepare marketing material for my novels.  Here is a repeat just to introduce the subject.  Today, I'm working on the next section of the long form information.

Marketing a novel is more difficult in my mind than writing a novel.  I'd like to just spend my time writing, unfortunately, before your novel is published, you have the burden of finding a publisher and after your novel is published, you have the burden of following your publisher's marketing instructions.

Marketing is a very important part of writing a novel.  The first thing after writing your novel is get your marketing stuff together.  Marketing information is critical to your writing and it forms the basis for the inner and outer cover and other future marketing materials.  Here is the outline of what is required.  I'll start with the long form information and continue to the short form.

I put all this information together in the same file.  I do produce a second file, I will go over with you later, specifically for my regular publisher.  I put the commentary in italics.  I'm moving on to genre and author bio today.  I'll leave in the past info without commentary.

The long form information:

Title of Work:

Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon

Author(s) Name:

L. D. Alford

Type: Either Screenplay or Book

Book

Length: Either # of words for books, or # of pages for screenplays

121,475 words

Keywords and Market Focus:

Fiction, Russia, Austria, 1918, Wien, Vienna, Daemon, Demon, Aksinya, Asmodeus, Catholic Church, Sorcery, Travel, Orthodox Church, Russian Revolution, WWI, temptation, desire, convent, nobility, Countess, aristocracy, languages, Latin, Greek, German, French, contract, evil, Tobit

Will fascinate anyone interested in sorcery, mystery, and suspense—will appeal particularly to those who enjoy historical mystery and suspense novels.

Genre:

Fiction Suspense

Author Bio: Approximately 120 words

The finest escape in literature is an escape into a real and inviting culture—so asserts L. D. Alford, a novelist who explores with originality those cultures and societies we think we already know.  He builds tales that make ancient people and times real to us.  His stories uniquely explore the connections between present events and history—he combines them with threads of reality that bring the past alive.  L. D. Alford is familiar with technology and cultures—he earned a B.S. in Chemistry from Pacific Lutheran University, an M.S. in Mechanical Engineering from Boston University, Ph.D. in Aerospace Engineering from the University of Dayton, and is a graduate of Air War College, and Air Command and Staff College.  He is widely traveled and has spent long periods in Europe and Central America.  L. D. Alford is an author who combines intimate scientific and cultural knowledge into fiction worlds that breathe reality.   

Synopsis:  Approximately 500 Words

In November 1918, Lady Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna called the demon Asmodeus to protect her noble family from the Bolsheviks.  At the time, Russia was in the middle of a revolution and a civil war.  The aristocracy was at risk every moment from rapine and murder.  Aksinya conjured a demon to protect her family, but she was too late.  When Aksinya and Asmodeus arrived at the estate, her father and mother, brother and sister were already dead.  She became the Countess of Golitsyna because no one else remained alive.  Aksinya was left in a very trying situation:  she had conjured a demon, whose only purpose was to aid her in accomplishing evil, but Aksinya didn’t desire to accomplish evil—she only wanted to protect her family and now, they were all dead.

Aksinya was unfortunately well trained to accomplish evil.  She was a sorceress and a powerful one.  At every turn, the demon, Asmodeus tempts Aksinya through her sorcery to evil.  Aksinya has other problems as well.  With the demon at her side, the world for Aksinya becomes one of repeated temptation and fall.  The demon tempts her to call a servant, the Lady Natalya.  He tempts her to travel to Wien, Austria and to her relatives there.  He tempts her to sorcery at every turn.  He tempts her to take a lover.  Each of the temptations drives her deeper and deeper into the depths of evil and despair.

Aksinya isn’t passive in her resistance, but she has few tools and fewer chances to fight against Asmodeus.  Plus, she doesn’t want to fight his temptation—that is the nature of temptation.  She desires sorcery.  She desires noble and aristocratic possessions.  She desires control, and the demon gives her all these things.  

What Aksinya doesn’t realize is that Asmodeus’ purpose is not for her good at all, only for evil.  His purpose is to tempt her into destruction, and her destruction will result in the end of her friends, acquaintances, and relatives.  The demon plans a much greater end to everything in Aksinya’s life than she could ever imagine. 

Aksinya wishes to be free from the demon, and she will give up almost everything to achieve that goal.  Will she be able to gain her freedom and will she be able to face the results of that freedom? 

         

The first attempt at your synopsis should be about 500 words.  If 500 words won't work, you aren't trying hard enough.  500 words is about the longest synopsis you should write.  It is about 1 and 1/2 page double spaced. 

Write the synopsis in the present tense, only diving back into the past tense for past ideas.  Notice, I start with the past tense as I discuss Aksinya and bring you into the present tense about the temptation by the demon.

Write exciting active prose--just like you write for a good scene.  Try to gain the excitement of your reader.  This is your opportunity to interest an agent or publisher.  Plus, this will become your synopsis.  You will want to use this or shortened versions of this all over the place. This can become part of your cover information or inner cover information.

Use loaded words and ideas.  Don't reveal all.  You don't have the space to show, so you will have to tell, but you want to use your telling to the best effect. 

I like to end my synopsis with a question or an implied question.  Some writing guides recommend that you tell everything in the synopsis.  I assure you, you can barely get the main ideas of your novel in any synopsis.  If I intended to encapsulate the entire novel in a synopsis, I wouldn't have written a novel.  You can't get it all in, and I recommend you not try to give it all or any real spoilers.  If the publisher is interested, they will ask for the novel (or a part).  Or this information might be your cover sheet.  The point is that they will have the whole when they ask.  If the synopsis doesn't capture their imagination, the novel won't either.  That's why the synopsis is so important.

Registration: WGA, ISBN, or Library of Congress, Write the number.

Other Information:  If you have more work, a website, anything interesting and professional, especially any awards or recognition.

Short form information: 

Reviewer’s quotes.

1.  No more than 3 sentences about the content of your manuscript.

2.  One sentence about successful works similar to yours.

3.  No more than 2 sentences about yourself. (use 3^rd person)

4.  No more than 2 sentences that include “other,” i.e. any reasons, relationships, or other factors that might make your work more attractive.

Tomorrow, we'll look at more information with commentary.

A New Novel, Part 56 Answers to Questions and Uniform Details

I'm answering questions today.  I'll address any questions you might have on my comments or the text itself.  This helps me clarify the writing when I go through it in future edits.  My answers are in italics.

Part 42 The Proposal Part 2


You said the demon chose this aunt/uncle, city (Wien, ie, Vienna), school for his own purpose; not yet revealed, but you hinted the demon wanted "more scope to torture Aksinya."

Couple of basic Q's on your choice of words:

1. Why use Wien..'German' language name for Vienna, the city and federal state in Austria? (Many readers will miss connection.) Yes!  Wien is Vienna.  I did this on purpose, and I'm not certain I want to explain it to my readers.  The reason is that I very much like the scope of using foreign language terms in my writing.  It ensures the reader steps out of her/his safety zone and has to think in a new way.  The basis language for the writing is Russian--they means I transliterate most Russian terms into their English equivalents.  Count and Countess, for example, instead of their usual Russian equivalents.  On the other hand, as I explained before, I had Aksinya use the Russian for "shut up" to drive the reader back into the idea of the use of the Russian language.  As they move into Austria, I want the reader to be constantly reminded that this is not Russia, it is Austria.  I can't imagine a better what than to refer to the correct Austrian names for places and people's names.  Also, the use of stra(sset)e instead of road.  So, in conclusion, the knowledgeable reader will know that Wien is Vienna and all it's cultural associations (which will come out in the writing)--about 20%.  The not as knowledgeable, but curious will look it up and figure out what is going on--about 30%.  The entertained will just think it is a place in Austria and make the association at some point in their life.  That might make them want to reread the book to see what they might have missed--about 30%.  The rest of the readers will assume it is real or imaginary and just enjoy the story--the remaining 20%. 

2. Why did you say demon wants "more scope to torture Aksinya? I'm aware the demon attacks her.. tied directly and indirectly to her actions. But, inflicting torture evokes the idea of punishment or pain to get info or to coerce another to/away from a certain a certain actions without tortured one able to make an decision of 'free moral agency' w/ consequences know a priori...which is vastly different.  I'm not certain where I write about this in the story, but the demon does say it directly more than once:
1.  His job is to do evil in the name of Aksinya--if she will not do evil or not order him to do evil, he will take it into his hands to force her to it.  That is his purpose.  This is torture enough for a normal soul, but there is more...
2.  He is allowed to torture those who do evil.  So every time Aksinya accomplishes evil, that gives the demon further latitude to torture her.  This small detail has not been revealed before, and is a major revelation about the book.  This is the expanding tragedy that is Aksinya, by following the dictates of the demon, she causes herself further suffering.  In other words, there is no way she can save herself from the demon.

Part 43 The Arrival at the Gymnasium

1. Interesting choice of name for the girls' gymnasium, Sacré Coeur; I think that's French for Sacred Heart. Why a French language catholic school? I realize Austrian aristocracy sent their children to French speaking schools preparing them for University; but, why choose a Catholic place? Seems like a 'religious' place is the last place a demon would want the girls. Very good sleuthing. Sacré Coeur does indeed mean sacred heart in French.  It is the name of a real convent and girl's school in Wien (Vienna).  Where better than the heart of Christ would there be for a demon to do evil.  What better Trojan Horse than a pitiable young countess who was driven from her country.  Here is a revelation, the demon will attempt to bring down the school and the convent from within and without, but that is simply a sideline to his main goals.

2. Also interesting to note, 'sacred heart' is a devotional name used by Catholics to refer to the physical heart of Jesus Christ (as a symbol of divine love), and often associated w/ asceticism..a far cry from compulsion & temptation the girl falls into..in pursuit of luxuria. (I'm guessing, the school name, and environment was purposely chosen, for juxtapositional purposes.)  You are right on the money.  I didn't intentionally skip over these associations--as I mentioned before, I try to explain the multi-levels of the writing as well as I can, but I will certainly miss some of my own key points.  Many of these will come out later in the text in a more complete revelation.

3. Finally, interest why Freifrau Bockmann, while making a running commentary on the school, and say... “...across from the church is the school... I mean the gymnasium. That is such a new term for me. It was always just a school when I attended there.”

Why did she call it a 'new term/? My understanding, the gymnasium was the model of German-Austrian schools since the 16th century; and in 1812, a Prussian regulation ordered all university prep schools bear the name of gymnasia. And, by the 20th century, this practice was followed in almost all German states, in Austria and in Russia. Would imply, in Wien, schools were called gymnasiums, preceding Freifrau Bockmann's own childhood, and training at that very school. Am, I missing something?  When Freifrau Bockmann went to Sacré Coeur it was simply as school for girls.  By this time it was a gymnasium for girls.  Perhaps I need to clarify.  I did try to convey this point in the text and I might have mentioned it before.  There were no gymnasia for girls until the 19th century in Germany and into the 20th century in Austria.  Therefore when Freifrau Bockman went to Sacré Coeur, it was a school and now it is a gymnasium for girls.  As I understand it this is also historically correct for the actual Sacré Coeur in Wien.  Note also, instead of Baron and Baroness, I use Freiherr and Freifrau.  I would have liked to use Baron and Baroness, but I use the Austrian terms to place you in Austria.  Harder for me, but, I hope, a scene setter for my readers.

New section in the chapter with a break.  So we move on to the school itself and their incorporation in it.
Freiherr and Freifrau Bockmann left Aksinya, Natalya, and Asmodeus and took their coupe back to their estate at the edge of the city.


That afternoon Aksinya and Natalya received a pair of uniforms from Frau Drescher. To her credit, she chose clothing that was not too worn or faded, and the uniforms fitted the two of them reasonably well. After Natalya was finished with them, they were perfect. The stains were gone and the fitting was perfect. They flattered both of them. The uniforms were classic grey woolen skirts that reached to the ankles with a black belt at the waist. The blouse was made of white silk with some gentle lacy frills at the collar. For the winter seasons there was a grey short coat and a grey sweater. The shoes were button-up black brushed leather. Asmodeus gladly found shoes that matched Aksinya’s requirements from his large chest. He brought out the basic items Aksinya requested from him.

Okay, I couldn't find out the exact uniforms that Sacré Coeur used at this time, so I did some research and used the model of a typical convent school uniform for the time in Austria.  The style is typical convent mixed with a little Art Deco from almost a decade before.  If you note, we get again the perfection that is Natalya.  She knows exactly what to do domestically and as a lady-in-waiting.
 
Just a short piece to round out the questions I answered.  In the writing, I am at chapter 13 and almost finished with it.  I have been so busy, I haven't had much time to write, but I intend to finish this chapter and go to 14 today.  I have the rest of the book outlined, and I know where it is going--the devil (demon) is in the details.
 
In fact, a little about where hard points come in the writing.  The last pieces for me were difficult.  I don't like to have to set every bit of the scene, but I know it is critical to the novel.  Once the scene is set, you can then write directly to the storyline, plot, and theme.  You will see this direct detail in the next section of this chapter, that is chapter 6.  In chapter 13, I had a heap of description, plus a lot of introductions.  The description is necessary, the introductions are critical.  Introductions in this cultural period are the lubricants of society.  Therefore, the detail I put into this novel must show you these introductions.  As we will see (have seen) the way introductions are made are critical to pick up on many of the deeper details of the story.  To pull all this together, once the details of the scene are set, the author is free to then let the players move around in it.  The hard part is the scene, the easy part is the play of the novel within it. 

A New Novel, Part 39 Dressing Aksinya

There are multiple duplicities going on here.  Look especially at what Asmodeus chose for her to wear. 

In the morning, Natalya drew Aksinya a bath, and helped Aksinya into it. When Natalya returned to the main bedroom, she found Aksinya’s trunk with a note on it. Crisp Russian handwriting described one of the wonderful gowns she had fitted to Aksinya. Natalya searched through the trunk and pulled out the gown. It was a light parchment color with lace all around. The dress was both formal and yet wonderfully intimate. It was made of light silk and fine silk lace covered it.


Natalya retrieved Aksinya from the bath and dried her off. When Natalya dressed Aksinya in the gown, it fit her shape wonderfully. It was loose, but fit Aksinya tightly. It did not draw attention to Aksinya’s lack of bosom, but rather accentuated her slight and girlish figure. It made her slim hips look feminine and stylish. Natalya would have liked to see Aksinya wear it to a grand social affair. She knew it would show off her mistress’ best features, although it did make her appear younger than she was. As she settled the dress on Aksinya’s slim figure, Natalya fingered the crosses she had sewed in the fabric and wondered why Aksinya had made her put them there. At the last, Natalya placed a small square silk and lace cap on Aksinya’s head. She pinned the cap and then Aksinya’s hair and pulled her bangs into a part across her forehead.

Aksinya took a glance at herself in the mirror, something she rarely did and smiled. Natalya smiled behind her. Aksinya’s appearance was almost radiant.

He did it again.  The demon chose a thin dress in the middle of winter.  Look at the material and the color.  It is out of place--out of season.  Remember Aunt Brunhilda.  Natalya fits Aksinya better into her clothing than Aunt Brunhilda's seamstress, but still...  The dress is very elegant, but it makes her look like a girl and not a woman.  This will play in the coming scene.  Natalya applauds the choice because?  I wrote it before, but I need to foreshadow this a little.  Natalya obviously views Aksinya as someone to take care of.  She sees her like a sister.  She wants to dress her up, like a doll.  Look at the attention to detail Natalya places on her mistress.  Notice the care with the hair and the cap.  It was such a wonderful change, Aksinya smiled.  This is obviously the single most important thing to Natalya--to please Aksinya.  The dress was chosen by the demon to make Aksinya appear younger and less mature--the reason, we will soon discover.
 
I also took the time to remind you of the crosses on the dresses.  We still don't know if they will work.  Obviously, Aksinya wishes to prevent the demon from removing her clothing as a torture to compel her to act.  We also can guess that she hopes the crosses protect her and Natalya from the influence of the demon.  We and she don't know if this will work at all.
 
Finally, the last picture before the transition is Natalya behind Aksinya at the mirror.  I love this picture.  We see Aksinya backed in every way by her lady-in-waiting both in image and reality.

A New Novel, Part 21 the Lady Natalya

Aksinya was coerced by the demon to use sorcery to call the girl they observed that evening.  Now Aksinya begins the ceremony, and we learn a little more about the limitations of the demon.

When Aksinya first began this business of sorcery, she had to be so careful, and it took her hours to set up everything for a simple enchantment. Now she knew her business so well, she knew the exact and precise steps to properly make everything happen. From years of practice came such simplicity. At the peak of the ceremony, Aksinya cut a sprig of the herb and whispered the girl’s name into it, “Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska.” It was so much simpler with the whole name. Aksinya placed the bit of herb in her brazier. It flared up and the incense caught it. She heard the name quietly repeated as she censed the five corners of the pentagram. A puff of incense went out calling the girl to come. It called her to come here to Aksinya. With a glassy-eyed smile, Aksinya continued to cense the points of the pentagram. Thought she knew one time was enough, she sent out call after call. When the incense was nearly all gone, she put down the brazier and prepared the second part of her work.


Asmodeus glanced at her, “What are you doing now, countess?”

“You wished a show for her. I will make her a display of power.”

“I asked you what you are doing.”

“Read it from my thoughts, demon.”

Asmodeus stood in silence.

“Yes, it is no secret now, is it? Neither your body nor your mind can cross this magic circle. What other things are impossible for you, demon. I didn’t expect a confession from you, but there is much more you haven’t told me.”

“You can’t remain within that circle forever.”

“No, I cannot, but it is enough to know, isn’t it?”

A noise startled Aksinya. She ducked.

Asmodeus laughed, “What do you fear, countess? You have encountered demons.” Then he raised his head and spoke excitedly, “She comes.”

Aksinya stood straight. She was too embarrassed to speak.

A shadow flitted between the tombstones. It moved closer and closer. It was the girl, the Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska. She was dressed in the clothing she had worn earlier. She had a light cloak over it. She moved warily and cognizantly. She made her way to the edge of the pavement and stared in amazement at Aksinya. She studied the magic circle and the pentagram. She gazed at everything on the pavement, but she didn’t step onto the flat stones. Finally, she swallowed, “Did you call me?”

Aksinya smiled a wide smile, “I called you, Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska.”

“How do you know my name?”

“I watched you tonight.”

“What do you wish of me?”

“I think you should run. I think you should go quickly away from here.”

Asmodeus stepped from the shadows. He waved his hand, “You will not go, Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska. If you try to move, you will find you cannot.”

The girl stuck her chin forward, “I don’t wish to leave. I want to know why she called me.”

Aksinya scowled at her, “Why don’t you run? Don’t you see the demon before you?”

Asmodeus grinned, “You are an idiot. She sees me as I wish her to see me.”

Aksinya spoke her Latin words and saw a handsome courtier.

Asmodeus addressed Natalya, “Lady Natalya, let me introduce the Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. She is the one who called you, and she is a most wonderful and powerful sorceress in this world. She can teach you to be just the same as she. She called you here because she needs a lady-in-waiting and an apprentice. Would you care to join yourself to her? Would you like to become her lady and her apprentice?”

As if Natalya was waiting all her life to hear those specific words, she fell to her knees and cried out. The tears were obvious in her voice, “Dear lady, I would do anything to become your lady-in-waiting and your apprentice. If you would only take me away from this place. Please take me away from here and never bring me back.”

Aksinya frowned, “I don’t want you for my lady-in-waiting or my apprentice.”

It worked.  Aksinya's call worked.  All of her spells work.  I think this is remarkable in a storyline.  In most stories about magic or sorcery that I'm familiar with, the magic is tentative and the magicians incompetent.  You have a few works where the magic is real and actually does what it is supposed to.  You will find that Aksinya is very competent at sorcery.  How else could she call a demon.  This is more important an idea than you might think.  If she wasn't competent, you might imagine that she accidentally called the demon.  The point is that she is competent, and she competently called the demon.  Therefore, she is appropriately guilty for her actions.  If it was an accident, you might forgive her--you cannot.   She also competently called the Lady Natalya.  The point here is that Aksinya then tried to thwart the demon's plans.  You will find that she will be unable to thwart him right now, but she is trying.  I thought it was a fun twist that the Lady Natalya wanted Aksinya to take her away.  We will discover very soon why.

A New Novel, Part 20 The Bookstand

In the previous scene, the demon forced Aksinya to the act of calling the girl they had observed.  Now, Aksinya begins the sorcery that will call the girl to her.  It is an act that the demon claims will show the power of Aksinya and convince the girl to follow her.

Aksinya lowered her head, “I will take it on myself. I will do as you ask.”


The petticoats and dress appeared on her body. Her shoes and stockings were suddenly on her feet and legs. Asmodeus himself laid the thick warm mink coat over her shoulders again, “Call the girl. Call her, and you may dine and sleep and experience your erotic fantasies.”

“Zatknis'! Get me my things.” She stomped to the center of the pavement.

The demon lifted his hands and opened the chest. From inside came Aksinya’s staff and her dagger. Her chalk and her candles settled at her feet. A bundle of fresh herbs and a brazier of incense followed them. One of Aksinya’s heavy books sailed through the air toward her. She caught it midair. Aksinya pulled her coat more closely around her shoulders. She glanced from the side of her eyes at the demon, “I want my bookstand.”

“Which one?”

“The one that I used when I called you.”

“I didn’t bring it.”

Aksinya whirled toward him, “Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t.”

“What else didn’t you bring from my house?”

Asmodeus didn’t speak.

“I order you to tell me what you didn’t bring from my house.”

“Your request is neither evil nor within my desires.”

“I want a bookstand. Steal one for me.”

“Very well. I am pleased to steal for you and add this sin to your account.”

In an instant, the demon was gone. Aksinya knelt on the freezing pavement and drew a circle and a pentagram. She put up a tallow candle and lit her brazier and incense. She cut the herbs with her dagger and prepared to make a calling for the girl. For this simple spell she wouldn’t need a possession from the girl, she had seen her already. She wouldn’t even need her name. The face was clearly set in Aksinya’s mind.

After half an hour, Asmodeus returned with a fine mahogany bookstand. He laid it before Aksinya outside the circle and pentagram. She watched him carefully. She reached out and picked it up and placed it in front of her. She put her book on it and opened to the right page.

“I know what you are thinking, countess.”

“Perhaps you do and perhaps you do not. You are practiced at lying, demon. I didn’t trust you before, and I trust you even less now. Don’t bother me while I am at this work. Tell me the girl’s name.”

“You don’t need her name to do this.”

Aksinya barked, “But I want to know it, and I want to call her by name. That is a surety in this business.”

“Very well. Her name is the Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska.”

Aksinya turned a little toward the demon, “Is she the illegitimate daughter of Prince Aleksander Simonovich Andronikov?”

“Yes, very perceptive of you. How did you know?”

“Her patronymic and her family name. There was a rumor in the court about a Lady Obolenska. Does Lady Natalya know?”

“She is pleasantly unaware but suspicious. She only knows her mother abandoned her, and that she is a servant in the house of Prince Aleksander Simonovich Andronikov. She is a brilliant girl whose intellect is well above those she waits on. She doesn’t yet realize she hates them for this reason.”

“Do you know I am beginning to despise you, demon.”

“Only beginning. I though your hatred would be well grounded by now. Wrath is one of the seven deadly you know.”

Aksinya clenched her fists, “Yes, I know.” She pulled herself up to her full height, “You brought me out here to this place. Light my tallow candle. I can’t light it in this wind.”

“I cannot light anything within the magic circle, and I can’t continue to keep it lit when it is inside.”

Aksinya hid her smile from him, “Then find me something to block the wind.”

Asmodeus opened his chest and pulled out a heavy candle lantern. Aksinya recognized it from the cellar of her house. He placed the lantern outside the circle, and Aksinya retrieved it. She put her candle inside and lit it. When each thing was in its place she began to speak the Latin words.

As I mentioned and as a contributor suggested, objects in the text tie the scenes and tie the ultimate secrets Aksinya discovers about the demon.  The question I want my readers to ask themselves at this point is the same one Aksinya is asking herself--why didn't/couldn't the demon bring her bookstand?

A New Novel, Part 19 Coercion

I love this scene.  It is pivotal for more than one reason.  I think this will get the demon's point across to you and to Aksinya.

They retraced their steps to the chest and Asmodeus put it over his shoulders, “Follow me, countess. I will show you what to do next.”


Aksinya muttered under her breath, “I’m not sure I want to know what to do next.”

“You don’t have to speak your thoughts aloud for me to know them, and muttering behind my back is certainly not polite.”

“I didn’t intend to be polite to you.”

“I know.”

Aksinya followed the demon out of the alley and into the street. The wind had started to rise. Aksinya didn’t notice it at the back of the house. Now, it howled down the cobblestone streets. It was bitter and cold and foretold the winter that was already upon them. They walked past many great houses until they arrived at a large cemetery.

Aksinya stopped and glanced around, “Here?”

“Yes, here.”

“I am so tired. What do you want me to do?”

“Follow me.” The demon led her into the cemetery and toward its center. They came to a large area of flat stone that was very smooth. It had been finished with heavy mortar. Ice and snow didn’t cover it. The demon stopped and put the chest down on the snow covered grass.

Aksinya stumbled to the smooth area and stopped. She wrapped the fur coat more tightly around her, “I am cold, and I am tired of walking. Can’t we eat and find an inn? Please, I’m freezing.”

“Good. You are tired, hungry, and cold. This will make it much easier for me.”

“Wha…what do you mean?”

“You saw the girl. I want you to call her here.”

Aksinya shook her head, “Call her here? Why call her here?”

“That girl seeks power. She has never seen true power. You, countess, have true power. I want you to call her here with your sorcery and let her see your power.”

Aksinya’s hand moved slowly to her mouth, “That’s what you meant when you said you wanted to tempt her to follow me?”

“You are a smart young woman when you put your mind to it. I’m surprised I can tempt you so easily.”

“I won’t do it.”

Asmodeus stood. He raised his arms. He made a motion like he was pulling something through the air. Suddenly, he held the thick warm coat that had been around Aksinya’s shoulders. Asmodeus stroked the coat, “It is still warm from your body. Are you cold countess?”


Aksinya shivered, “You are supposed to protect me. How is this protecting me?”

“You aren’t dead. I never said I was here to prevent you from suffering. Didn’t the great pain and agony you already experienced in your legs teach you that? To achieve my ends, I’m willing to let you suffer quite a lot.”

Aksinya stepped toward the demon, “I order you to give me my coat.”

Asmodeus opened the chest and threw it inside. He closed the chest with a snap, “Get it yourself.”

Aksinya ran to the chest and tried to open it. It was solidly locked. She couldn’t budge the latch.

Asmodeus laughed, “Are you cold enough.”

Aksinya’s teach chattered, but she didn’t answer.

Asmodeus raised his arms and made another motion. Aksinya almost fell. The demon held her high-button shoes and her stockings. Aksinya grabbed for them, “Give them back to me. They are mine, not yours.”

Asmodeus only laughed and the shoes and stockings followed the coat into his chest.

“Čort poberí! Give me my shoes and coat.”

“Cursing me will do you no good. Plus, I am a devil already.”

“Give them to me.”

“Are you still not convinced?” The demon lifted his hands again. He raised them, and he held Aksinya’s dress and petticoats in his claws.

Aksinya stared at him in dismay. She wrapped her arms over bare breasts and tried to cover herself. She crouched on the stone and tired to make her naked body as small as she could. The wind whistled around her. She cried out, “I am your master. We have a contract. I order you to give me back my clothing.”

“I can’t hear you mistress.” Asmodeus examined his claws, “Countess, you won’t freeze for a long time, but you will be very uncomfortable. I know nudity bothers you. I know you hate your naked body. Ah, there you are, your worst nightmare.”

“Why won’t you obey me? Why won’t you do as I ask? Our contact requires it.”

“You should have read the contract more thoroughly. It requires me to do evil in your name. This isn’t evil. I am at liberty to serve you as I choose in all other things. If you asked me to do evil, I can certainly accommodate you. If you ask me to take the clothing from someone else or to steal it, I gladly will. However, that will be laid against your accounting. There are some other rules. Particularly, I’ve already told you, I can’t murder the innocent. For you, I can murder those who are not innocent. I can deliver torture as you desire but only in proportion to the sins a person has committed in this life. You dear countess have committed grave sins, and so I may torture you, but… I don’t wish to torture you.”

Aksinya crouched and whimpered on the pavement.

“Can’t you speak, countess. You are usually very fond of it.”

“Čort poberí! Čort poberí! Čort poberí!.”

“I told you I am already damned. Cursing will do you no good.”

Her voice was weaker, “Merde, merde, merde.”

“Changing the language you curse me will do you no good.”

Aksinya bit her lip, “Promise me you will not harm this girl.”

“I will not harm her.”

She screamed, “Swear it.”

“I swear I will not harm her, countess. You will.”

Aksinya lowered her head, “I will take it on myself. I will do as you ask.”

Next we will see the calling of the servant.

A New Novel, Part 18 More Answers

Some more questions and comments from a reader of this blog.

Interesting discussion on 'setting the scene'. A few question some to mind:

1. How do you know when you've got 'just enough' vs too much info to set the stage and pique the reader's interest...ie, get the milieu (world) of the scene's story?
I don't.  I rely on two things: 1. does it entertain me, 2. Does it entertain my prepub readers.  I think I'm harder than anyone else on my own writing.  If I don't feel that it is entertaining, I write it over and over again until it feels right.  In terms of setting the scene, as opposed to the interest of the reader, I do know what to do for that, and I am constantly tweaking the writing to improve it.  The first is this: the scene must be set in terms of time (date and time of day), place (environment, weather, all the details), characters (appearance, clothing, equipment), and reason.  This information doesn't have to be recited right at the beginning, but it has to be put right up front and focus the reader.  It is like a stage play.  The play can't go one until the stage is set (not an empty stage here).  The scene like a stage must be set.  The writer has powerful tools that can allow the reader to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste everything that is going on in the scene.  You have written enough when your readers can experience the scene through all of their senses. 

2. Just as a novel has a whole structure, prume,so does each individual scene. So wondering, do you have a general rule of thumb which stipulates how much attention, to spend on developing a given scene?
(I'm not talking about short transitional scenes, which simply bridge, and don't require special treatment...I'm talking about substantial scenes.)
To me all scenes are substantial.  In other words, if the novel is unchanged when the scene is left out, then the scene is unnecessary and should be left out.  Even a "bridging" scene must be important.  I try to make them important or I try to fit them at the end or beginning of an important event.  So each scene theoretically gets the same attention as every other one.  That doesn't happen.  Pivotal scenes are just that, they are so important that I can't help but think about them for days until they are written.  Sometimes I find that unprogressive.  I make lots of notes and hope I don't lose the strength of the writing before the scene comes together.  The trick it to try to give as much attention to those scene leading and following a pivotal scene to ensure they are strong in themselves.

Also, I presume, you've got an objective or need for each character in a scene...and, you're trying to create rising tension..(to satisfy the need) throughout the scene's progression....
This is a great point.  Like the purpose of the scene itself in the novel, every word is carefully chosen, each bit of punctuation is placed to make the most of the entire scene.  Likewise the characters are each necessary, their entry is specific and their descriptions are critical.  I use the Arlo Guthrie method of introducing a character (and place) with at least 100 to 300 words of description.  This ensures the placement of the character and the theme.  After the place and the character is introduced the first time, you may then use defining characteristics to set the character or the scene the next time you bring them on stage.  For example, if a character has a big nose, you can easily wax eloquent about the nose in the first introduction.  You then just make the point about Lou's big nose when you bring him back again.  That allows your readers to immediately see the character in their mind again.  For a place the description might be the smell of the mold from the old furniture.  When you go back to the house, a reminder about the smell sets the scene again.  One thing I dislike in some authors is that they fail to introduce or reintroduce their characters properly.  I get confused when confronted with just a name without any description.  Writing without sufficient description is like a blank mask on your characters or an empty stage. 

3. Do you primarily use dialogue or actions of the characters to create a compelling scene? Rule of thumb, or ratio?
I try to make all the writing dialog or action narrative.  In other words, if the story isn't going through with dialog, it's because it is moving with action (showing you what is happening).  I prefer dialog.  To me, dialog is truly life.  This is how the world really runs.  Who cares what a person did. What is more compelling is when that person tells why they did it to another person--or lies about it.  That's when you begin to understand about the characters.  There is no ratio, but I find that 80 percent of my writing or more is dialog.

4. Do you give alot of thought, to the "point of attack" ...the point at which you have the character enter the scene? Is it usually at an entry point, mid point or exit point of a scene? Any rule of thumb?
Ah, these are screenplay terms.  In general, the setup for a scene is at least one character.  The other characters enter based solely on the storyline for the scene.  So, in my way of looking at scenes, I have a scene input and a scene output.  The point is the input and the output.  The stuff in between is the storyline.  That storyline must fit into the plot, and that plot must fit into the theme.  So they enter and exit just based on these points.  I'm not sure I can be more general than that.  Let me use the example of the very first chapter and scene of Daemon.  We have Aksinya conjuring a demon.  The scene is set.  Aksinya goes about her business and you have a demon.  The input of the scene is Aksinya's sorcery.  The output is the contract with the demon.  The demon appears at just the important point in the scene.  His appearance supports the storyline, plot, and theme. 

5. How much attention to you give to the "back story" or exposition? that is... elements of the character's biography that are crucial to the story developing?
Obviously, good (believable) novel & screenplays contains back story because every believable character brings a certain amount of baggage to a drama.
I want to give these details through mostly dialog with other characters.  In other words, you get it when the other characters in the novel get it.  This goes back to my point that I want my readers to know as much as the characters in the story know.  I don't like omniscient storylines.  In Daemon, at the beginning, I do give you some information about Aksinya's back story as description--that's because the reader needs some tangible info to set the scene.  Note, I don't give you anything about he demon except external description.  And all you get from that point is almost 100% external description and dialog.  Thus in dialog, you learn so much more about Aksinya.  That's the trick, every time she opens her mouth, you learn a little more about her.  Some of it is back story.  Some is mundane, but you find out what moves her soul.

6. What are some effective ways of weaving different scenes and storylines together?
Wow, this is a very hard question to answer.  The primary means is through the characters themselves.  The last time I addressed comments, there were some wonderful points about items--things.  I said watch for them in the development of the novel.  Items, like those mentioned before--we will see a bookstand becomes an item that weaves the scenes and storylines together.  A crucifix will do the same.  Aksinya's mother's dresses.  Sorcery weaves together the overall scenes and storyline.  The idea of temptation.  Like the multiple levels of the plot that I am trying to write into this novel, the multiple characters, items, and ideas provide the glue that holds the scenes and storyline together.

7. Do you have a preferred technique for revealing facts about a person...ie, props, clothing, makeup, language (accent), behavior, musing, dialogue?.
I love to use language differences to bring out compelling things about a person.  The wrapper is important to me, but not as important as the words.  When Aksinya tells the demon to "shut up," you know he has touched a nerve.  I don't have to have her say anything else.
I suspect most back story, however, is conveyed through dialogue. After all, good exposition doesn't stick out...it is presented in a believable context.
Yes, great observation.  Mostly through dialog, some through description.
(Suspect it's easy to overload the reader with too much information.)
I'm not sure that is possible with dialog.  It is certainly possible with description.  The point of dialog is that it is ultimately entertaining.  Just as we like to discuss subjects, readers like to eavesdrop on the character's discussions.  If the dialog is entertaining, the reader won't care how much information you are pumping out.  In fact, the information flow can be enormous and as long as the reader is entertained with the repartee, they won't get tired of it.  For example, in the last bit of dialog between Aksinya and the demon, I laid a bunch of heavy stuff on the reader. 

“No! I haven’t rejected Him. I believe in Him. How could I not believe—I’ve seen demons. If there are demons, there is God.” She glanced down, “I don’t trust Him. I knew He would fail me. I didn’t expect you to fail me or my own strength to fail me.”
Asmodeus picked his teeth with a claw, “I didn’t fail you—you called me too late. You failed, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. I didn’t fail and that guy didn’t fail—you failed. Come, you’ve seen her. Now is the time to go.”

You have to admit, this is some really deep dodo.  The reader may or may not take the time to think about these statements.  I do believe they are entertaining in themselves, so most readers will just keep reading, entertained and yet musing about the astounding things the demon and Aksinya just said to one another.

8. Do you tend to reveal background info early in the story, but, withhold certain facts for dramatic effect. I've heard come writers say secrets are the most powerful form of back story, and whole dramas can revolve around them. Do you employ it, often?
I suspect, knowing how and when to expose details about a character's past is a real art form.
I don't call them secrets (although that is a perfect characterization of it).  As I mentioned, I don't want my readers to know more than the characters in the story.  Now, we know there are things the characters haven't shared with us--like Aksinya's real father.  You might have guessed there is an issue here.  I may not have laid enough clues.  That's what further run throughs do is allow the writer to improve the foreshadowing and the proper revelation of these points.  Indeed a secretive character might have secrets and a nonsecretive character might have secrets.  The point is that we never know all of anyone's "secrets" even if we know them well.  The same is true for characters in a novel--we don't know everything about them and, indeed, those things of importance to the plot are revealed in their proper time.  Just like the observation of the servant in the last installment.  I've tried to excite the readers about who this servant is and the proper revelation of these points.  Indeed a secretive character might have secrets and a nonsecretive character might have secrets.  The point is that we never know all of anyone's "secrets" even if we know them well.  The same is true for characters in a novel--we don't know everything about them and, indeed, those things of importance to the plot are revealed in their proper time.  Just like the observation of the servant in the last installment.  I've tried to excite the readers about who this servant might be.  I didn't give any clues at all.  The demon didn't drop hardly any.  When you finally see her, what is your response?  Relief? Fear? Wonder? Excitement?  Does it make you wonder more, like Aksinya, just who is this servant?

9. Do you employ set-ups & pay offs; like screen writers do? That is, a set up introduces a bit of action, that will become significant later on and lead to a pay-off.
Yes, big time.  I just don't refer to them as setups and pay offs.  Generally, the foreshadowing, items, characters, settings in a scene are all setups for further scenes.  Just as the dresses and the jewelry boxes mentioned in chapter two, the sorcery books and items in chapter one, the hunger, cold, and tiredness of Aksinya in chapter three everything is a setup.  Each will bring some large or small pay off.  Otherwise, what's the point of mentioning it.
.
10. Do you usually close out a scene on a button? You know, something to seal off the scene with a punch....maybe, some type of narrative tool to make the scene stand out, and alone.
More screenplay terms.  Yes, I attempt to close out every scene with a specific punch.  No scene should just peter out.  They have to have some tight ending to wrap them up and push the reader into the next scene.
The true end of the last scene I gave you:
“Close your mouth, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna, now is the time for us to act.”

“I don’t understand you at all.”
“You will.” - there is your "button"

The one prior:
Aksinya watched him move toward the back of the house.  When he was out of sight, she sat on the chest.  After a bit, she curled up on the top of it and pulled the coat close.  Her breath came in white clouds.  She closed her eyes. - there is the "button"  She closes her eyes and that closes the scene.

Prior to that:
The streetcar came up, and they boarded.  Asmodeus paid the fare.  They rode the streetcar past the city center and out toward the west side.  Aksinya sat and Asmodeus stood.  Certainly the world changed to accommodate a nearly seven foot tall demon who carried a gigantic chest on his shoulders.  He seemed to fit on the streetcar without trouble.  The entire world suddenly seemed less solid to Aksinya than ever before. - the "button"
The end of each scene is unique.  It leaves a thought in the mind of the reader, or it closes the scene like a curtian on a stage.

That's it until tomorrow.  I'm trying to decide how to break up the next very important (pivotal) scene.  This is where Aksinya calls her servant.

A New Novel, Part 17 The Servant

Here is the next installment.  I have some more comments and questions to answer.  I'll get to those tomorrow.  To bring you up to date, the Demon, Asmodeus and his mistress, Aksinya have traveled to Minsk.  The demon wants a servant for Aksinya.

The next thing she knew, Asmodeus was shaking her, “Wake up, countess. I found her. She is just what I expected. I want you to see her too.”


“I just want to sleep.”

“You may sleep all you desire when we have your servant. I will let you sleep the whole day away if you wish.”

Aksinya sat up, and the coat fell from her shoulders. She shivered and pulled it back on. She tied the clasp at the top then she jumped off the chest, “Take me where you want to go, demon.”

The demon led her to the back of the great house. They climbed a wall and walked along it to the window of the dining room. The curtains were not drawn, and they could observe the entire family around the table.

Aksinya stared at the people around the table, “I recognize them.”

“You should.”

“That is the family of Prince Aleksander Simonovich Andronikov. I know them. They visited us at my father’s estate before.”

“Your estate now…” the demon purred. He continued, “They are an aristocratic family, a royal family. They have a servant who takes care of their daughters and waits on the Prince’s wife. She is a lady-in-waiting, and here she is. Near the head of the table, the door opened. It wasn’t a door for a servant since the top was rounded. The girl who came in was petite and beautiful. Her hair was dark and silky. Her eyes were luminous. Her skin was pale and smooth. In all, she appeared very aristocratic and refined. Her clothing, likewise, though not as expensive as the gowns of the ladies around the table, fit her perfectly and brought out the best in her figure and features. It was not unusual that when she entered, the eye of every man and every woman turned toward her. She whispered to one of the older women at the table and sat against the wall behind her.

Asmodeus whispered, “That’s the one.”

“Why her?”

“She has all the skills required to look after you.”

Aksinya’s voice was bland, “What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing.”

“There must be something.”

“She is the lady-in-waiting to the ladies in a great house, a royal household. She is refined, beautiful, industrious, kind…”

“Everything I am not.”

Asmodeus was silent.

“What is wrong with her?”

“Nothing is wrong with her.”

“Then she must be evil.”

“No more than you.”

“Zatknis'! I order you to tell me what’s wrong with her.”

Asmodeus turned his head away, “Like you, she seeks some power beyond herself. She hasn’t found it yet. The desire is so great in her that it calls out to me.”

“Because you wish to tempt her into some sin.”

“Specifically because I wish to tempt her into the sin of following you.”

Aksinya froze, “Why would it be a sin to follow me?”

Asmodeus didn’t respond.

“Answer me. Why would it be a sin to follow me?”

Asmodeus didn’t speak.

Aksinya let out a shuddering breath, “So her problem is that she seeks a power beyond herself. What about God, the Church.”

“Ha, that guy isn’t for everyone. Haven’t you rejected Him?”

“No! I haven’t rejected Him. I believe in Him. How could I not believe—I’ve seen demons. If there are demons, there is God.” She glanced down, “I don’t trust Him. I knew He would fail me. I didn’t expect you to fail me or my own strength to fail me too.”

Asmodeus picked his teeth with a claw, “I didn’t fail you—you called me too late. You failed, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. I didn’t fail and that guy didn’t fail—you failed. Come, you’ve seen her. Now is the time to go.”

“Go where? You said you would make her my servant.”

“I said no such thing. You will make her your servant.”

Aksinya stared at him open mouthed.

“Close your mouth, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna, now is the time for us to act.”

“I don’t understand you at all.”

“You will.”

They retraced their steps to the chest, and Asmodeus put it over his shoulders, “Follow me, countess. I will show you what to do next.”

This short scene is so full of fun stuff, I don't know where to begin.  The best is the point the demon makes, that he wishes to tempt the girl into the sin of following Aksinya.  We will soon see how he will achieve that end.  The second is that God and the demon didn't fail Aksinya--she herself failed.  Plus her own confession that she believes in God, but she doesn't trust him.  How Aksinya is like so many of us.  She can speak in the presence of the demon all the fears and thoughts everyone has but is afraid to say.

A New Novel, Part 15 The Demon's Observation

One point I want you to note in the writing is a technique I use that you could call constant scene setting.  You can see it very clearly in the last piece, but you can observe it in this piece too.  I constantly remind my readers what the characters are doing and what they look like.  The purpose in this is to help the reader visualize the characters.  I can do this with a simple single statement or a little beat--for example, Asmodeus examined his claws.  This reminds you that he is a demon and has claws instead of finger nails.  When I mention something even as simple as this, you remember the demon and visualize him.  In the last example and this one too, I remind you about the chest.  A simple mention of the large chest reminds you that the demon is walking with the chest on his shoulders--first you visualize it, and second, you realize how odd everything is: a demon and a girl walking the streets of Minsk.  It isn't a joke, but reminding the reader puts everything back into context.  One of the things I hate about some writing and especially poorly executed writing is where the author doesn't set the scene properly or remind you about important characteristics in the scene.  You are going along with the narrative and suddenly a character pulls out something and you wonder--where the heck did that come from.  The author could have given a foreshadowing or at least mentioned the object or the whatever before at some point.  This is another reason for constant scene setting.

Asmodeus woke Aksinya. She lifted her head and stretched. The streetcar was almost empty. They arrived on a quiet street well to the west of the city center. It was a wealthy neighborhood. Aksinya recognized many of the names and coats of arms on the large houses. The demon led again when they exited the streetcar. Aksinya complained, “When are we going to stop. I’m hungry, and I want a bath. I’m sleepy. It’s night. We can’t keep walking forever.”


The demon turned his head to give her a look but didn’t stop.

Aksinya glared at him, “I can’t keep walking forever.”

“I wish to finish this business tonight. I do not want to have to draw your bath or serve your food again.”

“Why does this have to be about what you want? You are my servant.”

“Already, I have shown you the things I can tempt you to do. Don’t you realize yet, you are the mistress of a demon. I tempt humans into sin. I have tempted you into sin after sin. I will continue to do this, and if you don’t grant me this simple desire, it will be more than the grave sin of sorcery and onanism that you will be guilty of. You chose this, I did not.”

“Onanism is not a sin.”

“You believe it is.”

Aksinya struggled to catch up to him. He stopped at a very great house. It was fully lighted with gas lights and some electrical ones. Asmodeus stared at the place for a while then he led Aksinya to an alley at the far side. He put down the chest and sighed, “Now, countess, please wait here a moment while I check on your servant.”

“Please don’t be all night. It is getting colder.”

The demon opened the chest and pulled out a heavy long mink coat that had been Aksinya’s mother’s. Asmodeus put it over her shoulders then he closed the chest, “I will not be long.”

Aksinya watched him move toward the back of the house. When he was out of sight, she sat on the chest. After a bit, she curled up on the top of it and pulled the coat close. Her breath came in white clouds. She closed her eyes.

The next scene we will observe Asmodeus choice of servant for Aksinya.

A New Novel, Part 14 In Minsk

Now you get to see Asmodeus use a new technique to get Aksinya to sin.  Watch closely.  I'll start back with the rest of the paragraph.  As you remember, the demon led her to Minsk and they are now traveling in the city--they are looking for a servant for Aksinya.

The demon smiled and turned. He started out again along the side of the road. Aksinya heard a couple of snide remarks, but no one followed them or threatened her. As they went deeper into the city, Asmodeus led her to a streetcar stop. They waited there for a streetcar. Aksinya gladly sank onto the bench while the demon stood beside her. On the way, he had returned to his normal form, at least in her sight. She could not ever forget that he could change his form and perhaps hers. That made her think. “Demon.”


“Yes, countess.”

“How can I see the form you present whenever I want to?”

“Ah, I’d rather not say.”

“But I want to know. I order you to tell me.”

“There is perhaps a phrase in one of your books that would do quite well.”

Aksinya let a Latin phrase trip off her lips. Immediately she could see the demon in his current guise. “That will do satisfactorily. Thank you, demon.”

“And thank you countess. It is indeed a pleasure to see you accomplish sorcery.”

Aksinya sucked in her breath, “You tricked me.”

“Again, yes. You feel desire again too.”

Aksinya blushed and squirmed in her seat, “Not at all.”

The streetcar came up, and they boarded. Asmodeus paid the fare. They rode the streetcar past the city center and out toward the west side. Aksinya sat and Asmodeus stood. Certainly the world changed to accommodate a nearly seven foot tall demon who carried a gigantic chest on his shoulders. He seemed to fit on the streetcar without trouble. The entire world suddenly seemed less solid to Aksinya than ever before.

The trick in the writing is to constantly try to surprise you just as Aksinya is surprised.  I hope these little events sneak up on you.  Are you watching the demon closely--you know he lies, and you know his purpose is to tempt into sin.  If you keep this clear in your mind, everything he does or doesn't do will become very clear.

A New Novel, Part 10 Sin

Next installment is the result of the demon, Asmodeus' temptation.  This is only the beginning.  The first of many temptations and their outcome.  In this one, Aksinya is fully complacent and guilty.  Yet, she was tempted in every way by the demon.

After he left, Aksinya sipped on the rest of the tea. She finally put everything back on the tray and settled back in her bed. She tried to sleep, but the demon was right. She felt every ache and pain. She couldn’t move without pain and the covers on her only increased her suffering. Her nightgown was warm but too heavy. It pressed against her legs and added to her agony. The tray pushed on the covers and the nightgown and added to it. She couldn’t toss and turn, that was too painful. She didn’t dare touch herself. The demon knew that weakness in her and mocked her. She hurt too much for that to be much comfort anyway. She wanted to settle into the bath again, but she knew he wouldn’t prepare a bath again for her until she did his bidding. After a long while, she thought what was the problem with just looking at her books. They would take her mind off her pain and make her feel the power again.

Aksinya sat up. She tried to move the tray to the side, but she couldn’t lift it. She tossed it to the floor and threw off her covers. She lifted her nightgown off her legs. That felt better, but now she was cold. And this was too tempting for her. She put the nightgown down again, but that made her legs ache. Just to read the books would sooth her mind and take it off of her pain. She took up her staff and scooted off the bed. When she moved, it seemed like the ache in her legs decreased and then she wondered if the demon could make that happen. She wondered if he was manipulating her right now.

She made it to the stack of books and examined them. The book she sought was right on top. That seemed peculiar too. She carried it back to the bed and sat up with it. The moment she began reading it, she felt as though her suffering rolled away. There was nothing so bad in the words. They simply described the proper elements and words to heal. She had read and memorized them before. Every time she read these words, whenever she read her books, they eased her mind and heart. She wasn’t reading about curses only how to cure the body using the power of the world. She knew about that. It was her hobby. It was her expertise. Why shouldn’t she use it. The demon didn’t know everything. He didn’t understand her at all. She could use this power without harm. It would only help. She knew it.

Almost without thinking, Aksinya slid off her bed to the floor. She threw back the oriental rug at the side of her bed. She took her special chalk and drew a circle then a pentagram within it. She lit a single tallow candle. One was sufficient for this. She read the words. She didn’t need to. She knew them by heart. She read them anyway, the heavy feel of the book in her hands gave her comfort. She made the cabalistic signs and the sounds. She did it all until she came to the sacrifice part. This was a little tricky. The best sacrifice was a part of yourself. She took her dagger and held it against her hand. She easily and precisely sliced her finger. She had done this so often it was normal for her. The multiple scars on her left index finger was a mute witness to her expertise. The blood fell to the floor and there was a flash. The slice on her finger was immediately gone. There appeared another light scar. The pain in her legs was gone. She raised her nightgown. The bruises were gone, and she felt fantastic. She blew out the candle and carefully erased the circle and pentagram. She put back the rug and slipped into bed. She felt so good she couldn’t help herself. Her desire was uncontrollable. She touched herself and pleasured herself. Then she slept.

This was the point of the demon's mention of sorcery.  The ploy was to point to a future time of study--that was to wet Aksinya's appetite.  The second mention was direct to influence her to act.  He even told her what he wanted her to do, she still did it.  Further, she tried to hide her actions from him.  The final point is that the result led her to lustful thoughts that she acted out.  Certainly not a sin in itself, but the result of her sin and actions.  In this, I tried to depict the perfect picture of temptation.  Since this is the first of many, it should follow a classic plot.

A New Novel, Part 9 Comments on Temptation plus the Reason

I have included some comments from a reader.  I will address the questions and some of the comments in italics.

From a reader:

You're novel, fascinating & original. Though, was wondering, did you get the idea of demon/human dialogue, from the CS Lewis's Screwtape Letters? Regardless, brilliant, and engaging. Betcha, when completed, and polished, it will become a best seller.  Thanks.  I do like the Screwtape letters.


Have several Q's; unfortunately, will be a few days before I can much detail ('cause, I'm swamped at work).

Though, will quickly make a few points:

1. Really like the way you're weaved the story theme, plot & character development together; especially revealing, with the dialogue between demon & the girl. Thanks!

2. Particularly liked the bath scene; like the (authentic) setting, the description (sets mood), and way the girl (mentally) assessed herself; gives the reader a a good (subtle) sense of her locus of identity, her vulnerability, etc. Precise point and this is something that will potentially be fleshed out more in the final.

3. Very interesting/clever how you discuss her sense of loss of identify, with loss of her hair...the only redeeming characteristic that (she thinks) defined her beauty, given to the demon, as surety for contract. Clear, she's mis-guided, by focusing on the external (hair), whilst the demon is focusing on the internal (acquisition of the soul). The maturity/immaturity of Aksinya is a continuing theme.

4. BTW, I also, like the way you used the 'mirror' to allow her to catch image of herself, and characterize herself. Thanks, excellent observation.

5. Brilliant how you turned the demon into a temporary domesticated helper...getting food, drawing bathwater for her. Almost lulls you into a 'false' sense of sympathy for him, domestically caring for her...though, he makes it clear, what his agenda is, etc.  That's exactly the point--we shall see how this plays out.

Must say, I was very surprised, you (the writer) were so straight forward, in having the demon directly suggest she study sorcery. I understand his motive, why, etc.
But, personally, I thought, it was a waste of a great opportunity, to further highlight the demon's cunning, and plumb the depths of the girl's character, and highlight her 1st futile (misguided, toxic) attempt to regain control her destiny, after death of her family; and horrible contract with the demon.
Kindly suggest, you consider unfolding in a more subtle extended manner; gives you a sense of the demons's cunning; perhaps, a dialogue between the girl & demon...
Say, he at the bedroom side of the door, she in the bathroom. She initiates, and engages, in dialogue with him, while concurrently pondering over her current situation, looking at her physical condition, maybe, in the mirror or bath, seeing her physical vulnerability & bruised condition again, & maybe, have a few fleeting thoughts pass through her head...highlighting her state of mind,and emotional vulnerability...maybe, have the conversation trail off....die down...than resume, different cadence, different length of dialogue,e tc.
This is an excellent observation.  I thought about doing exactly this, and in the next cut, I may put this more into play.  The reason I had the demon suggest sorcery to her is to tempt her to sorcery directly.  This will become clear somewhat in this piece, and definitely in the next.  It could perhaps be more subtle and I agree with the comments.  There is a reason for the demon's suggestion...

The point is, through the dialogue, you (the reader) gets the sense that the demon clearly senses her vulnerability, her desire to control or influence her future...so he begins embarks on a elaborate or scheming dialogue with her which culminates in him (obliquely) suggesting sorcery...not directly upfront...but, rather gets her to crave after it herself....the temptation is planted by him, but, she goes after it....so, it seems like her idea, when really it's an infection from him.. Betcha it would add an interesting dimension, to the character development, and story plot.

6. Liked the way, you had the girl say a prayer, for the food brought....some subtle hint of hope, for redemption of her soul. Yes, maybe the prayer was just an unconscious habit, but, it most certainly was picked up by the demon, irritated him, and he tried to invalidate & smother it with condemnation..gives you a great clue, on the condition of her soul...though not innocent, most certainly redeemable... Again a great observation.

Well, that's a few points of feedback on your latest chapter..

But big picture, probably the two most fascinating themes, I've seen woven into your story, aside from the original 'contract with the demon', was your unfolding of the concept of the 'bounding of the demon', and, your unfolding of the idea of 'choice & consequence' that plays out, with the girl making a deliberate choice of the injury she will gets, through her interaction with the demon....but, she doesn't fully realize the ramifications, of either choice, until afterwards.  We will see the demon has more bounds.

The following dialogue was particularly noteworthy:
"You trusted your body and soul to me—you have aligned yourself to a demon. Your soul was harmed, but not your body. I can protect your body, but I can’t protect your soul. You will heal—that is the way with humans.”

As well as the following:
"It already has marked your soul. Such things become like the lustful desires you already know, they are difficult to purge from your heart and mind once they are experienced.”

Alot of truth, to both; especially the second. Ah, the delights of sin are good for a season, but the consequences, can be fore a lifetime, or eternity.
Reminds me of that verse:
"What does it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, but looses his soul." This in some measure is the theme of the novel.

Here is the next installment.  It doesn't get to the full endpoint of the temptation, but it moves toward it and gets to the next point--the purpose of the demon and the purpose he wishes for her.  Additionally, this tells you why he mentioned sorcery while she was in the bath.
“Now, countess, let us plan what you should do. The first is that you cannot stay here.”

“I have nowhere else to go.”
“Foolish lady, we will soon run out of food to feed you and heat to sustain your puny body.”
“You can provide me all these things…”
“At the expense of your soul.”
“I thought you desired that.”
“And at the expense of my reputation. I told you, I do not wish to become your domestic.”
Aksinya laughed, “You already are.”
“I have pride, that is one of the seven deadly sins, you know.”
“So, if you are my domestic it hurts your pride?” Aksinya continued to chuckle.
“This is not funny. I am Asmodeus. I will not continue this way.”
“What can you do to stop it?”
“I will protect you and I will fulfill our contract, but I can make it exquisitely painful for you to continue in this manner.”
Aksinya’s brow rose, “How could you do that. What suffering could you bring me that I haven’t already experienced?”
“Your people and friends will be pursued by the Bolsheviks. I can bring great suffering to them—that is my purpose.”
Aksinya let her cup fall to the saucer, “You wouldn’t dare. I would simply order you to…”
“I told you. I can’t stop this revolution, and I don’t want to stop it. The lives of your friends and your people are nothing to me. You can order all you wish, but I will protect only you. My purpose, otherwise, is evil. You know this.”
“I understand this,” Aksinya ran her fingers through her short hair. She regretted that as soon as she did it. It reminded her of everything she had done already. Meekly, she whispered, “Then what do you wish me to do.”
“First, I must find you a servant.”
“If so, it must be someone you will not harm.”
Asmodeus grinned, “I have the perfect servant in mind.”
“Then what?”
“I told you, you must continue to study sorcery. To do that, you need a safe place to live and work.”
Aksinya mumbled into her teacup, “Where is such a place?”
“There are many such places. I know your mind so I know you have relatives beyond the boarders of this country. They will be willing to take you in and give you leave to live as you wish.”
“You want me to travel?”
“I wish to travel too. There are many places in the world that need more evil. Let us seek such a place.”
“So you can make it like this one?”
“That would not be so safe for you. I’ll settle for a balance of evil as long as you participate in it.”
“I will not do such a thing.”
“You can’t help yourself.”
“Where do you want to take me?”
“In Austria, you have family and acquaintances who will even accept an ugly countess. They hold the aristocracy in honor there and that can become a place for great evil. There is also Germany, but you don’t have any direct relations, and they don’t speak French.”
“What has that got to do with anything?”
“You speak French very well, countess. I must train you up to be an appropriate vessel for evil. You must be able to speak and interact with the people to gain their trust.”
“So you can enact your evil?”
“And you yours. You can improve your German in Austria. I see great things ahead for you there.”
“When do you plan to take this trip, and how do expect to travel with revolution all around us.”
“I could simply carry you.”
“At the expense of my soul.”
“That hasn’t bothered you much in the past, but I intend you to travel by normal means. There is the problem of the servant and of these domestic, human considerations. I don’t want to bother with all your female issues either. I have only had male masters before. They were never such a trial to me.”
Aksinya sputtered, “What if I refuse to go?”
“I told you. I will cause you suffering beyond that which you can bring to me.”
“I cause you to suffer?”
“Your human issues are painful to me. Plus your simple goodness nauseates me.”
“Do I have simple goodness? Do I have any virtue left?”
“Yes, but I will seek to expunge that from you. In time, I shall.”
“By threats and coercion?”
“You will seek evil on your own. I will simply focus your actions so they may provide the most evil. That is my purpose. Now, you will be able to travel tomorrow.”
“How do you know that?”
“You will attempt some healing sorcery tonight. Since I put the thought in your mind, you have thought continually about it. You are already eyeing your books and wondering how you can accomplish it without my knowing. When the desire and the pain becomes uncontrollable in you, you will do it.”
“I am not in pain right now.”
“You are lying.”
“I am lying.”
“You are holding it back well, but since you are clean and fed and have emptied your bladder, the pain has been growing in your legs and thighs. You wish there were something to take care of that pain. You wish me to bring you wine and drugs.”
“I could order you.”
“I would not help you. It would only deaden the pain. I wish you to suffer. That will bring you to compromise yourself. I protect you, I don’t cater to your every whim. Not if they don’t lead to evil. That’s the point, after all.”
“I’ve heard enough. Leave me.”
“Very well. I shall wait outside your room. If you require my help, just call my name. I can aid your sorcery.”
“Get out.”
The demon bowed. He backed to the door and stepped out.
Aksinya stared to throw her cup at him, then thought better of that and pitched an empty dish at him. It broke against the door with a satisfactory crash.

There is indeed more that can be done with subtlety.  We will find out the demon is both subtle and direct.  This is the point of temptation--it is always subtle and direct.

A New Novel, Part 8 More Temptation

If you haven't figured this out, I am slowly feeding you the first cut of this novel, Daemon (working title).  I'm doing it on a whim because in the future, the writing will improve, and it likely won't be published for a few years anyway.  I thought it would be a great project to actually show you how I write a novel.  This way you will get an inside view to how one author actually writes a novel and you will get to see my creative process at close range.  If this isn't interesting to you, the writing should be.  I aim for fun and exciting novels.  I do hope you will enjoy these postings for one or the other reason.  You also get a free read.  I plan for a 100K word novel, so you will have a lot to sink your teeth into.  Right now, I have the whole novel blocked out in scenes in my mind and my little notebook.  My notes are what I write to.  When I am thinking about the novel, I jot down the ideas for the scenes and pithy pieces of conversation between the characters.  These notes provide a broad outline for the writing of the novel.  I don't detail every bit of every scene, and I don't specify every scene, I just have broad notes to guide the writing.  Many transition scenes must be added into the novel to move to the appropriate large and important scenes, but that doesn't make the transition scenes of any less importance or entertainment value.

To catch you up a little, Aksinya called and contracted the demon Asmodeus.  She did it to save her family from the Bolsheviks during the Russian Revolution.  She was too late and her family was murdered.  She was injured through her interaction with the demon and is demoralized by her failure.  The demon has become her domestic for the moment and drew her a bath.  She has problems walking now because her legs were injured.

Aksinya went to the bath. By the way, the date is November 1918 and the place is a Russian country estate.  They do not have indoor plumbing.  They do have tubs and baths.

The tub was high and filled with hot water. She gazed longingly at it and made her way to the side. She felt it to make certain it wasn’t too hot and with the staff climbed over the side and into the water. This was marvelous. For a moment, she felt better than she had in what seemed a long long time. That’s when hunger began to gnaw at her. She was so upset and uncomfortable before she hadn’t noticed it. Now her hunger took her, and like she usually did when she was uncomfortable, she sought something to take her attention away.


Aksinya examined her body. She was undeveloped. That was so obvious in the bath. Her legs and thighs were still bruised, but they were healing. The black and blue marks on her skin were turning an ugly brown. They were going away. She moved her legs. In the warm water they moved more easily than before. She touched herself. They were still painful, but it was less than before. She moved her hands up her torso. Her breasts were nothing like her mother’s or her sister’s. She lingered there for a moment then moved them more quickly before those thoughts came again and touched her face. It wasn’t beautiful. The demon was right. She wasn’t even pretty. Her mother said in time she would gain a degree of beauty, but Aksinya knew that was pity. She was afraid to look at herself after she had given most of her hair to the demon. It was short now and fell to her ears. It was likely ugly as her face now. It had been her only redeeming characteristic before she cut it off. Now she could feel the uneven ends, and she wondered if it would ever grow out again—she had given it to the demon, after all. Finally, she called out, “Asmodeus.”
His voice came from just outside the door, “Yes, countess.”
“Why do you call me that?”
“Because it is true. Your family is dead, you are the countess now.”
“I don’t like you to call me that.”
“Then I shall continue to use it.”
She gritted her teeth, “Why did my legs become so injured when you took me here?”
“I thought I explained that to you before.”
“I didn’t understand it then. Give the a better explanation.”
“Any explanation or the truth?”
“Tell me the truth you horrible creature.”
Asmodeus laughed, “When you took my hand, you reached out to me. I carried you through stone and earth and then we traveled through the cosmos to arrive at the front of your house. Since you didn’t trust your body and soul to me, your body endured that travel. What did you think would happen if you went through stone and earth and the cosmos?”
“But when you carried me, I wasn’t injured.”
“You trusted your body and soul to me—you have aligned yourself to a demon. Your soul was harmed, but not your body. I can protect your body, but I can’t protect your soul. You will heal—that is the way with humans.”
Aksinya thought a bit more.
Asmodeus voice boomed from behind the door again, “You are hungry. You will not heal or survive long without sustenance.”
“I can’t prepare food for myself. I can barely get around my own room.”
“Then I must prepare it for you. I did not agree to become your domestic. We must fix this situation before we continue too far.”
Aksinya laughed at him, “How do you propose to do that demon?”
“I must find you a servant to take care of your needs. Obviously, you don’t want me to have to dress and undress you. You are as vain as any woman. I grow weary with taking care of these human needs.”
Aksinya laughed again, “For now get me some food and place it in my room.”
Asmodeus growled, but Aksinya heard him move in her room.
In a while, the bath became cool. Aksinya let the water out and picked up her staff. She levered herself out of the deep tub and stood shakily on the cold floor. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and turned her head. She looked pale and her face was pinched. It showed her pain and looked haggard. Her hair was as ugly as everything else.
She toweled herself off as well as she could and wrapped it tightly around her body. Then she unlocked the door and peeked into her room. The demon had not returned yet. She took another nightgown from her wardrobe. This was her winter gown. It was wool. She put it on and though scratchy after the smooth cotton of her other one, she felt much better and finally clean.
She got back into bed and laid the staff next to her.
Asmodeus came through the door with a service in his hands. He put the tray in front of her on the bed. It held a hot pot of tea. He poured it for her and lifted the covers from the dishes. The smell of the food overwhelmed her senses. He had made her an omelet and bread. Everything was fresh. She prayed and crossed herself.
The demon made a depreciating sound, “To bless that which was made with a curse is perhaps the act of a fool.”
Aksinya ignored his comment and began to eat.
She ate almost everything he brought her. Then she settled back on her pillows, “Thank you demon. I feel much better.”
“You needn’t thank me, you gave up part of the virtue of your soul and your life to gain that repast.”
“I understand that, but I needed to eat.”
“These human needs…”
“Don’t you eat?”
“Never. I have no need. I have no human needs and no human desires. My only desire comes from our contract and from my desire to do evil.”
“It is not evil to prepare good food or to take care of my needs.”
“It is evil for you to use your soul and life to get them.”
She looked over her cup, “Perhaps.”
“Now,” Asmodeus sneered, “since your human needs are assuaged, it is time to plan. What do you intend to do?”
“I only thought to save my family. Now, I don’t know what to do. You tell me, you can’t or will not help me fight the Bolsheviks. You tell me, you won’t help me fight this revolution…”
“I like revolutions. The evil it brings to the world is pleasant to me.”
“I have no other plans.”
“You must survive. Whether you accomplish the desires of your heart are beyond my understanding or care, but for our contract, you must survive.”
“The desires of my heart…I had but one desire and that is dust and ashes.”
“Then perhaps you will meet my desires.”
Aksinya’s lip curled up, “Your desires are the least of my concern.”
“But your desires are mine. Especially those that are evil and that continue to abrade your soul.”
Aksinya glowered at him, “What would that be?”
“I wish you to continue with your study of sorcery. That is certainly evil.”
“I have no purpose for it anymore.”
“You put years of study into it, and you are very adept. The fact you called and contracted me are the evidence of that.”
“I did not intend to give it up.”
“I thought so. It already has marked your soul. Such things become like the lustful desires you already know, they are difficult to purge from your heart and mind once they are experienced.”
“Shut up! You may know my mind, but you needn’t say such embarrassing things.”
“It is like all human desires. It is what makes you human,” his lip curled up over his fangs. “Humans are so disgusting.”
Aksinya sipped her tea and ignored him.

So you can see the point of the demon's temptation.  He wishes to encourage her use of sorcery, of magic.  He sees this as a simple means to tempt her.  We shall see that this is his primary means to get her to sin.  If you remember, demons lie, you will be able to gain an understanding of how the demon works his own magic of temptation.  His other powers of persuasion will become evident later.  You may have already noted them.  He is playing good cop/bad cop for here right now.  He provides her needs while encouraging her to his own ends.  Note his desire to plan for her future.  He wishes to plan for the purpose of increasing the evil she will do.  This is very important.  Another point of interest is the purpose of evil.  The demon specifically told her that the evil of the revolution was pleasant to him.  The impression is that there is enough evil to go around in Russia right now.  The demon sees more purpose in Aksinya moving from the evil of Russia to another venue.  Will will soon see where and what that new venue is.