Development - more on Antagonist

4 April 2012, Development - more on Antagonist

Introduction: I realized that I need to introduce this blog a little. I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon. The working title was Daemon, and this was my 21st novel. Over the last year, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing. In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I'll keep you informed along the way.

Today's Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my writing website http://www.ldalford.com/ and select "production schedule," you will be sent to http://www.sisteroflight.com/.

The steps in making and using a character in a novel are as follows:

1. Development of the character (history, description, personality, etc.)
2. Revelation of the character (within the novel, show don't tell)
      a. Description of the character - introduction
      b. Voice of the character
      c. Continuing revelation by showing

In a classical plot (and in most of my novels) you have a protagonist, an antagonist, and a protagonist's helper. If you develop these three characters for a novel, the plot will naturally fall out of the development of the characters.

My point in writing this way is to show you how I develop a novel--thus the primary title "Development." If you wish to write a novel (using my technique to develop a plot, theme, and story), start with the three characters: protagonist, antagonist, and protagonist's helper. Once you have these three characters, follow the outline above to develop and reveal them. I've also mentioned how the character development falls into scene development. I've only given examples. I'm still trying to work out how to convey the method of this development. The best I can give at this moment is that the scenes come directly out of the character design (development).

I mentioned the three basic types of antagonists yesterday. You can have an antagonist that is an immediate person (character) within the plot. You can have an antagonist that acts at a distance. You can have an antagonist that is not a character in the plot.

A classical novel form is to have a character that opposes or works against the protagonist. In the most classical form, the protagonist is the good guy and the antagonist is the bad guy. The interaction and competition between the protagonist and the antagonist creates the tension in the novel and builds the plot to the climax. In a classical plot there are a few more components than this: the protagonist's tellic flaw and the overcoming (or not) of the tellic flaw. Generally, classical comedy is when the protagonist overcomes the tellic flaw and classical tragedy is when he does not.

I'll get more into the protagonist's helper in future blogs, but the addition of the protagonist's helper allows you to write a love plot. If you note in Aksinya, the protagonist's helper starts as Natalya and becomes Father Dobrushin. This isn't exactly a classical development in a novel, but I never said I wrote Aksinya to be a classical plot. You will find that using classical forms will help you properly design and understand your writing, but in the modern age, it is not the novels that follow the classic forms that are appealing, it is those that do not.

Let me put it a different way. Although the classic form is a great beginning and a great guide for plot and character development, this form has been used since the Greeks (and probably before). I'll not say it is overused, but it is, that's what makes it classical. If you want to make a sellable novel, start with an understanding of the classical form. Build characters based on the classic model. Then go for it--that is with your understanding of the forms, blast out of them to make something that fits the obvious novel form, but that is new and fresh.

I'll try to explain in more detail what I mean about this, and I'll write more about characters and plot tomorrow.

I'll repeat my published novel websites so you can see more examples: http://www.ldalford.com/, and the individual novel websites: http://www.aegyptnovel.com/, http://www.centurionnovel.com/, http://www.thesecondmission.com/, http://www.theendofhonor.com/, http://www.thefoxshonor.com/, and http://www.aseasonofhonor.com/.

A New Novel, Part 45 German Introductions and the Demon

The piece today continues from the arrival at Sacré Coeur.  By the way, Sacré Coeur is a real school with a convent and church.  The names of the people have been changed, of course.  The descriptions and the places are fiction.  In my historical fiction, I want the places and in many cases, the descriptions and places to match--we will see this later, but to keep to the fiction world, in some cases we must modify the world a little to achieve the theme--remember, the theme is always the reason and the purpose.  Many modern works go adrift because the author forgets this very important concept. 

The opening of this piece is more about the demon--he doesn't like crosses.  Aksinya has guessed this.  We get more information here.  It confirms more to us, but we still don't have enough information.  I'm saving that for a very pivotal scene.

The Reverend Mother wore a large cross that depended from a silver chain around her neck. The demon eyed it then moved to the far side away from her. The Reverend Mother engulfed Aksinya in her smile, “I understand Countess that you would like to attend Sacré Coeur like your aunt.“


Aksinya nodded.

Aunt Brunhilda interjected, “The Countess believes her German is not very skilled.”

Frau Drescher’s response was slightly tense, “Does she speak any tongue well?”

Freifrau Bockmann raised his eyebrows, “She is a Russian Countess but speaks French, Greek, and her German to my mind is excellent.”

The Reverend Mother bobbed her head, “Frau Drescher takes care of our dormitory and the students. She speaks only German. She is concerned that the Countess might not understand her or our rules well.” She turned to Frau Drescher, “Frau, you should prepare your dormitory for the Countess’ visit. Thank you.”

Frau Drescher’s brow rose, but she nodded and curtsied to Aksinya then left toward the dormitory.

A short piece but very important to tell you about Frau Drescher and RM Kluge.  I intend for Frau Drescher to play a more important role in the future than I have given her yet.  Her introduction is jarring.  She reacts as she does because Aksinya does not speak.  If you are familiar with aristocracy, you would expect Aksinya to act like her aunt.  That is what Frau Drescher expects and when Aksinya doesn't speak, she makes a very rude and terse comment.  This is not out of character in German or Austrian culture, so don't let it bother you.  Notice that RM Kluge covers it up the best she can.  In this exchange, I try to show you the culture of the time.  I also show you the characters of Frau Drescher and RM Kliuge.
 
Additionally, I show you Frau Drescher's job at the school.  Can you see her in your mind?  That is my ultimate goal.  I want you to see Frau Drescher in your mind's eye.  I don't want you to totally dislike her yet, just a little.  Don't you like and trust RM Kluge already?

A New Novel, Part 44 Reverend Mother Kluge and Frau Drescher

So, do you know what a coupe is?  In the world of horse-drawn vehicles, each type had its own name and each name was important--as important as a convertible, compact, subcompact, luxury, sport, SUV.  Do you get the point?  If you are going to immerse your readers, you need to use the appropriate words from the past.  I will perhaps add a little more description of a coupe later, but you can see it is covered for the riders (not the driver).  It can carry at least five comfortably.

The driver opened the door of the coupe and handed down first the Freiherr then the Freifrau Bockmann. The Lady Natalya followed them, then Asmodeus. At the last, the driver handed down Aksinya. She was dressed in the finest clothing of anyone there. She wore a wonderful creation in red satin and white lace. Her hat was the newest style from Moscow, red brushed satin with a bit of lace and feathers. Her mother never had a chance to wear it. Although her uncle and aunt had put on their best, their best was nothing compared to the gowns Aksinya’s mother once wore. That and the long mink coat Aksinya had on marked her as the Countess Sacré Coeur expected.


The nun and older woman immediately came to Aksinya’s side. They both curtsied.

Freiherr Bockmann put out his hand, “Countess Golitsyna, may I introduce the Reverend Mother Kluge and Frau Drescher. Reverend Mother and Frau Drescher, this is my niece, the Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. She is the one we spoke about yesterday.”

The Reverend Mother’s wore a full habit with a wimple that only allowed her face to be seen. The wimple flowed over her head and shoulders and was lost in the folds of her habit. The face that showed was wrinkled, but appeared kind. It wasn’t a hard face or a harsh one. It seemed to be filled with a smile most of the time, like the smile that went out to Aksinya right now. Aksinya lowered her eyes, but not her head.

Frau Drescher on the other hand displayed features of steel. Her wire rimmed glasses sat back on her very sharp nose. Her eyes darted constantly until they focused on a person and then they didn’t seem to move at all until the woman was fully satisfied with her scrutiny. Frown lines marked the corners of her mouth and her eyes. She wore a frown now and unsuccessfully tried to turn that into a smile. She was slightly plump and wore a very severe dress that wasn’t a habit, but might as well have been.

First point is Aksinya's clothing.  She is dressed appropriately now--the demon insisted.  The clothing is not exactly appropriate for a school visit--unless you are trying to impress.  The demon wants to impress.  The gown is new, the newest fashion, and fabulous.  The clothing is exactly what the school would find impressive.
 
So Aksinya should look like exactly what Sacré Coeur expects.  Now we see a reflection of the school: Revernd Mother Kluge and Frau Drescher.  Kluge means smart or clever in German--so should we expect that of RM Kluge?  Perhaps.  Drescher means thresher in German.  Well, perhaps she is a thresher.  We shall see.  The descriptions put these two women directly in their correct situation in Sacré Coeur.  We shall see how they fit into this school...and how Aksinya will fit in or not.

A New Novel, Part 41 The Proposal Part 1

So now we get the point of almost everything.  Freiherr Bockmann makes a proposal to Aksinya that truly tempts her.  She can't let it seem she it too interested, but she is truly tempted by what he proposes.  Do you think Asmodeus had anything to do with the proposal?

The fire was still burning in the great fireplace, but it was mostly coals with only a light sprinkling of flames. Aunt Brunhilda led Aksinya to a chair and sat her. She took a seat in the chair beside her and held her hand.


The Freiherr stood. He stepped to the fireplace and lit a cigarette. He took a puff and turned around, “You don’t know how pleased we are that you came to us and that you are safe here with us.” He flicked some ash from his cigarette into the coals, “When we heard about your family, I had the priest make a high Mass in their honor. At the time, we thought you had died with them.” He gave her a crooked smile, “We were glad someone survived and that you survived. You being who you are, after all.”

Aksinya lowered her eyes, “Thank you.”

“Your Aunt and I have discussed this since we heard you were coming.” He smiled again, “You are not quite seventeen, am I correct?”

“I am seventeen, Uncle.”

“How much education have you received?”

“None except from our family’s priest and my governess.”

“In the past that might have been sufficient for a young lady. Today, it is woefully deficient. As I remember, you have always been very keen on learning.”

Aksinya tried to appear disinterested, but in spite of herself, she nodded and leaned forward expectantly.

“Yes, I see I am right. Your German is much better than you led us to believe last night. I see you understand me very well.” His eyes crinkled, “You learned it from your mother, I know. And I know you speak French and can read Greek.”

“Yes, Uncle.”

“What do you think about the idea of an education.”

Aksinya smiled, “What did you have in mind, Uncle?”

“There is an excellent gymnasium in this city.”

Aunt Brunhilda laughed, “I went to it myself.”

“What is a gymnasium?”

“It is a school for students who will go on to a university.”

“To a university? Could I attend a university—is it allowed for women?”

Aunt Brunhilda put her hands together, “Yes, it is very possible for you to go on to a university.”

“I would gladly attend, but for what purpose?”

The Freiherr stood straight and threw the butt of his cigarette in the coals, “Ha, the world we once knew well is changing. The future will belong to men and women who have grasped an education, and who have an aristocratic pedigree. The people will need someone to lead them. This is what we wish for you. It is certainly what your father and mother would have desired.”

“I’m not so sure. You tempt me...”

Asmodeus cleared his throat.

Her uncle grinned, “I want to tempt you. I want you to follow this course, and I think you are well fitted to succeed. You always were a studious child.”

Aksinya sighed, “What exactly do you propose, Uncle?”

Aunt Brunhilda clasped Aksinya’s left hand with both of hers. “We wish to enroll you in my old school, Sacré Coeur. It is a school, a gymnasium, for girls here in Wien. The church runs it, and it is connected with a convent of the same name. I know it is something you have never experienced before, but I believe you will blossom in it.”

We begin with a slight remembrance of Aksinya's loss.  Her uncle reminds her while he begins his introduction.  Do you see the multi-level mystery he invokes.  They were happy she survived of all the others--this should get you thinking.  I'm not going to tell you why yet.  The point is emphasized twice.  Then he brings up the next point--to him it is important and important to the demon.  Asmodeus chose her clothing.  Her uncle should know her age, he assumes she is younger--who might have put that thought in her mind.  The first point is her age--she is young yet.  The second point is her education.  She, like most aristocratic women in this age, was educated by the family governess and priest.
 
Her uncle then praises her.  He praises her German, French, and Greek.  She knows German from her mother (a clue), French from the Russian court, and Greek from the Orthodox church.  Her uncle's pont is to tempt her toward an education.  You might wonder why the demon wants Aksinya to get an education.  Keep thinking.
 
The next idea is the gymnasium.  I use a trick of a question in the dialog to tell you what it is.  Aksinya doesn't know, so I can explain what it is to the reader.  The obvious question to Aksinya is whether a woman can aspire to the university--this was not expected at the time.  We get a shot of the culture.  Her uncle is tempting her.  He uses a hard argument "your mother and father would have wanted it."  See the reaction of Aksinya--she realizes what is happening.  The demon threatens her just a little, and Aksinya sighs.  She realizes she can't win against her aunt and uncle, the demon, and her own desires.  We end the first part of this dialog with the revelation that the gymnasium is a convent school run by the church.  Do you begin to understand why the demon might want to put Aksinya there--ah, we will find out soon.

A New Novel, Part 24 Initial Natalia

Returning to the last paragraph of the previous piece of Daemon.

Aksinya wasn’t sure all that was true, but her demon displayed an inability to act through a magic circle and some unwillingness or inability to move a cross. She lounged in the warm water. Many of her own, her mother’s, and her sister’s jewelry were crosses. Suddenly, Aksinya wondered if any of her jewelry made it into the demon’s chest. He wasn’t beyond lying—in fact, Aksinya was certain that he lied most of the time. She thought for a while longer and made a plan. The first step was to ask the demon to show her, her mother’s jewelry. The water was getting cool. Aksinya made the slightest sound in the back of her throat. Natalya knocked on the door, “Mistress, do you need me to warm your water?”


“I’m getting out.”

Natalya rushed through the door and helped Aksinya out of the tub. She put a towel around her and adroitly dried her and her hair. Natalya already had a silk dressing gown ready and a heavy robe. She dressed Aksinya in them and led her back into the bedroom. A large meal was arranged on the table in the room. Natalya seated Aksinya and served her. After a moment, Aksinya asked, “Have you eaten, Lady Natalya?”

Natalya colored at being addressed so personally by a countess, “Yes mistress, I have eaten breakfast and dinner in the kitchen.”

“Are you still hungry?”

“No, mistress.”

“Where is Asmodeus?”

“Your courtier?”

“Yes.”

“He has gone to make arrangements for you to travel.”

Aksinya glanced up from her meal, puzzled, “Where are we?”

“You were so tired last night, countess. Your courtier carried you here.”

“But where is here?”

“We are at a very fine inn on the vul. Kazinca near the railway station. Last night, you could barely stand, but after I dressed you for bed, you insisted in drawing these circles around our beds.” Natalya gave a broad smile.

“Did you sleep well?”

Natalya pressed her hands together, “I have never slept better. I was so excited that you took me into your household. My heart was so free that I couldn’t stand it. I thought I would never get to sleep, but I did.”

“You needn’t be afraid of me, Lady Natalya. I will not mistreat you.”

Natalya pressed her lips together, “Did you know?”

“I know.”

“I tried to hide it from everyone.”

“You must be cautious of Asmodeus.”

“Is he dangerous to…to women?”

Aksinya face twitched in a slight smiled, “He is dangerous. You must be cautious around him. You should tell me anything he says to you. You don’t need to worry about your virtue, but perhaps about other things.”

Natalya’s face turned into a frown, “Other things?”

“I don’t want you to worry about them, just be cautious of him. When you are with me you should be safe.”

Aksinya is beginning to take steps against Asmodeus.  We shall see if she is successful.  We will also see some delays before she can test her ideas.  The question is: how much does the demon realize?  We have some idea about how much Aksinya knows, but little about the knowledge of the demon.  We know he can't be omniscient, but the degree of his knowledge seems great.  He also seems to think out his plans to a degree that is much greater than humans can or will.

A New Novel, Part 21 the Lady Natalya

Aksinya was coerced by the demon to use sorcery to call the girl they observed that evening.  Now Aksinya begins the ceremony, and we learn a little more about the limitations of the demon.

When Aksinya first began this business of sorcery, she had to be so careful, and it took her hours to set up everything for a simple enchantment. Now she knew her business so well, she knew the exact and precise steps to properly make everything happen. From years of practice came such simplicity. At the peak of the ceremony, Aksinya cut a sprig of the herb and whispered the girl’s name into it, “Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska.” It was so much simpler with the whole name. Aksinya placed the bit of herb in her brazier. It flared up and the incense caught it. She heard the name quietly repeated as she censed the five corners of the pentagram. A puff of incense went out calling the girl to come. It called her to come here to Aksinya. With a glassy-eyed smile, Aksinya continued to cense the points of the pentagram. Thought she knew one time was enough, she sent out call after call. When the incense was nearly all gone, she put down the brazier and prepared the second part of her work.


Asmodeus glanced at her, “What are you doing now, countess?”

“You wished a show for her. I will make her a display of power.”

“I asked you what you are doing.”

“Read it from my thoughts, demon.”

Asmodeus stood in silence.

“Yes, it is no secret now, is it? Neither your body nor your mind can cross this magic circle. What other things are impossible for you, demon. I didn’t expect a confession from you, but there is much more you haven’t told me.”

“You can’t remain within that circle forever.”

“No, I cannot, but it is enough to know, isn’t it?”

A noise startled Aksinya. She ducked.

Asmodeus laughed, “What do you fear, countess? You have encountered demons.” Then he raised his head and spoke excitedly, “She comes.”

Aksinya stood straight. She was too embarrassed to speak.

A shadow flitted between the tombstones. It moved closer and closer. It was the girl, the Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska. She was dressed in the clothing she had worn earlier. She had a light cloak over it. She moved warily and cognizantly. She made her way to the edge of the pavement and stared in amazement at Aksinya. She studied the magic circle and the pentagram. She gazed at everything on the pavement, but she didn’t step onto the flat stones. Finally, she swallowed, “Did you call me?”

Aksinya smiled a wide smile, “I called you, Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska.”

“How do you know my name?”

“I watched you tonight.”

“What do you wish of me?”

“I think you should run. I think you should go quickly away from here.”

Asmodeus stepped from the shadows. He waved his hand, “You will not go, Lady Natalya Alexandrovna Obolenska. If you try to move, you will find you cannot.”

The girl stuck her chin forward, “I don’t wish to leave. I want to know why she called me.”

Aksinya scowled at her, “Why don’t you run? Don’t you see the demon before you?”

Asmodeus grinned, “You are an idiot. She sees me as I wish her to see me.”

Aksinya spoke her Latin words and saw a handsome courtier.

Asmodeus addressed Natalya, “Lady Natalya, let me introduce the Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. She is the one who called you, and she is a most wonderful and powerful sorceress in this world. She can teach you to be just the same as she. She called you here because she needs a lady-in-waiting and an apprentice. Would you care to join yourself to her? Would you like to become her lady and her apprentice?”

As if Natalya was waiting all her life to hear those specific words, she fell to her knees and cried out. The tears were obvious in her voice, “Dear lady, I would do anything to become your lady-in-waiting and your apprentice. If you would only take me away from this place. Please take me away from here and never bring me back.”

Aksinya frowned, “I don’t want you for my lady-in-waiting or my apprentice.”

It worked.  Aksinya's call worked.  All of her spells work.  I think this is remarkable in a storyline.  In most stories about magic or sorcery that I'm familiar with, the magic is tentative and the magicians incompetent.  You have a few works where the magic is real and actually does what it is supposed to.  You will find that Aksinya is very competent at sorcery.  How else could she call a demon.  This is more important an idea than you might think.  If she wasn't competent, you might imagine that she accidentally called the demon.  The point is that she is competent, and she competently called the demon.  Therefore, she is appropriately guilty for her actions.  If it was an accident, you might forgive her--you cannot.   She also competently called the Lady Natalya.  The point here is that Aksinya then tried to thwart the demon's plans.  You will find that she will be unable to thwart him right now, but she is trying.  I thought it was a fun twist that the Lady Natalya wanted Aksinya to take her away.  We will discover very soon why.

A New Novel, Part 19 Coercion

I love this scene.  It is pivotal for more than one reason.  I think this will get the demon's point across to you and to Aksinya.

They retraced their steps to the chest and Asmodeus put it over his shoulders, “Follow me, countess. I will show you what to do next.”


Aksinya muttered under her breath, “I’m not sure I want to know what to do next.”

“You don’t have to speak your thoughts aloud for me to know them, and muttering behind my back is certainly not polite.”

“I didn’t intend to be polite to you.”

“I know.”

Aksinya followed the demon out of the alley and into the street. The wind had started to rise. Aksinya didn’t notice it at the back of the house. Now, it howled down the cobblestone streets. It was bitter and cold and foretold the winter that was already upon them. They walked past many great houses until they arrived at a large cemetery.

Aksinya stopped and glanced around, “Here?”

“Yes, here.”

“I am so tired. What do you want me to do?”

“Follow me.” The demon led her into the cemetery and toward its center. They came to a large area of flat stone that was very smooth. It had been finished with heavy mortar. Ice and snow didn’t cover it. The demon stopped and put the chest down on the snow covered grass.

Aksinya stumbled to the smooth area and stopped. She wrapped the fur coat more tightly around her, “I am cold, and I am tired of walking. Can’t we eat and find an inn? Please, I’m freezing.”

“Good. You are tired, hungry, and cold. This will make it much easier for me.”

“Wha…what do you mean?”

“You saw the girl. I want you to call her here.”

Aksinya shook her head, “Call her here? Why call her here?”

“That girl seeks power. She has never seen true power. You, countess, have true power. I want you to call her here with your sorcery and let her see your power.”

Aksinya’s hand moved slowly to her mouth, “That’s what you meant when you said you wanted to tempt her to follow me?”

“You are a smart young woman when you put your mind to it. I’m surprised I can tempt you so easily.”

“I won’t do it.”

Asmodeus stood. He raised his arms. He made a motion like he was pulling something through the air. Suddenly, he held the thick warm coat that had been around Aksinya’s shoulders. Asmodeus stroked the coat, “It is still warm from your body. Are you cold countess?”


Aksinya shivered, “You are supposed to protect me. How is this protecting me?”

“You aren’t dead. I never said I was here to prevent you from suffering. Didn’t the great pain and agony you already experienced in your legs teach you that? To achieve my ends, I’m willing to let you suffer quite a lot.”

Aksinya stepped toward the demon, “I order you to give me my coat.”

Asmodeus opened the chest and threw it inside. He closed the chest with a snap, “Get it yourself.”

Aksinya ran to the chest and tried to open it. It was solidly locked. She couldn’t budge the latch.

Asmodeus laughed, “Are you cold enough.”

Aksinya’s teach chattered, but she didn’t answer.

Asmodeus raised his arms and made another motion. Aksinya almost fell. The demon held her high-button shoes and her stockings. Aksinya grabbed for them, “Give them back to me. They are mine, not yours.”

Asmodeus only laughed and the shoes and stockings followed the coat into his chest.

“Čort poberí! Give me my shoes and coat.”

“Cursing me will do you no good. Plus, I am a devil already.”

“Give them to me.”

“Are you still not convinced?” The demon lifted his hands again. He raised them, and he held Aksinya’s dress and petticoats in his claws.

Aksinya stared at him in dismay. She wrapped her arms over bare breasts and tried to cover herself. She crouched on the stone and tired to make her naked body as small as she could. The wind whistled around her. She cried out, “I am your master. We have a contract. I order you to give me back my clothing.”

“I can’t hear you mistress.” Asmodeus examined his claws, “Countess, you won’t freeze for a long time, but you will be very uncomfortable. I know nudity bothers you. I know you hate your naked body. Ah, there you are, your worst nightmare.”

“Why won’t you obey me? Why won’t you do as I ask? Our contact requires it.”

“You should have read the contract more thoroughly. It requires me to do evil in your name. This isn’t evil. I am at liberty to serve you as I choose in all other things. If you asked me to do evil, I can certainly accommodate you. If you ask me to take the clothing from someone else or to steal it, I gladly will. However, that will be laid against your accounting. There are some other rules. Particularly, I’ve already told you, I can’t murder the innocent. For you, I can murder those who are not innocent. I can deliver torture as you desire but only in proportion to the sins a person has committed in this life. You dear countess have committed grave sins, and so I may torture you, but… I don’t wish to torture you.”

Aksinya crouched and whimpered on the pavement.

“Can’t you speak, countess. You are usually very fond of it.”

“Čort poberí! Čort poberí! Čort poberí!.”

“I told you I am already damned. Cursing will do you no good.”

Her voice was weaker, “Merde, merde, merde.”

“Changing the language you curse me will do you no good.”

Aksinya bit her lip, “Promise me you will not harm this girl.”

“I will not harm her.”

She screamed, “Swear it.”

“I swear I will not harm her, countess. You will.”

Aksinya lowered her head, “I will take it on myself. I will do as you ask.”

Next we will see the calling of the servant.

A New Novel, Part 17 The Servant

Here is the next installment.  I have some more comments and questions to answer.  I'll get to those tomorrow.  To bring you up to date, the Demon, Asmodeus and his mistress, Aksinya have traveled to Minsk.  The demon wants a servant for Aksinya.

The next thing she knew, Asmodeus was shaking her, “Wake up, countess. I found her. She is just what I expected. I want you to see her too.”


“I just want to sleep.”

“You may sleep all you desire when we have your servant. I will let you sleep the whole day away if you wish.”

Aksinya sat up, and the coat fell from her shoulders. She shivered and pulled it back on. She tied the clasp at the top then she jumped off the chest, “Take me where you want to go, demon.”

The demon led her to the back of the great house. They climbed a wall and walked along it to the window of the dining room. The curtains were not drawn, and they could observe the entire family around the table.

Aksinya stared at the people around the table, “I recognize them.”

“You should.”

“That is the family of Prince Aleksander Simonovich Andronikov. I know them. They visited us at my father’s estate before.”

“Your estate now…” the demon purred. He continued, “They are an aristocratic family, a royal family. They have a servant who takes care of their daughters and waits on the Prince’s wife. She is a lady-in-waiting, and here she is. Near the head of the table, the door opened. It wasn’t a door for a servant since the top was rounded. The girl who came in was petite and beautiful. Her hair was dark and silky. Her eyes were luminous. Her skin was pale and smooth. In all, she appeared very aristocratic and refined. Her clothing, likewise, though not as expensive as the gowns of the ladies around the table, fit her perfectly and brought out the best in her figure and features. It was not unusual that when she entered, the eye of every man and every woman turned toward her. She whispered to one of the older women at the table and sat against the wall behind her.

Asmodeus whispered, “That’s the one.”

“Why her?”

“She has all the skills required to look after you.”

Aksinya’s voice was bland, “What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing.”

“There must be something.”

“She is the lady-in-waiting to the ladies in a great house, a royal household. She is refined, beautiful, industrious, kind…”

“Everything I am not.”

Asmodeus was silent.

“What is wrong with her?”

“Nothing is wrong with her.”

“Then she must be evil.”

“No more than you.”

“Zatknis'! I order you to tell me what’s wrong with her.”

Asmodeus turned his head away, “Like you, she seeks some power beyond herself. She hasn’t found it yet. The desire is so great in her that it calls out to me.”

“Because you wish to tempt her into some sin.”

“Specifically because I wish to tempt her into the sin of following you.”

Aksinya froze, “Why would it be a sin to follow me?”

Asmodeus didn’t respond.

“Answer me. Why would it be a sin to follow me?”

Asmodeus didn’t speak.

Aksinya let out a shuddering breath, “So her problem is that she seeks a power beyond herself. What about God, the Church.”

“Ha, that guy isn’t for everyone. Haven’t you rejected Him?”

“No! I haven’t rejected Him. I believe in Him. How could I not believe—I’ve seen demons. If there are demons, there is God.” She glanced down, “I don’t trust Him. I knew He would fail me. I didn’t expect you to fail me or my own strength to fail me too.”

Asmodeus picked his teeth with a claw, “I didn’t fail you—you called me too late. You failed, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. I didn’t fail and that guy didn’t fail—you failed. Come, you’ve seen her. Now is the time to go.”

“Go where? You said you would make her my servant.”

“I said no such thing. You will make her your servant.”

Aksinya stared at him open mouthed.

“Close your mouth, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna, now is the time for us to act.”

“I don’t understand you at all.”

“You will.”

They retraced their steps to the chest, and Asmodeus put it over his shoulders, “Follow me, countess. I will show you what to do next.”

This short scene is so full of fun stuff, I don't know where to begin.  The best is the point the demon makes, that he wishes to tempt the girl into the sin of following Aksinya.  We will soon see how he will achieve that end.  The second is that God and the demon didn't fail Aksinya--she herself failed.  Plus her own confession that she believes in God, but she doesn't trust him.  How Aksinya is like so many of us.  She can speak in the presence of the demon all the fears and thoughts everyone has but is afraid to say.

A New Novel, Part 15 The Demon's Observation

One point I want you to note in the writing is a technique I use that you could call constant scene setting.  You can see it very clearly in the last piece, but you can observe it in this piece too.  I constantly remind my readers what the characters are doing and what they look like.  The purpose in this is to help the reader visualize the characters.  I can do this with a simple single statement or a little beat--for example, Asmodeus examined his claws.  This reminds you that he is a demon and has claws instead of finger nails.  When I mention something even as simple as this, you remember the demon and visualize him.  In the last example and this one too, I remind you about the chest.  A simple mention of the large chest reminds you that the demon is walking with the chest on his shoulders--first you visualize it, and second, you realize how odd everything is: a demon and a girl walking the streets of Minsk.  It isn't a joke, but reminding the reader puts everything back into context.  One of the things I hate about some writing and especially poorly executed writing is where the author doesn't set the scene properly or remind you about important characteristics in the scene.  You are going along with the narrative and suddenly a character pulls out something and you wonder--where the heck did that come from.  The author could have given a foreshadowing or at least mentioned the object or the whatever before at some point.  This is another reason for constant scene setting.

Asmodeus woke Aksinya. She lifted her head and stretched. The streetcar was almost empty. They arrived on a quiet street well to the west of the city center. It was a wealthy neighborhood. Aksinya recognized many of the names and coats of arms on the large houses. The demon led again when they exited the streetcar. Aksinya complained, “When are we going to stop. I’m hungry, and I want a bath. I’m sleepy. It’s night. We can’t keep walking forever.”


The demon turned his head to give her a look but didn’t stop.

Aksinya glared at him, “I can’t keep walking forever.”

“I wish to finish this business tonight. I do not want to have to draw your bath or serve your food again.”

“Why does this have to be about what you want? You are my servant.”

“Already, I have shown you the things I can tempt you to do. Don’t you realize yet, you are the mistress of a demon. I tempt humans into sin. I have tempted you into sin after sin. I will continue to do this, and if you don’t grant me this simple desire, it will be more than the grave sin of sorcery and onanism that you will be guilty of. You chose this, I did not.”

“Onanism is not a sin.”

“You believe it is.”

Aksinya struggled to catch up to him. He stopped at a very great house. It was fully lighted with gas lights and some electrical ones. Asmodeus stared at the place for a while then he led Aksinya to an alley at the far side. He put down the chest and sighed, “Now, countess, please wait here a moment while I check on your servant.”

“Please don’t be all night. It is getting colder.”

The demon opened the chest and pulled out a heavy long mink coat that had been Aksinya’s mother’s. Asmodeus put it over her shoulders then he closed the chest, “I will not be long.”

Aksinya watched him move toward the back of the house. When he was out of sight, she sat on the chest. After a bit, she curled up on the top of it and pulled the coat close. Her breath came in white clouds. She closed her eyes.

The next scene we will observe Asmodeus choice of servant for Aksinya.

A New Novel, Part 12 On the Road to Minsk

The next bit.  So Aksinya has been tempted and forced to go along with the demon.  He packed up the house and packed up Aksinya.  They are on their way to she doesn't know where.  He is taking her to the perfect servant he has found.

Aksinya walked wearily behind the demon. He carried a large banded chest across his wide shoulders. In it, so he said, was all the goods and wealth of her family. It was impossible to imagine that such a small space held everything, but she herself had seen her bed and linens and all her clothing go at the last into that chest. Everything. She knew it was possible and that it might be true. Her sorcery books showed her how to make such places to conceal large parts of the world. She knew how to do it herself, but to see it done on such a scale… It was incredible.


The demon didn’t flag. She did. He had served her a fine dinner laid out on her family’s china. That was a few hours ago. Now, she was ready for supper and for bed, and she had no idea where they would stop for the evening—her family’s estate was well away from any large city or town.

Her shoes meant for Paris street were not designed for travel on frozen dirt roads and the snow covered countryside. Her feet hurt, she was cold, and she was hungry. She wondered more than once why they had not taken the carriage. As she understood it, that was also packed in the wonderful chest.

Unfortunately, the horses had been stolen by the Bolsheviks and were not returned. That’s what the demon told her. She wasn’t sure if she should believe him. She trudged behind him with her eyes on the dark frozen dirt road.

“At least it is not wet,” called Asmodeus back to her.

“I’m ready for supper and an inn.”

“You can’t stay at an inn in this part of the country.”

Aksinya was dismayed, “Then where shall I stay—a farmhouse?”

“Don’t worry, countess. I shall take care of your needs. Your first need is for a servant. I know of a perfect one that will meet your requirements—and mine. That is our first step.”

After a short while the frozen dirt road became surrounded by trees and they walked in a forest. Still, there was almost no traffic on it. The road turned abruptly in to stone paving and they entered a large town. The sky was already turning dark, and Aksinya was very tired. People began to populate the edges of the place. Traffic began to fill the streets.

Aksinya ran to catch up to the demon, “What place is this?”

“We are in Minsk, countess.”

Just a short piece from the beginning of chapter 3 to give the travel of Asmodeus and Aksinya from her estate to Minsk.  More to come... 

A New Novel, Part 6 Scene 2 How's that Demon

The next scene and the transition.  I am writing a new novel called Daemon (working title).  I already gave the descriptions of the demon and the Lady Aksinya.  Then we saw their initial conversation together.  Now we get the rest of their conversation and the transition to the next scene.  For one of my readers who asked: is there a difference between a demon and a daemon?  The answer is--no.  Daemon is a variant spelling.  I like to use them, just because.  See the explanation on why I titled Aegypt as Aegypt in my writing secrets at www.ldalford.com --now to the text.  They are still in the cellar and she has just contracted the demon:


The demon gave a laugh, “There is my surety, Lady Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. Are you sure you are not a child?”

“How do you know my name?”
“Lady, I know everything about you now.”
“Then you know I am of age…”
“Seventeen, a virgin and never kissed. All your secrets. I know what you do every night and what you think...”
“Shut up, demon. I have work for you to do.”
“Work already? I thought so. You do know what it means when I work for you—don’t you?”
“Yes, I know what it means, Asmodeus.”
“Then make me work and make me work hard, for every moment of work I do for you shortens your life and brings me closer to the time when I shall be free of you.”
“Then, if you know my mind, you know what I have for you to do.”
The demon stood tall with his arms across his chest, “You have to say them. Plus, it will do you no good.”
Aksinya squinted her eyes, “Why will it do no good?”
The demon pursed his lips and stood silent.
Aksinya’s lip curled up, “If you know my mind, then take me to the house and protect my family.”
Asmodeus tendered her a sly smile, “I shall, my lady. Shall I touch you or will you touch me?”
“What do you mean?”
“If you wish to travel with me, one or the other must touch. I give you the choice.”
“What difference does it make?”
“That you will soon find out.”
“Curse you, demon…”
“You are too late.”
“Then tell me, which is better for me?”
“It is always better for your body if you ask me to touch you, but it is better for your soul if you touch me.”
“Very well,” Aksinya grabbed the demon’s arm.
The world swirled in darkness. Aksinya was dizzy and she felt herself raise up and away from the earth. They moved through earth and stone and then air. The night was as dark as her cellar. The air was colder. Aksinya felt a pain in her legs that spread to her hips. She felt as though she had run miles and miles and she was still running. Her breath came in gasps. Then they were at the front door to her house. It was a mansion. Her father’s house. It was large and beautiful. It was the most beautiful building for over a hundred miles around. Her father’s family had kept it for generations and generations. A large white stone drive wound up to the front and circled statues and lawn. And all around the drive were what looked like fallen statues. They were pale and still. They were statues dress in finery. Beneath them spread dark stains.
The moment her feet touched the ground, Aksinya collapsed to the stone. She lay there unable to breath. Slowly, slowly, she raised up her body. She couldn’t move her legs. They burned. The locket at her breast felt as though it sizzled with heat. She gazed across the drive and her mouth opened—not a sound came out. She could not speak. She could only lay there and stare.
Asmodeus picked his teeth, “You were a bit too late, little girl. So you called me to save them, but you were too late, and now you are marked for hell.”
“Shut up, demon.”
“Is that your brother over there? I think I recognize his clothing. That is certainly your mother and your sister. They didn’t take the time to ravish them—unfortunate, but that should make you feel better.”
“I can’t stand.”
“I told you if I touched you it would be better for your body.”
“What happened to me?”
“If you rest in the bosom of the devil, your body will be protected, but your soul will be eaten away. If you choose to come with me, your body is affected by the world we pass through.”
“Pick me up, demon.”
“Do you know what you ask?”
“Pick me up. I cannot walk. I wish to see them.”
Asmodeus picked her up in his arms. He was unusually gentle. He smelled of myrrh and sulfur. His skin was hot and dry. In the cold evening, it felt comforting to Aksinya like sitting close to a warm fireplace.
“Take me to my father.”
The demon walked to a body cast down on the drive. The man’s coat had been removed. His shirt was dark with blood. Asmodeus tightened his grip, “I would not look at his face. They shot him there. It is your father Count Andrei Golitsyna. He is dead.”
“Why should I believe you? You are used to lying. It is a habit with you.”
“But I can’t lie to you, my lady.”
“I wish to see my mother.”
The demon carried her to where a woman lay. A young woman held her hand. They both didn’t move.
Aksinya’s voice sounded emotionless to her, “Is anyone alive?”
“No, my lady, they are all dead.”
“Do you swear?”
“I cannot swear. I can only tell you the truth.”
“I wish to kiss my mother and my sister and my brother. Roll them over and take me close to them.”
The demon gently rolled each of the bodies over and moved them close to one another. He let Aksinya down near their heads. She touched the face of each and kissed them. Aksinya didn’t look at Asmodeus, “Bring my father here and put him beside them.”
“I told you before.”
“Do it.”
“Yes, mistress.”
Aksinya didn’t look at her father’s face. She took his hand and kissed it. She still didn’t look at Asmodeus, “Bring the others. My maid and my governess, the priest. Place them where I can touch them.”
The demon collected their bodies and put them near Aksinya. She touched their cheeks and kissed them each in farewell.
The demon stood across from her, “You have not cried a single tear for them?”
“Is that so odd?”
“Already your soul becomes mine. I cannot weep for anyone or anything either.”
“Why should I shed a tear for those I cannot help? The time for tears is well past. The time for revenge is at hand.”
“It will not bring back your family or your friends.”
“But it will ease my soul. Why would you dissuade me from it Demon?”
Asmodeus blinked.
“This is my order to you. Those that killed my family and these servants. Find them and kill them. Return with their bodies and place them before me.”
“You are truly a fine mistress. Already I am called to death and destruction. Hell will welcome you.”
“Enough of your lip. Go now.”
Asmodeus bowed. The darkness shimmered for a moment, then he was gone. The locket at Aksinya’s breast began to burn.
Aksinya began to pray. She cried out the Greek prayers her priest had taught her so painstakingly. She cried them to the night, but her eyes were tearless, and she wasn’t certain if her words reached anywhere near the heavens.

So this scene transitions and we see more bounds set on the demon.  Primarily, we see the requirements of the contract and additionally the price that must be paid by Aksinya. 
 
Here is also the excruciating tragedy of the entire novel--Aksinya called forth a demon to protect her family, but her family was killed.  She traded her soul for dust.

More on Inspiration

I wrote before, that to be inspired, I write http://www.ldalford.com/.  But you knew there had to be more to it than that--didn't you?  There is.  I'm not sure exactly what inspiration is.  I just get ideas.  When I get an idea, I write it down.  Some are mundane.  Some are more than mundane.  I turn them all into writing.  The point is, when I get an idea, I write it down.  That way I won't loose it.  I keep a couple of idea books around.  One I carry everywhere, and the other one is by my bed.  If I get an idea in the middle of the night, I write it down.  I have a list of Military Aviation Adventures I will write about.  The list comes from my experiences in military aviation.  When I remember an experience, I add it to the list.  The list is about 200 ideas long--enough for 200 short pieces (3000 to 6000 words).  When I read the paper, if I get worked up about some item of news, I don't seethe about it--I write it down in an essay or opinion piece.  Many of these pieces are never published, but I write them anyway.  The point is to be inspired by life and the record that inspiration.  Imagine your life as exciting and inspiring.  Imagine your characters and your writing as exciting and inspiring.  This is how you develop ideas and get them on to paper.

Another point that likely requires an even longer post: I don't write about myself.  Even when I am the main character in a Military Aviation Adventure http://www.wingsoverkansas.com/, I don't write about myself.  I'm not living vicariously through my own writing.  I don't try to make myself the hero of my fiction.  This is something many authors don't seem to understand.  They are all about turning their mundane persons into an exciting fictional character.  If they do, their characters aren't real and everyone can tell.  That's why blog writers and writers who convey themselves with all their faults are more popular than those who don't.  Of course some blog writers and self aggrandisers make up the stuff to sound more pathetic.  They should stick to fiction.  This is why I say--don't write about yourself.  My old self who lived those Military Aviation Adventures is much different than the self I am today.  I don't write about myself.  More than that, though my opinions and ideas surely come through in my writing, that is not wholly my intent.  My intent is only to get the theme through to the reader in an entertaining fashion.  I don't really want to put up a soapbox and have my characters pontificate on my opinions.  I put words in the mouths of my characters that I don't agree with.  I don't like some of my characters.  I don't like some of the characteristics of my heros and heroines.  I don't write about myself; I give life to characters who are entertaining and who appear real.  They are separate and different from me or they wouldn't be real--they would just be clones of me.  Maybe I should develop this point in more depth tomorrow.

Excitement in Scenes, How I Start part 9

I wrote before, a scene must center around some event that is exciting.  Excitement is how you entertain and hold your reader's attention.  To build a scene that is exciting, you must imagine your characters involved in some event that drives the storyline, plot, and theme.  The scenes cannot be out of place to the storyline, plot, or theme, and they must fit your characters.  No scene, event within a scene, or piece of a scene can be extraneous or out of place.  Each bit, piece, and description must further the novel.  If, when you edit your writing, you find any piece that you can remove that will not affect the storyline, plot, or theme, then remove it.  This is something that is always interesting to me.  Many writers tell me when they edit, their writing length decreases.  Whenever I edit, the length of my manuscripts increase.  I always discover places I can improve and explain better.  I find places where I didn't provide sufficient description.  I rarely find scenes or events that are extraneous.  The reason for this is that I outline in scenes, and I center each scene in an event that propels the storyline. 

The main question is, how do you invent or develop exciting events?  Much of that is a writer's experience.  Just as writing well comes from much writing, event or idea development comes from both writing and life experience.  I would add that reading can provide many ideas for exciting events.  Let me show you the outline of scenes for the first chapter of Dana-ana www.GoddessNovel.com:
1.  Dana gets beat up: input, stealing lunches; output, she's knocked out.  You should be able to see the explicit excitement and action in this scene.  The pathetic character of Dana will not fight back (we find later that she can't fight back).
2.  Dana in the infirmary: input, Dana knocked out; output, Byron escorts her home.  Here the specific pieces driving the scene are Byron carrying her to the infirmary, the confrontation with the school nurse (we find out more about Dana; Dana broke into the infirmary safe before), Dana gains and loses consciousness a couple of times, Dana tries to get out of the infirmary on her own, Byron has to help her, she doesn't want his help...
3.  Dana's tarpaper house: input, Byron escorts her home; output, Byron goes home.  The action here is the walk to her house (lots of description), seeing the tarpaper house, describing the tarpaper house, realization that Dana has nothing, Dana washes Byron's feet to welcome him to her house (okay, here is where the storyline, plot, and theme really kick off.  If you didn't think Dana was odd to begin with, the moment she welcomes Byron to her house by washing his feet, your alarm bells should be going off.  She is obviously showing an action that is outside of a modern norm--yet this fits in the perspective of the novel and the action), Dana is hungry, Byron shares his lunch with her, Dana won't eat the food unless it is gifted to her in her real name (another cultural indicator), Byron discovers her heal name, she eats the food he gives her, Byron goes back to school.
Three scenes, three exciting events to develop one chapter.  That isn't too hard.  In this context the scenes flow one from the other.  You can read the entire chapter at www.GoddessNovel.com.  You can also see other examples of my writing at www.ldalford.com or read my books.

Outlining in Scenes, How I Start part 6

I use scenes to outline the development of each chapter.  I also focus a chapter on a scene or scenes.  I unimaginatively write in chapters and aim for 20 pages or about 5000 to 6000 words per chapter.  This may not be the best way to write a novel, but it works for me.  I don't necessarily recommend using my technique of using a chapter length as a goal, but I do recommend using scenes as the center point and outline of the chapter.

Now here is how you focus your writing in scenes.  First, you must develop a theme for your novel.  I've written about themes before, and I will eventually get to it here one day.  Suffice to say, the theme must be somewhat universal, and it must not be trivial.  It doesn't have to be to save the world, but it should speak broadly and powerfully.  Once you have a theme (it should be written or in some way cohesive in your mind), you can move to the next step. 

Second, imagine the actions of your characters.  Imagine generally the exciting and interesting scenes that will paint them and your novel within the theme.  This is where you begin to design the plot and the storyline.  I have been using the terms plot and storyline separately but together since the beginning because, to me, these are two very separate things.  The plot is the pattern of events that make up the larger narrative, specifically it is the scenes put together cohesively to make the story that supports the theme.  The storyline is the entertaining line of events that make up the narrative.  Whoa, what's the difference.  The difference, in my mind is the theme.  I never want the theme to get in the way of the story.  This preoccupation with the storyline prevents this problem for me.  I first of all want my writing to be entertaining.  I don't intend to beat the reader with the theme, I want the theme to come out naturally as part of the plot as directed by the storyline.  My example is Shakespeare.  You know each of the plays has an underlying theme, the purpose of the play, overall, is to bring out this theme, but the author doesn't beat the theme over your head.  The first purpose of the plays is to entertain.  A reader who reads your work and is entertained will get the theme.  The reader who is not entertained will put down your work and walk away.  No read, no get the theme.  Your readers have to first read and enjoy your work.

Third, start to figure out how to get the action of each scene down on paper.  To keep this from being overwhelming, outline by scene with a general goal toward some resolution.  If you have a general resolution in mind, the novel will grow toward that resolution.  Usually, your theme supports this resolution.  For example, without giving everything away, I knew Dana-ana would be a novel of discovery.  Dana-ana has a great and horrible secret that she is prevented from sharing.  She doesn't want to share it because it is so horrible.  Because of her secret, groups seek to punish her and demand her death.  The resolution is when she must face this horrible secret.  Now, she confronts her secret at multiple levels: personally (with Byron and his family), individually (with herself), legally (she was punished for her actions), physically (others want her life because of her secret), and mentally (I don't tell you, you see the effects on her).  The novel drives to the conclusion that brings all these together.  This may sound very difficult.  It is if you try to go at it as a whole.  Don't.  I wrote each scene as an entertaining piece that drove toward the conclusion.  The scenes each had their input, event, and output.  These all pointed toward the conclusion.  Let me give you an example of this scene outlining.  First scene, input Dana stole lunches, event the fight, output Dana knocked out.  Second scene, input Dana knocked out, event Byron gets help for Dana, output Byron escorts Dana to her home.  Third scene, input Byron escorts Dana to her home, event Dana washes Byron's feet and speaks for the first time, output Byron leaves Dana's house--end of chapter.  First chapter ends cleanly and I need a new input for the first scene of the next chapter.  Second chapter first scene input is Byron notices Dana in homeroom and speaks to her... The scenes continue from there.  In every case, I try to provide an entertaining episode that drives the overall plot and theme.  The scenes are the storyline.  Tomorrow, I'll see if I can give you more on developing scenes.