One point I want you to note in the writing is a technique I use that you could call constant scene setting. You can see it very clearly in the last piece, but you can observe it in this piece too. I constantly remind my readers what the characters are doing and what they look like. The purpose in this is to help the reader visualize the characters. I can do this with a simple single statement or a little beat--for example, Asmodeus examined his claws. This reminds you that he is a demon and has claws instead of finger nails. When I mention something even as simple as this, you remember the demon and visualize him. In the last example and this one too, I remind you about the chest. A simple mention of the large chest reminds you that the demon is walking with the chest on his shoulders--first you visualize it, and second, you realize how odd everything is: a demon and a girl walking the streets of Minsk. It isn't a joke, but reminding the reader puts everything back into context. One of the things I hate about some writing and especially poorly executed writing is where the author doesn't set the scene properly or remind you about important characteristics in the scene. You are going along with the narrative and suddenly a character pulls out something and you wonder--where the heck did that come from. The author could have given a foreshadowing or at least mentioned the object or the whatever before at some point. This is another reason for constant scene setting.
Asmodeus woke Aksinya. She lifted her head and stretched. The streetcar was almost empty. They arrived on a quiet street well to the west of the city center. It was a wealthy neighborhood. Aksinya recognized many of the names and coats of arms on the large houses. The demon led again when they exited the streetcar. Aksinya complained, “When are we going to stop. I’m hungry, and I want a bath. I’m sleepy. It’s night. We can’t keep walking forever.”
The demon turned his head to give her a look but didn’t stop.
Aksinya glared at him, “I can’t keep walking forever.”
“I wish to finish this business tonight. I do not want to have to draw your bath or serve your food again.”
“Why does this have to be about what you want? You are my servant.”
“Already, I have shown you the things I can tempt you to do. Don’t you realize yet, you are the mistress of a demon. I tempt humans into sin. I have tempted you into sin after sin. I will continue to do this, and if you don’t grant me this simple desire, it will be more than the grave sin of sorcery and onanism that you will be guilty of. You chose this, I did not.”
“Onanism is not a sin.”
“You believe it is.”
Aksinya struggled to catch up to him. He stopped at a very great house. It was fully lighted with gas lights and some electrical ones. Asmodeus stared at the place for a while then he led Aksinya to an alley at the far side. He put down the chest and sighed, “Now, countess, please wait here a moment while I check on your servant.”
“Please don’t be all night. It is getting colder.”
The demon opened the chest and pulled out a heavy long mink coat that had been Aksinya’s mother’s. Asmodeus put it over her shoulders then he closed the chest, “I will not be long.”
Aksinya watched him move toward the back of the house. When he was out of sight, she sat on the chest. After a bit, she curled up on the top of it and pulled the coat close. Her breath came in white clouds. She closed her eyes.
The next scene we will observe Asmodeus choice of servant for Aksinya.
Showing posts with label Minsk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Minsk. Show all posts
Monday, October 18, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
A New Novel, Part 14 In Minsk
Now you get to see Asmodeus use a new technique to get Aksinya to sin. Watch closely. I'll start back with the rest of the paragraph. As you remember, the demon led her to Minsk and they are now traveling in the city--they are looking for a servant for Aksinya.
The demon smiled and turned. He started out again along the side of the road. Aksinya heard a couple of snide remarks, but no one followed them or threatened her. As they went deeper into the city, Asmodeus led her to a streetcar stop. They waited there for a streetcar. Aksinya gladly sank onto the bench while the demon stood beside her. On the way, he had returned to his normal form, at least in her sight. She could not ever forget that he could change his form and perhaps hers. That made her think. “Demon.”
“Yes, countess.”
“How can I see the form you present whenever I want to?”
“Ah, I’d rather not say.”
“But I want to know. I order you to tell me.”
“There is perhaps a phrase in one of your books that would do quite well.”
Aksinya let a Latin phrase trip off her lips. Immediately she could see the demon in his current guise. “That will do satisfactorily. Thank you, demon.”
“And thank you countess. It is indeed a pleasure to see you accomplish sorcery.”
Aksinya sucked in her breath, “You tricked me.”
“Again, yes. You feel desire again too.”
Aksinya blushed and squirmed in her seat, “Not at all.”
The streetcar came up, and they boarded. Asmodeus paid the fare. They rode the streetcar past the city center and out toward the west side. Aksinya sat and Asmodeus stood. Certainly the world changed to accommodate a nearly seven foot tall demon who carried a gigantic chest on his shoulders. He seemed to fit on the streetcar without trouble. The entire world suddenly seemed less solid to Aksinya than ever before.
The trick in the writing is to constantly try to surprise you just as Aksinya is surprised. I hope these little events sneak up on you. Are you watching the demon closely--you know he lies, and you know his purpose is to tempt into sin. If you keep this clear in your mind, everything he does or doesn't do will become very clear.
The demon smiled and turned. He started out again along the side of the road. Aksinya heard a couple of snide remarks, but no one followed them or threatened her. As they went deeper into the city, Asmodeus led her to a streetcar stop. They waited there for a streetcar. Aksinya gladly sank onto the bench while the demon stood beside her. On the way, he had returned to his normal form, at least in her sight. She could not ever forget that he could change his form and perhaps hers. That made her think. “Demon.”
“Yes, countess.”
“How can I see the form you present whenever I want to?”
“Ah, I’d rather not say.”
“But I want to know. I order you to tell me.”
“There is perhaps a phrase in one of your books that would do quite well.”
Aksinya let a Latin phrase trip off her lips. Immediately she could see the demon in his current guise. “That will do satisfactorily. Thank you, demon.”
“And thank you countess. It is indeed a pleasure to see you accomplish sorcery.”
Aksinya sucked in her breath, “You tricked me.”
“Again, yes. You feel desire again too.”
Aksinya blushed and squirmed in her seat, “Not at all.”
The streetcar came up, and they boarded. Asmodeus paid the fare. They rode the streetcar past the city center and out toward the west side. Aksinya sat and Asmodeus stood. Certainly the world changed to accommodate a nearly seven foot tall demon who carried a gigantic chest on his shoulders. He seemed to fit on the streetcar without trouble. The entire world suddenly seemed less solid to Aksinya than ever before.
The trick in the writing is to constantly try to surprise you just as Aksinya is surprised. I hope these little events sneak up on you. Are you watching the demon closely--you know he lies, and you know his purpose is to tempt into sin. If you keep this clear in your mind, everything he does or doesn't do will become very clear.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
A New Novel, Part 13 Minsk
We left Aksinya and the demon in the city of Minsk. That's a place in Russia, actually Belarus, but that was part of Russia at the time. I will likely ask my publisher to include a simple map when the work is eventually published. Minsk is a rather large city. I tried to capture it at a time without too much turmoil due to the Russian revolution. I like to use foreign language term when they seem appropriate. Here I began to use the term, Zatknis'! Zatknis'! means "shut up" in Russian. Later in this chapter I use some great Russian curses and a little French. My publisher doesn't allow English curse words in the writing. They have allowed me to use French words. The settings and use of the words are very appropriate. In the published version, they will be footnoted with their translation. I hate works that don't translate their foreign words and phrases. Even if you read the language, the intended translation from the author may be easily missed.
Aksinya ran to catch up to the demon, “What place is this?”
“We are in Minsk, countess.”
Aksinya stopped cold, “Minsk? It cannot be Minsk.”
Asmodeus halted as well and turned toward her, “Why can it not be Minsk?”
“Minsk is more than two days by carriage from my house…What did you do?”
“I made the world bend a little.”
Aksinya raised the hem of her skirts enough to glance at her legs, “They don’t pain me more than a days walking.”
“You didn’t touch me.”
“Then it is not levied against my soul for you didn’t carry me either.”
“That shall be seen. You have enough on your soul already.”
“Zatknis'! Demon,” She put her fists on her hips, “By the way, you are a demon carrying a large chest across your shoulders and we are surrounded by people, but no one looks at you oddly.”
“You are my mistress. You see and hear me in truth. I don’t allow them to view me like that. Would you like to see what I seem to them?”
Aksinya chewed her lip a moment, “Yes. Show me what you seem to them.”
The demon blurred a bit and suddenly came into perfect focus. He appeared like a small ancient servant. His face was kind and his hair was white. He had a long beard that made him look a little like an orthodox priest or at least a deacon, but his clothing was that of a highly placed servant. He carried a heavy casket like a jewelry casket on his shoulder. His face was ruddy and made more ruddy by his supposed exertion. He looked like he had been carrying the casket for a long time. His clothing perfectly matched the style and the cut of Aksinya’s own. She was obviously his mistress and to all the world she would certainly look like a cruel one.
Aksinya’s eyes flashed, “You idiot demon. Do mean to embarrass me to everyone in the streets of Minsk. Why did you choose to look like that?”
“Countess, I would select your words carefully. Already you are in danger because you appear to be an aristocrat. There are many who would begrudge you that, but you certainly leave the stink of the bourgeoisie in a very proletarian city.”
“You caused this. You made this happen, and you must protect me in any case.”
“That I must, but I don’t have to make you look good, and if I have to protect you then you will compel me to harm them.” The demon pointed with his thumb at the passersby who stopped to watch the arrogant young lady berate her ancient kindly-looking servant.
Aksinya stood straight. She glanced around. Finally, she cleared her throat, “Go on, Asmodeus. Lead me where you must. I’m tired, and I’m certain you are too.”
The demon smiled and turned. He started out again along the side of the road. Aksinya heard a couple of snide remarks, but no one followed them or threatened her. As they went deeper into the city, Asmodeus led her to a streetcar stop.
I hope you liked this short piece that revealed a lot of information about demons and about how Asmodeus is manipulating Aksinya even when she doesn't realize it. Did you also note, the demon can't help but tell her. He rubs her nose in it each time. This isn't because I don't think my readers will catch the nuance of the demon's work--this is the demon's personality. It is the personality of all temptation and sin. Is there any realization of sin or knowledge of sin without recognition of sin? Of course not. It isn't any good to the tempter if the tempted doesn't realize their own sin. That's the point. A tempter wants to tempt, but he also wants the other to know they were tempted and that they eventually sinned. Right now, the actions of the demon are relatively passive. We shall soon see the full gamut of his willingness to force Aksinya to sin. Another revelation for you. I chose sorcery as a sin for Aksinya because I can do a lot with it that isn't horrible or salacious. In other words, I can have her doing a lot of sinning without having to write embarrassing or unacceptable storylines. The point of lust leading to sorcery and sorcery to desire is also a subtle theme I am developing. The ultimate point, as we have already seen, Aksinya's sin (sorcery) has already led to murder and will soon led to other sins. Don't lose heart, I am writing to a redemptive theme. She will figure some things out--in this chapter.
Aksinya ran to catch up to the demon, “What place is this?”
“We are in Minsk, countess.”
Aksinya stopped cold, “Minsk? It cannot be Minsk.”
Asmodeus halted as well and turned toward her, “Why can it not be Minsk?”
“Minsk is more than two days by carriage from my house…What did you do?”
“I made the world bend a little.”
Aksinya raised the hem of her skirts enough to glance at her legs, “They don’t pain me more than a days walking.”
“You didn’t touch me.”
“Then it is not levied against my soul for you didn’t carry me either.”
“That shall be seen. You have enough on your soul already.”
“Zatknis'! Demon,” She put her fists on her hips, “By the way, you are a demon carrying a large chest across your shoulders and we are surrounded by people, but no one looks at you oddly.”
“You are my mistress. You see and hear me in truth. I don’t allow them to view me like that. Would you like to see what I seem to them?”
Aksinya chewed her lip a moment, “Yes. Show me what you seem to them.”
The demon blurred a bit and suddenly came into perfect focus. He appeared like a small ancient servant. His face was kind and his hair was white. He had a long beard that made him look a little like an orthodox priest or at least a deacon, but his clothing was that of a highly placed servant. He carried a heavy casket like a jewelry casket on his shoulder. His face was ruddy and made more ruddy by his supposed exertion. He looked like he had been carrying the casket for a long time. His clothing perfectly matched the style and the cut of Aksinya’s own. She was obviously his mistress and to all the world she would certainly look like a cruel one.
Aksinya’s eyes flashed, “You idiot demon. Do mean to embarrass me to everyone in the streets of Minsk. Why did you choose to look like that?”
“Countess, I would select your words carefully. Already you are in danger because you appear to be an aristocrat. There are many who would begrudge you that, but you certainly leave the stink of the bourgeoisie in a very proletarian city.”
“You caused this. You made this happen, and you must protect me in any case.”
“That I must, but I don’t have to make you look good, and if I have to protect you then you will compel me to harm them.” The demon pointed with his thumb at the passersby who stopped to watch the arrogant young lady berate her ancient kindly-looking servant.
Aksinya stood straight. She glanced around. Finally, she cleared her throat, “Go on, Asmodeus. Lead me where you must. I’m tired, and I’m certain you are too.”
The demon smiled and turned. He started out again along the side of the road. Aksinya heard a couple of snide remarks, but no one followed them or threatened her. As they went deeper into the city, Asmodeus led her to a streetcar stop.
I hope you liked this short piece that revealed a lot of information about demons and about how Asmodeus is manipulating Aksinya even when she doesn't realize it. Did you also note, the demon can't help but tell her. He rubs her nose in it each time. This isn't because I don't think my readers will catch the nuance of the demon's work--this is the demon's personality. It is the personality of all temptation and sin. Is there any realization of sin or knowledge of sin without recognition of sin? Of course not. It isn't any good to the tempter if the tempted doesn't realize their own sin. That's the point. A tempter wants to tempt, but he also wants the other to know they were tempted and that they eventually sinned. Right now, the actions of the demon are relatively passive. We shall soon see the full gamut of his willingness to force Aksinya to sin. Another revelation for you. I chose sorcery as a sin for Aksinya because I can do a lot with it that isn't horrible or salacious. In other words, I can have her doing a lot of sinning without having to write embarrassing or unacceptable storylines. The point of lust leading to sorcery and sorcery to desire is also a subtle theme I am developing. The ultimate point, as we have already seen, Aksinya's sin (sorcery) has already led to murder and will soon led to other sins. Don't lose heart, I am writing to a redemptive theme. She will figure some things out--in this chapter.
Friday, October 15, 2010
A New Novel, Part 12 On the Road to Minsk
The next bit. So Aksinya has been tempted and forced to go along with the demon. He packed up the house and packed up Aksinya. They are on their way to she doesn't know where. He is taking her to the perfect servant he has found.
Aksinya walked wearily behind the demon. He carried a large banded chest across his wide shoulders. In it, so he said, was all the goods and wealth of her family. It was impossible to imagine that such a small space held everything, but she herself had seen her bed and linens and all her clothing go at the last into that chest. Everything. She knew it was possible and that it might be true. Her sorcery books showed her how to make such places to conceal large parts of the world. She knew how to do it herself, but to see it done on such a scale… It was incredible.
The demon didn’t flag. She did. He had served her a fine dinner laid out on her family’s china. That was a few hours ago. Now, she was ready for supper and for bed, and she had no idea where they would stop for the evening—her family’s estate was well away from any large city or town.
Her shoes meant for Paris street were not designed for travel on frozen dirt roads and the snow covered countryside. Her feet hurt, she was cold, and she was hungry. She wondered more than once why they had not taken the carriage. As she understood it, that was also packed in the wonderful chest.
Unfortunately, the horses had been stolen by the Bolsheviks and were not returned. That’s what the demon told her. She wasn’t sure if she should believe him. She trudged behind him with her eyes on the dark frozen dirt road.
“At least it is not wet,” called Asmodeus back to her.
“I’m ready for supper and an inn.”
“You can’t stay at an inn in this part of the country.”
Aksinya was dismayed, “Then where shall I stay—a farmhouse?”
“Don’t worry, countess. I shall take care of your needs. Your first need is for a servant. I know of a perfect one that will meet your requirements—and mine. That is our first step.”
After a short while the frozen dirt road became surrounded by trees and they walked in a forest. Still, there was almost no traffic on it. The road turned abruptly in to stone paving and they entered a large town. The sky was already turning dark, and Aksinya was very tired. People began to populate the edges of the place. Traffic began to fill the streets.
Aksinya ran to catch up to the demon, “What place is this?”
“We are in Minsk, countess.”
Just a short piece from the beginning of chapter 3 to give the travel of Asmodeus and Aksinya from her estate to Minsk. More to come...
Aksinya walked wearily behind the demon. He carried a large banded chest across his wide shoulders. In it, so he said, was all the goods and wealth of her family. It was impossible to imagine that such a small space held everything, but she herself had seen her bed and linens and all her clothing go at the last into that chest. Everything. She knew it was possible and that it might be true. Her sorcery books showed her how to make such places to conceal large parts of the world. She knew how to do it herself, but to see it done on such a scale… It was incredible.
The demon didn’t flag. She did. He had served her a fine dinner laid out on her family’s china. That was a few hours ago. Now, she was ready for supper and for bed, and she had no idea where they would stop for the evening—her family’s estate was well away from any large city or town.
Her shoes meant for Paris street were not designed for travel on frozen dirt roads and the snow covered countryside. Her feet hurt, she was cold, and she was hungry. She wondered more than once why they had not taken the carriage. As she understood it, that was also packed in the wonderful chest.
Unfortunately, the horses had been stolen by the Bolsheviks and were not returned. That’s what the demon told her. She wasn’t sure if she should believe him. She trudged behind him with her eyes on the dark frozen dirt road.
“At least it is not wet,” called Asmodeus back to her.
“I’m ready for supper and an inn.”
“You can’t stay at an inn in this part of the country.”
Aksinya was dismayed, “Then where shall I stay—a farmhouse?”
“Don’t worry, countess. I shall take care of your needs. Your first need is for a servant. I know of a perfect one that will meet your requirements—and mine. That is our first step.”
After a short while the frozen dirt road became surrounded by trees and they walked in a forest. Still, there was almost no traffic on it. The road turned abruptly in to stone paving and they entered a large town. The sky was already turning dark, and Aksinya was very tired. People began to populate the edges of the place. Traffic began to fill the streets.
Aksinya ran to catch up to the demon, “What place is this?”
“We are in Minsk, countess.”
Just a short piece from the beginning of chapter 3 to give the travel of Asmodeus and Aksinya from her estate to Minsk. More to come...
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