Writing Ideas - Writing Science Fiction, part 64 even more Computer Science and Technology

3 October 2013, Writing Ideas - Writing Science Fiction, part 64 even more Computer Science and Technology

Announcement: My novels Sister of Light and Sister of Darkness are about to be published. I write this blog about 2 months prior to its publication. I just heard that the proofs will be here soon--likely before the end of the week. My publisher also wants to put the entire set of novels based on Aegypt on contract--that's 5 more novels for 8 total. They also want to put my other novels on contract. The release schedule should be one novel every 2 months. I'll keep you updated.

Introduction: I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon. This was my 21st novel and through this blog, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing. In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes. You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel beginning with http://www.pilotlion.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-novel-part-3-girl-and-demon.html.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published. I'll keep you informed along the way.

Today's Blog: To see the steps in the publication process, visit my writing website http://www.ldalford.com/ and select "production schedule," you will be sent to http://www.sisteroflight.com/.

The four plus one basic rules I employ when writing:

1. Don't confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the writing.
4. Don't show (or tell) everything.
5. Immerse yourself in the world of your writing.

I am writing about the extrapolation of science and technology to be able to write science fiction.  I made the point that it is almost meaningless to try to fully extrapolate a universe (world) that is 10,000 years in the future (and maybe 1,000 years in the future) without applying some cultural and technological shaping.

By shaping the cultures of your science fiction universe, you can shape the science and technology that is extrapolated.  Here is how I culturally shaped the universe of The Chronicles of the Dragon and the Fox to make the 10,000 year extrapolation work.

Part of the earthquake of change was from games.  Computers made games available to people that were outside of human imagination not even 5 years before their advent.  Before the rise of computers, role playing and military games were in ascendancy.  Computers gave life to role-playing and military type games like nothing else could.  Games ushered in violence that had never been imagined before in human entertainment, but it was controlled.  There is also a pornographic and sexual side to computer gaming. 

The world changed because simulators went from events to life.  Games simply are life simulators.  The life or lives they simulate are as varied as science fiction.  There has been a blurring of simulation and the real world.  How much this blurring will continue is entirely in the realm of science fiction.  Remember Tron and the redo.  Not the greatest movies, but if Disney is doing it, it can't be that unique or great.  Gaming is having an effect on the world that is little understood even by those involved in the transition.  This is a great area of potential extrapolation.  More tomorrow.

Also remember, I'm trying to show you and give you examples of how to write a science fiction theme statement and turn it into a plot.

For more information, you can visit my author site http://www.ldalford.com/, and my individual novel websites:
http://www.aegyptnovel.com/
http://www.centurionnovel.com
http://www.thesecondmission.com/
http://www.theendofhonor.com/
http://www.thefoxshonor.com
http://www.aseasonofhonor.com

Publication - more Information, Recommended Covers

2 November 2011, Publication - more Information, Recommended Covers

Introduction: I realized that I need to introduce this blog a little.  I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon.  The working title was Daemon, and this was my 21st novel.  Over the last year, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing.  In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes.  You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published.  I'll keep you informed along the way.  At this moment, I'm showing you the marketing material I put together for a novel.

Today's Blog:  To see the steps in the publication process, go to my writing website http://www.ldalford.com/ and select "production schedule," you will be sent to http://www.sisteroflight.com/. 

Here is the cover I designed for Aksinya.  I haven't sent it to my publisher yet because the novel isn't under contract.

You can see how this meets the request of my publisher in many ways.  I tried to pick the perfect picture that captures the feel of the book and it's main character.  I use this image for the novel's website.  This allows me to market the novel and have a cover design ready to go.

What you can expect back from your publisher is a recommended cover or two.  They will use a picture and they will embellish it with fancy fonts and clip artwork.  Like I mentioned, you can do the same.  The quality of the cover you get from your publisher will be outstanding.  They will produce a print ready cover much better than any you might be able to make.

If you really don't like their recommendation(s), tell them so and ask for more.  I've found all the designs from my publisher acceptable, but they are easy to work with.  Just don't begin to turn away every cover design and be willing to work with them.  If you reject a design, tell them why and give them some ideas.  Like I wrote, your publisher knows the market better than you do, but make sure you get a design you can live with.
 
Tomorrow, I'll tell you even more about the cover.

I'll repeat my published novel websites so you can see more examples:   http://www.ldalford.com/, and the individual novel websites:  http://www.aegyptnovel.com/, http://www.centurionnovel.com/, http://www.thesecondmission.com/, http://www.theendofhonor.com/, http://www.thefoxshonor.com/, and http://www.aseasonofhonor.com/.

Marketing - to Publishers Electronic Press Formatting

17 October 2011, Marketing - to Publishers Electronic Press Formatting

Introduction: I realized that I need to introduce this blog a little.  I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon.  The working title was Daemon, and this was my 21st novel.  Over the last year, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing.  In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes.  You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published.  I'll keep you informed along the way.  At this moment, I'm showing you the marketing material I put together for a novel.

Today's Blog:  In the case of self published works, the rule about formatting a book changes.  Usually, you never want to format a book prior to publication like a final book.  For a work you self publish, you must make the work look as much as possible like the final book.  You have to add in all the special pages, copyright page, introductions, lexicons, thanks, dedications, etc., etc.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, look at an example of any modern published book.  You want to design your own dingbats and put them in.  If you don't know what a dingbat is or how it is used, keep reading this blog.  I'll get to it eventually.

You can easily put in black and white pictures and potentially color pictures in electronic books.  You need to be careful with that too.  If you haven't noticed the many self published works filled with horrible amateur art work, you just aren't looking.  I'll say it again, if you self publish, your book must look exactly like a finished professionally published work.  I'll also repeat this warning--by self publishing, you may be crippling yourself as an author and a writer, but that's enough said on that subject.
More tomorrow about formatting electronically published books.

I'll repeat my published novel websites so you can see more examples:   http://www.ldalford.com/, and the individual novel websites:  http://www.aegyptnovel.com/, http://www.centurionnovel.com/, http://www.thesecondmission.com/, http://www.theendofhonor.com/, http://www.thefoxshonor.com/, and http://www.aseasonofhonor.com/. 

Marketing - to Publishers even more Electronic Press

16 October 2011, Marketing - to Publishers even more Electronic Press

Introduction: I realized that I need to introduce this blog a little.  I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon.  The working title was Daemon, and this was my 21st novel.  Over the last year, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing.  In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes.  You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published.  I'll keep you informed along the way.  At this moment, I'm showing you the marketing material I put together for a novel.

Today's Blog:  The point I am making about electronic books is that if you self publish (especailly if you do it on your own with a free service) you must do everything to make your books appear like a carefully designed and published work. 

Take a look at electronically published books.  Those that are published by a regular publishing house look like finished books.  Their pages are crafted and designed and look professional.  In the development of a book, the whole isn't just the editing, the writing, and etc.  The whole of a professional book is the quality of the overall work.  A professional publisher makes the work have this finished look.  That is something you must strive for in your works.  If you insist on self publishing electronically (or in any way), you need to be sensitive to this fact.  You need to make your electronically published book look as much like a professionally published work as you can.  This won't guarantee success, but it certainly can't hurt.

More tomorrow about electronically published books.

I'll repeat my published novel websites so you can see more examples:   http://www.ldalford.com/, and the individual novel websites:  http://www.aegyptnovel.com/, http://www.centurionnovel.com/, http://www.thesecondmission.com/, http://www.theendofhonor.com/, http://www.thefoxshonor.com/, and http://www.aseasonofhonor.com/. 

Marketing - to Publishers Internet book Sales

4 October 2011, Marketing - to Publishers Internet book Sales

Introduction: I realized that I need to introduce this blog a little.  I wrote the novel Aksinya: Enchantment and the Daemon.  The working title was Daemon, and this was my 21st novel.  Over the last year, I gave you the entire novel in installments that included commentary on the writing.  In the commentary, in addition to other general information on writing, I explained, how the novel was constructed, the metaphors and symbols in it, the writing techniques and tricks I used, and the way I built the scenes.  You can look back through this blog and read the entire novel.

I'm using this novel as an example of how I produce, market, and eventually (we hope) get a novel published.  I'll keep you informed along the way.  At this moment, I'm showing you the marketing material I put together for a novel.

Today's Blog:  We've covered classical publishing runs, discount book sales, bookstore book sales plus a few other topics.  You might be asking how you can get your books sold if you can't get them into the bookstores.  The answer is Internet and electronic book sales.   

Let's talk about the other types of publishing today.  Classical publishing runs are going by the wayside in favor of Publishing on Demand (POD).  I'm not really certain that any book companies are really publishing in publishing runs any longer (even if they say they do).  Once a book is set up in POD format, you can print it on demand in as many copies as you want, and the process is all automated.  Human hands don't need to touch the books.  POD is cheap, easy, and very smart.  POD has given rise to and caused many regular publishers to move to be POD publishers in word and deed.  A POD publisher usually has limited access to bookstore sales, but that may not necessarily be completely  the case.  The cost advantage in POD comes from printing only the number of books you need to sell right now, so it doesn't make sense to print up a whole print run to stock in a bookstore where there is a great chance the book might come back to you for cash or credit.  Instead, POD publishers make most of their money on Internet or direct sales.  Once you've made the sale, you just have to print the book and ship it. 

A large number of the books purchased through the Internet are POD books.  Now, let's talk about POD publishers.  Many new POD publishers have sprung up in the current market.  They are usually smaller businesses than the classical publishers and they usually specialize more.  For example, in inspirational, Christian, eroica, homosexual, specialty romance, Christian romance, etc.  The opportunities in POD publishers is to make the regular print market open to more specialized works and to more good writers.

I'll posit my novels as an example.  They are all mixed genre and very difficult to place in any specific genre.  The regular publishing houses were direct in pointing this out to me.  I found a publisher who was looking specifically for my style of writing and type of novel.  The advent of POD and specialty publishing made it possible for my works to be published.

I have a very strong presence in Internet sales at almost every Internet bookseller on the web. 
You likely also realise there are opportunities to sell electronic books.  I'll write about that tomorrow.

I'll repeat my published novel websites so you can see more examples:   http://www.ldalford.com/, and the individual novel websites:  http://www.aegyptnovel.com/, http://www.centurionnovel.com/, http://www.thesecondmission.com/, http://www.theendofhonor.com/, http://www.thefoxshonor.com/, and http://www.aseasonofhonor.com/. 

A New Novel, Part 18 More Answers

Some more questions and comments from a reader of this blog.

Interesting discussion on 'setting the scene'. A few question some to mind:

1. How do you know when you've got 'just enough' vs too much info to set the stage and pique the reader's interest...ie, get the milieu (world) of the scene's story?
I don't.  I rely on two things: 1. does it entertain me, 2. Does it entertain my prepub readers.  I think I'm harder than anyone else on my own writing.  If I don't feel that it is entertaining, I write it over and over again until it feels right.  In terms of setting the scene, as opposed to the interest of the reader, I do know what to do for that, and I am constantly tweaking the writing to improve it.  The first is this: the scene must be set in terms of time (date and time of day), place (environment, weather, all the details), characters (appearance, clothing, equipment), and reason.  This information doesn't have to be recited right at the beginning, but it has to be put right up front and focus the reader.  It is like a stage play.  The play can't go one until the stage is set (not an empty stage here).  The scene like a stage must be set.  The writer has powerful tools that can allow the reader to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste everything that is going on in the scene.  You have written enough when your readers can experience the scene through all of their senses. 

2. Just as a novel has a whole structure, prume,so does each individual scene. So wondering, do you have a general rule of thumb which stipulates how much attention, to spend on developing a given scene?
(I'm not talking about short transitional scenes, which simply bridge, and don't require special treatment...I'm talking about substantial scenes.)
To me all scenes are substantial.  In other words, if the novel is unchanged when the scene is left out, then the scene is unnecessary and should be left out.  Even a "bridging" scene must be important.  I try to make them important or I try to fit them at the end or beginning of an important event.  So each scene theoretically gets the same attention as every other one.  That doesn't happen.  Pivotal scenes are just that, they are so important that I can't help but think about them for days until they are written.  Sometimes I find that unprogressive.  I make lots of notes and hope I don't lose the strength of the writing before the scene comes together.  The trick it to try to give as much attention to those scene leading and following a pivotal scene to ensure they are strong in themselves.

Also, I presume, you've got an objective or need for each character in a scene...and, you're trying to create rising tension..(to satisfy the need) throughout the scene's progression....
This is a great point.  Like the purpose of the scene itself in the novel, every word is carefully chosen, each bit of punctuation is placed to make the most of the entire scene.  Likewise the characters are each necessary, their entry is specific and their descriptions are critical.  I use the Arlo Guthrie method of introducing a character (and place) with at least 100 to 300 words of description.  This ensures the placement of the character and the theme.  After the place and the character is introduced the first time, you may then use defining characteristics to set the character or the scene the next time you bring them on stage.  For example, if a character has a big nose, you can easily wax eloquent about the nose in the first introduction.  You then just make the point about Lou's big nose when you bring him back again.  That allows your readers to immediately see the character in their mind again.  For a place the description might be the smell of the mold from the old furniture.  When you go back to the house, a reminder about the smell sets the scene again.  One thing I dislike in some authors is that they fail to introduce or reintroduce their characters properly.  I get confused when confronted with just a name without any description.  Writing without sufficient description is like a blank mask on your characters or an empty stage. 

3. Do you primarily use dialogue or actions of the characters to create a compelling scene? Rule of thumb, or ratio?
I try to make all the writing dialog or action narrative.  In other words, if the story isn't going through with dialog, it's because it is moving with action (showing you what is happening).  I prefer dialog.  To me, dialog is truly life.  This is how the world really runs.  Who cares what a person did. What is more compelling is when that person tells why they did it to another person--or lies about it.  That's when you begin to understand about the characters.  There is no ratio, but I find that 80 percent of my writing or more is dialog.

4. Do you give alot of thought, to the "point of attack" ...the point at which you have the character enter the scene? Is it usually at an entry point, mid point or exit point of a scene? Any rule of thumb?
Ah, these are screenplay terms.  In general, the setup for a scene is at least one character.  The other characters enter based solely on the storyline for the scene.  So, in my way of looking at scenes, I have a scene input and a scene output.  The point is the input and the output.  The stuff in between is the storyline.  That storyline must fit into the plot, and that plot must fit into the theme.  So they enter and exit just based on these points.  I'm not sure I can be more general than that.  Let me use the example of the very first chapter and scene of Daemon.  We have Aksinya conjuring a demon.  The scene is set.  Aksinya goes about her business and you have a demon.  The input of the scene is Aksinya's sorcery.  The output is the contract with the demon.  The demon appears at just the important point in the scene.  His appearance supports the storyline, plot, and theme. 

5. How much attention to you give to the "back story" or exposition? that is... elements of the character's biography that are crucial to the story developing?
Obviously, good (believable) novel & screenplays contains back story because every believable character brings a certain amount of baggage to a drama.
I want to give these details through mostly dialog with other characters.  In other words, you get it when the other characters in the novel get it.  This goes back to my point that I want my readers to know as much as the characters in the story know.  I don't like omniscient storylines.  In Daemon, at the beginning, I do give you some information about Aksinya's back story as description--that's because the reader needs some tangible info to set the scene.  Note, I don't give you anything about he demon except external description.  And all you get from that point is almost 100% external description and dialog.  Thus in dialog, you learn so much more about Aksinya.  That's the trick, every time she opens her mouth, you learn a little more about her.  Some of it is back story.  Some is mundane, but you find out what moves her soul.

6. What are some effective ways of weaving different scenes and storylines together?
Wow, this is a very hard question to answer.  The primary means is through the characters themselves.  The last time I addressed comments, there were some wonderful points about items--things.  I said watch for them in the development of the novel.  Items, like those mentioned before--we will see a bookstand becomes an item that weaves the scenes and storylines together.  A crucifix will do the same.  Aksinya's mother's dresses.  Sorcery weaves together the overall scenes and storyline.  The idea of temptation.  Like the multiple levels of the plot that I am trying to write into this novel, the multiple characters, items, and ideas provide the glue that holds the scenes and storyline together.

7. Do you have a preferred technique for revealing facts about a person...ie, props, clothing, makeup, language (accent), behavior, musing, dialogue?.
I love to use language differences to bring out compelling things about a person.  The wrapper is important to me, but not as important as the words.  When Aksinya tells the demon to "shut up," you know he has touched a nerve.  I don't have to have her say anything else.
I suspect most back story, however, is conveyed through dialogue. After all, good exposition doesn't stick out...it is presented in a believable context.
Yes, great observation.  Mostly through dialog, some through description.
(Suspect it's easy to overload the reader with too much information.)
I'm not sure that is possible with dialog.  It is certainly possible with description.  The point of dialog is that it is ultimately entertaining.  Just as we like to discuss subjects, readers like to eavesdrop on the character's discussions.  If the dialog is entertaining, the reader won't care how much information you are pumping out.  In fact, the information flow can be enormous and as long as the reader is entertained with the repartee, they won't get tired of it.  For example, in the last bit of dialog between Aksinya and the demon, I laid a bunch of heavy stuff on the reader. 

“No! I haven’t rejected Him. I believe in Him. How could I not believe—I’ve seen demons. If there are demons, there is God.” She glanced down, “I don’t trust Him. I knew He would fail me. I didn’t expect you to fail me or my own strength to fail me.”
Asmodeus picked his teeth with a claw, “I didn’t fail you—you called me too late. You failed, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. I didn’t fail and that guy didn’t fail—you failed. Come, you’ve seen her. Now is the time to go.”

You have to admit, this is some really deep dodo.  The reader may or may not take the time to think about these statements.  I do believe they are entertaining in themselves, so most readers will just keep reading, entertained and yet musing about the astounding things the demon and Aksinya just said to one another.

8. Do you tend to reveal background info early in the story, but, withhold certain facts for dramatic effect. I've heard come writers say secrets are the most powerful form of back story, and whole dramas can revolve around them. Do you employ it, often?
I suspect, knowing how and when to expose details about a character's past is a real art form.
I don't call them secrets (although that is a perfect characterization of it).  As I mentioned, I don't want my readers to know more than the characters in the story.  Now, we know there are things the characters haven't shared with us--like Aksinya's real father.  You might have guessed there is an issue here.  I may not have laid enough clues.  That's what further run throughs do is allow the writer to improve the foreshadowing and the proper revelation of these points.  Indeed a secretive character might have secrets and a nonsecretive character might have secrets.  The point is that we never know all of anyone's "secrets" even if we know them well.  The same is true for characters in a novel--we don't know everything about them and, indeed, those things of importance to the plot are revealed in their proper time.  Just like the observation of the servant in the last installment.  I've tried to excite the readers about who this servant is and the proper revelation of these points.  Indeed a secretive character might have secrets and a nonsecretive character might have secrets.  The point is that we never know all of anyone's "secrets" even if we know them well.  The same is true for characters in a novel--we don't know everything about them and, indeed, those things of importance to the plot are revealed in their proper time.  Just like the observation of the servant in the last installment.  I've tried to excite the readers about who this servant might be.  I didn't give any clues at all.  The demon didn't drop hardly any.  When you finally see her, what is your response?  Relief? Fear? Wonder? Excitement?  Does it make you wonder more, like Aksinya, just who is this servant?

9. Do you employ set-ups & pay offs; like screen writers do? That is, a set up introduces a bit of action, that will become significant later on and lead to a pay-off.
Yes, big time.  I just don't refer to them as setups and pay offs.  Generally, the foreshadowing, items, characters, settings in a scene are all setups for further scenes.  Just as the dresses and the jewelry boxes mentioned in chapter two, the sorcery books and items in chapter one, the hunger, cold, and tiredness of Aksinya in chapter three everything is a setup.  Each will bring some large or small pay off.  Otherwise, what's the point of mentioning it.
.
10. Do you usually close out a scene on a button? You know, something to seal off the scene with a punch....maybe, some type of narrative tool to make the scene stand out, and alone.
More screenplay terms.  Yes, I attempt to close out every scene with a specific punch.  No scene should just peter out.  They have to have some tight ending to wrap them up and push the reader into the next scene.
The true end of the last scene I gave you:
“Close your mouth, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna, now is the time for us to act.”

“I don’t understand you at all.”
“You will.” - there is your "button"

The one prior:
Aksinya watched him move toward the back of the house.  When he was out of sight, she sat on the chest.  After a bit, she curled up on the top of it and pulled the coat close.  Her breath came in white clouds.  She closed her eyes. - there is the "button"  She closes her eyes and that closes the scene.

Prior to that:
The streetcar came up, and they boarded.  Asmodeus paid the fare.  They rode the streetcar past the city center and out toward the west side.  Aksinya sat and Asmodeus stood.  Certainly the world changed to accommodate a nearly seven foot tall demon who carried a gigantic chest on his shoulders.  He seemed to fit on the streetcar without trouble.  The entire world suddenly seemed less solid to Aksinya than ever before. - the "button"
The end of each scene is unique.  It leaves a thought in the mind of the reader, or it closes the scene like a curtian on a stage.

That's it until tomorrow.  I'm trying to decide how to break up the next very important (pivotal) scene.  This is where Aksinya calls her servant.

A New Novel, Part 17 The Servant

Here is the next installment.  I have some more comments and questions to answer.  I'll get to those tomorrow.  To bring you up to date, the Demon, Asmodeus and his mistress, Aksinya have traveled to Minsk.  The demon wants a servant for Aksinya.

The next thing she knew, Asmodeus was shaking her, “Wake up, countess. I found her. She is just what I expected. I want you to see her too.”


“I just want to sleep.”

“You may sleep all you desire when we have your servant. I will let you sleep the whole day away if you wish.”

Aksinya sat up, and the coat fell from her shoulders. She shivered and pulled it back on. She tied the clasp at the top then she jumped off the chest, “Take me where you want to go, demon.”

The demon led her to the back of the great house. They climbed a wall and walked along it to the window of the dining room. The curtains were not drawn, and they could observe the entire family around the table.

Aksinya stared at the people around the table, “I recognize them.”

“You should.”

“That is the family of Prince Aleksander Simonovich Andronikov. I know them. They visited us at my father’s estate before.”

“Your estate now…” the demon purred. He continued, “They are an aristocratic family, a royal family. They have a servant who takes care of their daughters and waits on the Prince’s wife. She is a lady-in-waiting, and here she is. Near the head of the table, the door opened. It wasn’t a door for a servant since the top was rounded. The girl who came in was petite and beautiful. Her hair was dark and silky. Her eyes were luminous. Her skin was pale and smooth. In all, she appeared very aristocratic and refined. Her clothing, likewise, though not as expensive as the gowns of the ladies around the table, fit her perfectly and brought out the best in her figure and features. It was not unusual that when she entered, the eye of every man and every woman turned toward her. She whispered to one of the older women at the table and sat against the wall behind her.

Asmodeus whispered, “That’s the one.”

“Why her?”

“She has all the skills required to look after you.”

Aksinya’s voice was bland, “What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing.”

“There must be something.”

“She is the lady-in-waiting to the ladies in a great house, a royal household. She is refined, beautiful, industrious, kind…”

“Everything I am not.”

Asmodeus was silent.

“What is wrong with her?”

“Nothing is wrong with her.”

“Then she must be evil.”

“No more than you.”

“Zatknis'! I order you to tell me what’s wrong with her.”

Asmodeus turned his head away, “Like you, she seeks some power beyond herself. She hasn’t found it yet. The desire is so great in her that it calls out to me.”

“Because you wish to tempt her into some sin.”

“Specifically because I wish to tempt her into the sin of following you.”

Aksinya froze, “Why would it be a sin to follow me?”

Asmodeus didn’t respond.

“Answer me. Why would it be a sin to follow me?”

Asmodeus didn’t speak.

Aksinya let out a shuddering breath, “So her problem is that she seeks a power beyond herself. What about God, the Church.”

“Ha, that guy isn’t for everyone. Haven’t you rejected Him?”

“No! I haven’t rejected Him. I believe in Him. How could I not believe—I’ve seen demons. If there are demons, there is God.” She glanced down, “I don’t trust Him. I knew He would fail me. I didn’t expect you to fail me or my own strength to fail me too.”

Asmodeus picked his teeth with a claw, “I didn’t fail you—you called me too late. You failed, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. I didn’t fail and that guy didn’t fail—you failed. Come, you’ve seen her. Now is the time to go.”

“Go where? You said you would make her my servant.”

“I said no such thing. You will make her your servant.”

Aksinya stared at him open mouthed.

“Close your mouth, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna, now is the time for us to act.”

“I don’t understand you at all.”

“You will.”

They retraced their steps to the chest, and Asmodeus put it over his shoulders, “Follow me, countess. I will show you what to do next.”

This short scene is so full of fun stuff, I don't know where to begin.  The best is the point the demon makes, that he wishes to tempt the girl into the sin of following Aksinya.  We will soon see how he will achieve that end.  The second is that God and the demon didn't fail Aksinya--she herself failed.  Plus her own confession that she believes in God, but she doesn't trust him.  How Aksinya is like so many of us.  She can speak in the presence of the demon all the fears and thoughts everyone has but is afraid to say.

A New Novel, Part 15 The Demon's Observation

One point I want you to note in the writing is a technique I use that you could call constant scene setting.  You can see it very clearly in the last piece, but you can observe it in this piece too.  I constantly remind my readers what the characters are doing and what they look like.  The purpose in this is to help the reader visualize the characters.  I can do this with a simple single statement or a little beat--for example, Asmodeus examined his claws.  This reminds you that he is a demon and has claws instead of finger nails.  When I mention something even as simple as this, you remember the demon and visualize him.  In the last example and this one too, I remind you about the chest.  A simple mention of the large chest reminds you that the demon is walking with the chest on his shoulders--first you visualize it, and second, you realize how odd everything is: a demon and a girl walking the streets of Minsk.  It isn't a joke, but reminding the reader puts everything back into context.  One of the things I hate about some writing and especially poorly executed writing is where the author doesn't set the scene properly or remind you about important characteristics in the scene.  You are going along with the narrative and suddenly a character pulls out something and you wonder--where the heck did that come from.  The author could have given a foreshadowing or at least mentioned the object or the whatever before at some point.  This is another reason for constant scene setting.

Asmodeus woke Aksinya. She lifted her head and stretched. The streetcar was almost empty. They arrived on a quiet street well to the west of the city center. It was a wealthy neighborhood. Aksinya recognized many of the names and coats of arms on the large houses. The demon led again when they exited the streetcar. Aksinya complained, “When are we going to stop. I’m hungry, and I want a bath. I’m sleepy. It’s night. We can’t keep walking forever.”


The demon turned his head to give her a look but didn’t stop.

Aksinya glared at him, “I can’t keep walking forever.”

“I wish to finish this business tonight. I do not want to have to draw your bath or serve your food again.”

“Why does this have to be about what you want? You are my servant.”

“Already, I have shown you the things I can tempt you to do. Don’t you realize yet, you are the mistress of a demon. I tempt humans into sin. I have tempted you into sin after sin. I will continue to do this, and if you don’t grant me this simple desire, it will be more than the grave sin of sorcery and onanism that you will be guilty of. You chose this, I did not.”

“Onanism is not a sin.”

“You believe it is.”

Aksinya struggled to catch up to him. He stopped at a very great house. It was fully lighted with gas lights and some electrical ones. Asmodeus stared at the place for a while then he led Aksinya to an alley at the far side. He put down the chest and sighed, “Now, countess, please wait here a moment while I check on your servant.”

“Please don’t be all night. It is getting colder.”

The demon opened the chest and pulled out a heavy long mink coat that had been Aksinya’s mother’s. Asmodeus put it over her shoulders then he closed the chest, “I will not be long.”

Aksinya watched him move toward the back of the house. When he was out of sight, she sat on the chest. After a bit, she curled up on the top of it and pulled the coat close. Her breath came in white clouds. She closed her eyes.

The next scene we will observe Asmodeus choice of servant for Aksinya.

A New Novel, Part 14 In Minsk

Now you get to see Asmodeus use a new technique to get Aksinya to sin.  Watch closely.  I'll start back with the rest of the paragraph.  As you remember, the demon led her to Minsk and they are now traveling in the city--they are looking for a servant for Aksinya.

The demon smiled and turned. He started out again along the side of the road. Aksinya heard a couple of snide remarks, but no one followed them or threatened her. As they went deeper into the city, Asmodeus led her to a streetcar stop. They waited there for a streetcar. Aksinya gladly sank onto the bench while the demon stood beside her. On the way, he had returned to his normal form, at least in her sight. She could not ever forget that he could change his form and perhaps hers. That made her think. “Demon.”


“Yes, countess.”

“How can I see the form you present whenever I want to?”

“Ah, I’d rather not say.”

“But I want to know. I order you to tell me.”

“There is perhaps a phrase in one of your books that would do quite well.”

Aksinya let a Latin phrase trip off her lips. Immediately she could see the demon in his current guise. “That will do satisfactorily. Thank you, demon.”

“And thank you countess. It is indeed a pleasure to see you accomplish sorcery.”

Aksinya sucked in her breath, “You tricked me.”

“Again, yes. You feel desire again too.”

Aksinya blushed and squirmed in her seat, “Not at all.”

The streetcar came up, and they boarded. Asmodeus paid the fare. They rode the streetcar past the city center and out toward the west side. Aksinya sat and Asmodeus stood. Certainly the world changed to accommodate a nearly seven foot tall demon who carried a gigantic chest on his shoulders. He seemed to fit on the streetcar without trouble. The entire world suddenly seemed less solid to Aksinya than ever before.

The trick in the writing is to constantly try to surprise you just as Aksinya is surprised.  I hope these little events sneak up on you.  Are you watching the demon closely--you know he lies, and you know his purpose is to tempt into sin.  If you keep this clear in your mind, everything he does or doesn't do will become very clear.

A New Novel, Part 11 A New Life

I hope you weren't too shocked to see Aksinya's issue.  It isn't specifically a sin, but lust drives her in many ways.  The temptation of this specific one of the seven deadly sins (they are really temptations and not sins) is extravagance specifically from Latin, luxuria or unrestrained excess. Extravagant behaviour includes the frequent purchase of luxury goods and forms of debauchery.  Aksinya doesn't necessarily lust after things or individuals, she lusts after knowledge and specifically the knowledge of sorcery.  We will see this later.  Her own desire becomes the symbol for both this luxuria and the culmination of her acts of sorcery.  The point is to give the readers symbols that relate directly to the actions of the characters.  This provides the fulcrum that moves the plot toward the theme.  This doesn't mean the storyline or the plot is an allegory, but rather that the plot becomes a vehicle for the theme through the use of these symbols.  They make the reader immediately relate back to certain characteristics that illustrate the theme within the major characters.

The last bit of chapter 2:

In the morning, the demon stood at the side of her bed. Aksinya didn’t blink, “I did not invite you into my room, demon.”

“Countess, I have your breakfast. Would you like to eat it here or in the dining room?”
Aksinya sat up, “Here, please.”
“Would you like me to draw your bath?”
“Please.”
“What would you like me to pack?”
Aksinya chewed on a crust of bread and took a sip of tea before answering, “Take all my mother’s dresses and mine. Also my sisters. Bring the china and silver and any of the fine artwork. The money is in my father’s safe and in his room. Get it all. If you know my mind, you know where all of it is.”
“I know where it all is.”
“Don’t forget my mother, sister, and my jewelry. Bring my sister’s shoes. They fit me.”
“Do you want me to take the furniture also?”
“Can you?”
“I can.”
“Then take it all—everything in the house and guesthouse. By the way, where will you put all of it?”
“That is my secret. What about your books and things…” he drew out the word.
“Put those on the top where I can get them at any time.”
“Very good, countess. When you are finished and dressed, we may leave. What clothing would you like me to put out for you?”
“My blue traveling dress the one with the puffy sleeves and the lace. I’ll wear my blue button-up shoes. The ones mother brought me from Paris. And don’t forget my blue traveling hat—the one with the feather.”
“Very good. I’m glad you are feeling better and in such good spirits. It’s amazing what giving in to a little temptation can do for you.”
Aksinya dropped her toast. She choked and bowed her head. After she got back her breath, she whispered, “That’s what I did, didn’t I.”
“Yes, splendidly. I was so proud of you.”
“I’m suddenly not so proud of myself. I’m not hungry any more.”
“Eat, countess. I’ll not be put off. When I am done with the packing, we shall depart. I have in mind to get your servant, and I have in mind to leave this house before the Party visits it this evening.”
“Will they?”
“My sources tell me they will.”
“And who are they?”
“I’ll not bore you with the details.”
“I should speak to the villagers before I go.”
“They know your family is dead. They assume you are too.”
Aksinya took a deep breath, “How did they know?”
“While you were a slug-a-bed, they came to check on your father. They found the bloodstains and the fresh graves in the plot.”
“I should have had you hide it all.”
“It wouldn’t do any good. They would find out eventually.”
“Surely they see the lights from the house. We have been burning them since, since, since that time.”
“I have given the impression that no one is here. I have kept it all still as the grave and hidden any signs of life. It is as if you were dead.”
“Yes. I see.”
“Because, you are dead to this life, countess. You start a new life today. Today, we shall leave for Austria and your family there.”
Aksinya mouthed the words, “So you can do evil there.”
“No, so we can accomplish evil there.”

The story must move out of Russia and to the west for many reasons.  There is little scope for the demon to act and too much scope for Aksinya to act (in the mind of the demon).  This shift of scene will allow the focus of the story to move--from just the demon and Aksinya.  The most important consideration is the problem the demon will have with Aksinya in Russia.  She will be much more vulnerable after she has been disconnected from her roots.  I may be revealing too much here, but I thought I might give you some insight to the purpose of the demon.
 
By the way, I've already thought of some important changes I want to make to the first chapter.  Specifically, I will add snow to the scene--this will give it more of the proper feel for the time of year, and I will be able to make some strong comparisons to the blood on the snow.

A New Novel, Part 10 Sin

Next installment is the result of the demon, Asmodeus' temptation.  This is only the beginning.  The first of many temptations and their outcome.  In this one, Aksinya is fully complacent and guilty.  Yet, she was tempted in every way by the demon.

After he left, Aksinya sipped on the rest of the tea. She finally put everything back on the tray and settled back in her bed. She tried to sleep, but the demon was right. She felt every ache and pain. She couldn’t move without pain and the covers on her only increased her suffering. Her nightgown was warm but too heavy. It pressed against her legs and added to her agony. The tray pushed on the covers and the nightgown and added to it. She couldn’t toss and turn, that was too painful. She didn’t dare touch herself. The demon knew that weakness in her and mocked her. She hurt too much for that to be much comfort anyway. She wanted to settle into the bath again, but she knew he wouldn’t prepare a bath again for her until she did his bidding. After a long while, she thought what was the problem with just looking at her books. They would take her mind off her pain and make her feel the power again.

Aksinya sat up. She tried to move the tray to the side, but she couldn’t lift it. She tossed it to the floor and threw off her covers. She lifted her nightgown off her legs. That felt better, but now she was cold. And this was too tempting for her. She put the nightgown down again, but that made her legs ache. Just to read the books would sooth her mind and take it off of her pain. She took up her staff and scooted off the bed. When she moved, it seemed like the ache in her legs decreased and then she wondered if the demon could make that happen. She wondered if he was manipulating her right now.

She made it to the stack of books and examined them. The book she sought was right on top. That seemed peculiar too. She carried it back to the bed and sat up with it. The moment she began reading it, she felt as though her suffering rolled away. There was nothing so bad in the words. They simply described the proper elements and words to heal. She had read and memorized them before. Every time she read these words, whenever she read her books, they eased her mind and heart. She wasn’t reading about curses only how to cure the body using the power of the world. She knew about that. It was her hobby. It was her expertise. Why shouldn’t she use it. The demon didn’t know everything. He didn’t understand her at all. She could use this power without harm. It would only help. She knew it.

Almost without thinking, Aksinya slid off her bed to the floor. She threw back the oriental rug at the side of her bed. She took her special chalk and drew a circle then a pentagram within it. She lit a single tallow candle. One was sufficient for this. She read the words. She didn’t need to. She knew them by heart. She read them anyway, the heavy feel of the book in her hands gave her comfort. She made the cabalistic signs and the sounds. She did it all until she came to the sacrifice part. This was a little tricky. The best sacrifice was a part of yourself. She took her dagger and held it against her hand. She easily and precisely sliced her finger. She had done this so often it was normal for her. The multiple scars on her left index finger was a mute witness to her expertise. The blood fell to the floor and there was a flash. The slice on her finger was immediately gone. There appeared another light scar. The pain in her legs was gone. She raised her nightgown. The bruises were gone, and she felt fantastic. She blew out the candle and carefully erased the circle and pentagram. She put back the rug and slipped into bed. She felt so good she couldn’t help herself. Her desire was uncontrollable. She touched herself and pleasured herself. Then she slept.

This was the point of the demon's mention of sorcery.  The ploy was to point to a future time of study--that was to wet Aksinya's appetite.  The second mention was direct to influence her to act.  He even told her what he wanted her to do, she still did it.  Further, she tried to hide her actions from him.  The final point is that the result led her to lustful thoughts that she acted out.  Certainly not a sin in itself, but the result of her sin and actions.  In this, I tried to depict the perfect picture of temptation.  Since this is the first of many, it should follow a classic plot.

A New Novel, Part 9 Comments on Temptation plus the Reason

I have included some comments from a reader.  I will address the questions and some of the comments in italics.

From a reader:

You're novel, fascinating & original. Though, was wondering, did you get the idea of demon/human dialogue, from the CS Lewis's Screwtape Letters? Regardless, brilliant, and engaging. Betcha, when completed, and polished, it will become a best seller.  Thanks.  I do like the Screwtape letters.


Have several Q's; unfortunately, will be a few days before I can much detail ('cause, I'm swamped at work).

Though, will quickly make a few points:

1. Really like the way you're weaved the story theme, plot & character development together; especially revealing, with the dialogue between demon & the girl. Thanks!

2. Particularly liked the bath scene; like the (authentic) setting, the description (sets mood), and way the girl (mentally) assessed herself; gives the reader a a good (subtle) sense of her locus of identity, her vulnerability, etc. Precise point and this is something that will potentially be fleshed out more in the final.

3. Very interesting/clever how you discuss her sense of loss of identify, with loss of her hair...the only redeeming characteristic that (she thinks) defined her beauty, given to the demon, as surety for contract. Clear, she's mis-guided, by focusing on the external (hair), whilst the demon is focusing on the internal (acquisition of the soul). The maturity/immaturity of Aksinya is a continuing theme.

4. BTW, I also, like the way you used the 'mirror' to allow her to catch image of herself, and characterize herself. Thanks, excellent observation.

5. Brilliant how you turned the demon into a temporary domesticated helper...getting food, drawing bathwater for her. Almost lulls you into a 'false' sense of sympathy for him, domestically caring for her...though, he makes it clear, what his agenda is, etc.  That's exactly the point--we shall see how this plays out.

Must say, I was very surprised, you (the writer) were so straight forward, in having the demon directly suggest she study sorcery. I understand his motive, why, etc.
But, personally, I thought, it was a waste of a great opportunity, to further highlight the demon's cunning, and plumb the depths of the girl's character, and highlight her 1st futile (misguided, toxic) attempt to regain control her destiny, after death of her family; and horrible contract with the demon.
Kindly suggest, you consider unfolding in a more subtle extended manner; gives you a sense of the demons's cunning; perhaps, a dialogue between the girl & demon...
Say, he at the bedroom side of the door, she in the bathroom. She initiates, and engages, in dialogue with him, while concurrently pondering over her current situation, looking at her physical condition, maybe, in the mirror or bath, seeing her physical vulnerability & bruised condition again, & maybe, have a few fleeting thoughts pass through her head...highlighting her state of mind,and emotional vulnerability...maybe, have the conversation trail off....die down...than resume, different cadence, different length of dialogue,e tc.
This is an excellent observation.  I thought about doing exactly this, and in the next cut, I may put this more into play.  The reason I had the demon suggest sorcery to her is to tempt her to sorcery directly.  This will become clear somewhat in this piece, and definitely in the next.  It could perhaps be more subtle and I agree with the comments.  There is a reason for the demon's suggestion...

The point is, through the dialogue, you (the reader) gets the sense that the demon clearly senses her vulnerability, her desire to control or influence her future...so he begins embarks on a elaborate or scheming dialogue with her which culminates in him (obliquely) suggesting sorcery...not directly upfront...but, rather gets her to crave after it herself....the temptation is planted by him, but, she goes after it....so, it seems like her idea, when really it's an infection from him.. Betcha it would add an interesting dimension, to the character development, and story plot.

6. Liked the way, you had the girl say a prayer, for the food brought....some subtle hint of hope, for redemption of her soul. Yes, maybe the prayer was just an unconscious habit, but, it most certainly was picked up by the demon, irritated him, and he tried to invalidate & smother it with condemnation..gives you a great clue, on the condition of her soul...though not innocent, most certainly redeemable... Again a great observation.

Well, that's a few points of feedback on your latest chapter..

But big picture, probably the two most fascinating themes, I've seen woven into your story, aside from the original 'contract with the demon', was your unfolding of the concept of the 'bounding of the demon', and, your unfolding of the idea of 'choice & consequence' that plays out, with the girl making a deliberate choice of the injury she will gets, through her interaction with the demon....but, she doesn't fully realize the ramifications, of either choice, until afterwards.  We will see the demon has more bounds.

The following dialogue was particularly noteworthy:
"You trusted your body and soul to me—you have aligned yourself to a demon. Your soul was harmed, but not your body. I can protect your body, but I can’t protect your soul. You will heal—that is the way with humans.”

As well as the following:
"It already has marked your soul. Such things become like the lustful desires you already know, they are difficult to purge from your heart and mind once they are experienced.”

Alot of truth, to both; especially the second. Ah, the delights of sin are good for a season, but the consequences, can be fore a lifetime, or eternity.
Reminds me of that verse:
"What does it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, but looses his soul." This in some measure is the theme of the novel.

Here is the next installment.  It doesn't get to the full endpoint of the temptation, but it moves toward it and gets to the next point--the purpose of the demon and the purpose he wishes for her.  Additionally, this tells you why he mentioned sorcery while she was in the bath.
“Now, countess, let us plan what you should do. The first is that you cannot stay here.”

“I have nowhere else to go.”
“Foolish lady, we will soon run out of food to feed you and heat to sustain your puny body.”
“You can provide me all these things…”
“At the expense of your soul.”
“I thought you desired that.”
“And at the expense of my reputation. I told you, I do not wish to become your domestic.”
Aksinya laughed, “You already are.”
“I have pride, that is one of the seven deadly sins, you know.”
“So, if you are my domestic it hurts your pride?” Aksinya continued to chuckle.
“This is not funny. I am Asmodeus. I will not continue this way.”
“What can you do to stop it?”
“I will protect you and I will fulfill our contract, but I can make it exquisitely painful for you to continue in this manner.”
Aksinya’s brow rose, “How could you do that. What suffering could you bring me that I haven’t already experienced?”
“Your people and friends will be pursued by the Bolsheviks. I can bring great suffering to them—that is my purpose.”
Aksinya let her cup fall to the saucer, “You wouldn’t dare. I would simply order you to…”
“I told you. I can’t stop this revolution, and I don’t want to stop it. The lives of your friends and your people are nothing to me. You can order all you wish, but I will protect only you. My purpose, otherwise, is evil. You know this.”
“I understand this,” Aksinya ran her fingers through her short hair. She regretted that as soon as she did it. It reminded her of everything she had done already. Meekly, she whispered, “Then what do you wish me to do.”
“First, I must find you a servant.”
“If so, it must be someone you will not harm.”
Asmodeus grinned, “I have the perfect servant in mind.”
“Then what?”
“I told you, you must continue to study sorcery. To do that, you need a safe place to live and work.”
Aksinya mumbled into her teacup, “Where is such a place?”
“There are many such places. I know your mind so I know you have relatives beyond the boarders of this country. They will be willing to take you in and give you leave to live as you wish.”
“You want me to travel?”
“I wish to travel too. There are many places in the world that need more evil. Let us seek such a place.”
“So you can make it like this one?”
“That would not be so safe for you. I’ll settle for a balance of evil as long as you participate in it.”
“I will not do such a thing.”
“You can’t help yourself.”
“Where do you want to take me?”
“In Austria, you have family and acquaintances who will even accept an ugly countess. They hold the aristocracy in honor there and that can become a place for great evil. There is also Germany, but you don’t have any direct relations, and they don’t speak French.”
“What has that got to do with anything?”
“You speak French very well, countess. I must train you up to be an appropriate vessel for evil. You must be able to speak and interact with the people to gain their trust.”
“So you can enact your evil?”
“And you yours. You can improve your German in Austria. I see great things ahead for you there.”
“When do you plan to take this trip, and how do expect to travel with revolution all around us.”
“I could simply carry you.”
“At the expense of my soul.”
“That hasn’t bothered you much in the past, but I intend you to travel by normal means. There is the problem of the servant and of these domestic, human considerations. I don’t want to bother with all your female issues either. I have only had male masters before. They were never such a trial to me.”
Aksinya sputtered, “What if I refuse to go?”
“I told you. I will cause you suffering beyond that which you can bring to me.”
“I cause you to suffer?”
“Your human issues are painful to me. Plus your simple goodness nauseates me.”
“Do I have simple goodness? Do I have any virtue left?”
“Yes, but I will seek to expunge that from you. In time, I shall.”
“By threats and coercion?”
“You will seek evil on your own. I will simply focus your actions so they may provide the most evil. That is my purpose. Now, you will be able to travel tomorrow.”
“How do you know that?”
“You will attempt some healing sorcery tonight. Since I put the thought in your mind, you have thought continually about it. You are already eyeing your books and wondering how you can accomplish it without my knowing. When the desire and the pain becomes uncontrollable in you, you will do it.”
“I am not in pain right now.”
“You are lying.”
“I am lying.”
“You are holding it back well, but since you are clean and fed and have emptied your bladder, the pain has been growing in your legs and thighs. You wish there were something to take care of that pain. You wish me to bring you wine and drugs.”
“I could order you.”
“I would not help you. It would only deaden the pain. I wish you to suffer. That will bring you to compromise yourself. I protect you, I don’t cater to your every whim. Not if they don’t lead to evil. That’s the point, after all.”
“I’ve heard enough. Leave me.”
“Very well. I shall wait outside your room. If you require my help, just call my name. I can aid your sorcery.”
“Get out.”
The demon bowed. He backed to the door and stepped out.
Aksinya stared to throw her cup at him, then thought better of that and pitched an empty dish at him. It broke against the door with a satisfactory crash.

There is indeed more that can be done with subtlety.  We will find out the demon is both subtle and direct.  This is the point of temptation--it is always subtle and direct.

A New Novel, Part 7 Temptation

The demon, Asmodeus and the young woman, now, Countess Aksinya.  They are contracted to one another.  In the last installment, we saw more bounds set on the demon. Primarily, we saw the requirements of the contract and additionally the price that must be paid by Aksinya.  She was injured because she chose one and not the other.  She chose to touch the demon, therefore at injury to her body rather than to allow the demon to touch her at injury to her soul.


Then we also saw the excruciating tragedy of the entire novel--Aksinya called forth a demon to protect her family, but her family was murdered by the Bolsheviks. She traded her soul for dust.
 
The final action in the second scene, Aksinya sent the demon to enact her revenge against those who murdered her family.  She stayed in her bed.  I am not certain if I will include this next scene in the novel.  I want to, but it is a little risque.  The point of the scene is to detail the injury to Aksinya and allow the demon to tempt her to heal herself.  His plan is to embarrass her and to get her to eventually resort to sorcery for healing.  So the next scene--beginning of the second chapter:
 
The Lady, now Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna hobbled toward the outhouse just behind the family quarters. She originally pulled out the chamber pot under her bed, but she realized there was no one to empty it anymore. Disposing of human bodies seemed fitting for the demon—disposing of her own waste was unimaginable to her. Her legs were improving, but they were still bruised. She used her staff. It was a long knurled piece of yew. Unusual because yew usually grew straight. She prepared it herself for the work she found in her books. It was a sufficient tool for that work and for this. She still wore her nightgown. It was frilly and cotton, but not too thin. It was insufficient for the cold house and completely inappropriate for a trek to the outhouse. Cloaks stayed on the wall just outside the door into the enclosed walkway that led to the outhouse, but she didn’t have the energy or the time to don one. She was in such a hurry, she hadn’t put on her shoes and the floor was freezing.

Aksinya was shivering, and she almost reached the outhouse when she heard the door open and shut behind her. Aksinya whirled around and lost her balance. Just before she fell, a black shadow rushed from the door to her. At the last moment, she recognized Asmodeus as he caught her. But it was too late. She couldn’t hold it any more. She sat in his hot, black arms in a now sodden nightgown. She tired to stand and couldn’t. She tried to push him away but couldn’t. Finally, in frustration, she cried, “Let go of me. Look what you made me do.”
“I have done your bidding, mistress. What you do you wish now?”
“I wanted to use the outhouse, but now there is no need.”
“Humanity is disgusting. Well there is nothing else to do.”
He picked her up in spite of her protests and carried her back to her room. When he arrived he asked, “Do you wish me to help you with your clothing?”
“Prepare me a bath.”
“You are freezing.”
“Prepare me a bath.”
“You are an idiot.” The demon yanked the wet nightgown over her head and wrapped a blanket around her.
Aksinya blushed, “Don’t ever do that again.”
“I don’t intend to, but I can’t allow harm come to you. You are making things extremely difficult for me.”
“And you for me.”
“Wait here, and I will prepare your bath. I never expected to become a domestic servant.”
“You wouldn’t if you had come sooner.”
“If you had called me sooner, Countess, for that is what you are. All this misery is your doing and not mine.”
The demon entered the bath and Aksinya glared at him the entire time. After a while, he came back out and stepped to her side. Aksinya moved away from him, “Don’t touch me. Get my staff.”
Asmodeus returned with it. Aksinya still glared at him, “Can you heal my injuries? The ones you caused?”
“I can’t heal. Only that guy can do that.”
“Sorcery can heal.”
Asmodeus smiled, “Perhaps you should try that then.”
Aksinya levered herself up and headed for the bath. Before she took a few steps, she had lost the blanket. She ignored that and continued into the bath. Inside, she closed and locked the door. She just ignored the door on the other side. She didn’t have the strength to hobble over to it and lock it.

So, you see Aksinya's embarrassment and her desire to be uninjured again.  The demon just planted in her mind the idea that she should use sorcery to heal herself.  This will become the motive for every incident the remainder of the novel.  The demon's desire is for Aksinya to sin.  Aksinya's desire is to not continue to sin.  He uses her weaknesses against her to convince her to act as he desires.  Perhaps I gave too much information at the beginning.  I need to work on this scene a little more.  I'll give you the rest of it next time.

Writing Science Fiction, part 5 Showing

Last time, I established that the choice of the use of science fiction to put forward a theme is a cognizant choice by an author--or it should be.  This is similar to the choice of the use of first, second, or third person in writing.  Because I think this is an important topic, and I haven't written about it before, I'll mention it before I transition to my main subject.  An author should choose the point of view of the novel based on the main character of the novel.  Usually, the third person (he, she) is appropriate for characters and novels about normal people or where the focus of the novel is not about a certain person's eyewitness view of events.  On the other hand, if the focus of a novel is a special person or a special person's specific eyewitness view, then a first person (I) point of view  is appropriate.  I begin with a first person point of view in my novel The End of Honor, http://www.theendofhonor.com/.  The main character is Lyral Neuterra, she dies in the first page of the book, and the rest of the first half of the novel is a recollected view of the events that led to her death.  At that point the novel switches to third person and concludes sans Lyral (she's dead).  The reason I wrote the novel like this is that I was trying some advanced techniques with my series The Chronicles of the Dragon and the Fox, http://www.dragonandfox.com/.  I chose to make Lyral and her story the main focus of the novel.  This worked well because she was a critically important character and the entire work revolved around her and the the revenge her dead caused.  She was the telic (beginning and end) cause of the plot.  She was one of the most important persons in the universe and the created world of the Dragon and the Fox.  This made the use of the first person until her ultimate death very appropriate.  You saw the world revealed through the eyes of Lyral and this gave you the ability to understand both the horror of her death (a loss of honor) and the horror of the revenge (a loss of honor) made in her name.  Thus, in The End of Honor, I used the first person as an intentional means to draw your eye to Lyral and keep it there.  Your world was her world, and so you saw her view.  This is where the use of showing in revealing the scientific background of the novel becomes the subject point.  Her view was your view; therefore, when she says this:

"I was the Duke of Neuterra’s eldest daughter, his only daughter, his only child. He and his dame, my mother, could not bear another child. Though they tried, their vitality was gone, and the Codes of the Noble Accords forbade them from any artificial means of increasing their fertility.
They were stuck with me, and the only hope for our House was an alliance marriage. With this in mind, my father groomed me to attract the attention of another great House, one that would willingly accept the Duchy and the name. With the approval of the Landsritters, the Emperor would be forced to accept the new House Neuterra descended through me.
I was well prepared to fill this position. I was made to be a Princess. I was educated to be a scientist of political solutions and ventures—an advisor, steward, mother, ruler, lover, and I was all of these and more. My heritage and intelligence allowed me to excel in these studies as if I was truly born to them, which I was. But I was not the Princess my Father hoped I would be."

We begin to understand the focus of her world.  You had no idea about The Codes.  Now you know a little.  You didn't know about Lyral's problem, now you begin to see it.  The undergirding of the issues and the science of this world become clear.  Later, in one of my favorite scenes, she reveals:

"He was kind to the last. “My lady, I’m at your service. Until you decide, I am obliged to you.”
In spite of my tears, I turned. “Obliged?”
He looked directly at me. “Yes, obliged.” He took off the sash that marked his rank as an Imperial Prince and thrust it at me.
Unconsciously, I put my hands behind my back. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“I dare, and I have.” He thrust the sash toward me again.
“No, I can’t accept that. You put yourself under my complete authority. How can you justify placing your very self under my control? Already, you intend to reveal your plans in their entirety to me.”
“I pray they would become your plans also, and you would safeguard them and my honor just as I would.”
“You know I can’t make that commitment.”
“...but you will protect my interests. Don’t shame me, Lady Lyral, take my oblige. I will protect you and your House. I will be yours until you decide my honor and my arms no longer defend you.”
I know he could see the tears that glistened on my cheeks, but he took no notice of them. I didn’t want to soften to his proposal. I wasn’t sure where I stood, but I could not lightly dismiss the offer of oblige, especially from the son of the Emperor. I reached gingerly for the sash, and he relinquished it with a look of relief. I curtsied to him and backed away."

The concept of "oblige" might have been foreign to you before, but now through Lyral's eyes you should have some understanding.  This "oblige" isn't a science fiction concept.  It is an Anglo-Saxon concept that later we recognize as the chivalric idea of a woman or man carrying a token of honor for their knight or lady.  In this exchange we see the deeper overtones of what "oblige" means to the inhabitants of the universe of the Dragon and the Fox.

So, I gave you examples.  Perhaps not the best examples, but ones I thought might begin to show how to bring the evidence of culture and scientific background into your science fiction writing.  Plus I wove into it an explaination on how to choose the point of view of your novel (tricky, tricky).  I'll try to put some more examples together next time.

Writing Historical Fiction, part 9 Into the Future

I just came home from my new work--it's a lot of work.  Mostly all brain kind and writing.  Right now, the thunderclouds outside are delivering rain and hail in equal measure against my basement window.  I'd like a drink.  I need some wine, but the future beacons.  It brays out its clarion call from a different direction--so why is it a topic in writing historical fiction?  Because all writing whether it is historical fiction, science fiction, or modern fiction requires the same approach.  I didn't trick you, I showed you what it takes to write historical fiction.  I hope those who might take a slipshod approach to writing historical fiction might be reformed, but more than that, I hope all authors would at least think about the concept of immersion when they write.  Perhaps this is normal for most authors--I've never met an author who was normal, so I don't know.  I just know that a lot of historical fiction is crippled because the author never grasped the voice of the times.  Equally, a lot of fiction is crippled because the author never grasped the voice of the story.  You might ask, how could that happen?  It happens because the writer was not immersed in the background of the writing and never fully understood his storyline, plot, or theme.  How can you write a historical fiction novel?  You must be immersed in the times.  How can you write a modern novel?  You must be immersed in the times.  How can you write a science fiction novel?  You must be immersed in the times.  This is the very difficult concept an author must grasp--you must live the life and in the world of your characters.  You must understand the forces that move them.  You must have the tools in hand to make their motivations and their lives real to your readers.  This is a new rule for you in my personal rules of writing:
1. Don't confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the writing.
4. Don't show (or tell) everything.
new rule 5. Immerse yourself in the world of your writing.
How trite, but true.  If you imagine you are writing a simple story, you will produce a simple story.  If you know you are creating a world, you will create a world.  Your characters act within that world and the depth of your immersion in the development of it, is the size and reality of the world you create.  I will wrap up this subject next time.  I intend to write about writing science fiction next.

Writing Historical Fiction, part 2 More on Immersion

The basics of immersion.  Immersion, in this context, is placing yourself in the position to understand the culture and times of the people you intend to write about.  I wrote yesterday that the first step is to research and read all the primary and secondary source documents about the time period that you can.  This is when you begin to build your data on the historical period you are studying.  I start a file of the information and add to it over time.  You can see some parts of these files at http://www.ldalford.com/ under the "secrets" pages for my books.  This isn't all the information, but parts of it.  This type of all inclusive research works well for antiquity, but for more modern history, the number of documents becomes overwhelming.  You have to select them carefully.  Past a certain point in the modern era (beyond Gutenberg), I'd recommend using only primary and secondary sources.  When I researched the period of the civil war for a yet unpublished novel http://www.antebellumnovel.com/, I used only primary and secondary source documents (mostly letters and personal accounts).  I limited my research to Southern documents from mostly the area of the events of the novel.  I used pictures and my experience of the area along with period documents and reconstructions.  Because the information is so copious from that time, I had to intentionally limit my studies to the area and people at hand.  This is an important point about your frame of reference.  My frame of reference was the people in a certain town, in a certain place, in a certain time.  The better your can bound the scope of your subjects, the better you can immerse yourself in their lives and the better you can write about them.

Let's look deeper at some very important ways of understanding a culture.  Start with a blank slate.  I implied this yesterday.  Don't start with any preconceived ideas about the culture or the history of the times.  That might blow your theme out of the water, but it is better to get the history right than to work toward an agenda that will not stand up to scrutiny.  Some of the most egregious mistakes I see in historical novels set in antiquity are the obvious historical errors in them.  Some of the worse are a lack of understanding of: furniture, clothing, money, cultural ideas, food, meat, sexuality, general culture, slavery, commerce, religion.  These basics drive a society and culture.  A lack of understanding of them will cripple any historical novel because they define the culture and time and the way people think.  For example, in the West, money was not invented until ca. 600 BC by the Lydians.  It was not ubiquitous in the known world until the Roman empire and even then it was rare in many areas.  If you write a novel in these periods, you have to understand there is no money in general circulation until about 250 BC.  You have to figure out, from history, how people traded and did business without money.  Even after money is available, it is rare, and people still use the older methods of trading without it.  Money, or lack of it, drives the entire culture and ideas of the people.  A book with money in it in the periods mentioned (definitely prior to 600 BC but in varying degrees until much later) is just silly.  Ubiquitous furniture is another example of a lack of understanding about the past.  People did not have furniture, except the very wealthy and royalty, until very late in human history.  People in antiquity in the West, especially the wealthy, lay on their sides to eat and sat on the floor or cushions.  Slaves sat up to eat.  There were few chairs.  Tables were nonexistent or very low and small.  There were few pots or pans or plates and no utensils used for eating.  I'll get into more details about these subjects tomorrow, but you can see how important these details are for understanding about the past and history.

Advertising

Using my novel Centurion http://www.centurionnovel.com/, I made a test of FaceBook advertising and the Amazon associate program.  I had a budget of $150 for the FaceBook ads.  This meant I spent $5 per day for the ads on FaceBook.  The way a FaceBook ad works is that you set a max per day expenditure and a max bid per click.  Your ad appears on FaceBook pages at random based on your targeted audience and your bid.  When someone clicks on your ad, you pay the bid amount.  I let the system set the bid initially and adjusted it to $1 bid per click.  During the month of August, I had 1,096,288 impressions (the ad showed on that many FaceBook pages) and 135 clicks (135 people clicked the ad and went to my webpage at http://www.centurionnovel.com/).  The campaign cost me $107.75.  I checked the visitors to my page at http://www.centurionnovel.com/ and the visits matched well with the clicks.  The traffic on the site was up, but not that great.  I had 4 sales through the Amazon associate program during that time and made $0.68.  I did sell one book through the associate program, but not the targeted book.  The targeted book was bought at least 5 times through Amazon (through observation of the author central pages).  I have no measure of the number of books sold through other sellers.  I won't know that until January when I get the royalty reports.  There is no way to measure the effects of other marketing efforts.  I turned back the amount per day to $2.00, the minimum, and will keep it there for a while.  I'd like to keep the ad campaign going for at least 6 months.  When my new book(s) come out, I will put one up as an ad campaign.

So, the conclusions.  It hasn't hurt, but I'm not sure how much it helped.  I'll keep it going at a low level, and I'll keep up with the Amazon associate program.  The Amazon program doesn't cost anything and earned me almost 70 cents.  If I were you, I'd try it too.  Being an Amazon associate gives you some professional widgets on your site and can give you a measure of your traffic and sales.  A FaceBook ad campaign will bring more traffic to your site.

Centurion reader comments

Google alerts found this for me about Centurion www.CenturionNovel.com at http://www.romanarmytalk.com/rat/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=30030 "So I finished reading "Centurion" by L.D. Alford a while back. If you want to know how legionaries trained, how they rose through the ranks, and how they actually fought, this book gives a good account. Apparently, the author visited Rome, Jerusalem, and other places to learn first-hand what was required to make a legionary.


Most members of R.A.T. probably already know most of the information outlined in the book, but despite my decades of interest in the topic of Rome's legions, I've only just now, within the last year, begun taking time to research. So this book was good for me, a newbie to the Roman way of training, using and disciplining troops. I really enjoyed it."
 
I really appreciated the comments by this reader.  I wanted to point out some information that most wouldn't know.  Because research for the novel came almost exclusively from ancient primary sources it has more basis than almost any other work of historical fiction on the subject of the Roman Legions in the first half of the first century.  There are few technical histories that cover the Legion in this degree of detail or understanding.  Not to mention, that as the reader implies, the novel is fun because it shows you how the Legions trained and doesn't tell you, like a technical paper would. 
 
Centurion www.CenturionNovel.com is a compendium of information gleaned from ancient works in mostly Latin and Greek.  Archeology and other historical information went into the work to round out the knowledge of daily life during the time.  If you are interested in the Roman Legion or the history of the Levant during the first century, this is a book you should read.  You can read about my other novels and writing at www.LDAlford.com.  I also write about modern military aviation at www.WingsoverKansas.com.  Check out the Military Aviation Adventures there.

Writing a Novel, How I Start part 10

This topic is by no means complete.  There is so much more to delve into just about starting a novel, but I think it is time to clean this topic up a little and move on to another.  So I'll finish with this.  First, the four basic rules I employ when writing:
1. Don't confuse your readers.
2. Entertain your readers.
3. Ground your readers in the writing.
4. Don't show (or tell) everything.
The last rule has a double implication--it implies "show don't tell."  This is, of course, the basic rule of writing--show don't tell.  Arlo Guthrie's book, A Field Guide to Fiction Writing, is easily the writer's manual on this topic.  I won't go into anymore details today.

The second point that I haven't touched on yet is the idea itself.  If you want to write a novel, you need a novel length idea--an inspiration.  No cheating.  Although it can be a good exercise, it doesn't do to take your favorite author, movie, program, novel, or anything else and write a similar novel.  It is silly to think you can be successful by copying any work and producing something similar.  To be your novel, the ideas have to be novel.  The problems with many works today is they are too similar to other works, they have a voice that is too like other works, or they are so trivial, they are meaningless.  That's the other side of the coin.  A work that has a trivial theme, plot, or storyline is not going to be successful and will likely not get published in the first place.  The question of what is "trivial" is a difficult one.  I can tell you that if you have more than one unique miraculous incident in your novel, it is likely trivial.  We call these a deus ex machina, a god machine.  A novel can spin from a singular unique setting or event, but when they keep happening, the work's credibility becomes a question.  For example, although I don't buy it and few readers will (unless you absolutely build it properly) love at first sight is a cliched and deus ex moment.  A novel based on "love at first sight" might have a chance in the hands of an absolute expert writer, but the theme is so old and has been used so much that no one will believe it today.  Further, if the theme and plot of such a novel isn't "love at first sight," any other unique event that propels the novel will become trite and unbelievable.  Your novel can't become trite.  Unique events can flow from one another in the novel based on the singular circumstances developed in the novel, but those must come logically from the others.

Example from Dana-ana http://www.goddessnovel.com/.  Dana-ana is about a girl who acts like an Anglo-Saxon maiden although she lives in the modern world.  The plot is basically wrapped in a question:  who really is Dana-ana?  It is a revelation novel.  That is, it reveals more and more through the characters to the point where everyone, at the end, finally gets just who is Dana-ana.  The storyline develops around this revelation.  The unique point of the book is Dana-ana herself--everything in the novel flows from this simple evidence.  Everything becomes explicitly concrete because of who Dana-ana is.  The reader is grounded and funnelled into the story because of this singular point.  Further, the theme is about redemption.  It is the redemption of Dana-ana herself and the redemption of those around her.  Why does Dana-ana need redemption?  That is bound up in who Dana-ana really is.  So, you can see, a single unique existence propels the novel.  There are magic and somewhat miraculous happenings in Dana-ana, but it is a fantasy-like novel with a fantastic plot.  Those magic and miraculous happenings are not unique in the structure of the novel--just as future technology is not unique in a science fiction novel.  When the basis is future technology or magic, the events are no longer unique, they are common, but that is a topic worth more discussion.

I hope this short 10 part explanation of how I start to write a novel was helpful.  I think I'll talk more about inspiration tomorrow.  Until then...