Some more questions and comments from a reader of this blog.
Interesting discussion on 'setting the scene'. A few question some to mind:
1. How do you know when you've got 'just enough' vs too much info to set the stage and pique the reader's interest...ie, get the milieu (world) of the scene's story?
I don't. I rely on two things: 1. does it entertain me, 2. Does it entertain my prepub readers. I think I'm harder than anyone else on my own writing. If I don't feel that it is entertaining, I write it over and over again until it feels right. In terms of setting the scene, as opposed to the interest of the reader, I do know what to do for that, and I am constantly tweaking the writing to improve it. The first is this: the scene must be set in terms of time (date and time of day), place (environment, weather, all the details), characters (appearance, clothing, equipment), and reason. This information doesn't have to be recited right at the beginning, but it has to be put right up front and focus the reader. It is like a stage play. The play can't go one until the stage is set (not an empty stage here). The scene like a stage must be set. The writer has powerful tools that can allow the reader to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste everything that is going on in the scene. You have written enough when your readers can experience the scene through all of their senses.
2. Just as a novel has a whole structure, prume,so does each individual scene. So wondering, do you have a general rule of thumb which stipulates how much attention, to spend on developing a given scene?
(I'm not talking about short transitional scenes, which simply bridge, and don't require special treatment...I'm talking about substantial scenes.)
To me all scenes are substantial. In other words, if the novel is unchanged when the scene is left out, then the scene is unnecessary and should be left out. Even a "bridging" scene must be important. I try to make them important or I try to fit them at the end or beginning of an important event. So each scene theoretically gets the same attention as every other one. That doesn't happen. Pivotal scenes are just that, they are so important that I can't help but think about them for days until they are written. Sometimes I find that unprogressive. I make lots of notes and hope I don't lose the strength of the writing before the scene comes together. The trick it to try to give as much attention to those scene leading and following a pivotal scene to ensure they are strong in themselves.
Also, I presume, you've got an objective or need for each character in a scene...and, you're trying to create rising tension..(to satisfy the need) throughout the scene's progression....
This is a great point. Like the purpose of the scene itself in the novel, every word is carefully chosen, each bit of punctuation is placed to make the most of the entire scene. Likewise the characters are each necessary, their entry is specific and their descriptions are critical. I use the Arlo Guthrie method of introducing a character (and place) with at least 100 to 300 words of description. This ensures the placement of the character and the theme. After the place and the character is introduced the first time, you may then use defining characteristics to set the character or the scene the next time you bring them on stage. For example, if a character has a big nose, you can easily wax eloquent about the nose in the first introduction. You then just make the point about Lou's big nose when you bring him back again. That allows your readers to immediately see the character in their mind again. For a place the description might be the smell of the mold from the old furniture. When you go back to the house, a reminder about the smell sets the scene again. One thing I dislike in some authors is that they fail to introduce or reintroduce their characters properly. I get confused when confronted with just a name without any description. Writing without sufficient description is like a blank mask on your characters or an empty stage.
3. Do you primarily use dialogue or actions of the characters to create a compelling scene? Rule of thumb, or ratio?
I try to make all the writing dialog or action narrative. In other words, if the story isn't going through with dialog, it's because it is moving with action (showing you what is happening). I prefer dialog. To me, dialog is truly life. This is how the world really runs. Who cares what a person did. What is more compelling is when that person tells why they did it to another person--or lies about it. That's when you begin to understand about the characters. There is no ratio, but I find that 80 percent of my writing or more is dialog.
4. Do you give alot of thought, to the "point of attack" ...the point at which you have the character enter the scene? Is it usually at an entry point, mid point or exit point of a scene? Any rule of thumb?
Ah, these are screenplay terms. In general, the setup for a scene is at least one character. The other characters enter based solely on the storyline for the scene. So, in my way of looking at scenes, I have a scene input and a scene output. The point is the input and the output. The stuff in between is the storyline. That storyline must fit into the plot, and that plot must fit into the theme. So they enter and exit just based on these points. I'm not sure I can be more general than that. Let me use the example of the very first chapter and scene of Daemon. We have Aksinya conjuring a demon. The scene is set. Aksinya goes about her business and you have a demon. The input of the scene is Aksinya's sorcery. The output is the contract with the demon. The demon appears at just the important point in the scene. His appearance supports the storyline, plot, and theme.
5. How much attention to you give to the "back story" or exposition? that is... elements of the character's biography that are crucial to the story developing?
Obviously, good (believable) novel & screenplays contains back story because every believable character brings a certain amount of baggage to a drama.
I want to give these details through mostly dialog with other characters. In other words, you get it when the other characters in the novel get it. This goes back to my point that I want my readers to know as much as the characters in the story know. I don't like omniscient storylines. In Daemon, at the beginning, I do give you some information about Aksinya's back story as description--that's because the reader needs some tangible info to set the scene. Note, I don't give you anything about he demon except external description. And all you get from that point is almost 100% external description and dialog. Thus in dialog, you learn so much more about Aksinya. That's the trick, every time she opens her mouth, you learn a little more about her. Some of it is back story. Some is mundane, but you find out what moves her soul.
6. What are some effective ways of weaving different scenes and storylines together?
Wow, this is a very hard question to answer. The primary means is through the characters themselves. The last time I addressed comments, there were some wonderful points about items--things. I said watch for them in the development of the novel. Items, like those mentioned before--we will see a bookstand becomes an item that weaves the scenes and storylines together. A crucifix will do the same. Aksinya's mother's dresses. Sorcery weaves together the overall scenes and storyline. The idea of temptation. Like the multiple levels of the plot that I am trying to write into this novel, the multiple characters, items, and ideas provide the glue that holds the scenes and storyline together.
7. Do you have a preferred technique for revealing facts about a person...ie, props, clothing, makeup, language (accent), behavior, musing, dialogue?.
I love to use language differences to bring out compelling things about a person. The wrapper is important to me, but not as important as the words. When Aksinya tells the demon to "shut up," you know he has touched a nerve. I don't have to have her say anything else.
I suspect most back story, however, is conveyed through dialogue. After all, good exposition doesn't stick out...it is presented in a believable context.
Yes, great observation. Mostly through dialog, some through description.
(Suspect it's easy to overload the reader with too much information.)
I'm not sure that is possible with dialog. It is certainly possible with description. The point of dialog is that it is ultimately entertaining. Just as we like to discuss subjects, readers like to eavesdrop on the character's discussions. If the dialog is entertaining, the reader won't care how much information you are pumping out. In fact, the information flow can be enormous and as long as the reader is entertained with the repartee, they won't get tired of it. For example, in the last bit of dialog between Aksinya and the demon, I laid a bunch of heavy stuff on the reader.
“No! I haven’t rejected Him. I believe in Him. How could I not believe—I’ve seen demons. If there are demons, there is God.” She glanced down, “I don’t trust Him. I knew He would fail me. I didn’t expect you to fail me or my own strength to fail me.”
Asmodeus picked his teeth with a claw, “I didn’t fail you—you called me too late. You failed, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna. I didn’t fail and that guy didn’t fail—you failed. Come, you’ve seen her. Now is the time to go.”
You have to admit, this is some really deep dodo. The reader may or may not take the time to think about these statements. I do believe they are entertaining in themselves, so most readers will just keep reading, entertained and yet musing about the astounding things the demon and Aksinya just said to one another.
8. Do you tend to reveal background info early in the story, but, withhold certain facts for dramatic effect. I've heard come writers say secrets are the most powerful form of back story, and whole dramas can revolve around them. Do you employ it, often?
I suspect, knowing how and when to expose details about a character's past is a real art form.
I don't call them secrets (although that is a perfect characterization of it). As I mentioned, I don't want my readers to know more than the characters in the story. Now, we know there are things the characters haven't shared with us--like Aksinya's real father. You might have guessed there is an issue here. I may not have laid enough clues. That's what further run throughs do is allow the writer to improve the foreshadowing and the proper revelation of these points. Indeed a secretive character might have secrets and a nonsecretive character might have secrets. The point is that we never know all of anyone's "secrets" even if we know them well. The same is true for characters in a novel--we don't know everything about them and, indeed, those things of importance to the plot are revealed in their proper time. Just like the observation of the servant in the last installment. I've tried to excite the readers about who this servant is and the proper revelation of these points. Indeed a secretive character might have secrets and a nonsecretive character might have secrets. The point is that we never know all of anyone's "secrets" even if we know them well. The same is true for characters in a novel--we don't know everything about them and, indeed, those things of importance to the plot are revealed in their proper time. Just like the observation of the servant in the last installment. I've tried to excite the readers about who this servant might be. I didn't give any clues at all. The demon didn't drop hardly any. When you finally see her, what is your response? Relief? Fear? Wonder? Excitement? Does it make you wonder more, like Aksinya, just who is this servant?
9. Do you employ set-ups & pay offs; like screen writers do? That is, a set up introduces a bit of action, that will become significant later on and lead to a pay-off.
Yes, big time. I just don't refer to them as setups and pay offs. Generally, the foreshadowing, items, characters, settings in a scene are all setups for further scenes. Just as the dresses and the jewelry boxes mentioned in chapter two, the sorcery books and items in chapter one, the hunger, cold, and tiredness of Aksinya in chapter three everything is a setup. Each will bring some large or small pay off. Otherwise, what's the point of mentioning it.
.
10. Do you usually close out a scene on a button? You know, something to seal off the scene with a punch....maybe, some type of narrative tool to make the scene stand out, and alone.
More screenplay terms. Yes, I attempt to close out every scene with a specific punch. No scene should just peter out. They have to have some tight ending to wrap them up and push the reader into the next scene.
The true end of the last scene I gave you:
“Close your mouth, Countess Aksinya Andreiovna Golitsyna, now is the time for us to act.”
“I don’t understand you at all.”
“You will.” - there is your "button"
The one prior:
Aksinya watched him move toward the back of the house. When he was out of sight, she sat on the chest. After a bit, she curled up on the top of it and pulled the coat close. Her breath came in white clouds. She closed her eyes. - there is the "button" She closes her eyes and that closes the scene.
Prior to that:
The streetcar came up, and they boarded. Asmodeus paid the fare. They rode the streetcar past the city center and out toward the west side. Aksinya sat and Asmodeus stood. Certainly the world changed to accommodate a nearly seven foot tall demon who carried a gigantic chest on his shoulders. He seemed to fit on the streetcar without trouble. The entire world suddenly seemed less solid to Aksinya than ever before. - the "button"
The end of each scene is unique. It leaves a thought in the mind of the reader, or it closes the scene like a curtian on a stage.
That's it until tomorrow. I'm trying to decide how to break up the next very important (pivotal) scene. This is where Aksinya calls her servant.
Showing posts with label comments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comments. Show all posts
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
A New Novel, Part 16 Comments and Questions
I've been passing a little bit of my new novel, Daemon each day. Today, I'm going to answer some questions and comments from a reader. My comments/answers are in italics.
Have been enjoying each new installment on your novel; and, have a few comments, and questions, I'd like to share w/ you. I warn you up front, these are just 'free flowing' ideas, opinions & questions, jump backward/forward in your unfolding novel. I like any comments/questions--even if they are criticism. This way I can improve the writing.
Big picture, my questions all center around the theme of how/why the girl is being tricked, controlled & progressively conditioned by the demon, both by his word, his act & the surrounding; and, why she doesn't appear to recognize it's going on. The novel has just begun, she is young, and I have been feeding only about one page a day lately. In novel time, she has only been with the demon a few days. I want to really place the hook before I give Aksinya any line. This lets the reader see the character of the girl and the demon. I do understand your frustration. I have to control myself in the writing all the time. I want to resolve each situation and let her have some upper hand in the incidents. That will not happen until chapter 8--I just wrote a pivotal scene there. Part of the point is to let the reader see the methods the demon uses to tempt. I still have many methods to get through. In the current chapter we will see a blatant one. Most of the early methods have been subtle or tricks.
1. Can you explain why more warning flags aren't being raised in her mind...ie, realizing that demon is tricking, tempting and conditioning her? ( Restated another way, is it too early in the story's development for her to start mulling over the recent events in her mind's eye, to start to look for clues, or examples of the half truths, or whole lies, the demon's is spinning? ) I like your observation because, as I revealed (perhaps too much) the demon almost always lies. He does not tell her the truth. He is a perfect observer of human activity and emotions (as you would expect), but can he really read her mind? That is still in question. She begins to catch a clue in this chapter (chapter 3). Unfortunately, she can't do much about it yet, but she does plan and begin to act. We will see the beginning of her actions soon. Part of the problem is that she is unsure if the demon knows her thoughts. Plus there is the shock factor. I tried to show this in her lack of interest in life after the death of her family. She has little motivation--revelation, I tried to show that the demon motivated her when she just wanted to curl up and die. Kind of a paradox that the demon would seek to encourage her. This is part of the bounding of the demon's abilities. We will see more of this. As Aksinya learns about the demon's limitations, we will also learn about them.
2. Reason I ask, it is clear to me, the demon is attempting to making subtle claims of semi-omniscience (all knowing)....or should I say, more precisely, implied claims at inherent omniscience (reads her mind) vs total omniscience (reserved for God). But, she doesn't seem to grasp that. Why? Great observation. I tried to show subtle hints that she is realizing it a little. The key was even his initial claims that she refuted, "You weren't there at the beginning..." etc.
To elaborate: Why isn't the girl starting to question the demon's claims, actions & authority over her, over their physical world? Why doesn't she begin to challenge his claims more directly...ie, "read my mind". Or perhaps, command him to retrieve multiple objects from her home, from the chest he carries..... to either validate or invalidate his (implicit) claims at semi-omnipotence.....w/ his many feats, and abilities. That's coming. I'm trying to place little clues for the reader and Aksinya.
3. Speaking of the demon retrieving & storing the objects from her home... that whole scene seemed a bit extraordinary...awfully hard to swallow. Now, I realize we're dealing with the supernatural world here, but, stuffing everything into a chest? Is it really happening? is it a illusion or deception? Is it (chest) a portal to another supernatural realm? Doesn't it warrant further elaboration, for the sake of reader? (Maybe, ref. to past demonic folk lore, or Russian folk lore, etc.) This is a great question, and likely the writing requires more elaboration. There are some great Russian tales that talk about sacks and closets that can fit unbelievable amounts. I like the idea of presenting more information--especially related to Russian folklore. On the other hand, I don't want to give too much explanation. Part of the excitement of this kind of book is that there aren't pat explanations. There are inexplicable mysteries. For example, I intentionally don't give any of the spells in Latin or English, the reason is that I want the reader to imagine the words without having to try to develop some fancy phrase that locks the verbiage and the ideas of the reader. There is also another aspect of the chest--it is supposed to be funny. It is really a subtle joke, but when I told you the demon was carrying a chest on his shoulders filled with all of Aksinya's family's goods (including the carriage), in my mind, that's just funny.
5. Also, speaking of objects from her home, why didn't you have the girl walk through her home, gazing upon different family objects in different rooms, to evoke memories...which will be later explored..maybe a source of happiness, hurt or longing.....which helps maybe explain her family relationships, or why she turned to sorcery in the 1st place. Yes, I noticed some subtle clues, regarding her sense of self identity, her description of herself in the mirror, etc; but, not much explored. I think that was a missed, golden opportunity. This is a great idea. I intentionally didn't have her walk through at the beginning. I may have made a mistake, but my reason is that I wanted to move the novel along at first. This is the kind of novel where there are not many action scenes. I'm trying to pace the action vs. less action scenes to properly pace the novel. We shall see if that is a good balance or not. She will walk through the belongings later and in another location, chapter 7, I think.
6. Have you considered her retrieving a family artifact of (implied) spiritual or social significance, say a family photo, crest, locket, or photo that (perhaps) might speak to her mother's (Orthodox) background, or her father's background. Great idea. Since I've already written the next parts I can tell you, in this chapter she will make a connection with an item (a bookstand) and that is the beginning of many of the answers to the questions/comments above. Next, she will make more connections with her mother's possessions--a crucifix to be exact. That is already happening with the dresses. The demon delays some of this action, but we will not be certain if he is doing that on purpose. There is also the connection with the demon's surety--the locket. I dropped that early, and intentionally, but I didn't complete the idea. That's a fix that is required in the early chapters.
(You know, an object, that may be a key for future use, coinage for future passage, or signpost for redemption etc) Definitely. I like the way you are thinking, it shows I am getting across the points of the story. I do want the reader to anticipate, but I don't want the reader to predict. Predictability is death to a great novel--anticipation is life.
Such a a symbolic item, whether it be a physical key, a locket, a dress or a family crest, could be stashed, ignored by the demon, and later retrieved by the girl..or, periodically pulled out, considered, mulled over. ( Sorta like the Ring, in the Hobbit..or the war/healing equip Aslan gave the Naria children to combat evil. )
I like this idea. I haven't included this much. In general, the item specifically will cause her much pain. The mulling over and considering is a great idea--I will include that.
Or it could be something to wake her up from her evil stupor, say a childhood creed, or poem or memory.... (such as the name of Aslan called out by the Prince, in the Silver Chair). Or maybe, something to act as a symbolic sign post... to help point her back in the direction of repentance & redemption. Yes, definitely. I won't use just one. The problems Aksinya is encountering are not solved simply. I have to take her a long ways along the path before she can begin to have some success. Plus, there is her problem...
Could be as benign as an old child's dairy, which the demon overlooks, w/ words or creed or child's prayer, from her mother's Orthodox faith. Anything benign, which is now brought along, largely neglected, but eventually act as an 'ace in the hole' to help her combat the demon, in that final fight for control/contract over her soul & spirit. Great ideas.
7. Are you intending to place the girl through a series of temptations, each linked to one of the (7) deadly sins, or simply focus on one of the seven sins? If so, which one? Is it a secret for the reader to unravel over time...with hints, clues, etc.? Revelation here. Generally, the demon is trying to get her to sin intentionally without his intervention. I'm revealing a lot here. The worse sins against other humans are murder and adultery. These are the specific sins the demon will try to get her to do. The means of temptation will be the seven deadly. This is one of the points I am trying to make, the seven deadly are really temptations, the sin are the actions as a result. The demon's specialty is lust. This is a theme in the novel. Aksinya's problem is luxaria which is overall lust. His temptations will be related to this idea.
The reason I ask; the choice of temptation of f1 deadly sin vs 7 deadly sins will greatly influence the storyline, character development, scenes, the dialogue between the demon & girl, and the private musings or thoughts that are in her mind. And, it will greatly influence, how the reader picks up on these clues. I try to not have any private musings. There will be a few, but very few. In general, the entire story should reveal itself through the conversations and actions of the characters.
8. Related question, what is the primary purpose of the successive temptations? Is it to move the story forward, temptation to temptation, or to incrementally highlight the moral & spiritual decline she's undergoing...as well as more fully expose her vulnerability? This is a great observation/question. In general, I've set up the situation that Aksinya has reached the bottom of her decline. Her problems are specifically related to sorcery--this is her issue. The demon's temptations are to make her sin. The storyline moves because of these temptations. Therefore, that is the exact point. The plot moves on many levels--one of these levels is the temptations the demon places before Aksinya. He gives her few choices and tries to drive her into a corner. In many cases, we will see, as the demon sees, she does not really sin. In the words of the rabbis, coerced sin is not sin. For example, killing in defense is not sin. Killing in defense of others is not necessarily a sin. While the demon seeks her decline, she is struggling to fight him and to fight against his temptations.
Kind of like Edmond (Narnia), craving/eating Turkish Delight, though the more he is taken in by temptation, the more he wants, and desire it, a powerful drug that toxifies his soul, into abandonment of all he hold dear, and virtual slavery (to the wicked white witch). Yes, this is sorcery to Aksinya. Later when we see how it motivates her and controls her.
9. Please discuss the different plot devices, and mechanisms you've employed to highlight (underscore) her growing dependence on the demon. From the mundane (physical needs) to the more elaborate (sorcery)... to heal her bruises. This is a great observation. The demon is playing her. I really don't want to reveal too much yet because we haven't even seen her servant and we certainly haven't seen much of the gamut of his temptations. I will make some general comments, perhaps too revealing. One of the major plot devices is the puppy dog ploy (I promise it won't be tasteless or so direct in the book). in the puppy dog ploy, a controlling character gives the dependent character a dog (something to love). The point is for the dependent character to become dependent on the dog. The controlling character then uses threats against the dog, attacks against the dog, and threats to take the dog away to further torment and control the dependent character. We have already seen the demon do this. He first grovels before her and tells her he can read her mind. Next, he takes care of her and seems to sympathize with her. He injures her--he did this intentionally knowing how he could use it. He suggests revenge when she is at her lowest point, and she agrees to murder of those who killed her family. He tempts her to sorcery by mentioning how it can heal her. Again, he caters to her needs to bring out her pain and suffering. The only reason he drew her bath was to ease her mind and let her temptations grow. He fed her so she would eventually feel more pain. His point, in every case was not for her benefit, but rather to drive her to do as he wished--to sin. He intentionally tricked her to luxuria by leading her to choose to take everything from the house. He used her vanity to trick her into using sorcery to assuage her curiosity and know what he looked like in the streets of Minsk. Right now, in Minsk, we know she is cold, she is hungry, she has been walking all day. The demon could feed her, carry her, clothe her, warm her. He doesn't do any of these things and he doesn't give her any idea that he can, or that she can relieve her own suffering.
10. Very interested in your use of sorcery (witchcraft); would be delightful if you took the time to speak about it's historical, anthropological, religious & mythological contexts...within this story, given it's setting, era, religion, etc? I should go back a little and add more. I did plan to explain more later in the book. I hope that will be sufficient. We will see that Aksinya will be called and demanded to teach sorcery to others. This will allow me to explain some of the bounds. By the way, I use Frazier's ideas from The Golden Bough for my magical (sorcery) concepts. This is the basis for most thought about this subject.
11. I like the metaphor of sorcery as a drug she takes, to alleviate her physical & emotional discomfort is great...but, is much more than a simple metaphor...especially if the reader take the time to research the root words of both...drugs & sorcery. Wonderful observation. We will see that Aksinya's real problem is sorcery. She is good at it, and she is driven to it. Her most difficult problem will be her desire for sorcery.
Sorcery is like a drug, prescribe by the demon go gain control over her, but, she's undertaking it to alleviate her physical & emotional ailment. She's taking it in limited duration, but, becoming more clear, she's becoming addicted to it; foresee, it will become taken on a more regular basis, justified to combat her chronic disorders....so, than, that leads the reader to ask....what is her 'chronic disorder?" That is a fantastic question. I'm not sure I want to reveal this at this point. One could observe that all sin is a lack of proper relationship with the Creator. I think I'll leave it at that for now. I do not intend a perfectly clean end to everything. I don't believe in such things. There is never perfect resolution in any human life. In salvation resides the propensity to sin. In redemption is still temptation and failure to act in a redeemed manner.
You've been given several little clues...
Thanks for reading and thanks for the questions. I tried to formulate answers that are cogent and reasonable. I hope they are as helpful as the questions/comments have been for me. More from chapter 3 tomorrow.
Have been enjoying each new installment on your novel; and, have a few comments, and questions, I'd like to share w/ you. I warn you up front, these are just 'free flowing' ideas, opinions & questions, jump backward/forward in your unfolding novel. I like any comments/questions--even if they are criticism. This way I can improve the writing.
Big picture, my questions all center around the theme of how/why the girl is being tricked, controlled & progressively conditioned by the demon, both by his word, his act & the surrounding; and, why she doesn't appear to recognize it's going on. The novel has just begun, she is young, and I have been feeding only about one page a day lately. In novel time, she has only been with the demon a few days. I want to really place the hook before I give Aksinya any line. This lets the reader see the character of the girl and the demon. I do understand your frustration. I have to control myself in the writing all the time. I want to resolve each situation and let her have some upper hand in the incidents. That will not happen until chapter 8--I just wrote a pivotal scene there. Part of the point is to let the reader see the methods the demon uses to tempt. I still have many methods to get through. In the current chapter we will see a blatant one. Most of the early methods have been subtle or tricks.
1. Can you explain why more warning flags aren't being raised in her mind...ie, realizing that demon is tricking, tempting and conditioning her? ( Restated another way, is it too early in the story's development for her to start mulling over the recent events in her mind's eye, to start to look for clues, or examples of the half truths, or whole lies, the demon's is spinning? ) I like your observation because, as I revealed (perhaps too much) the demon almost always lies. He does not tell her the truth. He is a perfect observer of human activity and emotions (as you would expect), but can he really read her mind? That is still in question. She begins to catch a clue in this chapter (chapter 3). Unfortunately, she can't do much about it yet, but she does plan and begin to act. We will see the beginning of her actions soon. Part of the problem is that she is unsure if the demon knows her thoughts. Plus there is the shock factor. I tried to show this in her lack of interest in life after the death of her family. She has little motivation--revelation, I tried to show that the demon motivated her when she just wanted to curl up and die. Kind of a paradox that the demon would seek to encourage her. This is part of the bounding of the demon's abilities. We will see more of this. As Aksinya learns about the demon's limitations, we will also learn about them.
2. Reason I ask, it is clear to me, the demon is attempting to making subtle claims of semi-omniscience (all knowing)....or should I say, more precisely, implied claims at inherent omniscience (reads her mind) vs total omniscience (reserved for God). But, she doesn't seem to grasp that. Why? Great observation. I tried to show subtle hints that she is realizing it a little. The key was even his initial claims that she refuted, "You weren't there at the beginning..." etc.
To elaborate: Why isn't the girl starting to question the demon's claims, actions & authority over her, over their physical world? Why doesn't she begin to challenge his claims more directly...ie, "read my mind". Or perhaps, command him to retrieve multiple objects from her home, from the chest he carries..... to either validate or invalidate his (implicit) claims at semi-omnipotence.....w/ his many feats, and abilities. That's coming. I'm trying to place little clues for the reader and Aksinya.
3. Speaking of the demon retrieving & storing the objects from her home... that whole scene seemed a bit extraordinary...awfully hard to swallow. Now, I realize we're dealing with the supernatural world here, but, stuffing everything into a chest? Is it really happening? is it a illusion or deception? Is it (chest) a portal to another supernatural realm? Doesn't it warrant further elaboration, for the sake of reader? (Maybe, ref. to past demonic folk lore, or Russian folk lore, etc.) This is a great question, and likely the writing requires more elaboration. There are some great Russian tales that talk about sacks and closets that can fit unbelievable amounts. I like the idea of presenting more information--especially related to Russian folklore. On the other hand, I don't want to give too much explanation. Part of the excitement of this kind of book is that there aren't pat explanations. There are inexplicable mysteries. For example, I intentionally don't give any of the spells in Latin or English, the reason is that I want the reader to imagine the words without having to try to develop some fancy phrase that locks the verbiage and the ideas of the reader. There is also another aspect of the chest--it is supposed to be funny. It is really a subtle joke, but when I told you the demon was carrying a chest on his shoulders filled with all of Aksinya's family's goods (including the carriage), in my mind, that's just funny.
5. Also, speaking of objects from her home, why didn't you have the girl walk through her home, gazing upon different family objects in different rooms, to evoke memories...which will be later explored..maybe a source of happiness, hurt or longing.....which helps maybe explain her family relationships, or why she turned to sorcery in the 1st place. Yes, I noticed some subtle clues, regarding her sense of self identity, her description of herself in the mirror, etc; but, not much explored. I think that was a missed, golden opportunity. This is a great idea. I intentionally didn't have her walk through at the beginning. I may have made a mistake, but my reason is that I wanted to move the novel along at first. This is the kind of novel where there are not many action scenes. I'm trying to pace the action vs. less action scenes to properly pace the novel. We shall see if that is a good balance or not. She will walk through the belongings later and in another location, chapter 7, I think.
6. Have you considered her retrieving a family artifact of (implied) spiritual or social significance, say a family photo, crest, locket, or photo that (perhaps) might speak to her mother's (Orthodox) background, or her father's background. Great idea. Since I've already written the next parts I can tell you, in this chapter she will make a connection with an item (a bookstand) and that is the beginning of many of the answers to the questions/comments above. Next, she will make more connections with her mother's possessions--a crucifix to be exact. That is already happening with the dresses. The demon delays some of this action, but we will not be certain if he is doing that on purpose. There is also the connection with the demon's surety--the locket. I dropped that early, and intentionally, but I didn't complete the idea. That's a fix that is required in the early chapters.
(You know, an object, that may be a key for future use, coinage for future passage, or signpost for redemption etc) Definitely. I like the way you are thinking, it shows I am getting across the points of the story. I do want the reader to anticipate, but I don't want the reader to predict. Predictability is death to a great novel--anticipation is life.
Such a a symbolic item, whether it be a physical key, a locket, a dress or a family crest, could be stashed, ignored by the demon, and later retrieved by the girl..or, periodically pulled out, considered, mulled over. ( Sorta like the Ring, in the Hobbit..or the war/healing equip Aslan gave the Naria children to combat evil. )
I like this idea. I haven't included this much. In general, the item specifically will cause her much pain. The mulling over and considering is a great idea--I will include that.
Or it could be something to wake her up from her evil stupor, say a childhood creed, or poem or memory.... (such as the name of Aslan called out by the Prince, in the Silver Chair). Or maybe, something to act as a symbolic sign post... to help point her back in the direction of repentance & redemption. Yes, definitely. I won't use just one. The problems Aksinya is encountering are not solved simply. I have to take her a long ways along the path before she can begin to have some success. Plus, there is her problem...
Could be as benign as an old child's dairy, which the demon overlooks, w/ words or creed or child's prayer, from her mother's Orthodox faith. Anything benign, which is now brought along, largely neglected, but eventually act as an 'ace in the hole' to help her combat the demon, in that final fight for control/contract over her soul & spirit. Great ideas.
7. Are you intending to place the girl through a series of temptations, each linked to one of the (7) deadly sins, or simply focus on one of the seven sins? If so, which one? Is it a secret for the reader to unravel over time...with hints, clues, etc.? Revelation here. Generally, the demon is trying to get her to sin intentionally without his intervention. I'm revealing a lot here. The worse sins against other humans are murder and adultery. These are the specific sins the demon will try to get her to do. The means of temptation will be the seven deadly. This is one of the points I am trying to make, the seven deadly are really temptations, the sin are the actions as a result. The demon's specialty is lust. This is a theme in the novel. Aksinya's problem is luxaria which is overall lust. His temptations will be related to this idea.
The reason I ask; the choice of temptation of f1 deadly sin vs 7 deadly sins will greatly influence the storyline, character development, scenes, the dialogue between the demon & girl, and the private musings or thoughts that are in her mind. And, it will greatly influence, how the reader picks up on these clues. I try to not have any private musings. There will be a few, but very few. In general, the entire story should reveal itself through the conversations and actions of the characters.
8. Related question, what is the primary purpose of the successive temptations? Is it to move the story forward, temptation to temptation, or to incrementally highlight the moral & spiritual decline she's undergoing...as well as more fully expose her vulnerability? This is a great observation/question. In general, I've set up the situation that Aksinya has reached the bottom of her decline. Her problems are specifically related to sorcery--this is her issue. The demon's temptations are to make her sin. The storyline moves because of these temptations. Therefore, that is the exact point. The plot moves on many levels--one of these levels is the temptations the demon places before Aksinya. He gives her few choices and tries to drive her into a corner. In many cases, we will see, as the demon sees, she does not really sin. In the words of the rabbis, coerced sin is not sin. For example, killing in defense is not sin. Killing in defense of others is not necessarily a sin. While the demon seeks her decline, she is struggling to fight him and to fight against his temptations.
Kind of like Edmond (Narnia), craving/eating Turkish Delight, though the more he is taken in by temptation, the more he wants, and desire it, a powerful drug that toxifies his soul, into abandonment of all he hold dear, and virtual slavery (to the wicked white witch). Yes, this is sorcery to Aksinya. Later when we see how it motivates her and controls her.
9. Please discuss the different plot devices, and mechanisms you've employed to highlight (underscore) her growing dependence on the demon. From the mundane (physical needs) to the more elaborate (sorcery)... to heal her bruises. This is a great observation. The demon is playing her. I really don't want to reveal too much yet because we haven't even seen her servant and we certainly haven't seen much of the gamut of his temptations. I will make some general comments, perhaps too revealing. One of the major plot devices is the puppy dog ploy (I promise it won't be tasteless or so direct in the book). in the puppy dog ploy, a controlling character gives the dependent character a dog (something to love). The point is for the dependent character to become dependent on the dog. The controlling character then uses threats against the dog, attacks against the dog, and threats to take the dog away to further torment and control the dependent character. We have already seen the demon do this. He first grovels before her and tells her he can read her mind. Next, he takes care of her and seems to sympathize with her. He injures her--he did this intentionally knowing how he could use it. He suggests revenge when she is at her lowest point, and she agrees to murder of those who killed her family. He tempts her to sorcery by mentioning how it can heal her. Again, he caters to her needs to bring out her pain and suffering. The only reason he drew her bath was to ease her mind and let her temptations grow. He fed her so she would eventually feel more pain. His point, in every case was not for her benefit, but rather to drive her to do as he wished--to sin. He intentionally tricked her to luxuria by leading her to choose to take everything from the house. He used her vanity to trick her into using sorcery to assuage her curiosity and know what he looked like in the streets of Minsk. Right now, in Minsk, we know she is cold, she is hungry, she has been walking all day. The demon could feed her, carry her, clothe her, warm her. He doesn't do any of these things and he doesn't give her any idea that he can, or that she can relieve her own suffering.
10. Very interested in your use of sorcery (witchcraft); would be delightful if you took the time to speak about it's historical, anthropological, religious & mythological contexts...within this story, given it's setting, era, religion, etc? I should go back a little and add more. I did plan to explain more later in the book. I hope that will be sufficient. We will see that Aksinya will be called and demanded to teach sorcery to others. This will allow me to explain some of the bounds. By the way, I use Frazier's ideas from The Golden Bough for my magical (sorcery) concepts. This is the basis for most thought about this subject.
11. I like the metaphor of sorcery as a drug she takes, to alleviate her physical & emotional discomfort is great...but, is much more than a simple metaphor...especially if the reader take the time to research the root words of both...drugs & sorcery. Wonderful observation. We will see that Aksinya's real problem is sorcery. She is good at it, and she is driven to it. Her most difficult problem will be her desire for sorcery.
Sorcery is like a drug, prescribe by the demon go gain control over her, but, she's undertaking it to alleviate her physical & emotional ailment. She's taking it in limited duration, but, becoming more clear, she's becoming addicted to it; foresee, it will become taken on a more regular basis, justified to combat her chronic disorders....so, than, that leads the reader to ask....what is her 'chronic disorder?" That is a fantastic question. I'm not sure I want to reveal this at this point. One could observe that all sin is a lack of proper relationship with the Creator. I think I'll leave it at that for now. I do not intend a perfectly clean end to everything. I don't believe in such things. There is never perfect resolution in any human life. In salvation resides the propensity to sin. In redemption is still temptation and failure to act in a redeemed manner.
You've been given several little clues...
Thanks for reading and thanks for the questions. I tried to formulate answers that are cogent and reasonable. I hope they are as helpful as the questions/comments have been for me. More from chapter 3 tomorrow.
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